Goosebumps at 33: The Girl Who Cried Monster

Previously on Goosebumps at 33...

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A new Chucktober brings about a brand spanking new season of Goosebumps at 33! This is the fourth year (!) doing this segment, which is as cool as it is depressing. I mean, what’s worse than reminding yourself that you’re getting old? Anyway, if you’re not familiar with this segment, take a second to read the introductory post from way back when. For the rest of you, however, why don’t you come in a little closer and allow me to tell you the wicked tale of...

 

The Girl Who Cried Monster!

Taken from the eighth book, this season 1 episode 4 entry into the series focuses on a young girl named Lucy (Deborah Scorsone). Lucy has an obsession with monsters. She also has a knack for pulling monster inspired pranks on her friends and family members, specifically her little brother, whose hair is so big that he will likely serve as the safety net if an asteroid ever comes hurtling towards earth. After she convinces her big-haired little brother that her toes have been chewed off by a toe biting monster, Lucy’s mother makes her go to the library to expel her energy on learning as opposed to be a pain in the ass.

On her way home from the library, and just as Lucy and her buddy are making fun of the weird librarian, Lucy realizes that she forgot, and I quote, her “blades” back at the library. I’m not sure how a person forgets their “blades,” though. That’s like leaving the mall only to realize you forgot your car, but I digress. When Lucy goes back to the library, she soon learns that the librarian, Mr. Mortman (Eugene Lipinski), is a monster living on a steady diet of crickets and spiders. Gross.

Naturally, Lucy runs home to tell her family and friends, but as the title of this episode alludes to, no one believes Lucy because she is, so often, a lying sack of shit who’s always trying to trick people with tales of monsters. As a result, it is up to Lucy to prove her story, and to do so she actually goes back to the library to catch Mr. Mortman in the act.

Of course, as stupid as it may seem to try to catch a monster in the act of being a monster, Lucy further shows a complete lack of intelligence when she actually tries to take a photo of Mr. Mortman as a monster WITH THE FLASH ON! Unsurprisingly, the flash from the camera alerts Mr. Mortman to Lucy’s presence so he chases after her. This actually leads to a pretty great line where, as Lucy flees, Mr. Mortman says: “I love fast food!” Lucy gets away, however, now Mr. Mortman is on to her and looks to keep her quite by sending her on a permanent vacation. To his belly.  

Unfortunately for Lucy, her photographic evidence shows absolutely nothing, therefore no one is buying into her story, including her parents who, despite Lucy’s every plea, decide it would be a good idea to invite Mr. Mortman over for dinner. Will Lucy and her family find themselves served up as monster meat, or will they enjoy a nice dinner with great evening of conversation? You think you might know the answer, but as with every Goosebumps tale, there is a twist, and this one is an absolute doozy in just how awesome it is.

The Girl Who Cried Monster is one of my favorite episodes that I’ve seen thus far. The story is satisfying, spooky and fun, and all in a way that one would expect and want from an episode of Goosebumps. Better yet, it is certainly one hell of a great way to start off my fourth year with Goosebumps at 33!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers...

Salute Your Shorts: Behind Closed Doors (2009)

A young boy named Gregory is dealing with some serious issues as of late, most notably the monster that has decided to take up residence in his bedroom. However, this monster isn’t Gregory’s only problem, as another monster of a completely different variety is making his life a living nightmare. And this monster doesn’t go away when you turn the lights on.

Created by Jonathan Button, Behind Closed Doors is a short animated horror film that deals with the many fears that can come with being a child, especially a child who is forced to deal with any level of intense parental conflict. In Gregory’s case, this parental conflict comes in the form of an abusive alcoholic father, whose prime target is, at least as seen in this short, Gregory’s mother.    

The fact that Gregory has an abusive father is what makes his plight so interesting, as no matter where he goes, there is no place for him to find safety. In one room there is a devilish monster hiding in the shadows, while in another, Gregory’s father is aggressively drunk in a fashion that commands complete avoidance for the young boy. This situation leaves Gregory with no place to turn, as he is surrounded by monsters both literally and metaphorically. He’s left alone to deal with these demons, which is likely the truth for many children with abusive parents.  

The title of this short film certainly alludes to what family drama can occur behind closed doors, not what monsters might be hiding inside of a young boy’s closet. The truth of the matter is, it’s the abusive father who is the real monster of this short, but impactful story.

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WNUF Halloween Special (2013): The Exorcism Will Be Televised!

It’s October 31, 1987, and WNUF reporter Frank Stewart leads a camera crew, a priest, a team of psychics, and a live television audience into the Webber House, where years before Donald Webber went on an occult driven killing spree, murdering both of his parents in a grisly fashion. Things begin innocently enough as they explore the infamous house looking for some ghostly activity, but soon this Halloween special goes from hokey fun to a living nightmare, and it’s live on the air for the world to see.

Directed by Chris LaMartina, WNUF Halloween Special is an interesting take on the found-footage genre in that it’s presented as an actual news special as it aired live on television in 1987. Complete with a live studio news broadcast featuring the day’s big news stories and retro-style commercial breaks, I’m honestly flabbergasted by just how authentic this faux-news special feels. While there is a clear tongue-in-cheek approach to the project as a whole, specifically with the hysterical commercial breaks, WNUF Halloween Special perfectly captures ‘80s local television and the VHS culture of the time.

In its 83 minute runtime, WNUF Halloween Special features retro-style commercials for orange juice, furniture stores, monster truck events, law firms, political attack ads, and so on and so forth. There are also a handful of Halloween-centric news features such as Trick or Treat safety tips and a look at a local dentist who is giving kids cash for candy to promote healthy dental care. One of my favorite stories comes from a news segment featuring a local conservative Christian group that’s protesting both Halloween and the news special for “turning our children into devil worshipers,” something that wasn’t at all uncommon in the 1980s (watch this Pagan Invasion video for further proof). These spots are as creative as they are amusing, but most importantly, they truly feel as if they leaped from the frames of a VHS tape filled with random shit recorded off TV in the ‘80s.

WNUF Halloween Special takes a good half hour to get to the actual ‘Halloween Special’, spending the first act with the aforementioned TV ads and the WNUF on set news anchors as they report the local news. When the special begins, host Frank Stewart spends some time with a live audience outside of the infamous Webber House where he talks about the history of the murders, which are also further explained in a nicely done docu-style overview of Donald Weber. After finally moving into the Webber House, Frank continues his “investigation” with the help of Father Joseph Matheson and a pair of clairvoyants named Louise and Claire Berger and their psychic cat, Shadow.

As WNUF goes back and forth between the investigative team and commercial breaks, there comes a point late in the movie where the shtick does begin to wear a tad thin. However, this is also around the point where things begin to pick up in terms of “paranormal activity,” so the lull is thankfully short lived. With that being said, while there seem to be paranormal events that occur, WNUF is not, in any way, effective as a horror film. It’s likely you will not find yourself a solid dose of white knuckled fright with this one, but in all fairness, that’s not necessarily what WNUF is trying to deliver.

The aim of WNUF Halloween Special is to capture a time period of television where Geraldo spent two hours breaking into Al Capone’s vault and George Hamilton explored Dracula’s castle live from Transylvania. In that sense, it certainly succeeds. Furthermore, WNUF effectively taps into the nostalgia that comes with popping in an old VHS tape filled with random commercials and whatever other weird shit people like me, who grew up with VCRs, would record off TV as a kid, and that is exactly the target audience of this sentimentally driven ode to horror kids of the ‘80s.

 

Chucktober 5: The Revenge of Matt-suzaka!

It looks as if the calendar has finally crawled its way to the 1st of October. While this might simply be a normal day for the average person, here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, October 1st is a day in which the clouds tear wide open to reveal a demented darkness so intense and demoralizing that all within its reach are instantly possessed by madness. This is a day where the world grows colder and darker, and all that is sane withers away to reveal a chaos of orange and black, as it tangles around a barrage of horror. This is a day known as…

CHUCKTOBER!

Welcome back, boils and ghouls, to what is officially the start of the 5th annual celebration known as Chucktober! And oh boy do I have one hell of an awesome line-up of Halloween and horror goodies up my wicked sleeve for you this Chucktober, so I’ll shut my unholy hole and let you take a tour of what the month has in store:

I think this bad ass line-up speaks for itself, so without further ado…

LET’S GET THIS CHUCKTOBER STARTED RIGHT!

Halloween Happenings: Indoor Halloween Decorations!

While October is still more than a few days away, the Halloween celebration has been in full-swing here at the CNAMB dungeon of doom. Naturally my bare breasted vampire woman and I have already spent countless hours perusing the Halloween goodies that all the stores have to offer, looking for various ideas and sales and such. Furthermore, and the reason why I’ve brought you all here today, we’ve already decorated the inside of our humble abode of doom, which you can see for yourself in the video below!

Hope you all enjoy our spooky decorations, and I’ll be seeing you all in less than a week for the start of Chucktober!

V/H/S/2 (2013): Tapes of Terror

The 2012 horror anthology V/H/S left me with feelings that were mixed at best. I enjoyed the different approaches to what were essentially simplistic classic horror stories as well as the film’s overall tone, which effectively projected a feeling of unease. On the other hand, more than a few of the stories weren’t really all too satisfying. Furthermore, and this is especially the case with the wraparound segment, some of the characters were quite deplorable in a fashion that really turned me off.

Regardless of my mixed feelings, I enjoyed V/H/S enough to where I was moderately excited about a sequel, especially considering the good feedback that it had been receiving at festivals and such. But was my slight anticipation for V/H/S/2 destined to be a letdown, or could this sequel actually deliver the goods in a way that the first film wasn’t quite able to do?

Tape 49
Directed by: Simon Barrett

Serving as the wraparound story, Tape 49 is very similar in both tone and setting to the first film’s wraparound segment, Tape 56. Tape 49 follows two private investigators searching for a missing college student, eventually ending up in the student’s home where they find a stack of VHS tapes and other various video equipment. One of the investigators, Larry, decides to investigates the house, while the other P.I., Ayesha, watches the tapes with the hope that she’ll be able to find some clues as to the college students whereabouts.

As was the case with V/H/S’s Tape 56, the contents of these VHS tapes serve as the gateway to the four tales of terror found within V/H/S/2. However, like Tape 56, this wraparound story brings little to the table other than a slightly eerie atmosphere, which mostly has to do with how certain shots are staged. There’s something inherently creepy about watching a character sitting in a room with an open background, as it portrays this sense of vulnerability that has a way of making my skin crawl. Outside of that aspect, and a cool moment or two during the finale, this wraparound does little more than serve as a conduit to the other stories.

Phase 1 Clinical Trials
Directed by: Adam Wingard

After an accident, a man named Herman (played by Wingard) is fitted with an experimental robotic eyeball. Seeing as this is the first time such technology is being used, the doctors inform Herman that they will be recording everything he sees as a way to collect data. He is also told that he might see some visual glitches while his new robotic eyeball adjusts. And soon enough Herman begins seeing strange things, but he chalks them up to his new eyeball; however, soon these visions begin to manifest themselves into something far more sinister.

The biggest strength of Phase 1 Clinical Trials is definitely in its visual style, and the first person perspective is handled in a way that effectively creates the opportunity for some nice jump scares. Overall it’s your typical transplanted organ body horror by way of Gaspar Noe’s Enter the Void, but maybe a Noe comparison is giving it a bit more credit than it deserves. Regardless, I found Phase 1 Clinical Trials to be a solid entry and an admirable way to start off the anthology proper.

A Ride in the Park
Directed by: Eduardo Sanchez and Gregg Hale

Adorned with a GoPro type of helmet camera, a young man falls victim to a zombie attack while mountain biking in the forest. What proceeds is a refreshingly original take on zombies, as much of the segment is shot from the perspective of the victim from his initial death to when he first becomes a zombie and eventually to the point when he begins to attack humans as a member of the living dead.

Anytime a filmmaker or filmmakers can give an audience a fresh take on the zombie genre is welcome, as that well has long run dry, no matter how popular it is with the youngsters. A Ride in the Park is not only immensely clever, it’s easily one of the highlights of V/H/S/2. Furthermore, it’s nice to see Sanchez involved in such a great segment, as something like V/H/S wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for him and Daniel Myrick’s The Blair Witch Project. It’s like seeing the whole found footage genre come full circle.

Safe Haven
Directed by: Gareth Evans and Timo Tjahjanto

A group of documentary filmmakers enter the compound of an Indonesian cult to interview their maniacal leader, not realizing that this cult has a very special surprise planned for their visit.

Honestly, there is very little I can or want to say about Safe Haven, because I wouldn’t dare spoil the experience of what is easily the best segment in both V/H/S and V/H/S/2. Safe Haven is scary, it’s smart, it’s flat out awesome, and V/H/S/2 is worth a watch for this segment alone. It’s truly refreshing to see something so creative and original in a modern day horror film.

Slumber Party Alien Abduction
Directed by: Jason Eisner

Already being perfectly summed up with its brilliant title, Slumber Party Alien Abduction follows a group of young kids who torture their older step-sister and her friends by constantly playing pranks on them, naturally capturing it all on camera for further humiliation. Taking place over the course of one night, and with their parents being out of town, the kid’s have the house to themselves, which means it’s pretty much anarchy from the word go. However, their night of innocent fun takes a horrific turn as the children find themselves under attack by aliens.

Slumber Party Alien Abduction is an entertaining take on alien invasions, and this is due, in part, to Eisner’s ability to capture the wild world of kids running free from supervision in a way that is surprisingly genuine. However, all the innocent fun and games are indeed fun and games until the invasion begins, and when the horror kicks off, Eisner delivers the goods. This is especially true during a superbly effective shot involving a boat dock that I won’t get into too much detail about as to avoid spoilers, but it’s a moment that’s at least worth mentioning. Overall, Slumber Party Alien Invasion is a satisfying way to round out the meat and taters of V/H/S/2.

In Conclusion:

Not only does V/H/S/2 greatly improve upon what was done only a year ago with the first V/H/S, it is easily one of the best horror anthology films I have seen in many years, and one that I believe I will be revisiting on a fairly regular basis.

 

Salute Your Shorts: Orpheus (2011)

Written and directed by James Button, Orpheus takes an experimental approach to the many emotions that come with grieving the death of a loved one. Shot on 16mm, this 7 minute short focuses on a man (played by Jason Goddard) who seems to be living in a nightmare in which he cannot awaken from. As the short progresses, and the main character’s state of being deteriorates, it becomes clear that he is filled with guilt due to the loss of a loved one. His dreamscape is filled with confusion and pain, and the reasons for this is initially unknown to the man, that is until he begins to put the pieces together and find a path to acceptance.

Orpheus allows the viewer to experience the five stages of grief as experienced through the painful psyche of the main character. While it excels with a revelation that gives weight to the man’s guilt, the success of this short film comes with the somber resolution that grief can be a cycle that never ends but lessens with process of time.

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