Great Moments in CGI: Mega Piranha

"And one and two and three and four…Kicking Mega Piranha sure does make for one heck on an abdominal workout! One look at these results, and you'll want to order the Mega Piranha VS Super Abs workout video today!"

See the Sea: Wave of Mutilation

One thing that has always bothered me about a vast majority of standard Hollywood cinema is the fact that the viewer is given little to no opportunity to actually think about what they are seeing. So often every little detail is over explained with scenes of ill-placed dialogue that serve no other purpose than to tell the viewer what they should or shouldn't be feeling at any given moment. Sometimes there are the little visual cues that point out each and every minuscule detail about what is happening on screen, even though you could very well figure it out on your own within the confines of the scene and how it plays out for the characters.

On the flip side, exposition can sometimes be necessary in certain situations, and I have no problem when it is done in a way that supports the story instead of bogging it down with useless details. It all comes down to how the film is presented and if we the audience are treated like we have a smidgen of smarts left in that oversaturated dome that sits on our shoulders.

This plays right into my thoughts on the semi-short film, See the Sea, from French writer/director, Francois Ozon. See the Sea (non-freedom translation: Regarde la mer) is not exactly the type of film that's easy to review, simply because to get into too much detail can really spoil the impact of the film. However, I still feel the need to share it because I found it to be an interesting watch and one that can easily be accessed on the good ol' Netflix instant watch.

See the Sea follows a young mother named Sasha (Sasha Hails) who, along with her baby daughter, is waiting for her husband to return home from a long business trip. Meanwhile, Sasha takes in an oddball drifter name Tatiana (Marina de Van). There's honestly not too much more to say about the plot without unnecessarily touching on specific moments and giving away too much about the film itself, but it should be noted the difference in which the two women are presented.

Tatiana is a street savvy loner who is a bit rough around the edges and can best be described as (or at least appearing to be) damaged goods. On the other hand, Sasha is a bit naïve, overly trusting and seemingly happy. She's carelessly (and curiously) open to any sort of company for the simple fact that she wants to curb her boredom (and possibly a slight sexual appetite). What it boils down to is, one seems to have it all, while the other seems to have nothing, but there is something that each of the two characters can gain from one another. 

Now, the distracting part about a film like See the Sea is the fact that it's a thriller of sorts. A thriller is what it's sold as, it's what the blurb alludes to on the home video release and, quite frankly, it's why I watched the movie in the first place. That and it's 52 minutes long. So when you go into the movie itself, there is a preconceived notion of what to expect, but that is not at all what is served up to the viewer. 

While there are some incredibly odd and eyebrow raising occurrences in this film, as well as already being aware that there was something that would "thrill me," See the Sea doesn't come at the audience with its thriller dick in its hand spewing out the usual troupes found within the genre. Everything is sold to the viewer with the subtly of a growing fingernail. There is little to no music or falsely generated tension, and things are allowed to unfold naturally, with moments tossed in that make you wonder where exactly this one is going to end up.

There were no moments where I felt as if I was being told how I should be feeling; I was being allowed to feel it for myself. Thankfully, a lot of what I felt was driven by curiosity and a desire to know where exactly the movie was taking me. See the Sea is not exactly an exciting film, but that's sort of the point. It's realistic in how things progress for the characters, and that reflects greatly in how things progress for the viewer, too. There is no actual foreshadowing in real life outside of possible little clues to who people really are, and that is how See the Sea handles its character's and their individual progressions. 

There's a lot to be said about the two female leads and their respective intricacies in this film, and that's very difficult to discuss in great length as to get too far into either of their psyches could possibly give you an idea of where the film will go, and I would much rather you find that out for yourself. Then we can talk. Either way, See the Sea is a high recommend because it is interesting, it's well put together, it will leave an impact on you, it's artistic, but not at all pretentious, and the ending will make you want to backtrack in your mind with the intention of processing everything that happened before the anti-climax.

Five Scary Ass Bitches

I haven't done a list in what seems like forever, and seeing as lists were something I used to do quite often back when I was still writing for the Willie Aames published, Christian swimming magazine, Holy Diver, I figured it was high time I did a list of some sort. Thankfully, I already had a list of lists that I wanted to do from back then, so I plucked the one that seemed like it would be the most fun. Or the easiest.

So here it is, my list for five of the most frightening women to have ever graced the silver screen, with no numbers, as there is no order in which they stand. Easy enough, right? Okay then…let's shoot this fucker!

 

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Asami Yamazaki

Film: Audition

Portrayed By: Eihi Shiina

What Makes This Bitch So Scurry?!: I have a strong feeling this will be a running theme with this list, but the key to what makes Asami Yamazaki so frightening is just how damned crazy she is. On the surface, Asami is so very delicate, soft-spoken and innocent, however, that facade goes right out the window the moment she feels as if she's been wronged by the one she loves. And to say the methods she uses to cope with her anger are extreme would be a great understatement. Asami is straight up damaged goods, a nut case that has major possessive issues that stem from a childhood almost as fucked up as she is. She is scary because she is unassuming, a none threat, so to see what she is capable of is a grim reminder that anyone is capable of anything if their mind is damaged enough to propel them to do so.    

 

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Kitty Farmer/Mrs. Carmody

Films: Donnie Darko/The Mist

Portrayed By: Beth Grant/Marcia Gay Harden

What Makes These Bitches So Scurry?!: This twofer could be perceived as a cheat, but both Mrs. Carmody and Kitty Farmer are cinematic extensions of one another, with each character having the same goal: to judge, and possibly save, those who do not follow god's plan. It is this judgment and the weight that they and their beliefs carry that make them frightening. They have the power to influence those around them, and that influence carries great consequences for those who are not on the same page as they. While these two women come to very different conclusions in their respective character arcs - with Mrs. Carmody going well over the deep end into a place where all rational sanity is lost - you can see where Mrs. Carmody ends up as being a logical path for Kitty if she too were put in a similar situation. 

 

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Mallory Knox

Film: Natural Born Killers

Portrayed By: Juliette Lewis

What Makes This Bitch So Scurry?!: Much like Asami from Audition, Mallory Knox is shown to have a pretty terrible upbringing, so it's hard not to feel some level of sympathy for her. On the other hand, she knows full well that what she is doing is wrong, yet, she does it anyway. Mallory takes all of the pent up anger and the pain she endured from over the years and vents it right back out and onto others who are as undeserving of having their innocence lost as she did when she was a child. She is a cold-blooded killer with no (or very little) regard for human life, and her drive is pushed forward by an immature selfishness to be free from her childhood oppressions. But what makes her really scary is the fact that Mallory Knox is as sexy as she is deadly, and the pure fact that she is so dangerous makes her even sexier in a strange way. It seems as if it would be very easy to fall victim to her much like the gas station attendant who Mallory bones then quickly kills. 

 

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La femme

Film: Inside

Portrayed By: Béatrice Dalle

What Makes This Bitch So Scurry?!: Seeking to take back what was once accidentally taken from her, La femme is driven by a vengeance to fill the void that was opened when she fell victim to a car accident that caused a miscarriage and the subsequent loss of her child. The idea that she would go after the person that unintentionally caused her loss, with the soul purpose of taking her unborn baby as a replacement, is bonkers, but it is the way in which La femme handles herself that puts her high on the "I just pooped my pants-o-meter." La femme doesn't just kill people that get in her way - she devours them with a ferocity that would make Jason, Freddy and Michael (Myers, not Jackson) take a few steps back to avoid the splatter.  

 

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Annie Wilkes 

Film: Misery

Portrayed By: Kathy Bates

What Makes This Bitch So Scurry?!:

Mentally Unstable: Check

Obsessive Stalker: Check

Strong Like Bull: Check

Everything about Annie Wilkes is terrifying, but what is most unnerving is how she presents herself as this cheery, happy-go-lucky woman who loves nothing more than to read romance novels and chop wood. Annie is clearly living in her own little world, a world where she cannot fully grasp the difference between what is and isn't real. It is the characters and the stories that Paul Sheldon has created in his Misery novels that Annie loves so dearly, however, Annie becomes so attached to the characters that she believes them to be hers and will do anything to keep them just the way she envisions them. If that means taking the author hostage, beating him, drugging him and maybe even hobbling his feet, well, that's just what ya have to do, I guess.

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That about does her. There're plenty of memorable scary female characters that have been brought to life throughout the history of cinema, and these five ladies are but a few of my favorites. Feel free to share your thoughts on my picks and, more importantly, please feel free to share some of your favorite Scary Ass Bitches!

Did Someone Say Halloween?!

There have been sightings recently, small but smile inducing rumblings that Halloween is indeed creeping slowly but ever so surely upon us. I'm trying to keep my excitement at bay for the time being (and it's not easy!), however, our good friends over at Strange kid Club are diving head first into the fray with their first annual Halloween costume contest! 

This is a fantastic idea to get folks into the mood a little early (because Halloween starts in August), and it's also a great way to win yourself a few awesome Halloween related prizes, too!

For the sake of not having to stumble through a summarization of how this whole contest works, I am going to simply pull a copy and paste job from the announcement page over at Strange Kids Club to save myself some thought. I can't waste too much time thinking or else I'll fall asleep. On your lawn. Naked. If you're lucky?   

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"The weather may still be hot outside, but Halloween will be upon us before you know it which can only mean one thing… HOMEMADE COSTUMES!

To celebrate Strange Kids Club is kicking off our very first Halloween Costume Contest, but we need YOU to make it happen. This is your chance to dress up like your favorite monster, ghoul, creep, or superhero for a chance to win some awesome prizes!

One Grand Prize Winner will even walk away with $125 in Halloween-related merchandise including a Nail Mouth Halloween Mask sculpted by Justin Mabry (based on original artwork by David Hartman), Limited Edition Strange Kid T-Shirt illustrated by Glen Brogan, FREE copy of our Halloween Comix Anthology and more!

HOW TO WIN

Entering the SKC Halloween Costume Contest is easy: simply put together the most face-meltingly fearsome (or amazing) costume you can and send us a photo. Oh, and remember to follow these guidelines:

1) You can choose to become anyone or anything including a famous monster, comic book character, video game icon, cartoon character, or something completely original (the more creative your submission the better).

2) You can use store-bought items to make your costume, but the final submission MUST BE homemade (absolutely no off-the-racks costumes). Again, be creative and try to use items in original and interesting ways like having actual salad leaves for your Salad Fingers costume.

3) Have a friend or family member take a photograph of you in costume and send the final submission via email at 150dpi resolution. Please be sure to include your full name, age, address, email, and the name of the character you’re dressed as if applicable. Submissions CANNOT be digitally enhanced or tampered with (that means no Photoshop) at all and should be recent– no digging through the family photo album!

Important: We MUST receive your submission by August 21, 2011.

Selected submissions will be chosen for display on the SKC website or in future printed materials, your entry constitutes acceptance of the terms and conditions below.*

SUBMIT YOUR ENTRY TO:

Email your photo and contest details as described above in to ghostlab.ds@gmail.com"

Check Out The Taint for Free!

Not my taint but The Taint, as in the incredibly offensive, yet grossly funny, independent movie I reviewed back in January. If you want an idea as to if The Taint is something that you could get into, then take a quick refresher course by checking out my review of the movie, then you can make your way over to Vimeo (or even watch it below!) and check out the film for free, in HD, for the rest of the month! IT'S FUCKING FREE!!!

 

Dumpster Diving for Gold Episode 2: DVD Finds

Once again I have returned to bring you yet another VLOG edition of Dumpster Diving for Gold. This time around I will be going over a handful of DVD finds that I recently made during my journeys to hell and back. Hope you like the video, and thanks ahead of time to anyone that actually takes the time to watch it!



Post video thoughts:

This video is so dark, white folk cross the street to avoid it.

I actually dip my toes in hot cocoa to keep them warm.

There is no way The ButterCream Gang will ever let me join with the filth that spills from my mouth.

I have since watched Ghost Dog, and I believe it might be one of my favorite films of all time. For realz.

That's all. Peace be with you.

Polished Poop: Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2 Trailer

I have very mixed feelings about a new Laid to Rest film. The first Laid to Rest was essentially a bag of hot wolf farts, a movie so moronic I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to laugh at how stupid it is or be pissed off at its lack of competence. I generally fell towards the latter when I watched and reviewed the film, though, in retrospect, I now might be able to enjoy the unintentional humor that comes from watching "The Girl" stumble around, spewing nonsense about dead boxes as well as the handful of other ridiculous things that littered a world stalked by a killer named Chromeskull.

Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2 looks to be more of the same based off this first trailer. I'm very surprised to see that Chromeskull (Nick Principe) is still sporting that awkward shoulder cam. More so, he seems to still be using videotape?! Dude, that shit is so 2005, and that's being very generous. From what I remember of him in the first movie, Chromeskull poses about as much of a threat as Gary Coleman does now. With that said, one of the totally awesome things about Laid to Rest are the brutal, and well executed, knife kills courtesy of Chromedome, and I am fully expecting to see the gruesome ante upped in this not at all anticipated sequel.

That stars Brian Austin Green.

I begrudgingly look forward to this sequel, which is odd with my initial reaction to the first film and the bad taste left after witnessing just how poorly the film's director, Robert Hall, took to criticism of it. My expectations are very low, which isn't much of a surprise when we're talking about a Slasher flick that's using its killer's name as the title before the title, when that killer's name isn't Leatherface.