Halloween Happenings: Outdoor Halloween Decorations!

We are knee-deep in the haunted marshes of October, and after a frightening amount of rain and a few days of wicked wind, my witch bitch and I were finally able to put up our outdoor Halloween decorations!

Last year was the first Halloween where we started to go all out with our outdoor decorations. Sadly, however, last year was a little rough for us, as a lot of what we had done as far as decorating goes was rocked by the lame weather that comes with living in a wind tunnel (you can read more about that here). But hey, it was a learning experience, and with last year under our proverbial belt, we went into Halloween 2013 armed with the smarts to do things a little different as a way to counteract that loser wind.

Anyway, some things are similar to last Halloween, namely the Rave to the Graveyard being back in full effect. Also, we did get a new Pumpkin Light Cover Guy, which was one of last year’s horrific wind casualties. Outside of that, we do have a few new additions, specifically the two jack-o jerks offs and the skele-whore, both of which we built ourselves. Of course it’s pretty obvious that they’re homemade, but they only cost us about $15-$20 in materials to make all three. Plus they were fun to make, so there’s that, too.

I’ll stop jibber-jabbing and let you get to watching the video. Hope you guys dig our decorations, and be sure to keep your eyes peeled for some of Bolo’s babies!

‘The Last Halloween’ TV Special (1991)

Jeanie and Michael (Sarah Matinek and Will Nipper) are celebrating what very well could be their last Halloween after the town’s lake, which serves as the main source of power for the local candy factory, has run almost completely dry. How could such a horrific event happen you might ask? Well, let’s just say it involves the town meanie, Mrs. Gizbourne (Rhea Perlman), who with the help of her trusty henchman, Hans (Richard Moll), has been using the lake water to create a solution for achieving eternal youth, therefore leaving the lake bone dry and the candy factory’s future as well as the fate of Halloween in danger.

Meanwhile, as Jeanie and Michael are enjoying their last evening of trick or treating, they come across four Martians (?!) who were sent to earth to replenish their planet’s supply of, what else, candy. Jeanie and Michael befriend the Martians and take them trick or treating so they can get together some candy, at which point things take a hysterical turn! Actually, they don’t, but whatever. Anyway, it isn’t long before one of the Martians runs off to the evil Mrs. Gizbourne’s house to find more candy, and this my dear reader is where the shit hits the fan.

Produced by Hanna-Barbera and premiering on CBS on October 28th, 1991, The Last Halloween is a bit of a mixed bag of tricks and treats in terms of entertainment value. First of all, it’s difficult to fathom why one candy factory’s fate could completely end Halloween for an entire town. You know, since there are other candy factories around the county as well as trucks that could easily deliver said candy. I mean, it’s not like they live in the Taiga and have to wait for the yearly helicopter to drop of food. Then again, I suppose this is an instance where suspending disbelief would play into things, especially when we’re talking about a special that’s story takes everything AND the kitchen sink and jams it into a runtime less than 30 minutes.

Regardless of the overblown plot, there are a lot of things to enjoy about The Last Halloween. As convoluted as the story is, it does a good job of quickly building up depth for the two main characters. There are also some awesome visuals strewn throughout the short running time, my favorite being this great looking matte painting used for the villain's castle. For a short Halloween TV special, it’s clear that a lot of effort went into production value, and it shows in the final product. In fact, this resulted in a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Special Visual Effects which were, interestingly enough, provided by Industrial Light & Magic and Pacific Data Images.

Something else that’s notable about The Last Halloween is that it features some early CGI, which is how the mostly obnoxious Martian characters are brought to life. I find it interesting to see early CGI use, as CGI was, at least in the early days, something that was kind of cool and exciting; a new tool for filmmakers to bring new worlds to life. Nowadays, however, CGI has completely affected the landscape of cinema, specifically big-budget Hollywood movies, and in a way that I think is now really hurting the power of cinema. An epic film is no longer epic - it’s green screen. But that’s another topic for another day...

The Last Halloween is a remotely entertaining little ride, though a ride that will likely only be enjoyed by people who either really love Halloween (me) or children (me), which is really the perfect audience for this one. One final observation concerning the Martians: if they wanted candy, why didn’t they go to the local Mars Bar?

If you want to check out The Last Halloween for yourself, then you can give it a watch via the YouTube video below:

Bad Trick or Treat Ideas: Toothbrush

I get it. You want to be different and hand out something that you think would actually be beneficial to children. You have no desire to promote bad eating habits or poor dental care, so you say to yourself “I think I’ll pass out toothbrushes this year... all the kids are gonna love and respect me!”

Well, I gotta newsflash for you, buddy! If I’m 6 years old and I waste 3 minutes of my precious Halloween time coming to your house only to have you push your communist agenda on me, then, well, you deserve every single egg I throw at your house when I’m a teenager. And believe you me, I WILL EGG YOUR SHIT!

The only people who should be handing out a toothbrush to a kid is the dentist at the dentist’s office. Otherwise, buy a couple bags of candy. Preferably Snickers.

Pacific Rim Blu-Ray Giveaway!

Pacific Rim is making its way to Blu-ray on October 15th, but why waste your hard-earned drug money buying a copy when you can win one right here?! It’s pretty much the same deal as the other contests: take the SUPERFAN TRIVIA quiz below, then leave a comment with your results as well as an email address, and you will be entered to win yourself a Blu-ray copy of Pacific Rim!

You have until Friday, October 18th to enter, so stop wasting your time reading this, and get to taking that quiz!

The Last Slumber Party (1988): The Doctor is In... SANE!

It’s the last day of high school and Linda, Tracy and Chris (Joann Whitley, Nancy Mayer and Jan Jenson) are looking to kickoff their summer with a bumpin’ slumber party at Linda's house. Complete with alcohol, loud music and a few totally hot guys, surely this is a radical way to begin one’s freedom from the tyranny of high school. However, unbeknownst to the girls, there’s an insane mental patient on the loose. And to make matters worse, it just so happens that Linda’s father is the mental patient’s doctor, making Linda’s home the prime target for this scalpel wielding psychopath.

Directed by Stephen “don’t call me Steven” Tyler, The Last Slumber Party is best described as such: if Halloween and The Slumber Party Massacre had an incestuous baby, and that baby born of incest fell from its crib and hit its head on a nail embedded cinder block every night of its life, then you would have yourself a fairly good idea of what The Last Slumber Party is like.

The comparison to The Slumber Party Massacre is obvious, and certainly not unfamiliar territory for numerous sleepover slasher flicks of the era, but the Halloween influence is a whole other ballgame. To say The Last Slumber Party is inspired by Halloween is like saying that John Carpenter looks a little old, and this is most notable with the film’s three female leads. From the way they talk, act, the specific personality that each girl has, and even the way in which they are filmed, Linda, Tracy and Chris are essentially carbon copies of Laurie, Annie and Lynda from Halloween. Though these carbon copies seem to have spent a little too much time in the sun eating rock salt covered tree bark.  

Outside of the Halloween influences, something else that is immediately obvious about The Last Slumber Party is just how insanely cheap it is as a piece of “cinema.” The acting is awful, and the filmmaking is completely amateurish. Furthermore, the sound design is horrific, with moments that are particularly astounding in their lack of quality. This is most obvious in an early scene where it’s nearly impossible to differentiate between the score, a talking teacher and a group of loud-mouth teenagers. There is also another hysterically inept scene where one of the girls is talking on the phone (in another Halloween-esque moment), and the girl on the other end of the line is clearly talking from just off camera to make it sound as if she’s actually on the phone.

Magnum P.I. photobombing like it’s no one’s business!

The killer (played with brilliance by the film’s director, Stephen “don’t call me Steven” Tyler) also delivers a high level of entertainment in a fashion that is nothing short of ridiculous. Adorned with a pair of doctors scrubs and a surgical mask, this mental madman spends 90% of his screen time making crazy eyes directly at the camera. The kills, which consist of scalpel induced throat slashes and nothing else, are also cheap in their simplicity. Though, in all honesty, I’d rather have cheap throat slashes than a copout off-screen kill.  

Depending on your taste, the lack of quality found in The Last Slumber Party could work for or against it. While I wouldn’t consider it an upper tier B-Movie, it’s an amusing watch that will play perfectly to a crowd of drunken friends or to that specific horror fan who enjoys these types of bad movies. Namely me.

Goosebumps at 33: The Girl Who Cried Monster

Previously on Goosebumps at 33...

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A new Chucktober brings about a brand spanking new season of Goosebumps at 33! This is the fourth year (!) doing this segment, which is as cool as it is depressing. I mean, what’s worse than reminding yourself that you’re getting old? Anyway, if you’re not familiar with this segment, take a second to read the introductory post from way back when. For the rest of you, however, why don’t you come in a little closer and allow me to tell you the wicked tale of...

 

The Girl Who Cried Monster!

Taken from the eighth book, this season 1 episode 4 entry into the series focuses on a young girl named Lucy (Deborah Scorsone). Lucy has an obsession with monsters. She also has a knack for pulling monster inspired pranks on her friends and family members, specifically her little brother, whose hair is so big that he will likely serve as the safety net if an asteroid ever comes hurtling towards earth. After she convinces her big-haired little brother that her toes have been chewed off by a toe biting monster, Lucy’s mother makes her go to the library to expel her energy on learning as opposed to be a pain in the ass.

On her way home from the library, and just as Lucy and her buddy are making fun of the weird librarian, Lucy realizes that she forgot, and I quote, her “blades” back at the library. I’m not sure how a person forgets their “blades,” though. That’s like leaving the mall only to realize you forgot your car, but I digress. When Lucy goes back to the library, she soon learns that the librarian, Mr. Mortman (Eugene Lipinski), is a monster living on a steady diet of crickets and spiders. Gross.

Naturally, Lucy runs home to tell her family and friends, but as the title of this episode alludes to, no one believes Lucy because she is, so often, a lying sack of shit who’s always trying to trick people with tales of monsters. As a result, it is up to Lucy to prove her story, and to do so she actually goes back to the library to catch Mr. Mortman in the act.

Of course, as stupid as it may seem to try to catch a monster in the act of being a monster, Lucy further shows a complete lack of intelligence when she actually tries to take a photo of Mr. Mortman as a monster WITH THE FLASH ON! Unsurprisingly, the flash from the camera alerts Mr. Mortman to Lucy’s presence so he chases after her. This actually leads to a pretty great line where, as Lucy flees, Mr. Mortman says: “I love fast food!” Lucy gets away, however, now Mr. Mortman is on to her and looks to keep her quite by sending her on a permanent vacation. To his belly.  

Unfortunately for Lucy, her photographic evidence shows absolutely nothing, therefore no one is buying into her story, including her parents who, despite Lucy’s every plea, decide it would be a good idea to invite Mr. Mortman over for dinner. Will Lucy and her family find themselves served up as monster meat, or will they enjoy a nice dinner with great evening of conversation? You think you might know the answer, but as with every Goosebumps tale, there is a twist, and this one is an absolute doozy in just how awesome it is.

The Girl Who Cried Monster is one of my favorite episodes that I’ve seen thus far. The story is satisfying, spooky and fun, and all in a way that one would expect and want from an episode of Goosebumps. Better yet, it is certainly one hell of a great way to start off my fourth year with Goosebumps at 33!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers...

Salute Your Shorts: Behind Closed Doors (2009)

A young boy named Gregory is dealing with some serious issues as of late, most notably the monster that has decided to take up residence in his bedroom. However, this monster isn’t Gregory’s only problem, as another monster of a completely different variety is making his life a living nightmare. And this monster doesn’t go away when you turn the lights on.

Created by Jonathan Button, Behind Closed Doors is a short animated horror film that deals with the many fears that can come with being a child, especially a child who is forced to deal with any level of intense parental conflict. In Gregory’s case, this parental conflict comes in the form of an abusive alcoholic father, whose prime target is, at least as seen in this short, Gregory’s mother.    

The fact that Gregory has an abusive father is what makes his plight so interesting, as no matter where he goes, there is no place for him to find safety. In one room there is a devilish monster hiding in the shadows, while in another, Gregory’s father is aggressively drunk in a fashion that commands complete avoidance for the young boy. This situation leaves Gregory with no place to turn, as he is surrounded by monsters both literally and metaphorically. He’s left alone to deal with these demons, which is likely the truth for many children with abusive parents.  

The title of this short film certainly alludes to what family drama can occur behind closed doors, not what monsters might be hiding inside of a young boy’s closet. The truth of the matter is, it’s the abusive father who is the real monster of this short, but impactful story.

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