Thanks to a holiday Thursday resulting in an odd day off from work, I'm sowing up to the party a little late tonight due to a complete lack of, well, memory. Yeah, I forgot, but that's what happens when you play Man vs Food: Home Edition three times in a day with the stereotypical American Thanksgiving meal. It tends to take a little out of ya. Either way, what matters is I'm here now, and with me I have brought some serious gold to share with you all.
I actually saw this video posted on someone's Facebook fairly recently, and I instantly knew that I had to use it here, on Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, at some point. As the video's title would suggest, it's a musical version of one of my favorite action films of all time, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Commando! Why don't I stop with the yapping already and let you enjoy the greatness that is, Jenny and Me.
Cook uncovered at 350° for 2 and a half-to-3 hours or until the internal temperature reaches 160°. Let stand for 20 minutes before serving, carve, plate and enjoy! I like mine with gravy.
Happy Thanksgiving from, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.
It is nearly impossible to tell what you're going to get with any micro-budgeted horror film. I have always been a supporter and fan of independent movies in general, especially minimal ones where there are essentially nothing but odds stacked against the filmmakers. Most of the time if someone is making a movie for, say, two thousand dollars, they're making some schlepy zombie film, blowing their load on still bad special effects, essentially making a film for themselves and buddies to laugh at. There was a time when I enjoyed that but not so much nowadays, as it does get a little old. When a fellow blogger, B-Movie Becky of The Horror Effect, posted that she had been working on a horror film with her husband, I jumped at the chance to take a look at the movie and give it a review. But as I said, it was impossible to know what I was getting into beforehand.
Break was made for only two thousand bucks and shot over two weeks time with a lengthy editing process that was wedged in between work and school for co-creators Becky and Nick Sayers. The story starts out simple enough, focusing on a group of kinda-sorta teens heading out to some random secluded house for a bit of the usual debauchery. After a whole lot of wild partying, things start to go down a very strange road for the friends as everything feels a little off about the location and each of the characters start to suffer from violent visions that appear all too real as they are happening. These visions, as well as the environment, have an adverse effect on the group, and soon their friendships are turned into mistrust, and arguments form into something much worse than the usually friendly spat.
While this is all going on, there is a side story involving a young man that has taken a girl hostage and is keeping her tied up in his apartment. The connection to the other set of characters is that the victim is actually dating one of the guys in the group, but besides that, their connection to the story is ambiguous, at first. There is, however, a tie to the story as a whole that treads into spoiler territory, but I will say that in the big scheme of things, there is a lot more going on for all the characters in Break than any one of them could imagine, and their connection serves a major role in how things are to unfold in the conclusion.
How Break starts out and ends as a story, is how it starts and ends as a film in many ways. I wasn't expecting much, to be honest, and how could I with such a meekly budgeted movie. Things jump off in such a way that did not surprise me story wise. Friends hanging out, getting blasted and, even before anything happens, you know that eventually something bad is going to happen to the group. You know…like a masked maniac hacking them to pieces or a two-zombie zombie attack of some sort. With that came a movie that was technically rough around the edges early on, which is to be expected, but as the film moved forward, the technical aspects began to become more competent and a sense of individual style would form. This would also be the case with the story line, which went in a direction that is interesting, bold and quite surprising for a film of such low production cost.
Now, I won't say that Break is without its issues, because it isn't, but these are mostly the types of issues that are due to money and inexperience. Overall, the acting isn't awful for this type of film, but it is obvious that most of the actors are far from professional. With that comes the dialogue, which is standard and nothing too original, and money doesn't necessarily buy good dialogue, but on the flip side, it's not like Johnny Depp was delivering the lines either. Still, a few lines were all too familiar and felt somewhat standard in a way. There are also some scenes with sound issues and messy editing more towards the film's front half, but that seemed to be less of a problem as the movie went along.
One thing I do when watching a no-budget horror film, is I like to look for what was done right. Was there any sort of talent shown or a hint of competency from the filmmakers? Surprisingly, there was, and while it's nothing ground breaking, Break has, as I alluded to earlier, a lot style for such a small movie, and the style is handled quite well. It's virtually impossible to hide incompetence in a movie with a budget this low, and most of the editing, the camera movement and the angles used came together cohesively and felt far from completely amateurish. I wouldn't go as far as to say that the style is nothing I have never seen before, with what appears to be influences from Rob Zombie and a splash of Argento with the use of multicolored lighting gels (which isn't a bad thing, mind you), but it was certainly unexpected and really surprised me.
What I took from Break is the film could definitely be better if there were more time and money, and that's obviously not the case with ultra-indie horror cinema. My complaints are minimal, but I see a movie that does a whole lot for what the filmmakers were granted, and I saw a sense of growth from where the film started, to where it finished. Growth is clearly an important thing when creating anything artistic, and now moving forward, the Sayers have something under their belt that works as a true learning experience and is something that can only lead to stronger movies down the road. But for right now, Break is solid first feature and certainly worth a look for anyone that enjoys low-budget independent horror.
*If you want to learn more about Break, check out the official blog for all news, production history and anything else you may be curious about*
Hey-hey, hangers! It's another Sunday, so I suppose it's time for the freshest edition of, The Horror Hangover. Brought to you by: The impending doom that is Christmas shopping and the alcoholic binge we will all have to go on to deal with all that shit, and Under Armor. It's not the bulkiest of Hangovers, but it will do with a few films of that are of extreme quality and a few that might lack said quality.
We can set our first destination to AMC, where they have a nice little Alien marathon starting at 9:00 with the original Alien, followed by Aliens at 11:30 and rounding out the xenomorphic day is Alien 3 at 2:30. I mean, that's really a decent way to spend your afternoon, and I think the Alien sequels especially make for great hangover food.
Now, we can all join hands and head on over to SyFy for the last few films on today's "short stacked" hangover. Starting us off is a film featuring a little man with a heart of gold, and that would be Leprechaun 3, which is showing at 11:00. You gotta love the Leprechaun films for what they are…fun, fun and filled with lots of puns. Also, this third entry is directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, so you know that it will have something to enjoy. Whether or not it's actually good is another matter.
Last movie for the day is the obnoxiously titled, Wes Craven Presents Dracula III: Legacy, which is making it's way onto TV screens across America at 1:00. I have seen the first two Dracula 2000 set of films, and they were okay enough, I suppose. Who knows what is in store with this one, but I am sure someone out there has an answer for me.
That's all for this episode of, The Horror Hangover. Until next time!
Picking up right where we left off yesterday with Aaron's awesome Rock Opera inspired picks for The Monster Squad, here are my immature choices for your reading pleasure.
Matt's Squad
Sean: Me
Wait, what? What do I mean, me? Well, there are two pretty good reasons for this. First off, Sean was a tough character to recast for some reason. For a second I thought about going with Stephen Dorff, but then I realized that he was too tubby when he was a kid. Though, he is about the right height to play the part now, but whatever, what it really comes down to is Sean is the leader of The Monster Squad, and all I ever wanted (and still want) was to be in and lead The Monster Squad. Simple enough. Plus, Sean was a cool cat and had that rad Stephen King Rules tee-shirt, so if I were to play the role, I would be and have both of those things too.
Patrick: Maria Menounos
Patrick is a boy, I know, but if I'm playing Sean, then my best friend is going to be a girl, not some lame kid wearing Ocean Pacific. Patrick will now be known as Patricia, and my reason for making this best-bud sex-swap is due to the fact that Maria Mentos is wicked hot, and if there were even the slightest chance that we could spend some quality alone time in that sick ass tree house together, without any interruptions form Phoebe the Phoeb, magic could certainly happen between the two of us. Plus, Menudo is a big fan of all Boston sports, something that makes her an easy no-brainer for a best bud.
Horace/Fat Kid: Diane from MTV's Fat Camp
So far I'm doing a terrible job of naming actual actors, and you probably have no clue who the hell Diane from MTV's Fat Camp is, but if you do, then you love this pick! Well, at least I do. Anyways, Horace was always just a poor fat-man's Chunk. Even with one of horror cinema's most recognizable and loved lines of dialogue, Horace is pretty annoying. On the other hand, Diane is also annoying, but she is just as entertaining as she is obnoxious, therefor, she makes the cold cut to play the chunky one. The only issue with this pick, however, is Diane is not allowed in the tree house until she takes a freaking shower.
Rudy: William Smith
Besides Sean, Rudy is the coolest dude in the Squad, and while it was tempting to play duel roles, I figured I should give someone else a chance to play the legendary badass. And what better way than to bring his badassness up to a whole other level by casting the great William Smith. Bodybuilder, military man, stunt man, Marlboro Man and, most importantly, one hell of a tough guy actor. William Smith will bring the Squad a sense of respect that they deserve. Imagine Diane as Fat Kid getting picked on in the school yard for not showering, only to have Smith role up (not peddle up) on his chopper? Kevin's brother would be eating that candy bar alright, but through his ass, not his mouth.
Eugene: David Faustino
Eugene, what a waste of space that kid is. Not cute enough to attract the Phoebe crowd, and not cool enough to smoke butts with Rudy, Eugene is lames McPlains. Now, Eugene was played by one Michael Faustino, who is the brother of my pick, David Faustino, a person that has brought more joy to my life as Bud Bundy than the little Eugene twerp ever could. Also, Bud is only like 19" tall, so he could make for a perfect Eugene. I just hope he brings Kelly up to the club house once in a while.
Phoebe the Phoeb: Keshia Knight Pulliam
It would seem odd picking a black girl to play the role of daughter and sister to a white family, but I think we are all well aware of the rift between Sean's parents. Emily hates that Del is out late working his dangerous job as a cop, leaving her at home to worry about him night after night. Very few people know that this has always been a problem, and on Emily's 32nd birthday, Del was called out from their night on the town to handle a shooting at a near by Dairy Queen, leaving Emily all alone and hammered. Well, alone if you're not counting the shoulder that Emily had to cry on. A shoulder belonging to that of a man named Sapir, who would also later become a cop as well as Del's partner, just so he could stay close to his only child, Phoebe the Phoeb.
Scary German Guy: Christoph Waltz
My pick for Scary German Guy came to me pretty easily. Who in recent memory played a scarier German better than Waltz? What makes this new and improved Scary German Guy a perfect fit is his incredibly outgoing personality, which mixed in with his kick-ass pipe, penchant for cold blooded murder and the fact that he is actually scary, only makes him the perfect fit. Also, the original Scary German Guy was quite fond of delectable desserts as we saw with his quick on the draw production of pie for the Squad. This is something that already comes naturally to the updated SGG with his taste for Strudel with a nice dab of fluffy cream.
Patricia's Sister: Traci Lords
Patricia's sister has to be attractive and Traci Lords has no problem with fitting that bill, but the real reason for my choice is just how ironic it would be. And we all know irony always equals funny, right? Traci Lords as a virgin, I mean, we all know that was only true for a very short amount of time, except, in this new version of The Monster Squad, she actually would be a virgin. How crazy! Now, you might be saying to yourself, if she is a virgin, then that would make a huge impact on the film's ending, right? Nope, because in this version, Patricia's sister is a mute, therefor, she cannot recite the incantations to open the vortex necessary to save the day from the monsters. Bummer.
Count Dracula: Gilbert Gottfried
Most people find Gilbert Gottfried to be annoying, something I can understand, I suppose, but in my narrow minded opinion, I think the man is pure comedy gold. In The Monster Squad, Dracula is the one in charge, the leader, the dude that doesn't play no reindeer games with them punk ass kids (the original punk ass kids, not my new squad, mind you). With Gilbert stepping in, that would add a touch of much needed humor to the character. And he wouldn't even have to try…it would just come naturally. Also, Gottfried is a huge classic horror movie fan and does a spot on (and hysterical) Dracula imitation. He was born for this.
Wolf Man: Fabio
Adding a little sex appeal - outside of the sex appeal that my character brings to the screen, of course - Fabio taking on the role of the Wolf Man works in so many ways. Besides bringing in the middle age female crowd, Fabio could actually play both parts without any make-up whatsoever. As the tortured man, Fabs would simply just wear his hair up in a ponytail. However, when the bad moon rises, that is when his hair is let loose, falling freely all over his body glistening through a suddenly ripped open shirt, leaving him a beast that can only be tamed by women that collect Tupperware.
Frankenstein's Monster: Dikembe Mutombo
This one is pretty easy. I went with a tall dude, but more specifically, I went with a tall dude with a crazy deep and completely frightening voice. No need to doctor his vocals up in post, Dikembe naturally brought that shit like he ate glass covered raisins dipped in razor wire and coated in popcorn kernels.
He has the stature, the perfect build and just the right amount of decay, but you'll never find my choice for the Mummy hiding in any closet at any point. Instead of bandages, I imagine Waters as the mummy would be covered in tacky ties, wearing a pair of sunglasses and still having that pencil-thin mustache, even with out his upper lip. And of course he would entertain all the other monsters with witty and flamboyant anecdotes about his old trashy Hollywood friends. He could give Dracula a hard time about his drab attire, telling him that he really needs to incorporate some plaid or a little paisley in his wardrobe. It would truly be fabulous.
