Friday, January 21, 2011

The Taint: Independently Filthy


In a world that has been overtaken by well-endowed, rabid men - with an appetite for crushing in the heads of any female they come across - it's up to Phil O'Ginny (Drew Bolduc) and his female road companion, Misandra (Colleen Walsh), to try to stop the cock-crazed apocalypse that has fallen upon them. That's right. Cock-crazed. Within the first five minutes of The Taint, I was subjected to a close-up shot of some girl's boobies, an old man with shit hanging (and eventually dropping) out of his ass and a dude with a plump pecker spewing Peter North worthy loads like it's no ones business. I cannot honestly say I was too thrilled by this opening (though, I didn't mind the boobies) and immediately went into a mode where I knew I was going to hate what I was watching.

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Going over-the-top is a tricky thing (unless you're Sly, naturally), and a huge problem with many films that do so fail because the only thing they have going for them are their over-the-top elements. And to be honest, being outrageous is not a good basis for quality entertainment - unless you can back it up with something that can actually entertain me. So as I'm sitting back, already waiting for the short 70-minute film to end, I was subjected to a movie that goes well out of its way to alienate, disgust and piss off its viewer. Now, I'm not one to feel any of those emotions with a movie like this, instead, I will simply roll my eyes and wish I were watching something better. However, as the film moved on, and throughout the copious amount of lowball sleaze, I found myself slowly being swayed to the dark side of, The Taint.

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So, as I said, after the opening scene I was ready to say fuck off to this film. Once that's in my head, it takes a lot to bring me back around again, but The Taint did, and it did so by doing one important thing right. It's funny. In fact, it's funny enough to, over the course of its quick runtime, make me even enjoy the outrageous aspects of the movie. But being outlandish isn't what makes The Taint funny. It's the writing - specifically the dialogue - that had me giggling with politically incorrect glee. Lines like: "Damn you! She was so hot!" is blared out by O'Ginny just after he sees his girlfriend's head get bashed in. Or a hysterical impromptu speech O'Ginny makes about his ability to cock-block a group of gang rape hungry men led by his gym teacher (Cody Crenshaw).

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The Taint almost feels like a series of long sketch comedy scenes that all connect to either a character in the film or the apocalyp-dick situation they are in. And even if these vignettes all share a great sense of humor, they are also filled with more than enough pure filth that I'm sure will completely offend most viewers. For example, an abortion by hanger is only allowed if the hanger used is washed with antibacterial soap first. Sick? Sure, but it's too darkly funny for someone like me not to be able to appreciate it. And of course there are plenty of gruesomely outrageous gore effects, most of which come from heads being smashed open in a variety of ways, as well as the infected having their cock heads shot off (head shots, if you will).

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Drew Bolduc (who plays the film's lead, O'Ginny) and Dan Nelson share much of The Taint's thick load, with the two co-directing, producing and each taking on various important tasks to make the film cum to life. Despite my initial reaction to The Taint, they put together a movie that I believe can only play as it is to get the results it does. The humor is brash, disgusting and offensive, but it's smartly written and executed effectively, which is more than I can say for what passes for mainstream comedy nowadays. The Taint ain't for everyone. In fact, it's not even really for me, but that is a testament to the comedic elements found within the pile of cocks, cum, tits and grue.

The Taint is available through the film's official website where you can purchase either a copy of the DVD, download an HD digital copy of the film or get your grove on and check out the great 80s-censtric original OST.


  1. Even though I had watched the trailer beforehand and read the synopsis, I had no idea what to expect. I was weirded out by the opening as well. And then it kicked into high gear with more ridiculous one liners, gore and prosthetic cocks than you shake a stick at. So much zany fun.

  2. When it came in a little pink folded envelope, I set my fazers for terrible, but god damned was I wrong. I havent had that much fun in years, I turned it on for my Christmas party this year so that everyone would get an early Christmas present in the face. That's when I learned that it only plays well with certain crowds.

  3. Welcome to "FRIGHT CLUB"
    You have been selected to be a member, but we do not exist.
    Do not share this with anyone, Frights begin soon...
    Rules are "NOT" there and you need "NOT" join:


    I am not here...

  4. POT: There really is a lot of great humor in the film, and the jokes hit perfectly, too. There are a million and one shitty low grade movies that try and be funny, but fail miserably. The Taint actually made me laugh and I do love me some politically incorrect humor!

    Carl: Ha, yeah, I cannot imagine too many people would find a film like that funny! One of the funniest things is when I watched the movie on my computer, I just so happened to look at my DVD drive, only to see the name of the disc was "cock!" Now that's entertainment!

  5. I struggled with this one. Your review is similar to my thoughts, but I didn't completely warm up to it, but I didn't turn it off either.

  6. It's definitely geared more towards a male audience, specifically the male audience that enjoys humor of the dick and fart joke variety. Though, I think The Taint goes well beyond the simplicity of a dick and fart joke and into a territory that may just be a bit too much for some, and understandably so. It is pretty obnoxious.

  7. When I have to stop reading your reviews to either (a) put my head down in shame (for knowing things I probably should not know), or (b) laugh quietly yet uncontrollably to myself, or (c) do both... At the very least I know I'll enjoy your review more than even the potential of me watching the film in subject.

    Kudos for sitting through the most painful of cinema experiences in recent weeks, even.

    One question while I consider: Does the film have any real point to it besides excessive gore and sex?

  8. Well, to be honest, not at all. There really is no other point outside of it existing for the sake of a good, if not incredibly filthy, laugh. Something that is completely and entirely up to specific tastes, too.

    And now that you mention it, that's two film reviews in a row where there are fake penises involved. I believe my total count it up to 4 films reviewed with such a trait, which is a little worrisome, if not funny!


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