The Basement (1989): Tales from The Unfinished Cellar

After four poorly-dubbed people find themselves mysteriously trapped in someone’s unfinished basement, they come face-to-face with The Sentinel, a spirit who informs the group that they have found the portal to hell, and now they must confess their sins. Not their sins of the past, however, but the sins they will commit in the future!

Written and directed by Timothy O'Rawe (Ghoul School), The Basement is a shot on Super 8 anthology film that went unreleased until 2011 when Camp Motion Pictures released the film as the main feature in a 5 film Retro 80s Horror Collection. Interestingly, not only did the film go unreleased, it actually sat in storage, unedited, for 2 decades before the film’s director of photography, Michael Raso, took to restoring it in 2010.

The Basement is an extremely low-budget riff on 1972’s Tales From the Crypt, in that a group of less than desirable people come to learn that the poor choices they make will lead to their undoing. This leads to four not-so-inspired tales of terror, starting off with The Swimming Pool.

Focusing on a Black Widow-esque female character who lures men into a swimming pool for one final swim with a sea creature that sort of looks like a garden hose, The Swimming Pool is both a horrible and a wonderful way to kick off the anthology. The segment is bad in every way possible, but it’s bad in the silliest of ways thanks to the dialogue and performance by the lead actress. Of course, the entire situation is so preposterous – especially in how cheaply executed it is – that it’s difficult to believe that the segment is actually a part of reality. As I alluded to at the start of this review, The Basement has some of the very worst  ADR work I have ever heard in any film – which is quite the feat considering some of the movies I watch – and this is most true with The Swimming Pool. To be fair, however, a movie this bad only benefits from such incompetence, simply because it adds yet another layer of unintentional humor.

The second segment, Trick or Treat, is A Christmas Carol style tale about a disgruntled teacher who hates children and Halloween, and he has no problem expressing his distaste. However, his angry ways come back to haunt him when on Halloween night he is visited by a variety of creatures such as demons, witches, and the undead, all warning him that he basically needs to stop being such a jerk. Trick or Treat is one of the best segments of The Basement for a few reasons, one being the heavy focus on make-up effects, which are actually quite impressive despite the low budget. Something else that really stands out in the Trick or Treat is a dream sequence where the teacher goes on a classroom-murder spree, killing off all of his students, one by one, in a variety of bloody ways.

The third segment is Zombie Movie, a moderately enjoyable story that takes place on the set of a low-budget zombie film that becomes infested with real zombies. The main focus of this segment is a sleazy director who has no respect for horror, let alone the film he’s making. To him, it’s all about making a quick buck, and he has no problem being a complete dick about it. It’s obvious that Zombie Movie is commenting on the studio horror films and sequels that were churned out for a quick profit at the time, which is funny as people still seem to have the same complaints nowadays, despite looking back fondly on horror cinema from the 1980s. Funny how that works.

The final segment, Home Sweet Home, is about a young writer who buys a run-down home, despite being warned that it’s haunted. Shortly after moving into the dark and creepy house, one of the writer’s best friends shows up, and the two spend the evening getting wasted and talking about how this will be the perfect house for them to work on future horror projects. Unfortunately for the friend, however, there will be no future, because he is soon murdered by a demon. Overall, Home Sweet Home is a weak entry in The Basement, though it is kept afloat by some impressive creature makeup effects. The only other notable aspect of the segment is the fact that, as opposed to the characters in the previous segments, the lead character really doesn’t do anything wrong to make him deserving of spiritual reprimand. Makes almost as much sense as the 50 tea lights that are surrounding the bed that the main character and his girlfriend use to make sex.

The Basement is only 109 minutes long, so minus credits you're looking at about an hour or so of movie. With there being four segments, such a short runtime equals very little time to do much with each segment in terms of building up suspense. With most films that might be an issue, but in the case of The Basement, I think it helps. Spending too much time on each of these already anemic segments could be a cause for boredom, which is the worst sin that any B-movie can commit.   

Overall, The Basement is an astoundingly inept film made by people whose hearts were in the right place, which is a huge part of making a truly bad movie an enjoyable one for those who savor such entertainment.

Bad Trick Or Treat Ideas: Religious Propaganda

Look, I have no beef with whatever you’re into. You do you the best you can, so long as you keep it to yourself. However, the second you push your agenda on me – as opposed to giving me a variety of king-sized treats – well, you, me and a dozen eggs are gonna have some words.

Giving me some religious propaganda on Halloween is not going to make me convert; it’s not going to make me think; and it’s certainly not going to make me happy, so keep that shit to yourself and go out and buy a few boxes of king-size Snickers before I leave a king-size flaming turd on your doorstep.

Goosebumps At 33: Be Careful What You Wish For

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

Despite being the tallest girl on the team (and likely the tallest in the state), Samantha Byrd is terrible at basketball. Her awkward frame and clumsy tendencies create issues both on and off the court, resulting in Samantha being the butt of a number of jokes among her classmates. The most popular diss that is directed towards Samantha is "why don't you go fly away, Byrd?", which is clearly a clever and well-thought out play on Samantha’s last name. I can’t even imagine how long it took her classmates to think that one up.

At any rate, while on her way home from school, Samantha has a run in with a lost, eccentric middle-aged woman named Clarissa. When Samantha helps the woman find her way, Clarissa returns the favor by giving Samantha an amulet and granting her three wishes. Naturally, Samantha takes this as an opportunity to become the best player on her basketball team. While she does indeed become the best player on the team, it comes at the expense of her teammates, who have suddenly lost all of their skills and can barely dribble a ball let alone shot one properly.

As is the case with any tale featuring a character being granted three wishes, Samantha finds herself having to try to fix the mistakes from her previous wish while also benefiting herself in some way, which can only result in even more issues. And boy are there issues. Everything from turning everyone on the entire plant into flies to turning an old enemy into an obsessive best friend, Samantha finds her situation getting worse by the wish. Will Samantha be able to set everything right, or will she be doomed to live with her mistakes for good?

Airing on August 10, 1996, Be Careful What you Wish For is your typical Goosebumps fare, dealing with everything you’d expect from an episode of the television series, including bullies, very bad decisions, overalls, and even an eccentric character tossed in for good measure. And of course, no episode of Goosebumps would be complete without a twist ending, and Be Careful What You Wish For delivers a twist ending that’s hysterically satisfying.

While there have been better and certainly creepier episodes of Goosebumps, you really couldn't ask for a better way to end this season of Goosebumps At 33, as Be Careful What You Wish For is an enjoyable and worthwhile entry into the beloved children’s series. It sorta makes me wish this season wouldn’t end...

Until next time, kiddies, keep your nightlight on and your head under the covers…

The 2015 Ultimate Halloween Party Music UBER MEGA-MIX!

Dust of your dancing shoes and, while you’re at it, your dancing partner (at least after you’ve dug them up first) and get ready to get ghoulish, because it’s time to unleash the 2015 Ultimate Halloween Party Music UBER MEGA-MIX!

With a number of new additions (and a few subtractions), this year’s playlist is new and improved and tailor made to get you in the ghostly groove! Better yet, not only is this year’s playlist a MEGA-MIX, it’s an UBER MEGA-MIX, which makes it 100% more UBER than last year’s playlist, therefore, 100% more awesome.

At any low-heart rate, hope you enjoy cutting a rug to this Ultimate Halloween Party Music UBER MEGA-MIX, but please be warned: we are not responsible if the rug cuts back…

Salute Your Shorts: Sweet Tooth

After a young trick-or-treater has a run in with a bully on Halloween night, the young boy’s father shows up, and soon it becomes apparent that the bully messed with the wrong kid.

Created by Zachary Shore as a part of his first year CalArts film character animation class, Sweet Tooth is short, simple and to the point, all the while retaining an effortless and unexpected charm. The beautifully hand-drawn animation has a muted, almost black and white look to it, and the sketchy, unfinished appearance of the animation adds a nice visual aesthetic to the short.

Sweet Tooth comes in under two minutes, yet delivers a tasty little slice of morality. Quite simply, there’s always someone out there who’s bigger and badder than you are, so be careful who you mess with because it might come back to haunt you in the form of a vengeful vampire dad.

 

The Post of Chucktober Past: Great Story, Emily

I’ve been doing this Chucktober thing for seven years now – and there’s a whole lot of content as a result – so I thought it would be nice to take a trip down memory lane and revisit a post from Chucktober past. Really, that’s not all too complicated, so I won’t waste anymore time on unnecessary details outside of saying that this post originally appeared on October 27, 2010, and it’s one of my favorites. Hope you enjoy!

Great Story, Emily

I've had a really tough time figuring out what to dress up as for Halloween, so I took to the internet as my guide and found this news report focusing on the hottest costumes for 2010!! Boy, I sure hope it helps with some creative and original ideas that'll stand out amongst the masses!

First off, while I do dig the clown outfit, Emily Deem should probably consider going as a mute. Not necessarily for Halloween so much as she should just become a mute.

So the first costume is brought out, and it's the Mad Hatter from that Tim Burton movie. I just love how Foot Locker describes the costume as being comfortable because Jesus can wear his own pants with it. I was more or less thinking the costume sucked because Jesus has to wear his own pants because, you know, the costume doesn't come with any. Also, is the hair awesome, Emily? Is it really? I'll pass on this one.

Finally, when the one costume I was waiting for the entire time makes an appearance (the Alice costume, naturally), I learn that the shoes are extra?! I totally can't afford all of that, and all the other girls at school are definitely going to laugh at me if I don't wear the right shoes. They really do make the ensemble pop.

The last costume is barely even worth mentioning, as we’ve already seen the idiot store owner wearing it for the last two minutes. Oh, but now it's on a little girl, so it must be cute, right? Wrong. If they wanted to do a family theme, they should go as father and disappointed in her father daughter. That would be more fitting.

You know what, forget it… this stupid news report didn't help me find shit. And seriously, Emily, do you think getting a news camera wet is a good idea? I love how her lame flower joke fails when she misses the camera the first time, and she’s then forced to reign it back in with her wit and charm. But the best part of this whole thing is the condescending female studio anchor saying "That was fun" with the excitement of someone that just found out they will be raped by an alligator everyday for the rest of their life starting in one hour.

Unless my luck should change, it looks like I might be wearing my go to costume for the 27th year in a row…

Thanks for nothing, Emily.

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't (1979) The Night Dear John Saved the World

After learning that Halloween is in jeopardy, Count Dracula (Judd Hirsch) calls upon his fellow monsters to step up their game and make Halloween what it once was: scary. Not all of the monsters are interested in cooperating, however, putting Dracula in a position where he must do whatever he can to change their mind and, in turn, save Halloween for all of mankind.

Originally premiering on ABC, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (AKA The Night Dracula Saved the World) is a 30-minute, Emmy Award-winning made for TV film that regularly aired on Disney Channel through the late 1990s. The film opens with Dracula watching a news report claiming that he, as in Dracula, has invited a number of his monster friends over to his castle for a conference the day before Halloween. According to an unnamed source, the purpose of this conference is the eradication of Halloween as we know it.

As it turns out, this news report is part of a smear campaign meant to make Dracula look like the bad guy in the event that Halloween is indeed cancelled, which greatly angers Dracula. As a result, he calls upon all of the other monsters, which include everything and everyone from a Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster and a werewolf to a zombie and a witch. Eventually, Dracula learns that the person causing all the trouble is actually one of his compatriots, and someone who's very important to Halloween and horror in general: Winnie the Witch.

Winnie the Witch is not only tired of being the ugly duckling and the butt of jokes, she's also jealous of Dracula for being the face of the holiday, while she's relegated to being nothing more than a background character. As a result, Winnie demands some changes, and if these changes aren’t met, there will be no Halloween, as Halloween cannot begin until Winnie flies passed the moon. This leaves Dracula and the rest of the monsters in a position where they must do what they can to get Winnie back on board, or forever lose Halloween.

The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t is notable for a number of reasons, one of the biggest ones being the impressive cast, which includes Judd Hirsch as Dracula, Henry Gibson as Igor, Mariette Hartley as Winnie the Witch, Jack Riley as Warren the Werewolf, and John Schuck as Frankenstein’s Monster. Interestingly, Schuck would later play Herman Munster in a reboot of the beloved TV comedy The Munsters titled The Munsters Today.

Seeing as The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t is a children’s special, the monster featured are on  the fun/safe side, but not in a way that betrays the monsters. In fact, they’re presented in a fashion that makes them accessible, which is great for young budding horror fans, or at least adult horror fans who have children they are looking introduce to horror. Being mainly set in Dracula’s Castle, the special does a nice job of creating atmosphere with the use set design, sound design and fog, all of which make for the perfect gateway to the Universal Films and even some of the Hammer productions..  

Adding to the kid-friendly element, the special also takes some time to explain the history of Halloween. This mostly consists of the typical stuff we, as adults, have all heard before, with a parent telling their child that people would dress up to ward off the demons and spirits as well as explaining the origins of the name Halloween. it's a nice touch, and certainly a good way to introduce younger kids to the history of Halloween.

When it comes to retro Halloween-themed television specials, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t is right at the top of the heap. It hits all right notes, being fun and kid friendly while also being the perfect gateway for kids to be introduced to horror and Halloween in a fashion that’s more than just costumes and candy. It’s a monster mash-up worthy of being rediscovered.