WHAT!?!?!?! Still, Nothing for That Purdy Smile of Mine?

Well, it would appear that love certainly is in the air and the awards and memes are going around faster than H1N1 at an airport. Now, just one post ago – you know, the one right below this one, I was given and gave out so many awards that my ass started to swell from shaking it so much in celebration.

A lot of people that I have awarded this time and in times past have awarded me once again and I thank them for that so dearly, but I don’t think I could do a follow up post for each one because that would take FOREVER! Or at least a few hours, either way, long enough and I already did my post for those awards, so I’m covered.

I did get a new one, however and it’s a pretty dope one to be exact and one I do not already have and the requirements are much easier this time around. The award – the Zombie Chicken Award and it is described as it says in the following…

The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words.

Cah-razy! This award of excellence was given to me by a man often known as the sexiest man in all of blogging – outside of me, of course and that man is B-Sol, or Brian (if we’re not going by our Hip-Hop names!) of The Vault of Horror. Brain has been a great friend of CNAMB and his support is appreciated more than he will ever know…so thank you Brain.

Now, on to five blogs that are great! As I said in the last post, I do not want to list any blogs that I have given awards to in the past. Since I read so many deserving blogs, I would rather spread the love to all of them – the only tough part is picking which ones and making sure I haven't mentioned them in the past. So my five picks for the Zombie Chicken Award goes to…(Zombie Chicken Drumstick role?)

In Nervous Convulsion Great newer blog by my good friend, Heaven’s Trash.

Movie Feast Which has a few authors, but Doug Tilley is the main beast of this great blog.

Fascination With Fear I am fascinated by Chris Hadden’s fascinatingly awesome blog!

The Gore Gore Girl XXX through a feminist lens Sleazy! And I love it, Gore-Gore Girl brings the nekkid movies to dizzying heights in this super fun blog.

Zombots! The Dive Mistress breaks it down with an awry of horror subject matter in this final and amazing blog pick!

There you go…awards for even more award worthy blogs. Thanks to all that have been supporting CNAMB and thanks to B-Sol for doing his thing and for loving me in a way that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable.

What? No Award for Prettiest Smile?!

The ugly brown looking blog you are reading right now has been given an award from our very good friend Geof of Enter the Man Cave. It is the Kreativ Blogger award for Kreativity (so hip-hop sounding!) and CNAMB is proud to have been loved by the one that wants us all to Enter his Man Cave! As you may know, there are a few rules that apply whenever an award like this goes around…

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog (it’s already on the left side!).
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

So first I would like to thank Geof for this honor and for being a supporter and friend of CNAMB since nearly the beginning. I also would like to thank him for putting together such a fine blog himself and Enter the Man Cave is a Man Cave more than worth Entering. Thanks Geof!

And here is my seven interesting things about me:

1. I was once on the cover of an Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine for a story that was up for a couple of awards.

2. I don’t watch a lot of network TV, but when I do get into a show, it’s usually on DVD or On-Demand. I have gone through seasons in one sitting and I most recently stayed up till 7am watching the last 6 episodes of Lost. Dork? Yup.

3. While I thought it was the stupidest show when it was originally airing on TV, I succumbed to Dawson’s Creek and would watch numerous episodes in the early mornings and late nights when back-to-back-to-back episodes would air.

4. I love string cheese and eat at least two a day…usually after I eat a meal.

5. I met Dave Chappelle and hung out with him for more than five minutes.

6. I was playing with fire when I was younger and set the trash in the basement on fire, almost burning down the entire house.

7. I made out with your mom at a disco party once…she kisses really well.

Now for my seven Kreativ blogs…I did this a couple times last year and named quite a few blogs back then(which you can see here, here, and here), so I am not going to repeat any of those blogs here. I read A LOT of blogs – so many that I cannot even comment on half of them, so this is going to be a tough choice and know that if your blog is not mentioned, it is not because I do not love you. It’s because you wont sleep with me.

1. Planet of Terror Complaint Dept and my boy, Cortez the Killer rock the dope reviews and even make it a point to spotlight and support great Independent horror cinema – even doing interviews with the filmmakers behind them. Also, Cortez’s taste in trashy horror is to die for!

2. The Horror Digest Andre (short for Andrea) is witty, consistent, and always brings a fresh take on the movies she covers. Her humor is some of the best in the blogging business, she is incredibly snarky (maybe even more so than me), she pulls no punches and that is what I love about her!

3. Midnight Confessions Movie Reviews What can I say about the Reverend Phantom? Man, does this guy do an amazing job with what may be the most difficult of review techniques…the video review. He’s very funny, covers a ton of great trash and has a style all his own. His video reviews are superbly put together and must take so much time to produce, but I’m happy he does, ‘cause I love them.

4. Italian Film Review Nigel posts numerous reviews about the wonderful world of Italian cinema…covering all the Exploitation, Spaghetti Westerns and Euro Crime goodness (and everything in-between) that can be found in the land of mozzarella! Best part about his reviews, besides his knowledge of the movies themselves, is they are very short and you can blast through them quick and get exactly what he thinks about the film.

5. The Jaded Viewer Jeff, better known for being Jaded, is another hard worker always putting out interesting and great reviews with a nice set up with how he structures them. I love that he rates all of his films in Van Damme Kumite spin kicks and he is just a great guy to interact with and brings a lot of fun to his posts every time.

6. All Things Horror Mike Snoonian and Chris Hallock will Double Impact your brain like Jean Claude with their amazing blog. They cover all things horror as the title would suggest and that includes book and movie reviews, blog spotlights, and even special effects tips! The mostest awesome thing about them, they do special horror events at the Somerville Theater in Massachusetts, where they show horror films from independent filmmakers. That’s what it’s all about!

7. Musings Across A Continuum Ms Harker does it all, from news, books and movie reviews, to just plain old banter. She has a fun – quirky and very insightful way about every subject she tackles and it is always a great joy to stop by this blog, which might be the best looking one around, just for the record!

Enjoy your much deserved award guys!

And Moving on…

Now, not only did I get Kreativ recently, but I also got tagged by Carl of I Like Horror Movies fame with a Meme. The rules of this one are similar, but a little less than that of the award for best tush. I mean for Kreativ blogging. First, I must share the three best things that happened to me this past decade and then name five blogs (but I’m doing six) to keep the Meme going if they so choose to participate.

First, I’ll thank Carl for showing me some love, as he too has been a great friend of CNAMB since almost the beginning and he also puts out one of the best blogs around! Thank you so much, sweet checks!

Here are the three best things that happened to me this past decade in as few words as possible (‘cause I’m getting tired):

1. Number one is meeting my girlfriend, or fiancé if you don’t believe in freedom. This is as easy as it gets for a decade highlight…together for nearly a decade ourselves, she is da bomb and I love her. And if I didn’t pick her, she would get mad. Wokka-wooka!

2. Netflix instant watch. Need I say more?

3. And one that I should mention as best thing of the decade for me, I won’t, because it will come up soon enough in something else I wrote. Instead, I will say that when my lady and I were in a wedding contest a few years back is a great moment for me in the last ten.

We had something like 2,200 votes and lost to some ugly, loser couple that had 2,500 votes and then broke up after they won ‘cause the girl was apparently a slut! Sounds kinda shitty, I know and why would this be a great moment in the last ten years? Because we had TWOTHOUSANDTWOHUNDRED (something) VOTES! Friends and family and friends of friends and family of friends and friends of family came together and gave us so much support, that it was just fantastic.

You know way too much about me…

Okay, now on to six MORE blogs that give me a stiff one, because I love them so…

1. Heart in a Jar Senski puts out a wonderful and intelligent blog with a very wide variety of horror related subject matter with each and every post. This is a must read and his Siskel & Ebert & Slashers post is one hell of a great read!

2. Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire Is as the title would suggest, a dark and delightful blog brought to us by the wonderful Tenebrous Kate. She covers all sorts of great foreign horror films and in the same humorous breath, she will review the sleaziest of the sleazy, and I love me some sleaze!

3. GoreGoreDancer’s Movie Reviews Aleata covers horror a plenty, but she is also into doing her own horror movies and even better, she posts some of the short films she made on her blog. She puts herself out there and isn’t afraid to do her own thing and it shows in her topics and writing.

4. Cavalcade of Perversions The title says it all and Jenn has a sassy style all her own when it comes to covering sleaze and cheese – or talking about her cats even! She dives head first into the dumpster and finds some great films that might be just plain awful, but there is a diamond in the rough from time-to-time and that is something I appreciate greatly.

5. The WGON Helicopter This is a newer blog I discovered and as with every blog mentioned here, Dod puts out a quality blog that covers many things that horror has to offer shuffled into the great reviews he does. He even did a great post on the music of Nick Cave and spotlighted a few of his favorite songs from the artist. Great stuff!

6. Zombies Don’t Run Chuck don’t fuck around and has been smashing out numerous posts covering all different topics in the world of a horror fan. Great reviews and a lot of fun nostalgic posts keep me coming back every day to see what’s new!

In all seriousness, go to my blog roll for honorable mentions – all blogs on there are nothing short of great.

Thanks for reading all this crap about me and thanks to Geof and Carl for being so purdy. I hope everyone checks out their blogs and the other blogs I listed – I wouldn’t list them if they weren’t great, or if their authors didn’t earn it in other ways, if ya know what I mean!

Dial M For Magnificent!

There's just something satisfying about watching an older film and being nearly blown away by the techniques and visual stimulation used in something that is considered to be “old.” I have seen my fair share of Alfred Hitchcock films, but fair share compared to his “girthy body“ of work is nearly a sliver in the big scheme. I love the films of his that I have seen, but I think I have been much too lax in broadening my Hitchcock horizons and for no good reason. I get this way whenever I watch one of his films too and last time was with Strangers on a Train, a film that I completely adored and one that made me think I should watch more of his films...much like I am thinking and telling you right now.

Maybe it's a good thing that I take time between his films, maybe it makes me appreciate them more when I do see them? If I went into another one of Hitchcock's films right now, all high off the  celluloid extraordinariness - would I be disappointed? Perhaps, but that's just bullshit excuses and I think this cycle all ends with a film by the title of Dial M for Murder. Words cannot express how much I enjoyed this film, but words expressing my enjoyment are kind of key in writing about it, so I better come up with something I guess. 

Tony (Ray Milland) has concocted an intricate plot to murder his wealthy, but unfaithful wife, Margot (Grace Kelly). Tony was a professional tennis player and spent a good portion of their marriage playing in tennis tournaments, while his beautiful wife sat all alone back home in jolly ol' England. Bored and before soaps, Margot needed a little “manly attention” while Tony was away and she got it from an American crime novelist named Mark (Robert Cummings), who was staying in England for a short period of time. Tony knows of this adulteress event and along with Margot being extremely wealthy, his motivations are all lined up and gives him all the reasons one would need to have his wife murdered. 

Mark is now back in England for a visit and has met and befriended Tony to an extant, but that friendship is all a facade on both of their respective ends as Mark is really in love with Margot and Tony knows about their affair. How Tony found out in the first place was a letter that Mark had written to Margot when he left England to go back to America -  Tony got his hands on the letter and actually uses it to play an integral part in his scheme to kill Margot. That's kind of the short of it all as the plot for this film is very intricate, but more so, spoiling any of it would be reprehensible on my part no matter how old this film may be.

Most of the focus is on these three characters and almost the entire film is set in a singular location, which would be Tony and Margot's flat. Much of Dial M is filled with exposition and most of the movie is characters talking about or explaining something to move the plot along. Sounds kind of boring...one location, a few characters, and nuttin but talking. However, this one is far from boring and I was completely intrigued by the intricate details of every move that each character makes, or plans on making. Tables are constantly turned, backs are stabbed multiple times and there is no clear indication as to how things may turn out in the end.

Dial M for Murder is based off a stage play by English playwright Frederick Knott, who also wrote the film's screenplay and the detail put into it is incredible. Every detail is meticulously thought out and as each character explains their plan, it is impossible not to be amazed by the brilliance of it all. Tony's perfect murder scheme is so well thought out and so tight, that there is no way it wouldn't work in his mind and this almost gives him an arrogance about the whole thing. Arrogance leads to mistakes and when one is made, the plot thickens as well as the mystery and tension.

Even with all of the long periods of talking throughout the film, Hitchcock is somehow able to make each of these dialogue stretches seem different from one another with a multitude of techniques and camera angles. Dial M is set in one location, but even more so, one main living room and the way that room is shot in so many different ways is an astonishing sight. One long scene towards the film's opening has Tony explaining his murder idea to an unwilling accomplice - as Tony starts acting out how it should all go, the camera jumps to a high angle, almost top down view and in a voyeuristic way, follows every movement that Tony makes. It is quite brilliant and really draws you in to what Tony is saying, which is very important, because the entire film relies on being captivated by the narrative.

There are so many different little stylistic flourishes that keep you from just staring at a couple of talking heads and no matter how interesting what is being said is, without the visual prowess, it could get a little boring. It certainly doesn't hurt the film that the acting is superb by all involved either and especially with these long scenes of heavy dialogue that are often delivered for lengthy periods of time with very few cuts.  It plays exactly like a stage play and considering that is where the source material stems from, the feel is more than fitting.

Dial M for Murder is a perfect case of all style AND substance and that is a balance not struck often enough. When this balance is found in a film that's 55 year's old, it just makes it that much more impressive to me...I don't know why that is exactly. Probably naivety, or the fact that I have a predetermined thought of movies or “pictures” from that era and how they are stylistically. Hitchcock was leaps and bounds ahead of the curve and it is great to once again be shown why he was such a master, by viewing the phenomenal Dial M for Murder.

The Horror Hangover

Well, the holidays are now completely past us and I am sure that many of you backed dat ass up more than you should have this past weekend – one that started on Thursday no less. I’m still kinda hurting from Thursday night’s festivities alone - due to the copious amounts of draft beer and hard alcohol put in ma belly – though, to be completely honest, I am a bit of a teetotaler in my olden years. The Hangover is a little light again (and slightly familiar), but not a complete loss…one major issue seems to be finding embedded trailers for less than well known films and that can be quite frustrating. The time spent searching alone makes me want to type 1,5oo words with my face!

I’ll stop crying now and get on with The Hangover…

11:30 is coming out swinging with Unforgiven (1992) on AMC. Seriously, do I need to say anything about this film? Classic, masterpiece, perfect? Not good enough descriptions if you ask me. One of the greatest Westerns ever put to screen and one of my personal favorites of the genre. Pick of the week? Fuckin’ A right it is.

Next up, at 1:00 PM Beowulf (1999) is on SyFy channel once again. This came up in a previous Hangover and as I said that time, it looked good enough…to spend an afternoon puking with.

At 2:30 Comedy Central is playing Hot Fuzz (2007). Laughing may inspire more puking, but it may be worth the trouble with this mostly solid follow up to Shaun of the Dead. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are just a joy to watch together on screen and that alone is worth the time spent.

3:00 brings about The Last Warrior (1989) on FLIXe. I’ve never even heard of this movie, but what I have found out about it, makes me really want to see it! It’s plot is kinda similar to Hell in the Pacific, but totally more like an Italian action rip-off Rambo version of that film, but I don’t think it’s Italian – just the comparison is a perfect one. There is action, samurai swords and lots of sweat. The perfect balance for an awesome action flick. This is a film that I unfortunately could not find a trailer that could be posted here, but I would encourage a click on this link to check it out! This is my “Unforgiven is over now” pick of the week!

Last up at 3:30 The Marine (2006) kicks in some heads on FX. A standard, but more than “service”able action movie staring wrestler John Cena and the T-1000. I love movies like this…perfect type of film to just shut you brain down to during a horrible Hangover.

As I said, not a lot, but better than previous weeks have been. Hope everyone had a great and safe New Year and any one that knows anything about The Last Warrior…please, tell me more!

CNAMB Presents: The Two Worst Films of 2009 - Plus One

Well, it’s “twen-tey ten,” but I’m not completely finished with 2009 just yet. Seeing as I did my best of the year and am working on doing the very daunting best of the decade, I figured why not share my two least favorite (or worst) films of 2009 (I do have an honorable mention that did not come out in 2009, but more on that later).

The reason I only have two films is simple, I didn’t see enough bad movies that came out in 2009. Is that a bad thing? Of course not – I would like to think I am smart enough to avoid wasting my time with anything I think will be a poor use of my precious movie watching time. There’s no way in hell I am throwing away 90 minutes of my life and money on Couples Retreat or The Ugly Truth (unless for some pig’s flying reason that I hear great things), when there is a bevy of classic cinema to be discovered and viewed.

Maybe after I catch up with a few more movies from the year that is now past us, I will have more, but for now, the first movie to suck the life right outta my ass was…

2. Halloween 2! (Or H2 if you enjoy BK or KFC)

Now, H2 was a pile of dreek and one of the few movies that got a really bad review from a very forgiving me since I started doing reviews. Still, it isn’t the worst movie ever, there was some very crafty skills on display here and Zombie can make a movie…to a point. He has a very keen eye and can portray an appealing grittiness in his films and he does it quite well with H2. The first act was actually solid, with Myers doing some seriously brutal damage to a few characters in the nicely crafted hospital setting. I also liked the “bear” version of Michael Myers too – not in comparison to the original, of course, but as a kinda cool, kinda different looking Slasher star, the woodsman look was quite appealing and a nice change of pace.

So what’s the problem then? Zombie goes too far into his trashy world and instead of keeping things on the right path, he veers off into these annoying stylistic choices that have always been a staple of his films, a staple of his films that serves no propose other than to be “extra trashy.” Takes me right out of what he is doing and I have grown increasingly tired of it. An even bigger problem with H2 is the awful story telling. Characters serve so little purpose and are there just to fill space and time. There’s this whole paranormal aspect with Mrs. Myers that is just borderline ridiculous and creates some seriously lame moments in a film that has no need to be any more than a simple Slasher movie. Also, while I liked how Myers looked, there is no sort of threat to the lead characters in this film at all as they have no clue that a killer is walking the earth to slay them…he literally spends the films entire running time making his way back to Haddonfield, occasionally running into useless characters created just to have some one to kill.

Christ, I don’t even know why I am spending so much time even talking about this one…I did a review from when it came out. So check it out for the full Monty.

Review of Halloween 2

Now, as bad and as much as I disliked Halloween 2, I could still see myself watching it again at some point in the future. A film that I saw this year that I will never willingly watch again and the worst movie of the year that I saw by far, is…

1. X-Men Origins: Wolverine!

Okay, I am a huge fan of the first two X-Men films and the second one in particular is one of the best comic book based movies I have seen. The third one is pretty weak, but okay enough that I can at least watch it in all its messy glory. One of my favorite Marvel characters is Wolverine and I think Hugh Jackman has taken that role and perfectly made it his own. So when I see that there is a Wolverine film, I am excited, even though I know it may kinda hurt a little.

Wolverine didn’t kinda hurt at all, in fact, it took every bit of my being and made number two all over it, then proceeded to pee on it for the rest of the movies runtime. I actually liked the first act of of this one too, which had a very cool opening credit sequence and a nice little Wolverine livin’ in the woods storyline going on. That was all set up however, set up for some of the worst filmed action, the worst created computer generated imagery, and the some of the worst scenes I have ever been a witness to.

The big turning point in this pile of used tampons is when the “no point to it at all except to make me puke” boxing scene with Blob happens. I think it was meant to be comedic, but it fails in every sense of the word and is an aspect not needed or benefiting to any sort of X-Men story. There is a complete misuse of a perfectly good character in Gambit and to go with that, the fight scenes are some of the most horrendous ever put to film. And to even go with that, the CGI is incredibly embarrassing and I cannot comprehend that throughout 3 X-Men films, Wolverine's claws never really looked fake, but in his own origin story, they look faker then a set of stripper tits…when they are first revealed no less!

Ya know what? I’m spending way too much time on this one too, so I’ll move on…the more I think about X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the more I wanna run head first into Kirstie Alley covered in fry batter.

And there you have it – my worst films from 2009 and while it is only two, it is more than e-fucking-nough to drive me up a wall. Now, since I only brought you two films that eat balls, I will tack on a film, not from 2009, but one that I saw this year and is by far the one I hated the most (though it’s only barely a little more than Wolverine).

The worst movie I watched in 2009 goes to…

1.5 Automaton Transfusion!

I’m not going to waste anytime going into this one – I wrote a pretty unhappy review for it and maybe you already read that yourself, if not, I shall provide proper linkage. I will just say that, I am a very forgiving film fan and one that enjoys all sorts of sleaze and trash, but with that comes a need for the films that fill those requirements to be entertaining in some capacity. If a film can bring something to the table, even if it’s something to make fun of, you will more than likely have my support. If a movie exists just for the sake of playing the crappy emo/hardcore hybrid music and to be self-referential to the point that nothing is your own, then you ain’t got me in your corner.

Automaton Transfusion, you can eat a swine flu filled cock.

Review of Automaton Transfusion

I’m beat…hope you had some enjoyment out of my displeasure, though I guess it could have been worse, I could’ve went to see 2012, but duped by that one I shall not be.

Freddy’s New Years Eve Dance Party: Strong Desire for Bearded Men Edition!

Here it is people, the end of yet another decade, the end of an era, an era that seems to lack in comparison to more recent decades, but a decade that will slowly become looked at nostalgically as more and more time passes. It is a New Year and I think there is only one-way to move forward into the next decade – if you feel like you had a less than stellar decade, you need to take that shit and use it to propel yourself into the next decade with positive reinforcement. Start off with a beard. Nothing says “you’re gonna have a great year” than with a great beard.

Next, get yourself a nice brown coat with that weird nappy looking fur pillow stuffing shit and put it on…but not before you put on the tightest black leotard you can find to match your black tank filled with hot sweaty man boobs. Now, find a snowy spot that would seem to challenge your strength and stamina and heart – in Russia, of course. Run, set your heart on fire and put that strong desire to the test…show those that put you down that you have power and class, but your beard and work out routine are what drive you forward!

Doesn’t that just get you pumped up and ready to take on all challenges that lie ahead of you in the next ten?! If I wasn’t so busy sitting down, I would grab a jump rope and rip that shit up!

I hope you all had a great decade and here’s looking forward to the next one…unless the Apocalypse is planning on showing up that is.

Happy New Year!

CNAMB Presents: Best Films of 2009

The reason why I say Best films is, I just couldn't do it top ten style...it made things so much more difficult and by the time I even post this thing, the lower half of this list is going to change a ton of times I'm sure. Soooo, I went ahead and made a list of my top thirteen favorites films of the year, which basically is a top ten, with the honorable mentions tacked on to keep them from feeling left out. They are very sensitive around the holidays, ya know. Thirteen just seems cooler too, it's all evil and scurry and shit. Also, notice I said my top thirteen favorites, not the actual best films of 2009. They are the best films of 2009, to me and in all honesty, number one is very hard to argue with.

13. Orphan




















Orphan was one that almost got away from me in theaters, but I made it and I'm glad I did, because I love killer kid movies and I thought this one was a blast. There was a certain sense of meanness to this film, a meanness that you do not often find in current theatrical horror, let alone ones with kids playing a big part. Isabelle Fuhrman brought to life a very worthy child monster to add to the killer kid klub with the character of Esther and even outside of her solid performance, fellow youngster Aryana Engineer was amazing as the little deaf girl, Max. Two great performances from two kids is no easy feat and only a portion of what puts Orphan at the 13 spot.

12. Zombieland




















Zombieland was funnier than most comedies made these days and I cannot remember the last time I laughed so damned hard in the theater. The Zombie action was light, but when it was there, it was nothing short of fun, but this film really excelled in the character department with some nicely thought out arcs for some very stubborn characters. Best thing about this film though, Woody Harrelson, with the second best being the super dope cameo by...you know who. I wrote a review, read more there if you'd like.

Zombieland review

11. Paranormal Activity




















While not everyone was frightened by Paranormal Activity, its simplistic handheld style of filmmaking worked for me and I would personally say that it's one of the scariest films of the year. The decade? No, but maybe the year. Very well written and honest characters was the strength of Paranormal Activity for me and Peli was able to tap into a very realistic typical characterization of men and women, which is something that is not seen too often in horror films. And of course the little handheld that could aspect captured my heart in many ways as I had wanted to see the film for two years, only to almost have it slip away into remake oblivion - so to have it sweep the nation as it did, really fluffs my pecker.

Review for Paranormal Activity

10. The Children




















What's this? Another killer kid's film on a best of the year list? WHAAAT?! It's true. The Children is one I had just very recently watched as a couple of fellow bloggers had some great things to say about this British killer kid's film. There is a lot less story with The Children then there was with Orphan, but there is also no real need for an in depth story with this one either. The character development is very natural and not at all forced and the movie is perfectly paced and executed by solid acting from everyone involved. The Children is well made and some of the more tension based scenes are just that, tense and done with some amazing editing that really creates a true feeling of chaos for the viewer. If you're going to see only one killer kid's film this year, don't, see two and make The Children one of them.

9. Drag Me to Hell




















Seeing horror god Sam Raimi come back to his roots, back to what made him who he is today, back to his brand of wacky horror, is one of the most unexpected and most welcome things this year for me as a horror fan. Showing he can still do what we all love him for, Raimi's Drag Me to Hell was an exercise in outrageous humor filled horror, complete with more laughs and what the fuck moments than I would ever expect from a studio released horror movie. Not the most original of stories, Drag Me to Hell excelled in excellent filmmaking and gorgeous visuals, along with perfectly placed comedy and physical abuse to the very likable main character.

Review of Drag Me to Hell

8. Bronson




















Nicolas Winding Refn's Bronson is the wild card in this bunch. A film that I wasn't sure how I felt about as I watched it, but by the end, I knew I had seen something pretty special. Still, it sits in the back of my mind and the more I think about it, the more I love it, in all its pretentious glory. Tom Hardy puts on an Oscar worthy performance as Britain's most dangerous criminal, Charles Bronson and as Hardy almost dances though each and every amazingly created scene, you cannot help but laugh, cringe or be totally intimidated by whatever mood seems to fit him at any given moment.

Review of Bronson

7. District 9




















As with The Children, District 9 is one I got too late as I have been trying to cram in as many movies as I possibly can in the little time left in the year. What District 9 is and what it looked like via advertisements, are two very different things and the best way to describe it is Cronnenberg's The Fly, meets Starship Troopers. Two films I love and while I loved D9, I haven't fully wrapped my head around this one yet and I anticipate multiple viewings of the film where I will find even greater enjoyment from it. District 9 has possibly the most anti of anti-heroes put to screen, to go along with one of the most unassuming leads to be in a very successful Sci Fi action film.

6. Watchmen




















Not perfect and not nearly as good as the source material, but damn it, Watchmen was just so tremendous at so many times that it is impossible for me not to be completely smitten by it. While I have yet to see the longer directors cut, the film is a little messy, but messy can bring about brilliance and Watchmen was a film that dared to get in unsuspecting, normal peoples faces with heavy sex scenes, male nudity (and not in a comedic way either), violence, and flat out bleakness...much like what was done with the original comic series. Watchmen also sports one of the best opening credit sequences I have ever seen. It gives me fucking goose bumps.

5. The Good, The Bad, The Weird




















Hurm...This one has not seen an official release in the U.S. as of this time (but it should have) and I do not count festival dates as release dates for films, but this is my list and I will put this phenomenal homage to the Spaghetti Western on my list if I want! The Good, The Bad, The Weird is directed by Ji-woon Kim, one of the best filmmakers working out of Korea (or period if you ask me) and has an all star cast of some of the finest Korean actors around. GBW is the highest budgeted Korean film of all time, but at a measly $17 million dollars, it isn't much when compared to the average Hollywood film. Isn't much in terms of budget, but in terms of amazingly executed action set pieces you would think this thing costs $200 million. Humor, fabulous action, and one of the best Westerns made in years, GBW did what few can, made an homage that can totally stand on its own two feet with the best of the genre of influence. Hollywood should take note.

4. Ink




















Speaking of small budgets, no other film, not even Paranormal Activity, did more with so little than Ink. A film with more original ideas than most films forty times its budget, Ink was nothing short of incredible, but what made it fantastic for myself, was its ability to draw something out of me emotionally. This will be a film that when I revisit, I will definitely get a small lump in my throat every time and I am not one who can easily be touched in that way. It is not a film that pulled at my heartstrings in a sad or loving way, but it did something...it had purpose, meaning, and heart. Again, Hollywood should take note.

Review of Ink

3. Pontypool




















What can I say, Pontypool was one of the best horror films of the year, and one that showed what can be done with simplicity and well constructed characters, played superbly by great actors. One of the best uses of one secluded location since The Thing and the first 45 minutes just sucks you right in and makes you want to know what is happening outside of the radio station setting, just like what the characters are going through. Less is more is the theory and that is one I subscribe to if it is fitting for a film and is well executed, in the case of Pontypool, less is more than I can ask for.

Review of Pontypool

2. Martyrs




















Pascal Laugier created one of the most challenging and controversial films of the year and possibly even the decade. Martyrs is a film that split horror fans right down the middle, with some saying they loved the opening, but were turned off by the depravity of the films final 30 minutes. Others, including myself, found a film that was able to take scenes of brutal violence and outright torture of the senses and make it all mean something more than pain just for the sake of showing it. Amazingly crafted, Martyrs is a film that makes you think, a film that makes you wince, a film that shows you just how desperate some people are to find a meaning in their lives. Morjana Alaoui puts forth a performance as good, if not better than any other actor this year in a film and it's a shame that she will go completely unnoticed.

And finally, my favorite film of 2009 is...

1. Ingluorious Basterds!














Speaking of amazing performances, Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds is without a doubt the best movie of the year. One of the most tension-filled films I have seen in quite some time and Nazi's have never been so frightening and their aesthetic never so beautifully captured on screen. And the performances, oh the performances! Christoph Waltz brought one of the most oddly charming and polite, yet very intimidating villains to life with his character of Hans Landa. To be fair, almost the entire cast, outside of that dick face Mike Myers, is excellent and too many to name. Each set piece is gorgeously filmed with some of the nicest use of color to portray the character segments and the ending is one of the most satisfying endings to a film ever. I don't even know what else to say about this one, except it is by far my favorite of the year and one of Tarantino's finest achievements.

Review of Inglourious Basterds

Whoomp! There it is...my list of the 13 best films of the year according to me. I already plan on doing a follow up list in a few months since there are a handful of films I have yet to see and ones that have the promise to make such a list. So there may be some shuffling and spot drops, but that just depends on the quality of movies I watch I guess. It's really difficult to put a list like this together and decide what is better than what and my opinion can change at the drop of a hat. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on my list, what makes the cut for you and what doesn't? If you have a blog and list of your own, please feel free to share it, so I can mock you for excluding Obsessed. Here's looking forward to 2010 and the cinema it brings! Yip-pah!