Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Horror Hangover

We got a pretty light Horror Hangover this week...not a whole lot of movies worth eating a baby over and there are no horror movies on to make things worse. To top things off, Stargate is on all day over at SyFy, so for the very first time in the short Horror Hangover history, the channel is not represented. Thanks, Stargate, thanks for sucking.

Okay, at 11:00 AM The Matrix (1999) is on AMC, which is followed by The Matrix Reloaded (2003) at 2:00 PM and at 5:00, The Matrix Revolutions (2003) will round out the trilogy of mediocre. I love the first Matrix, and the second one is on point for the most part, but man...every time I try and watch Revolutions, I can't help but be completely bored and wonder how everything went so wrong with this franchise?

Speaking of shitty franchises, noontime brings us The Scorpion King (2002) on USA. I HATED the first two Mummy films, and I think the only thing that is Mummy related I would ever possibly give a chance to, would be The Scorpion King. Even then, I am very skeptical, thus the reason I still haven't seen it. Maybe one of you purdy ladies or dashing lads can convince me otherwise. Or not.

At 12:30, The Professional (1994) is on the Oxygen network? Great movie and one of my personal favorite films, I can watch The Professional every time it's on TV for at least a couple of scenes. Even though there isn't shit to choose from this week, The Professional would be my pick over many movies even if there were and it is easily my pick for this week.

Already at the end of the Hangover with Out for Justice (1991) at 4:00 on ION. If you're still rolling around in your own vomit from the night before by this time of day, might as well enjoy some badass Seagal action from when he wasn't auditioning for the Tracy Turnblad role in Hair Spray.

That's it guys, so sorry for such a weak Hangover, but what can ya do? Hopefully SyFy will get its head out of its ass and give us something that is only a little terrible next week - and maybe that Weather channel showing movies thing will take off and we can watch Misery interrupted by weather reports every Sunday!


  1. don't do it! don't watch the Scorpion King, it will just break your heart. Or at least make you swear at the TV in disgust at it's piss-poor cgi reveal at the end.
    The movie it self isn't awful. The Rock has charisma to spare and some of the earlier set pieces are fun in a Saturday afternoon kind of way. But as the movie goes on the more crappy crappy cgi is put into place. And then, SPOILER the big monster at the end is the worst piece of crap i have ever seen. I've read that it was a pre-viz place-holder, but when the final creative wasn't ready on time they just figured "ah what the hell, let's just leave what we have there"
    It just ruined the entire film for me.

  2. I looooove The Professional. And Scorpion King is watchable for the simple fact that The Rock... I mean KELLY HU looks fuckin' BANGIN' in it!!

  3. The Scorpion King is much more watchable than the Mummy movies but that CGI at the end is a definite buzz kill.

  4. Vish: That bad, huh? I'm almost curious to the point of wanting to see how bad it is now! I do like The Rock and think he is one of the few legitimate action movie stars of this era, but even after posting this and watching the trailer, I really had no desire to see the movie.

    Aaron: Kelly Hu is yummy! But so isn't The Rock...I'm so torn!

    Jeff: I can't imagine it being worse than the Mummy films, but this cgi ending has me wanting to checkout the movie now!

  5. Ah i want to crawl into a hole in the internet and die of shame. It's been so long that since I've seen any of the mummy of scorpion king films that my old, obviously damaged mind has betrayed me again. For it was there, in the aforementioned damaged brain that i confused and combined The mummy returns (with it's terrible terrible cgi ending) and the Scorpion King (with it's so-so but passable action). My hatred for the end of MR is so much that it crawled over and attached itself to the SK.
    as an apology here is a photograph of Kelly Hu.

  6. I still havent seen THE SCORPION KING amazingly, considering my wife wants to bone The Rock. I hated stupid ass MUMMY RETURNS with such a passion I just couldnt bring myself to watch this one

  7. Vish: Ha ha! Don't worry about it...that photo more than makes it okay. It led to the promised land as some would say!

    Carl: It's because of the Mummy films that i never saw it...I'm sure there are plenty of other films that can come first though.

  8. Thank goodness I volunteered for dog duty (no jokes!) this Sunday. I mean, honestly. Bad enough my On Demand craps out without warning so I can't even indulge in FearNet when I wanna.

    And wouldn't you believe I've never seen The Matrix? *ducks and dodges tomatoes*

  9. You should definitely check out The Matrix, Ashlee. Great movie, but you could just stick with the first film unless you love it enough to watch the sequels.

    And boy, I miss having on-demand...and FearNet on top of it. Mine used to crap out on me all the time, usually in mid movie!


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