After much deliberation and difficult whittling down of posts, in the end, it was a toss of the dart that made the final decisions for the winners of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. It was just way too difficult to pick which post was better than the next, because each of the posts were simply great, and even more so, there was a lot of versatility in them as well as the writers that wrote them.
So without any further ado, I present the winners…
Congrats to you both and you each shall receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!
A huge congratulations to Stacia, who has won herself all of these prizes!
There you have it, three very deserving blogs that put some quality Chuck in their posts. Each of the winners can email me their addresses so I can send out the prizes as soon as I feel like. Thanks again to everyone that took part in this historic event, it would have been nothing without your contributions. I really do wish you all could have won, but in a way you did, because I now love you and forever will you be safe in my home in case the apocalypse should begin. That's a promise.
If it's Sunday afternoon, than it must mean that you are this close to puking up tequila, $1 draught beer and that rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity from the night before. Luckily for you, Sunday afternoon also means it's time for The Horror Hangover!
Nothing quite says next level in fear like a Children of the Corn sequel, and that is exactly what SyFy is starting us out with this week when Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001) reveals itself at 10:00. It's the seventh and last film in the franchise (if you don't count the remake), and this time the corn is going urban when a woman finds that here apartment complex is built on the old stomping ground of the OG children of the corn. You gotta love how this trailer pimps so hard the fact that Stephen King wrote the original story that this film is based on, intercut with shots of some hot chick taking a bubble bath. Class.
Speaking of class, at 10:15, Strangers On A Train (1951) pulls in for a stop at Turner Classic Movies. Strangers is such a great film and definitely a must see for any genre fan that has not seen it already. Fantastic performances, ahead of it's time and completely inventive visuals, and a great story based off Throw Mama from the Train. It's so weird how that came out after Strangers, though. It's classic Alfred Hitchock and will be treated as such on TCM, and this may be one of the best ways to watch this film, therefore, it gets my pick of the week!
Taking a nose dive in the quality department, SyFy is showing Cold Creek Manor (2003) at noon. I actually saw this movie, but it was on TV I think, and I can't really remember much about it, probably because there was nothing worth those precious brain cells of mine. I can guarantee you this, there will be mystery, suspense and lots of boredom with this one.
In something that rubbed me as odd, at 1:30 a film titled Stick It is on ABC Family. Now, I am not sure what's going on over at this "family channel," but if I am being asked to stick it, then I shall happily oblige, but should the whole family be watching this "sticking?" I'm fine with grandma, but the kids seem a little out of place, don't cha think?
At 2:00, Lifetime Movie Network outdoes itself by showing The Return (2006), a movie that I would possibly watch, and not for a few overly dramatic laughs either. Not that I would guess it's good, but it doesn't look totally terrible either, and I don't mind me a little Sarah Michelle Gellar in the afternoon, let alone anytime for that matter.
And our day comes to a close at 2:30 with a film that got the shaft worse than Armando Galarraga, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005) on SyFy. I actually never saw either of the Exorcist prequels that were made, but how crazy is it that all of that happened? If you don't know the history, this film was made as a prequel to the Exorcist, but the studio got cold feet and thought the movie wouldn't be well received by modern audiences with a taste for Saw. So to spice things up, they fired director Paul Schrader and hired Renny Harlin, to do a little Richard Lester inspired retooling, resulting in Exorcist: The Beginning.
Either way, it blew up in their faces and the Harlin film did terrible and they ended up releasing the Schrader version sometime afterwards. but by that point, no one was spending any more cash on another Exorcist prequel nor did anyone really care. At some point in my life, I would love to watch both films to see how different they are from each other. Still, I am sure the history is much more interesting than either of the movies.
That does it for this Sunday kiddies, hope to see you next week, same drunk time, same drunk channel.
Hey, hey, hey, it's Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!
And I'm gonna play a song for you…
It's a bit of an embarrassment for me not you…
You'll have some fun now, as I make jokes about my wang…
Learning from each other, while we do our thang…
Na, na, na, gonna have a dance party, with Fre-e-ddy!
Sorry, I think I got carried away there for a second with the Fat Albert thing. Speaking of Fat Albert, I wonder if there was ever a porno version called Prince Albert? If not, there should be.
Anyways, if you paid attention to my dope lyrics, I mentioned that I have a bit of an embarrassing dance party track for tonight. I am a wicked music snob and pretty much hate most modern commercial music. I like some current bands, but they are few and far between, and none of them are played on the radio from what I know. However, once in a blue moon a song infiltrates my better judgment, and I find myself liking something that I probably shouldn't…a guilty pleasure if you will. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen, and that would be the case with tonight's tune, Snakes on a Plane (Bring It!).
Ah yes, Snakes on a Plane, the 2006 phenomena starring Samuel L. Jackson, an airplane, a whole bunch of snakes and a ridiculous plot. Ridiculous, yes but an entertaining plot nonetheless, and as outrageous as the idea of snakes attacking people on an airplane is, the film became a pop culture sensation, transcending B-Movie status. Everyone seemed to be fascinated by it, but not enough to actually go and see the film in theaters based off the poor box office numbers it received. I personally had one of the best theatrical experiences with Snakes on a Plane, but it was definitely due to the right movie, the right mood and the right group of friends. A few beers might have been involved too, but what's that have to do with anything?
Snakes on a Plane (Bring It!) was the debut single from Cobra Starship and appeared on the bands first album, While the City Sleeps, We Rule the Streets as well as the Snakes OST. The song has a slew of guest appearances, which would almost ensure that it would be successful, and I always kind of thought Cobra Starship was formed for this one song in particular. I mean, their name is Cobra Starship and their first song is Snakes on a Plane (Bring It!)? Seems a little odd. Even odder is the (Bring It!) portion of the songs title…seriously? (Bring What?) Like, do they want the snakes to (Bring It!)? If so, that is a losing battle unless they have Sam on their side, and I bet he only helps out the white chick, who is pretty hot in a coke head sort of way. Betcha he lands his snake in her cockpit in that scenario.
Here it is folks, every single one of the posts and entries into the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest Blogathon, all in one neat and tidy package for you to enjoy. There are quite a few links here, but it would be wicked rad if each of you try and check out as many of these as you can, if you already haven't read them of course.
There is nothing short of greatness from every one of these posts, and making the decisions on who is going to win will not be too easy for my impartial secret judge and especially myself. I have a feeling a hat may need to be involved at some point. Good luck to you all!
If I missed anyone, or if any of the links do not work properly, please, feel free to punch my neck really hard, therefore I will fix it with the quickness.
That there is a fancy way of saying done, finished, it's all over. Of course, I would be referring to the wonderful Blogathon known as the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. I put my contribution up only ten minutes before the "deadline," even though I wrote it at the beginning of the week…I'm such a goof, aren't I? Luckily, mine doesn't count, or I would have won all three prize packs, but that might constitute as cheating? Anyways, I received a nice amount of submissions, which I will be sorting through and posting links to all of them here in a monster-mega-post very very soon. Shortly after that, my unbiased secret judge will be helping with picking the winners, which will be announced by the end of this week. Probably.
I have gotten more than enough submission to keep me from having even been able to read them all still, which is a great thing, so I will be playing a whole lot of catch up in the following days, while trying to keep up with my meditation and Kung-Fu exercises. I'm sure I will do this more than once, but I really want to thank everyone that took the time to write something for this bearded cause. Heck, some people even wrote multiple posts, which is nothing short of awesome if I do say so myself. So thanks again. You all are true baby eaters. Now, watch this clip until you get tired of it. Oh wait, you never will.
Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.
Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.
This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.
After a whack ass schedule last week, this Sunday gives us a line-up worthy of even the most ferocious of hangovers. So if you're feeling the aches and pains of an evening gone drunk, then let me protect you from the pain of having to figure out what is on this afternoon, so you can focus on erasing the memories of who you almost boned last night.
We'll start our day off with a SyFy animals gone wild, mutated, or whatever scientifically plausible excuse used that makes them eat people, or each other, blowout! First up is Dinocroc (2004) at 9:00, a movie that realizes crocodiles just aren't scary enough on their own, so it may be best to add a little dinosaur in there to spice things up. Funny, aren't crocodiles kind of like dinosaurs? We got any herpetologists reading? If so, maybe you can help with the 11:00 film, Snakehead Terror (2004), about a fish bigger than Shaq with a snake's head for a ummm…head, naturally. Following Snakehead Terror, SyFy then gives us a double dose of my favorite movie monster, the shark, with Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) at 1:00 and Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009) swimming closely behind at 3:00.
Oh, is that SyFy gold not good enough for you? Fine, going back to 10:00, TBS brings the pain with the film that made Jackie Chan a household name, Rumble in the Bronx (1994). It's not one of his best films, and while it's no Super Cop or Drunken Master, Rumble is a blast and fun for a million and one reasons. One of them not being that annoying asshole kid in the wheelchair who cannot stop complaining about his cushion. Seriously, that little prick almost gives Franklin from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a roll for his money when it comes to most annoying character of all time.
Things don't slow down after that, though, when AMC keeps the Asian action coming with, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993) at 12:00. Great biopic about a man beyond any praise I am capable of. Jason Scott Lee (who I loved in Mallrats) plays Bruce Lee wonderfully, and even though I have seen this film many times, I can always leave it on and watch it at any point when it plays on television.
Immediately following Dragon, AMC gives us our final film this afternoon with the tough guy classic, Above the Law (1988) at 2:30. A salt and peppered Henry Silva vs. Steven Seagal before he got fat and developed that special Seagal-sense that he uses to catch criminals in New Orleans. Man, New Orleans is so lucky…
Not a bad way to go out for this edition of The Horror Hangover, if I do say so myself. Now you have a nice variety of cinema to enjoy, but really it's a choice between Martial Arts movies and cheesy SyFy films. You're welcome.
