Jack Frost (1997): Frost Bitten, Twice Shy

En route to his execution, mass murderer Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is killed after being involved in an auto accident with a vehicle containing a top secret hazardous material that turns the madman into a living, breathing, pun-spewing killer snowman made out of fabric and oversized oven mitts. And what’s worse than a living, breathing, pun-spewing killer snowman made out of fabric and oversized oven mitts? A living, breathing, pun-spewing killer snowman made out of fabric and oversized oven mitts that’s looking to take vengeance on the small town sheriff that had him put away.

1997’s Jack Frost specializes in overly ridiculous entertainment. It’s pretty much inherent to the storyline, as the moment you mention “killer snowman” it is impossible to hold back some sort of an eye raising smirk. When a filmmaker comes up with an idea as goofy as a killer snowman, the best thing to do is embrace the humor of the situation, which is exactly what director Michael Cooney does with Jack Frost. Jack Frost is as much a stupid horror movie as it is a foolish comedy, which can be a difficult balancing act, especially if you aren’t able to deliver some genuine laughs.

As a comedy, Jack Frost has some genuinely humorous moments; however, while some of the jokes land well, there are also plenty that fall flat. At times, certain situations are effectively more humorous than their execution, and the fact that the film avoids going too far over the top and into that late-era Troma type of territory makes it an infinitely more tolerable watch. That’s not to say that Jack Frost isn’t over the top, because it is; it’s just far less obnoxious than it could be.

Jack Frost is notable as the film debut of Shannon Elizabeth. However, it’s even more notable for being the film where Shannon Elizabeth’s character, Jill, is raped by Jack Frost while taking a bath. The sight of a killer snowman sexually abusing a girl with his carrot is mind-bogglingly outrageous. In fact, the entire situation is as stupid as it is funny as it is offensive, but if it wasn’t all three of those things, then it certainly wouldn’t be nearly as memorable a scene as it is.

 

*Obligatory paragraph dedicated to the Michael Keaton starring Jack frost and the irony that comes from two human/snowman movies being released within a few years of one another, yet one is a family film while the other is a low-grade horror flick*

Director Michael Cooney has a very scant amount of directing credits to his name. Three to be exact -- with two of them being of the Jack Frost variety. His writing credits are slightly more impressive (save for that horrific ending to 2003’s Identity), but I think it’s safe to say that he will forever be associated with the creation of Jack Frost. I suppose things could be worse for someone in the film business. It’s better to be remembered as the guy who wrote and directed those killer snowman movies than the guy that no one remembers at all. And no amount of antifreeze can take that away from him.

Outside of a few exceptions, 1996 wasn’t a banner year for what you could call great horror cinema. The year brought about a bevy of awful direct to video sequels to franchises that had already long overstayed their welcome. On the other end, there were some original movies that hit the horror scene, but many of those ended up being toilet bound. It’s tough to say if the toilet is the destination for a film like Jack Frost, as it’s simply one of those movies that will draw the ire of some while bringing a certain joy to others. I suppose it all comes down to the type of movie fan you are.

Death-cember: The Fruitcake of Holiday Celebrations

While the holiday season began in September, you know, if you’ve stepped foot into any retail outlet in the last four months, nothing truly kicks the season of sadness off quite like the first day of DEATH-CEMBER! For those of you who aren’t hip to what Death-cember is selling, I shall give you the quick rundown: during the entire month of December, I place my focus on movies that are either holiday related or feature a wintry setting. Simple enough, right?

Anyway, over the past few years, Death-cember has, unfortunately, been a little neglected, which is mostly due to Chucktober fatigue. However, this season I plan to bring da pain and deliver a Death-cember worthy of at least 10 solid minutes of your time. But you don’t have to take my word for it, just take a look at what’s in store for you this holla-day season:

Now if that lineup that doesn’t unwrap your candy cane, then I don’t know what will! So without any further adoo-doo, let’s get this panty party started!

Ninjavember: Bionic Ninja (1986)

When the average person thinks of ninja movies, director Godfrey Ho often comes to mind. Actually, scratch that. When cult/genre movie geeks think of ninja movies, director Godfrey Ho often comes to mind. While Ho is a filmmaker who is often associated with the ninja genre, it is very rarely done so in a respectable fashion. In fact, outside of a small handful of movies, much of Ho’s work is what many would consider to be so bad it’s good, and that’s an opinion that falls firmly on the nicer end of the scale. However, it’s that so bad it’s good symmetry that makes Godfrey Ho’s work in the genre so memorable. Whether or not the average moviegoer can appreciate his brand of cinema, this notoriety is a worthy achievement in my eyes.

Outside of being behind many a ninja film during the genre’s heyday in the ‘80s, Ho is also closely associated with a specific brand of cut-and-paste filmmaking, wherein he would take footage from one film and splice it into footage from any number of other movies. In doing so, Ho effectively, or not really effectively, created a brand new movie altogether, ready to be packed up and sold under a veil of facetiousness. This leads us to Bionic Ninja, a 1986 release that pairs up footage from the 1984 Kent Cheng action/comedy, The Daring Kung Fu Refugee, with footage that Ho directed to give it that much needed ninja edge.

It’s the footage that Ho directed that does its best to drive the “storyline,” focusing on a secret agent named Tommy Foster who is sent to Hong Kong to retrieve a, and I quote, “top technical secret film.” And believe you me, there is nothing more frightening than a secret film, especially when it’s of the top technical variety. The top technical secret film was stolen by a group of KGB hired ninjas––because that’s simply how things work in Godfrey Ho’s world––so Tommy is in for the fight of his life if he wants to retrieve the top technical secret film and save the world from KGB/ninja domination. Or something like that.

While this plot sounds fairly easy to follow, making complete logistical sense even, on a whole Bionic Ninja is a jumbled mess of random scenes from a Godfrey Ho directed movie about ninjas mixed with another movie that’s not about ninjas. It only takes me about 5 minutes before I am completely lost in this flick, something that happens with a fair amount of Ho’s movies. I don’t even know why I try to comprehend what is happening on screen, because it only results in a migraine inducing level of thought not worthy of my miniscule brain power.

There are portions of Bionic Ninja where my mind goes numb in a fashion that causes my soul to exit my body, look down on my physical self, and spew judgment at my movie choice for the evening. This is partially due to the complexity of the plot (of which there isn’t any) as much as it has to do with the long scenes of unnecessary dialogue, all of which come from the portions of Bionic Ninja not directed by Ho. The entire thing clearly does not fit together, so anything that isn’t top technical secret film related only works as boring and confusing. With that said, the martial arts in the scenes taken from The Daring Kung Fu Refugee are legitimately good, and exude a level of competence unsuitable to the project as a whole.

But where The Daring Kung Fu Refugee delivers some solid martial arts action, it is the portions of Bionic Ninja that are directed by Godfrey Ho that truly make the film a reasonably entertaining watch. Despite his reputation as a cut-and-paste filmmaker, Ho certainly knows how to deliver the cheesy goods, something that he does in spades with his portion of Bionic Ninja.

This is especially true with Tommy Foster, who can often be seen wearing a yellow tank top with matching yellow sweatpants, complete with dirt stains on his backside. When Tommy’s isn’t busy trying to locate the top technical secret film, he rocks his days away training with the heart and ferocity of a lion. This results in some brilliant scenes of Tommy practicing his tumbling, fine-tuning his swordplay and working on his shuriken throwing skills, all of which are done in a public park. Because that’s completely legal.

Seeing as Bionic Ninja is a ninja film, and a bionic one at that *SPOILER* there are no bionic ninjas *SPOILER END*, the ninjas do play an integral role in the ridiculousness that the film serves up. Here are a few examples of the ninja antics found in Bionic Ninja:

• The KGB hired ninja clan (I could stop there) are led by the always elusive “White Ninja.”
• Ninjas have the ability to realistically jump cut into and out of a scene at any given moment. Ninjas take a cab.
• Ninjas take a cab without their ninja masks on, which I think defeats the purpose of being a ninja.
• Ninjas always move in synchronized motions.
• The final battle consists of the inevitable white ninja VS. red ninja, which is equal parts ridiculous and awesome.

Anyway, I think you smell what my ninja smoke bomb is cooking.

While not coming even close to being a highlight on Godfrey Ho’s filmography, Bionic Ninja is enjoyable enough for those who enjoy the filmmaker’s work. The enjoyment of the movie comes from the hilarity that Ho brought to the table, which makes me wish he had simply made an entire movie full of Tommy/top technical secret film action. If that had been the case, we might have ended up with something closer to the insanely enjoyable Undefeatable, instead of the typical hit or miss patchwork film that Ho is best known for.

This Ninjatastic review is in conjunction with NINJAVEMBER, a special ninja themed blog-a-thon hosted by the menacing yellow ninja, Karl Brezdin. Head over to the deserted island ninja training camp known as Fist of B-List to keep up with all the ninjacentric goodies to come!

Salute Your Shorts: The Haunted Doll’s house (2012)

After a wealthy man purchases an antique doll house from a pawnshop, he learns that the doll house has a dark history when it comes to life late one night. The doll house reveals a tale of deception and betrayal that involves a family who, driven by greed, helps their grandfather reach his final destination with a bit of poison. As one would expect, doing such a horrific thing can only lead to the family being forced to pay for their sins.

Based on a short story by M.R. James, The Haunted Doll’s House is brought to life by Stephen Gray using a mixture of live action and stop motion animation. In it’s 11 minute runtime, The Haunted Doll’s House succeeds in providing a silently creepy and gothic atmosphere, which specifically comes from the fantastic stop-motion animation used to bring the inhabitants of the doll house to life. However, outside of the stop motion work, the short falls, well, short in terms of its conclusion. The finale has an anemic feel about it, and the lack of a satisfying ending leaves behind a feeling of disappointment.

Regardless of its failed finale, The Haunted Doll’s House is worth a watch if you enjoy good stop motion animation. If that’s the case, give it a watch below, and please let me know if you find the ending to be as lackluster as I do.

Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 DVD Review

Film Chest Media Group recently released a Roger Corman triple feature on DVD, and were kind enough to send me a copy to take a look at. Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 features three of Corman’s better known horror films–The Terror, Dementia 13 and A Bucket of Blood–all of which have received a brand new restoration from the original 35mm prints. The set is presented in widescreen with an aspect ratio of 16×9 and are in 5.1 stereo (except for A Bucket of Blood, which is mono).

All three of these Corman classics are in the public domain and readily available to watch online as well as being included in any number of Mill Creek sets, so it’s not as if getting your dirty paws on these movies is all too difficult. With that being said, the draw of this set is the fact that the films are restored, which might be a huge selling point for some horror fans.

^{Pop Flix’s release of A Bucket of Blood}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of A Bucket of Blood}

^{Pop Flix’s release of A Bucket of Blood}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of A Bucket of Blood}

I personally relish the world of uber cheap bulk DVD releases as the price/amount of movies vs. their picture quality tends to lean towards the former end of the scale for me. However, I fully support a nice restoration, and seeing a public domain movie be shown some love is quite the commendable effort in my eyes. Anyone can cash in, but not everyone is willing to put forth the effort to give these films their do justice.

Now, does this translate well with Roger Corman’s Horror Classic’s Vol 1? Well, the answer to that question is mostly. The Terror, A Bucket of Blood and Dementia 13 were indeed given a digital restoration, and while the films might be the best they’ve looked on home video, this collection isn’t quite the best it could be.

^{Pop Flix’s release of The Terror}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of The Terror}

^{Pop Flix’s release of The Terror}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of The Terror}

All three films certainly look much cleaner, clearer and have richer quality to them, and the widescreen presentation certainly makes for a nice improvement over the releases that I have seen (key words being “I have seen”). With that said, I do see signs of DNR (digital noise reduction) work on all three movies, which as seen in the screen grabs strewn throughout this post has negatively affected some of the film’s fine detail.  

^{Pop Flix’s release of Dementia 13}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of Dementia 13}

^{Pop Flix’s release of Dementia 13}

^{Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 release of Dementia 13}

DNR does drive some videophiles crazy, while others seem to be okay with it. Personally, I’m not a big fan of it, but I can deal with minor DNR, and it certainly isn’t a break for me in terms of this release. All three films featured in Roger Corman’s Horror Classics Vol. 1 do indeed look good, especially when you consider that all three of these movies were made on a very low-budget. Furthermore, I appreciate the fact that Film Chest took the time to show these movies a little love and care, giving them an overall solid release that fans of these films should enjoy.

*All of the comparison screen grabs are taken from my personal copy of Pop Flix’s Roger Corman Drive-In Collection, a set that contains ten films on four discs.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

It’s finally the day that we’ve all been waiting for, Halloween! So I wanted to take a moment to wish all of you awesome baby eaters a happy Halloween by sharing this horrifically horrifying Halloween inspired playlist that I’ve been putting together throughout the month of Chucktober. I guarantee this playlist will do you right on this day of darkness, so put on your dancing shoes, finish off that bottle of witch’s brew and get ready to rock the Halloween night away!

HauntedWeen (1991): Grand Guig-ghoul

20 years after an innocent prank at a haunted house goes horribly wrong, a college fraternity becomes the target of a madman who plans to crash their haunted house and turn it into a true house of horrors.   

Directed and co-written by Doug Robertson, HauntedWeen is an extremely low-budget slasher film set during the most wonderful time of the year: Halloween. The film was shot in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and quickly establishes itself with a distinct look from many horror films of the era, and this is specifically due to its ‘Bluegrass State’ setting.

HauntedWeen begins with a flashback to the accidental murder of a girl by the hands of a mentally deficient boy named Eddie Burber (Craig Bitterling and Ethan Adler). The murder occurs in a haunted house that Eddie’s family puts on every Halloween, and this haunted house setting mixes nicely with a soft focus lense that results in the flashback having an aesthetically appeasing nightmare like quality. Despite its obvious low-budget, this opening sets a nice mood that feels somewhat reminiscent to another low-budget horror film, David Prior’s Sledgehammer. Though, with HauntedWeen, things are a tad more sensible.

From there the movie jumps forward twenty years later, where the before mentioned fraternity is - in true ‘save the rec center’ fashion - forced to come up with X amount of dollars or else they'll lose their recognition as a national fraternity. Their first fundraising idea comes in the form of a pay to play party, but that leads to little more than money for more beer. However, in an odd turn of events, a strange man gives the frat members permission to use his abandoned home to host a haunted house and, in turn, make the money they need to keep their frat going. This location is the perfect place to hold a killer haunted house, especially since it’s the same house where the young girl was murdered 20 years earlier.  

HauntedWeen features a nice mix of low-budget cheese and a surprising level of competence, both of which keeps the film enjoyable for the long, non-horror stretch that occurs during much of the first half. As one would expect, there’s a lot of terrible acting. On the other hand, though, there’s also some surprisingly okay performances, too. There are also a lot of funny moments, some of which are unintentional, and some that are genuinely worthy of a laugh or two, and this is most evident in the sporadic lines of clever dialogue strewn throughout. Something else that should be noted is the complimentary music that comes with your stay at HauntedWeen; music that mostly consists of pre-set, uptempo Jazz from a Casio. The Vince Guaraldi Trio this is not.

The final act of HauntedWeen takes place in the fraternity’s haunted house where Eddie makes his big appearance. In a seemingly typical fashion, Eddie begins slaying characters left and right, but where things really get exciting is how these deaths lead to a showcase horror moment where Eddie puts on a real showstopper for the patrons of the haunted house; a show they’ll be sure to remember for years to come.  

Ushered by the cheering sounds of an oblivious audience, Eddie delivers a Grand Guignol inspired performance that involves various victims being tortured to death. With each slice and dice Eddie makes, the audience grows all the more excited. To them this is all just a good bit of fun. Naturally, this Grand Guignol style of cinema madness has been seen in numerous exploitation and horror films in the past, but rarely are they featured in what would otherwise be a typical slasher film. In that sense, such an approach is quite refreshing, never mind completely enjoyable in its execution.

In the vast ocean of shitty-to-mediocre low-budget slasher films that offer nothing more than a sigh from their viewers, HauntedWeen is truly a hidden gem that shines brightly due to the obvious care the filmmakers put into entertaining their audience. That’s not to say that the film isn’t without its faults, and of course there are some silly moments, but all of these things add to the entertainment value as oppose to taking away from it. HauntedWeen is simply good, home cooked fun from a group of people with their hearts in the right place.