Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Retail Terror!

With Black Friday almost upon us, why not celebrate the horror that many go through when forced to work retail. Dealing with customers is not the easiest thing ever; most are insatiable moronic douche bags looking for a hand me out and cannot read sale signs. Then there are the people that pick stuff up, look at it, and then just toss it wherever they see fit. Shopping amongst these people is just as bad, they have an ability to take up entire isles as they walk slower than a Romero Zombie, while being in the way of others who are trying to get from one store to the next.

Here is a list of films that while being terrifying, are no match for a woman with a cart full of crud, a checkbook, and a double baby stroller pushed by a five year old.

THIS is Retail Terror!

The Mist - And I thought Supermarket Sweep was tough?

Intruder - Some customers just deserve a band saw to the dome piece.

Little Shop of Horrors - Unfortunately, Rick Moranis' career was cut short when he was crushed by a group of stampeding women on the hunt for Cabbage Patch Dolls. All he wanted was an ONYX cd.

Splinter - The Least convenient store of all time.

Dawn of the Dead - Are mall walkers just fast zombies?

Bonus Terror!


  1. Don't forget Chopping Mall!

  2. This gets my seal of approval

  3. Wonderful as always! Except I was planning on attacking Black Friday this Friday on my site, so some honing is now necessary!

    Never seen Intruder. Worth a viewing?

  4. James: Thanks, James! Glad you dug it!

    POT: Fuck! Can't believe I forgot Chopping Mall?! I should be ashamed.

    Christine: I knew you would like this kinda speaks to us in a way!

    Emily: I haven't seen Intruder in years, but I remember liking the uncensored version. The censored one is pointless and completely butchered. I think there is a lot of humor that I didn't catch on to when I was younger also, but I would like to see it again.

    Intruder was best known for the band-saw meet face scene that scored the cover of GoreZone, resulting in GoreZone and Fango being banned from 7-11's and Circle K's and shit.

    Loaf: I watch it all the time! It's on cable around the of my all time favorite sitcoms!

  5. Ugh! I work in retail, and I absolutely despise Black Friday. After getting all bloated-up and sleepy on turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and homemade cranberry sauce, I have to be at work the next morning at FOUR A.M.? I'm not even convinced that 4:00 AM actually exists. It's as mythical as Bigfoot at this point.

    But, unfortunately, not for long.


  6. Stellar! You topped it off perfectly with the Supermarket Sweep ep of Married With Children.

  7. Classic Married with Children episode!! Hahahaha awesome.

  8. Jonny: I feel ya man...I have worked in restaurants as a bartender, server, and a manager for the last 10 years. A lot of great people, but there are enough pricks to ruin it all. 4 A.M.? Sheesh...good luck, my child!

    Ashlee and Jaded: LOVE Married With Children! So funny even now...the humor is timeless! My girl and I have a party to go to where we have to dress up as a couple, we decided to go as Al and Peg!

  9. Great picks - and I'll toss in one more for you: 1989's Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge!

  10. I have never even heard of that one before, Jeff! I looked for a trailer and found a great little clip with a big haired Morgan Fairchild and an impalement that was worthy of an Oscar!

  11. Nice! Glad you liked that pick Carl...Intruder doesn't come up enough. I really need to see it again.


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