Considering the source of this blog's name, along with my intense love for the man and what he means to film fans such as myself, there has sadly been little-to-no Chuck Norris action on this blog. That is, until now. How, or why I never knew about this clip until I accidentally stumbled upon it recently, is beyond me, as this clip is the literal definition of gold. Shit, it just might be platinum. Like my fronts. As you can tell from the title of the You Tube clip that I have provided below, it's Chuck Norris vs. a bear, as in, a bear that lives in the woods and eat bitch asses for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Luckily, Chuck ain't no mark-ass buster, so this furry fool is in for the fight of it's life. Let's see how this unfolds…
Phenomenal, right?! I cannot help but wonder if the bear is thinking, "bad idea," after shit starts to get hectic and Norris' beard fluffs up as he goes into full-on defense mode. There are a few moments there, where it's not even totally clear as to whom the bear is, then again, Norris is technically a bear, just not the kind that eats porridge and shit. Even Chuck's fine ass dime piece gets a little thrown for a loop, as she picks up this fucking branch and then just stands there, trying to figure out which furry bastard to hit. It would have been great if Chuck and the bear would both be yelling to the girl "Hit him, he's the bear!" "No, I'm Chuck, hit him!"
Now, there are a few key moments in this video, one which comes at 25 seconds and the other, at 47 seconds. However, while the 25 second mark is amazing, it's at 47 seconds where you will witness the greatest moment to ever happen in all the history of celluloid. Go ahead, go back and re-watch the clip just to see those moments again…totally worth it. I could watch this video on a loop for the next 20 years, complete with a colostomy bag, and one of those helmets that hold beer cans.
With an extremely low budget of just over one hundred thousand dollars, Dawning tells a very simplistic story, but it is one that is filled with intense character development created by a family stricken with inner turmoil. Director Gregg Holtgrewe (who also co-wrote with Matthew Wilkins) uses his budgetary limitations positively to craft a film that does what many films with much bigger budgets lack, and that is characters with depth. The film centers on Chris (Jonas Goslow) and Aurora (Najarra Townsend), two siblings who take a late night trip out to a secluded cabin in the woods to visit their father Richard (David Coral) and stepmother Laura (Christine Kellogg-Darrin). Right off the bat it's clear that the family suffers from a troubled past, but it is a troubled past that many of us can very much relate to.
They are a family that has gone through a divorce, causing a slight rift between both Aurora, Chris and their father, and they are doing their best to ignore it. Richard is also a recovering alcoholic, and while it is not clear as to the implications of his past drinking problem, it is very obvious that it was and still is a problem for the family. These issues begin to surface when the family dog goes missing, only to be found wounded deep in the woods. Much to the chagrin of Chris and Aurora, Richard decides the best thing to do is to put the family pet down to relive it of its suffering, even forcing a reluctant Chris help him do so.
It's around this time that things take a frightening turn for the family when a stranger (Danny Salmen) breaks into the house and holds them captive. The stranger, who has clearly been physically harmed, claims that there is a force out in the woods, a force that killed his girlfriend and means all of them harm. Now, the family is forced to deal with a man that might be out to hurt them, and the possibility that there is a threat lurking in the surrounding woods. Is he crazy, or is he telling the truth and what should they be afraid of?
Dawning's premise, in a nutshell, is just that and for much of the film; the family is divided as to what to do in the situation with which they are faced. They are forced with the possibility that the stranger could harm them, but if he is telling the truth, there could be something much worse. This brings about and expands the parallels of each character that was slightly hinted to before things went awry. Personal demons, past family trauma and a lack of trust all collide and come bubbling to the surface as the family is put in this dangerous situation.
This is a film that keeps from explaining exactly what is happening to the family and the stranger, but there is a threat, and it is never made clear as to what that threat is. What was somewhat clear, to me is the family and their lack of stability may have something to do with their unknown antagonist. I will not get into my theories as to keep this review spoiler free, but it was something that I found to be very interesting.
While it may move a little slowly for some, It's nice to have a low budget film make up for it's lack of money for special FX and cheap scares, take the time to focus on the characters and their interactions with one another. Many of us can relate to this family as they have problems that are universal, and the mixture of their family drama and threat at hand are done very well. All of the actors do a convincing job portraying what is somewhat heavy material, and I think that part of it may come from the relatable subject matter.
Dawning is a film that burn's slow and keeps things simple with it's great cabin in the woods location, minimal characters and basic premise. It is a well-made film, low budget or not, and looks quite impressive on all technical fronts with decent lighting, tight editing and nice camera work to convey a terrific sense of atmosphere. There is solid tension throughout as the family are never sure what’s exactly causing all of this to happen, and the rift between the family members only builds upon that tension. Having such complex and deep characters is what makes Dawning a great little independent horror film that stands out from the pack, and I can only highly recommend seeking it out.
If I really like an independent horror film, or any independent film for that matter, I will always push as many people to see it as possible and this would be the case with Dawning. So I urge you to check out the film's official website for more info. Also, baby eater extraordinaire, Cortez the Killer, did a fantastic interview with the movies director, Gregg Holtgrewe, over at Planet of Terror some time back, so make sure to check that out too.
It would be an understatement to say that this week's edition of The Horror Hangover is scant, however, there was just enough on TV this afternoon to warrant doing a post. So, on the show shall go!
Starting off this fine day, SyFy takes the piss out of mother earth with a slew of natural disaster films. First, things get twisted at 11:00, with Atomic Twister (2002), followed by Earthstorm (2006) at 1:00, and finally, the day takes a rocky turn for the worse, with Asteroid (1997) at 3:00. I usually do not include SyFy natural disaster films in the hangover, but I did want to have some sort of option for you all this afternoon. It could be worse, I guess, but not much.
It isn't until 2:00 when things finally pick up with Snakes on a Plane (2006), courtesy of FX. This is one where television edits almost work in favor of the film, just for the pure fact that the dialogue is actually much more entertaining than a person simply swearing. Fun movie that is always good to drop in on at any point during it's runtime.
Thank heaven for AMC, who brings out the big guns with The Terminator (1984) at 2:30. The Terminator is one of my favorite films and an 80's classic. A pitch perfect genre mixture of sci-fi, horror, action, and Schwarzenegger, who as the T-600 is truly frightening. Amazing movie that still holds strong to this day (much more so than T2), The Terminator is definitely my pick of the week!
Already 4:00 and the Hangover is winding down, and it's not ending on a good note either when, I Know Who Killed Me (2007) is pooping all over TV screens thanks to Lifetime Movie Network. I haven't seen this film, but have heard nothing but awful things about it, which honestly makes me super curious to the point that I kind of want to see it. However, I cannot fathom that this film actually made it into theaters after viewing this trailer. It totally should've been a made for Lifetime movie, so it is fitting that it's on that network's movie channel. The film really should have been called, I Know Who Killed My Career and the big reveal in the end would be that it was LL all along, or her drug dealer. Either one works for me. I know one of you have seen this film, so fess up and give me the goods!
As I said, slow goings this afternoon, but at least there was something on to watch, so the day isn't a total bust. Either way, hope you all have a wonderful day, and an even better evening filled with butterfly kisses on your nose. Oh, how it tickles!
Steering about as far away from the hip-hopsplosion of last week's Dance Party as possible, this Friday's track attack is vastly more serious and much darker, to say the least. And despite the title of this post, this one doesn't really make for a good dance tune, unless you're on LSD, then you should be okay. So, gear up folks and prepare to have your senses assaulted visually, and audibly with, Burn!
Written by Trent Reznor and performed by Nine Inch Nails, Burn was written for the 1994 Oliver Stone film, Natural Born Killers. It was specifically written for the film, which is very obvious, as Burn is a perfectly intense, brooding, and chaotic song that is tailor-made for a movie like Natural Born Killers. Definitely a spot-on pairing of musician and film to create something that, still to this day, is relevant, as well as somewhat uneasy. The video, which echoes the sporadic and powerful imagery that flashed across screens in the movie, is extreme and passionate, with it's flashing images of beauty, and horror.
As for the movie itself, I'm a huge fan of Stone's slightly pretentious, overly in-your-face, social commentary about media, television, and the negative influence they have on a society hungry for violence. Obviously, much of what Stone was touching on with the film, rings even truer now than it did back in 1994 with the near take over of media and the need to consume it by so many. Plus, Wayne Gale is gonna put a hot pepper up your ass when he gets home, so that alone makes the film tops in my book. Great film, great song, and a great video, but not as great as, TOP THAT!
I have an XTREME triple dose of Paracinema madness for you all today! First, I posted a review of the 1962 horror classic, Carnival of Souls, which you can read at Paracinema…The Blog. Head over and check out what I thought of the film and if I myself consider it a classic or not.
Before you take off to read that sick review of Carnival of Souls, I have another nice and warm slice of greatness to serve you today. There is a brand new issue of Paracinema on the horizon, issue 9 to be exact and it promises to pound a whole lot of awesome into your noggin. That should be clear by the dope cover art. Some of the features in this newest issue include:
In Space, What You (Almost) Hear is Ka-ching!: The Genius Film Marketing and Knuckleheaded Toy Merchandising of Alien by Todd Garbarini
The Death and Life of Cinema: An interview with Joe Dante by Brian Saur
Emanuelle, Transnationality and the Cannibalisation of Cultures by Ben Buckingham
How Hannibal Lecter Helped me Through a Difficult Time in my Life by Jessie Robie
Australia’s Hollywood Pioneers and those who followed by Bruce J. Patience
Devastating Color: Horror and magic in Herschell Gordon Lewis’s The Wizard of Gore by Madelon Hoedt
And that is just the beginning of all the greatness that will be found in issue 9!
That's not all I got for ya today kiddies…on an extra incredible side note, if you pre-order this new issue between now and April 18th, you will be entered to win one of FIVE copies of James Gracey's upcoming book, Dario Argento! Now, that is truly XTREME beyond all that is known to man and you would be cah-razy to miss out on the magazine, as well as the chance to win a book you should buy anyways!
Tony is a snapshot into the life a lonely-loser fittingly named, Tony. In essence, Tony is a middle-aged dork, a guy that wants to make friends, but no one cares to befriend him. He has a very oily DJ Conner inspired hairdo, a rapist stache, unflattering glasses, and an overall wimpy demeanor. But most importantly, Tony is also a serial killer.
Directed by Gerard Johnson, Tony is a London based film that has no actual storyline. Much of the film's runtime is spent with Tony as he goes about his daily routine, which includes a copious amount of action films, awkward attempts to build relationships, and of course, the occasional murder. Some compare this film to Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and that comparison is only slightly accurate. The film is a character study of a serial killer, but only as deep as the character goes in his life as it is at this moment in time - meaning there is no back-story as to why Tony is how he is. There is no explained history of a terrible childhood, abuse, or anything along those lines, instead, the viewer is left to their own device as to how Tony became this way.
Brilliantly played by Peter Ferdinando, Tony is not a character that is likeable, nor is he someone that you can completely hate either. He really tries to make friends with people, but his awkwardness is a turn off to potential friends, as well as making him an easy target for more dominant males. As I mentioned beforehand, Tony is a huge fan of action films, which really plays into Tony's character in many ways. He has a clear obsession with masculinity, an attribute which he himself does not possess, but clearly wishes he did.
Tony also has a habit of hanging out at gay bars, which mixed in with his tough guy movie fetish, may lend one to believe he is a homosexual. However, when faced with any sort of actual homosexual interaction, he wants nothing to do with it. This could be looked at as a motivation for his murderous tendencies, as he is tortured by the sexuality that he denies, but I personally do not think that is necessarily the case. He is constantly trying to make friends and the only people that seem to be interested are people that can benefit from Tony (he also hangs out with some scummy drug dealers at one point). The guys he meets in the gay clubs are under the influence, so they are horny and willing to hang with anyone in their intoxicated state, even Tony. And Tony is fully aware of this.
He just wants to have some one to hang out with, someone to watch Death Warrant with, but no one really wants to do those things with Tony, and that is where he losses his grip. Another motivator for his part time occupation as a serial killer comes from his own lack of male dominance in a socially acceptable way. When Tony murders someone, it makes him feel like a man, a man that can overpower another man by taking his life. Tony becomes the dominant one. He doesn't appear to be crazy, Tony never snaps, and he barely shows signs of insanity, unless he is actually attacking someone, but even then, he is mostly calm.
Tony is Johnson's first feature length film and he does an admirable job for such a green director. Tony is reportedly very low in budget, but looks quite good and the London location has a perfectly gritty aesthetic for Tony to prowl. Most of the camera work is following Tony around in an almost documentary type of way, and there are some nice looking long shots that take in all of Tony’s urban surroundings. The best use of location in the film is actually in Tony's apartment, as it is so plain and unpleasant, that you cannot help but feel a little creeped out by the setting in which he lives.
While I wouldn't call Tony a scary film, there are some affectively creepy moments that made me feel very awkward along with the characters involved. It's a very uncomfortable film at times, but Tony is an uncomfortable character. There isn't even a whole lot in terms of kills, or brutality, and the film's strength all comes from the character of Tony and Ferdinando's fantastic performance, as well as some of the technical aspects of the movie. There are also some humorous moments that are funny in the darkest of ways, meaning that they won't make you laugh out loud, but you'll appreciate them for being there.
Tony is a film that has no real plot, has poorly executed confrontation, no resolution and basically, no purpose. However, the film exists to act as a window into the life of a serial killer and in a way, a person that could very well be in any of our lives without us knowing it. He's the unassuming killer who is not looked at as a threat, which is the scariest kind I would assume. Tony is an interesting character study that foregoes basic act structure to focus on the mind of a lonely man and mostly does so in a somewhat successful way.
Rarely do I post only one single trailer, but I wanted to spend a little extra time and give this first look at Resident Evil: Afterlife, the attention it deserves (?). So, if you haven't seen the trailer (or even if you have), check it out, then I'll meet you right after to talk about what we saw! Kay?
Alright, there is quite a bit to take in with this one, so I'm going to go over a few key things that stand out for me in this trailer. Fittingly, these things are the definition of what the series is and has been, which can almost be broken up into two categories.
I'll start with the good…
Mila Jovovich: Of course, the first thing to mention is seeing the return of Mila Jovovich, who is maybe the biggest draw for most fans of the series. She still looks great and I can feel comfortable in assuming that she will be whopping dat ass in style, as she always does.
Style: Something else I noticed was the visual style of the film. There are a few key shots that look stunning, namely the shot of the Hollywood sign and the one when Alice is jumping from the rooftop. It's an awesome look and the colors and texture almost look like the mate painting backgrounds of yesteryear.
REAL 3-D: I have a major distaste for the need to use the third dimension in EVERY film that comes out. As it was in the 80's, it has become nothing but a gimmick and a means to get the unsuspecting to spend way too much money for a movie that gains nothing from the "next level in cinema!" However, most of these films that are so called 3-D, are imposter conversions of the format and look terrible, but when a movie is crafted specifically for 3-D, it will no doubt look fantastic. Plus, it is that super duper 3-D being used, which we'll be coming back to a little later on.
MONSTERS!: The last thing that really stuck out was that badass gigantic dude with that burly axe (who I believe is from the fifth game in the series), who looks like he could make up for the folly that was Nemises in Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
Now, those are some of the positive things about this trailer, next I'll go over the corny and very stereotypical, yet awesome, aspects of the trailer...
Blu Blockers: In a completely original move, there's a dude that throws his super-cool sunglasses at the camera and for the fullest effect, it's done in slow-mo. I am fully expecting that they will explode all up in, or land perfectly on, someone's face. Either way is fine with me.
Flip You!: I noticed that there's a run-up-a-wall to back-flip, to land-on-knee, look-up, ready-to-pounce move. Always a classic and a staple of any cheesy action movie.
Born to Run: I saw at least one shot with characters running away from an explosion. I have a feeling that this will happen at least 19 times in Afterlife…anything less, would be a felony.
Trinity Who?: Notice that jumping through a window, while shooting a gun in slow-mo Matrix move? Me too, but Afterlife is upping the ante by having TWO people jump through a window, shooting guns in slow-mo! Whoa.
We Will Rock You!: I'd be silly if I didn't mention there is some much needed, thumpin' techno rock music, just to add a little edge!
REAL 3-D: Now, how do I know that Resident Evil: Afterlife is doing 3-D the right way? Well, that might have something to do with the TRIPLE NAME DROP!!! of James Cameron, Vincent Pace and the Fusion Camera System. Shit is epic and so awful all at the same time.
In the end, Resident Evil: Afterlife looks like it will be ridiculous and silly, but completely fun and entertaining…which is the case with all the films in the series. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this trailer (and the film), whether or not you think I'm right, or that I'm completely out of my mind. I'll go with the latter based off the fact that I just wrote 700 words about a Resident Evil trailer.
