Saturday, November 21, 2009

Pontyline

Does that "joke title" even make sense? It's supposed to be like "panty line," so I took the pool out of Pontypool and changed it to line. HAHAHAHAHA. Pontypool is a Canadian horror film directed by Bruce McDonald and based off the novel, "Pontypool Changes Everything" written by Tony Burgess. While the director himself does not considered Pontypool to be "zombie" film, it is an infection film, which puts it firmly hand in hand with the zombie genre.

Either way, Pontypool is a fresh take on infection/zombie movies and while you may know a little about what drives these zombies from other sources, I will only lightly touch on the details of the actual infection itself...an infection that is somehow caused through language. This is what makes this movie so completely fascinating is the idea of using language to cause and/or spread this infection as opposed to conventional means. To create the idea of "killer language" and then set the film in a radio station where talking is the part of the job is a brilliant idea and one that also makes for a more traditional influence...seclusion. We'll get back to that later...

There are three main characters in Pontypool - Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie) is a sort of shock-jock radio personality, who after being fired from his last job, ends up working this shitty small town gig in Pontypool, where instead of pushing peoples' buttons, he is reporting about missing cats and the weather. Sydney Briar (Lisa Houle) is the radio show's producer and she is joined by Laurel Ann (Georgina Reilly), who is a sort of tech girl for the station. As the morning show is trucking along, they begin to receive news reports of strange events that are happening in the small town, and over time these events escalate and get weirder and weirder, to the point that it is clear that something bad is happening. They are a morning radio show, so of course they report this news as it comes in, whether they have official word from the news wire or not.

This is one of the many things that works so well in Pontypool - the fact that, as a viewer, you only know as much as the these three characters know. Nothing more. They aren't sure what to make of these events as they are unfolding because the details are scarce and that provides a lot of slow burn tension. There are large portions of this movie, where mixed in with brilliant editing, things are so tense and completely captivating. As I was watching Pontypool, I found myself engulfed in the story, because I too wanted to know what the hell was going on outside of the secluded radio station.

Secluded radio station...always a recipe for success, when done correctly. Not once are you away from the characters in this film. Not even for a second. Only time spent outside of the radio station is time spent with Mazzy as he is heading to the station for his work day, that is all. You have no clue what the town looks like and that is a great way to let your imagination run wild as you can only guess as to what the area looks like outside of it being described as small. Only thing you know about the world outside of the station is the fact that it is very cold and just as snowy. Total seclusion. You are given free reign to come up with a million and one images as to what is happening outside - in a location that your imagination creates.

Pontypool's driving force is it's characters, as you essentially have only three characters to follow in the film (outside of a few people who pop in here and there), so strong performances are of the utmost importance here. All three actors turn in phenomenal portrayals in Pontypool with Stephen McHattie as Grant Mazzy really shining bright as the bitter radio jock. He acts as the film's narrator and while he is guiding the audience of Pontypool the town, he is also guiding the viewer of Pontypool the film, all with a voice that is tailor made for radio listening ears. Georgina Reilly as Laurel Ann also puts in a solid performance and delivers one scene soo well that it is clear she was perfect for this role. Unfortunately, details of that scene are spoilerlicious, so I will not say any more about the subject.

This is a "zombie" movie, but don't go into Pontypool and expect to see any zombie/infected action like you would with many films of this variety. There is little to no actual interaction with the antagonists in the movie. The only interaction you really have is the fear that they are able to put into the unknowing inhabitants of the radio station. Mental interaction, if you will.

I found Pontypool to be flat out fantastic and a movie that doesn't force everything that is happening down your throat. You are left to come to your own conclusions all the way and until the very end and it is a completely engaging experience throughout. Pontypool's writer, Tony Burgess also scripted the film along with director Bruce McDonald. Both were heavily inspired by Orsen Wells' classic radio broadcast of War of the Worlds and that is essentially what the film is like, a radio play. Incidentally, Pontypool was simultaneously produced as both a theatrical film and as a radio play, using the radio broadcast from the film itself. Something that I hope will be on the DVD when it comes out next January.

Don't be a fool, watch Pontypool!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Year One



Dedicated to my Rambo, who drew First Blood.

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

I have a bulldozer of a monster for you for in this weeks edition of Monster of the Week - A character that scared the bejesus out of many kids, kids that were lucky (or unlucky, perhaps) enough to have parents that let them watch anything that was popular, even if it was not meant for kids in any way, shape, or form.

Our Monster of the Week is...

ED-209!

Seriously...the Enforcement Droid Series 209, or simply, ED-209 is one of the coolest parts of Paul Verhoeven's 1987 Sci Fi/action masterpiece, RoboCop (outside of coke being done of some titties!). One of cinemas most imposing creations ever, ED-209 is gigantic, it growls, and looks like a metal bulldog. ED-209 may be the Monster of the Week, but he sure as hell isn't weak!

Designed by Craig Hayes and animated by Phil Tippett, ED-209 is best known by film fans for his (?) appearance in RoboCop and its two mediocre-to-awful sequels. This metal monster also showed up in RoboCop: The Animated Series, and has made appearances in comic books and video games based off the RoboCop brand.

You have 20 seconds to comply, but only 10 seconds before you shit your pants. Better find a flight of stairs with the quickness!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Blastfighter

Lamberto Bava's Blastfighter is a film I half expected to be a Sci Fi movie based off the title Blastfighter, but this 1984 Lamberto Bava film is as far from a Science Fiction film as you can possibly get. It shouldn't be much of a surprise that the movie would come off as a film of that genre as it was originally planned to be a Sci Fi action flick, but budgets and the usual jazz kept all of that from happening.

The main character in Blastfighter is Jake "Tiger" Sharp (Michael Sopkiw), an ex-cop who was convicted and served 7 years in prison for killing the man that murdered his wife. Jake is a complex man, filled with all the attributes to contend for the heart of any woman, or any man for that matter.

He is a man that is not only strong...

...he is a deep thinker with a golden mane like a lion (or a tiger I suppose)

He can be deer friend...

...while having the ability to show his sensitive side without fear of the trees judging him

But if you cross him, he will fuck your sweaty ass up. Period.

Blastfighter is set entirely in the woods...yet a good portion of the music sounds like something you would hear at a generic lazer (I'll be spelling laser with a Z for added edge) light show…meaning, it's awesome. There is some other great music in Blastfighter and it comes in the form of the pretty country song, Evening Star by Tommie Baby (I could only find the Bee Gees version...mah bad.). Nothing quite says kick ass Italian action movie like a little good ol' country music!

These woods are the perfect setting for "Jake" to chill out at since all he really wants in life is to be left alone. Only issue is the local yahoos seem to enjoy giving Jake a hard time because he doesn't agree with their inhumane hunting tactics. All of these jerk-off hicks that are messing around with Jake, just so happen to work for an old friend from Jake's past...

That man is non other than, George Eastman, who plays a character named...Tom?

Seriously...Tom? Not Brawny, or Bull Mastiff, or even Battle Axe? A man of this stature deserves a tougher name, that's for sure.

With a beard that could make love all by itself, "Tom" is not just any mere mortal...he is a man that can rock an impressive yellow and black flannel and still look intimidating.

This is a guy that need not require simplistic transportation like cars or bicycles, he is a man that can only roll one way and that is in a helicopter. A helicopter that is orange, yellow, and brown. Those are great colors for the Fall, by the way and they do go very well with his lumberjack attire, showing his keen Caldor fashion sensibilities.

Jake unwillingly makes acquaintance with Connie (Valerie Blake), who we quickly learn is more than just some bangin' broad, but someone important that has come from Jake's past. Together, Jake and Connie have a few run-ins with the dirtball country bumpkins and what results is a game of survival for the two characters, that would eventually takes a deadly turn.

Jake is forced to go back to a past he never wanted to again...he must become Jake "Tiger" Sharp if he wants to protect Connie and himself. One thing I didn't mention about Blastfighter is the weapon that would be the titular draw of the film, but it is only briefly introduced in the opening of the film and doesn't show up again until 1 hour and 16 minutes into the movie!

But when this wicked weapon is finally unleashed, oh boy is it time to bring the pain! Fed up with being pushed around, "Tiger" is ready to show these hillbilly hoes what he is capable of with his Blastfighter gun!
Now, this is a badass gun, it shoots bullets, grenades, smoke bombs, shit, I think it may even fire a Peter North load this thing is so versatile and manly. Don't believe me?

Check out these results...

Can't get that damage out of any old gun, now can you?

Hope you brought some marshmallows...bitch.

In the end, Blastfighter is a Rambo ripoff, but a good one and even though there is no use of the sick firearm that Jake is given at the beginning of the film, there is plenty of action to hold you over until the inevitable explosive finally. Plus, you can't go wrong with an airborne Eastman in flannel and Sopkiw with his gorgeous wavy hair and intense mustache.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Totally Tubular Trailers!

I have a dick load of super fun trailers for you to check out today, so I'm not gonna waste any time and get right into it! Ready...set....GO!

Very excited for this one - With a rookie in the cockpit, Altitude is about a group of teenagers out for a flight when their plane mysteriously malfunctions and the group find themselves up against a supernatural force. A supernatural force that is very inspired by H.P. Lovecraft. With a singular location, it may be tough keeping this film interesting for an entire feature, but I'll be damned if this trailer isn't super promising - and the final moment is so awesome!



This next teaser is one that I recently found over at our good friend's blog, Planet of Terror - it's called Stake Land and is director Jim Mickle's follow up to the very solid, low budget film, Mulberry Street. It is an apocalyptic/road/vampire film and after seeing Mickle's take on "Zombies" in Mulberry Street, I am curious to see what route he takes with Vampires. It also stars genre sweetheart, Danielle Harris, which is never a bad thing.



Up next, I have the trailer for Fist of Dragon, a Singapore/Chinese martial arts film, written, directed, and staring Michael Chuah. Simple story, Chuah's character is home visiting his uncle when he discovers that his hometown has become overrun with violent gangsters so he steps in to defend the locals. Very classic Martial Arts tale with some great looking fight scenes and Chuah looks to be quite the badass.



Our "Final" trailer for the day is fittingly titled, The Final which was just recently announced as the sixth film in the annual 8 Films to Die For lineup. The Final is about a group of dorks who take revenge on the class mates that have tormented them throughout the years, by taking them hostage and torturing them at a costume party. Very interesting concept and it looks like it could be a very mean spirited film. Also, it may be difficult to side with the popular dickheads, or the pathetic "oh woe is me" geeks...so if done right, it could work very well, or fall flat on its face.



And for shits and giggles, I'll throw in this trailer for the Stephen Chow produced, Jump! It's a Chinese Hip-Hop dance movie, so I'm all for it!

The Horror Hangover

We got a pretty light Horror Hangover this week...not a whole lot of movies worth eating a baby over and there are no horror movies on to make things worse. To top things off, Stargate is on all day over at SyFy, so for the very first time in the short Horror Hangover history, the channel is not represented. Thanks, Stargate, thanks for sucking.

Okay, at 11:00 AM The Matrix (1999) is on AMC, which is followed by The Matrix Reloaded (2003) at 2:00 PM and at 5:00, The Matrix Revolutions (2003) will round out the trilogy of mediocre. I love the first Matrix, and the second one is on point for the most part, but man...every time I try and watch Revolutions, I can't help but be completely bored and wonder how everything went so wrong with this franchise?



Speaking of shitty franchises, noontime brings us The Scorpion King (2002) on USA. I HATED the first two Mummy films, and I think the only thing that is Mummy related I would ever possibly give a chance to, would be The Scorpion King. Even then, I am very skeptical, thus the reason I still haven't seen it. Maybe one of you purdy ladies or dashing lads can convince me otherwise. Or not.



At 12:30, The Professional (1994) is on the Oxygen network? Great movie and one of my personal favorite films, I can watch The Professional every time it's on TV for at least a couple of scenes. Even though there isn't shit to choose from this week, The Professional would be my pick over many movies even if there were and it is easily my pick for this week.



Already at the end of the Hangover with Out for Justice (1991) at 4:00 on ION. If you're still rolling around in your own vomit from the night before by this time of day, might as well enjoy some badass Seagal action from when he wasn't auditioning for the Tracy Turnblad role in Hair Spray.



That's it guys, so sorry for such a weak Hangover, but what can ya do? Hopefully SyFy will get its head out of its ass and give us something that is only a little terrible next week - and maybe that Weather channel showing movies thing will take off and we can watch Misery interrupted by weather reports every Sunday!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

You thought Friday the 13th was bad?!

A lot of folks did a post in celebration of Friday the 13th, but I forgot it was Friday the 13th, so how about some love for the following day? It Gets bad on Friday the 13th, but it gets worse on Saturday the 14th!



Just when you thought it was safe to look at the calender again! Oh I get it...that's like a Jaws joke, funny.

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