Baby Babble: Lost the Fight With My Private Parts

For some incredibly awful and soul crushing reason, the other night I accidentally deleted the draft of my review for Fight For Your Life, a draft that was complete and over 950 words. It sucked wicked bad and I'm so irked that it happened that I’m not even going to bother rewriting it. I honestly feel like I lost a part of me with that post and it’s one click disappearance. I use windows live writer, but I clearly need to start saving things to blogger as well as live writer in case something like this happens again. To make things worse, my internet has been sporadically acting wiggity whack (thus, the lack of posts), so I haven't been able  to even get online to look at naked pictures when I want to. Seriously lame.

On a much less lame front, Carl from the wonderful land of I like Horror Movies had a little contest a few months back to thank his readers and supporters. I won and of course I was really happy about this because there is nothing better than free movies (well, except maybe pancakes). The prize pack that I received consisted of an awesome mini-scale replica of the Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors (which sits nicely on one of my DVD  shelves as seen above!) made by Carl himself and two brand spanking new DVD’s! The first is a film from 2001 titled Blood Moon and the second is Paul Bartel's Private Parts, which is the film I reviewed for the March issue of BThroughZ. It's an interesting read for an interesting movie and I want to thank Carl for my discovery of this odd little Exploitation/Horror film.

So, head over to BThroughZ and please check out my review, as well as the other great content found within the newest issue. And if anyone has ever seen Fight For Your Life, please, let me know what you thought of it.  

ATTENTION!!! This is future Matt-suzaka, and sadly BThroughZ no longer exists, so here is a link to my review of Private Parts which is now located on the very blog you are reading! Enjoy! CLICK HERE!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party: In My Mind's Eye Edition!

For this week's edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, I had to travel through time to bring you all this hot little ditty from the past. Fresh off the meat rack, this dope track is going to bring you way back, to a time when shit was far from whack! And that time is 1985, and the song in question is Head Over Heels as featured in 2001's time travel cult classic, Donnie Darko.

Head Over Heels was performed by British pop rock band, Tears for Fears and written by band mates Curt Smith and Jon Cryer lookalike, Roland Orzabal. Originally released in 1985 on the album, Songs from the Big Chair, Head Over Heels was one of many major hits from the band in both their native country, as well as in the States. Anyone in my age range remembers the song and band quite well, but I think the song was slightly forgotten about until this notorious scene rolled across screens in Donnie Darko.

In what is one of my all time favorite scenes, Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly, wrote and choreographed the segment specifically with Head Over Heels in in mind. With only the music playing, the one continuous sequence introduces the vast inhabitants of Donnie Darko's world perfectly. In the span of two and a half minutes, you have a basic character introduction for a dozen or so characters, all executed in a natural and simplistic fashion. In that two and a half minutes, you know who is who, who they are, and how they fit into the world created by Kelly. Brilliant scene and one of the best of the last decade, in my opinion. And the song, well, the song is just fantastic to top things off, and no matter how great the scene is, it is Head Over Heels that really seals the deal.

FreeDUMB of Speech?

Something was recently brought to my attention that I really thought should be shared with my readers/lovers/fellow bloggers. Something that I found to be quite disturbing. No, it has nothing to do with blog contest nominations, or killer whales THAT KILL, or even the "I am a motherfucker!" bus brawl. Nope, it has to do with a certain criticism that has resulted in quite the internet mess for a certain blogger.

This all started back in the middle of January when Dangerous Jamie posted a critical piece on a UK Horror magazine over at his blog, Let’s Get Dangerous. The post was titled An Open Letter to Gorezone Magazine and was just that, an open letter to the editors of the Gorezone, stating what issues he took with the magazine in question.

This open letter has spawned something of an internet frenzy for Jamie and his blog, mainly because he and his blog have been attacked for his critical comments. There are 176 (and counting…) comments on the post in question, many of which are filled with hateful remarks towards Jamie, his blog and his defenders. Remarks that are filled with violent threats, insults about weight and appearance, homophobia and ill wishes for Jamie’s physical wellbeing. You know, nice things.

Now, I have read the piece and being that I read many reviews and criticism of books, movies, etc…as well as write critical reviews of movies myself, his open letter was anything but a viscous attack on the magazine. He pointed out that there were a lot of grammatical errors to be found in each issue, and he questioned the magazine’s content choices as well as it’s depiction of women. In my very reasonable opinion, he did this in a completely respectable fashion, pointing out some positive aspects of the mag as well.

I have read the magazine in the past, but only a few times, so to be fair, I cannot say whether or not Jamie’s criticisms are true. But what is true, is it’s Jamie’s criticism, his opinion, and he is completely allowed to have an opinion as do you and I. That is where things get a lot sketchier and quite shocking.

Unless Jamie takes down the post, Gorezone has threatened legal action, claiming that his constructive criticism was slanderous and a defamation of character. They are also threatening copy right infringement for his use of a photo that he had in the post, a photo that he found on Google (but has since removed) and is legal to use in the context of a review. Now, this is UK law, so it’s obviously not the same as America, but considering that Gorezone is a horror movie magazine that partakes in critical reviews and are going after someone over a negative review, is a little disheartening.

This is where my big issue comes from. First of all, the thought that someone is being attacked for having an opinion is unacceptable, especially when that opinion is a fair one and not given in a hateful tone. Second, someone be bullied for their opinion is incredibly cowardly and if Shock Till You Drop did the same thing as Let’s Get Dangerous, would this be happening? Hell. No. Gorezone is using threats to force someone to remove their fair opinion, threats that have absolutely no ground. They cannot sue him. If they did, they sure as hell wouldn’t win.

They don’t want to go to court. That's why they’re threatening him, they want to scare him into removing the post. As a blogger, the thought that anyone would try and censor me, is a thought that shouldn’t be. And heaven forbid anyone ever try to. Using clout and false power to push around the little guy is flat out unfathomable as well as a form of bullying. This would be like the filmmakers behind Automation Transfusion threatening me because I trashed their movie, and that thought is sickening.

Besides the legal threats, Jamie claims that 15 of the commenters that left the crude and hate filled remarks on his post are from the same IP address. An address that links back to Gorezone. It’s very easy to track back IP addresses, I have yours right now, so this is something that could very well be true. Still, this is Jamie’s claim, not fact, but it is something that could easily be proven if need be.

What is fact, though, is that one of the administrators at GZ’s forums has not one, but two sticky posts that pertain to this particular subject matter. These posts are very misleading and state that the “blogger” attacked Gorezone, it’s staff and it’s readers. Something that would only be intended to rile up GZ fans indirectly, by playing the victim role. There is even someone that has gone on the GZ forums claiming to be Jamie and has made negative remarks, thus stirring the pot even more.

Why is Gorezone so offended by one blogger’s thoughts? I have no clue, but what they are doing is wrong in so many ways and they are doing nothing but hurting their reputation by treating a horror fan and a budding critic the way they are. I have no ill will or any issue with Gorezone the magazine, or anyone involved, but I do take issue with how they are handling such a situation. From an outsider's perspective, they are clearly in the wrong.

I know this post is a bit long, but I think this is something that's important to everyone of us for a variety of reasons, thus my reason for sharing. I encourage you to read the post, some of the comments, and the GZ forum posts. I have shared my opinion, and now I ask you: Is Jamie’s post deserving of threatened legal action?

The Horror Hangover

Well, it’s Sunday afternoon, your dry heaving, your lungs feel like you smoked ten packs of butts, and your underwear is on backwards…that must mean it’s time for The Horror Hangover!

First up on the karate chopping block, comes a day of Stephen King made for TV mayhem over at SyFy. Starting out with part one of Stephen King’s The Langoliers (1995) at 9:00, followed up with the conclusion at 11:00. If you’re still hankering for some King action after The Langoliers, Part one of Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers (1993) is on at 1:00, with it’s conclusion at 3:00. That’s a 9-5 day of King, a full day of madness, if you will.

 

 

If you aren’t down with the crown, then ABC Family put's 'em in a body bag with an all day marathon of Karate Kid movies! Kicking things off with William Zabka’s The Karate Kid (1984) at 10:00, followed by The Karate Kid Part II (1986) at 12:30, then moving onto The Karate Kid Part III at 3:00, and finally finishing things off with The Next Karate Kid (1994) at 5:30. I love The Karate Kid…it’s a fact. The first two films are just fantastically fun movies that I hold near and dear to my heart and I still want to get my self a yellow outfit like the one Chozen wore, just so I can show up to parties on a zip line. I even love the third movie, but that is in a more cheesy, American Ninja way. Fourth film? Eh. Seriously, dude…there is no better way to spend a day feeling like Miyagi after a night of sake, than to spend it with The Karate Kid!

 

Alright, now that the all-dayers are out of the way, we can move onto Assault on Precinct 13 (2005), which is playing on FX at 10:30. It’s not a terrible movie by any stretch, but it is a remake that added nothing to what was done (with very little) in the original. It is the prime example of a remake that has no real purpose, but it’s watchable and Drea de Matteo is pretty hot. Ethan Hawke can eat it, though. Why does that guy get movie roles?

 

At 2:05, IFC is showing Primer (2004), a film I have never seen, but really want to, as I have heard very good things about it from many people. It’s a complex micro-budget Science Fiction film about time travel and at a scant 77 minutes, Primer is honored with my pick of the week. And just an FYI, it’s also available on Netflix instant view for anyone that doesn’t get a chance to check it out today.

 

3:00 has us finishing off our day with a wet fart, with Escape From L.A. (1996) on AMC. ‘Cause nothing says movie classic, quite like Escape From L.A.! The movie is such a pile, but I can’t help but get a kick out of Snake surfing and playing a little b-ball!

 

Okay baby boomers…I’m out of here. I have to go put on my gi and get ready for the Karate Kid marathon, so I’ll see you all on the flip side!

Mr. T’s Friday Night Dance Party!

Ya know, since Clubber Lang is the Monster of the Week and all, why not go all the way and make this edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party a special one, by having the one and only, Mr. T bring the beats and rhymes like only he knows how! Many of you have probably seen this, but if you haven’t, it is filled with more gold than an R. Kelly shower. Just when you thought it was okay to tell ma dukes what a hoe she is, Mr. T steps in to let you know that you should Treat your mother right!

This badass entry into the Hip-Hoposphere is taken from the 1984 motivational video, Be Somebody... or Be Somebody's Fool! It was a video meant to teach kids about respect for their elders as well as respect for themselves. Be Somebody…or Be Somebody’s Fool! was actually produced by Topper Carew, who just so happened to be the writer/producer on the cult classic, D.C. Cab – so it’s clear that when T and Carew got together, magic was made by the cock load.

There are so many things that rule about Treat your mother right, starting off with the very first line where the softball player takes a jab at the little kid by saying that he couldn’t be anymore than five. Now that’s just taking things a little too far right there. Still, I think his ear's sticking out rebuttal is what wins the battle for the little kid, but we’ll never know how it could’ve played out due to T interfering with the big girl’s impending mother joke. There are a few things that I have personally taken from this fine video and made a part of my life. First, make sure to give your mom back massages while wearing weight lifting gloves…one day that could lead to still living at home when you’re 45. Also, take the groceries in for her already! She needs to keep her back strong for when she is auditioning your new father already! And lastly, I couldn’t help but notice that Mr. T, circa this video, would have made for a fine addition to the Sleepaway Camp crew of scantly clad males. Mr. T does not approve of this post.

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

Some monster are driven by a deep seated anger and rage that comes from having a tough and unfair childhood spent on the streets - some find a way to get that anger and hatred out in a socially acceptable way. Having an outlet, such as boxing to get the anger out is a good thing, but it doesn’t make the person less the Monster if they are driven by hurting others without remorse. Some aren’t able to take the negative experiences of a past difficult life and turn them into something positive for others with their success.

This is the case with this week’s Monster, so without any further ado, the Monster of the Week is…

James "Clubber" Lang!

Appearing in 1982’s Rocky III, James “Clubber” Lang is the opponent and antagonist to the great Rocky Balboa. Clubber Lang is an angry man, and as he works his way up the boxing ranks, his anger is fueled by watching Balboa win frivolous title matches against weak and lesser opponents. He see’s someone at the top that in his eyes doesn’t deserve it and it just makes him all the more upset. Lang is played by the great Mr. T and I think I need not explain who that man is (loved his cereal), but I will say that his performance in Rocky III is quite fantastic. We know that Mr. T was a real life tough guy, that’s what got him the role in Rocky III, but the real T is one of the kindest and most noble people to work in film and television, and that is evident from his positive messages to children over the years. His real life persona almost mirrors that of Lang in a sense, but he decided to make a positive impact, instead of a negative one with his success.

Mr. T is as far from Clubber Lang as it gets and that is what makes him so great in the movie…Lang is incredibly intimidating and he’s as scary as a broken condom. Rocky Balboa has faced many antagonists, but what separates Clubber Lang from the rest of the pack is he never shows any signs of kindness, nor is he apologetic for his negative actions. He is just a mean dude that only wants to knock the block off Rocky Balboa out of hatred and jealousy. Even Ivan Drago wasn’t that bad of a guy and in the end, he showed signs of couth, giving respect for Rocky as a fighter, which eventually led to the end of the cold war. Thank god.

Totally Tubular Trailers!

I’ve been battling sickness all week and just when I think I’m all better, I wake up feeling crummy again. It sucks and it’s wicked difficult to focus on writing shit when I feel like butt, but feeling crappy and writing a little less gives me the chance to just sit at the computer and search the internets for interesting trailers. So here are a few that caught my attention that I wanted to share with all you lovely ladies and germs.    

 

First up is the trailer for Lost for Words. Written and directed by Sean Wainsteim, Lost for Words is a fairytale of sorts, but no real plot details are available at this time. It is described by Wainsteim as: a love letter to the time I spent in the library as a child, immersing myself in books, illustrations, music, performance and puppetry that led to a lifelong fascination with storytelling. How endearing. The trailer is quite fascinating and the visual style, as well as the production values are very eye catching. Definitely something to look forward to.   

 

Next up is a trailer for the Malaysian horror film, Killer Clown. Now this promises to be completely awful, but more than likely, utterly entertaining. As seen with movies like Student Confidential and The Room, you know you’re getting into something special when a film is written, produced, directed, and staring the same guy, and that guy is Julian Cheah. Bathe in the badness!

 

Next is the trailer for Centurion, an epic sword and sandal film from genre favorite, Neil Marshall. The movie takes place during the war between Roman soldiers and Pict tribesmen during the 2nd century Roman conquest of Britain, and is promised by Marshall, to be very bloody and brutal! Magnolia/Magnet Releasing announced just today that they have acquired the U.S. rights to Centurion and will release it as part of their Six Shooter Film Series, which includes the sadly truncated U.S. release of Red Cliff and one of my top films of last year, Bronson. Marshall has proven to be one of the best horror/cult directors working today, so this is a film that I am definitely excited for and with it being picked up by Magnet, it should be seeing a VOD as well as a limited theatrical release very soon.

 

In tiny trailer news, here is the super quick teaser for Jorge Jaramillo and Luis Fernando Mora’s, Play with Me (Juego Conmigo). The film is described as a psychological horror film that concerns “a number of individuals drawn into a world of living childlike nightmares.” Intriguing and even though the teaser is only 20 seconds, it is certainly worth noting. 

 

Last trailer for the day comes from Someone's Knocking At the Door, which is set for a DVD release on May 25th. Written and directed by Chad Ferrin and staring Noah Segan, Someone's Knocking at the Door is a throwback to over the top Grind house cinema and blends a slew of off kilter genres. I really like this trailer a lot – the film looks incredibly strange and I enjoy how the music is used in it too.

That does it for this go around kiddies, hope you saw something new, something cool, and something that interests you, in this batch of Totally Tubular stew!