HauntedWeen (1991): Grand Guig-ghoul

20 years after an innocent prank at a haunted house goes horribly wrong, a college fraternity becomes the target of a madman who plans to crash their haunted house and turn it into a true house of horrors.   

Directed and co-written by Doug Robertson, HauntedWeen is an extremely low-budget slasher film set during the most wonderful time of the year: Halloween. The film was shot in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and quickly establishes itself with a distinct look from many horror films of the era, and this is specifically due to its ‘Bluegrass State’ setting.

HauntedWeen begins with a flashback to the accidental murder of a girl by the hands of a mentally deficient boy named Eddie Burber (Craig Bitterling and Ethan Adler). The murder occurs in a haunted house that Eddie’s family puts on every Halloween, and this haunted house setting mixes nicely with a soft focus lense that results in the flashback having an aesthetically appeasing nightmare like quality. Despite its obvious low-budget, this opening sets a nice mood that feels somewhat reminiscent to another low-budget horror film, David Prior’s Sledgehammer. Though, with HauntedWeen, things are a tad more sensible.

From there the movie jumps forward twenty years later, where the before mentioned fraternity is - in true ‘save the rec center’ fashion - forced to come up with X amount of dollars or else they'll lose their recognition as a national fraternity. Their first fundraising idea comes in the form of a pay to play party, but that leads to little more than money for more beer. However, in an odd turn of events, a strange man gives the frat members permission to use his abandoned home to host a haunted house and, in turn, make the money they need to keep their frat going. This location is the perfect place to hold a killer haunted house, especially since it’s the same house where the young girl was murdered 20 years earlier.  

HauntedWeen features a nice mix of low-budget cheese and a surprising level of competence, both of which keeps the film enjoyable for the long, non-horror stretch that occurs during much of the first half. As one would expect, there’s a lot of terrible acting. On the other hand, though, there’s also some surprisingly okay performances, too. There are also a lot of funny moments, some of which are unintentional, and some that are genuinely worthy of a laugh or two, and this is most evident in the sporadic lines of clever dialogue strewn throughout. Something else that should be noted is the complimentary music that comes with your stay at HauntedWeen; music that mostly consists of pre-set, uptempo Jazz from a Casio. The Vince Guaraldi Trio this is not.

The final act of HauntedWeen takes place in the fraternity’s haunted house where Eddie makes his big appearance. In a seemingly typical fashion, Eddie begins slaying characters left and right, but where things really get exciting is how these deaths lead to a showcase horror moment where Eddie puts on a real showstopper for the patrons of the haunted house; a show they’ll be sure to remember for years to come.  

Ushered by the cheering sounds of an oblivious audience, Eddie delivers a Grand Guignol inspired performance that involves various victims being tortured to death. With each slice and dice Eddie makes, the audience grows all the more excited. To them this is all just a good bit of fun. Naturally, this Grand Guignol style of cinema madness has been seen in numerous exploitation and horror films in the past, but rarely are they featured in what would otherwise be a typical slasher film. In that sense, such an approach is quite refreshing, never mind completely enjoyable in its execution.

In the vast ocean of shitty-to-mediocre low-budget slasher films that offer nothing more than a sigh from their viewers, HauntedWeen is truly a hidden gem that shines brightly due to the obvious care the filmmakers put into entertaining their audience. That’s not to say that the film isn’t without its faults, and of course there are some silly moments, but all of these things add to the entertainment value as oppose to taking away from it. HauntedWeen is simply good, home cooked fun from a group of people with their hearts in the right place.

Bad Trick or Treat Ideas: Baked Goods

I love me a freshly baked batch of cookies. An apple pie right out of the oven? No doubt I’m all over that shit. Baked goods are called ‘goods’ for a reason, and that’s because they are good, so long as they are made by people like your mother, grandmother or aunt. A perfect stranger, on the other hand, well… I’ll pass. I appreciate that you took the time to whip up a delicious treat for the kiddies on Halloween. Your effort is valliant and all, but why should I risk the chance that you’re the cat lady whose main baking ingredient is cat hair, cat pee or a little of both?

Speaking of pee, how can I trust that you wash your hands on the regular? How do I know you didn’t whip your ass, pick your nose, take out an old tampon, or all of the above at some point during your baking process? Who do you think I am, Miss Cleo?! Because if I was, I would simply avoid your house all together. Do me a favor, and give your baked goods to your kin and let them develop a staph infection.

Goosebumps at 33: Phantom of the Auditorium

Phantom of the Auditorium opens with a tripped-out barrage of Phantom of the Opera inspired imagery, all of which turns out to be no more than a strange dream being had by a young girl named Brooke (Jessica Moyes). Brooke - who was cast to play the lead in the school’s production of ‘The Phantom’ - learns that the play is cursed by a missing boy who was set to play the titular role way back in 1923. According to one of the students, every time the play goes into production the Phantom shows up to haunt the cast and crew.   

News of this curse doesn’t frighten Brooke in the least, as she is far too excited to be playing such a big role to be concerned about an urban legend. Soon enough, however, someone dressed up as the Phantom shows up and begins causing trouble for the production. The Phantom specifically targets Brooke, who he constantly refers to as Esmeralda, which is the name of her character in the play.

The trouble caused by The Phantom is all pinned on Brooke’s best bud and the school class clown, Zeke (Shawn Potter), who has actually been cast as the Phantom. Looking to clear Zeke’s name and get to the bottom of this mystery, Brooke and Zeke decide to investigate, only to learn that the Phantom may very well be living in the basement of the school auditorium. Is the urban legend about the missing young boy true, or is there someone else looking to sabotage the play for some reason yet to be known?

Appearing during the series’ first season, Phantom of the Auditorium is, in my experience, a true anomaly in the Goosebumps cannon. What’s instantly noticeable about this episode is that it has a slightly Gothic feel about it, which fits in well with The Phantom of the Opera inspired storyline, while also giving the episode a very distinct feel from any other I‘ve seen. Furthermore, it’s certainly one of the more serious episodes that I’ve seen, as there is very little humor on display. Phantom of the Auditorium also marks the first episode I’ve watched that doesn’t feature a twist ending. And if anything’s a staple of Goosebumps, it’s that twist ending.

After doing this segment for four years, and feeling as if I had my finger on the pulse of Goosebumps, I’ve found myself quite surprised by the three episodes I’ve covered this Chucktober. There have been no bullies, obnoxious practical jokers, or even much to poke fun at, which has been an incredibly fun part of reviewing some of the episodes I have. With that said, all three episodes have also been really good, if not some of the best that I have watched so far. I suppose this shows the variety that can be found in R.L. Stine’s writing and, in turn, the show. It also further proves how perfect Goosebumps is as starter horror for young kids. There’s really a little something for everyone with this show.

That does it for this year’s Goosebumps at 33. I hope you’ve enjoyed this fourth season as much as I have, and I look forward to bumping into you again next Chucktober!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers…

The Conjuring/Pacific Rim Blu-ray Giveaway Winners!

It’s time to pick the winners of the Pacific Rim and The Conjuring Blu-rays! To see if you were one of the lucky winners, then you will have to watch the video below.

Dumpster Diving for Gold: Halloween Edition!

The month of October has been very kind to me in terms of VHS finds, so I decided to do a special Halloween edition of Dumpster Diving for Gold! In what might be my stupidest video yet, I go over all the goodies I have come across throughout the month of madness, all of which are of the horror/Halloween variety. Check out the video below, and I apologize in advance!

Salute Your Shorts: The Legend of the Scarecrow (2005)

In an attempt to curb his loneliness, an isolated scarecrow tries to befriend a group of crows. Much to his dismay, however, the crows completely ignore the scarecrow’s every effort. This causes the scarecrow to become deeply saddened, until one day when the scarecrow comes across a wounded, blind crow. The scarecrow nurses the injured creature back to health, and the two becomes fast friends. Out of curiosity, the scarecrow asks the blind crow why the other crows ignore him, in which he learns that the birds are simply afraid of him because he is, after all, a scarecrow. Upset by this notion, the scarecrow approaches his owner to see if there is anything he can do to help him with this situation, but the owner’s reaction results in a chain of events that causes the scarecrow much heartache.  

Written and directed by Marco Besas and beautifully brought to life by animator Carlos Lascano, The Legend of the Scarecrow (aka La leyenda del espantapájaros) is a touching morality tale about the dangers of perception. More so, how people’s perceptions can be skewed by fear of the unknown or by things they cannot understand in a simple manner. The short properly deals with the idea that not everyone or everything is or should be only looked at for what is on the surface, as the surface doesn’t dictate who someone/something is on the inside.

With a wonderful, emotionally driven piano score draped over a haunting narration by Sancho Gracia, The Legend of the Scarecrow is a gothic fairy tale that exudes a dark, somber feeling in a fashion that leaves a powerful impact that anyone can understand and appreciate, no matter what the age. The story is simple and possibly even a little hokey sounding in my own description, but within the confines of this 9 minute short, it works perfectly as a touching tale that can be beneficial to adults and children alike.

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Spooky Buddies (2011): Happy Howl-ween!

Everyone’s favorite talking puppies are back in a brand new adventure that pits them up against a wicked Warlock named Zarwick and his horrific Halloween Hound in a battle of good versus evil that’s sure to leave the whole family on the edge of their seat! Will the buddies survive this latest adventure, or will they end up as puppy chow? The answer may be a little spooky, but rest assured, dear buddies, because this is one tail you won’t soon forget!

Directed by Robert Vince, who is a serious baller when it comes to talking animal movies (I’m not kidding), Spooky Buddies is but one of many entries in Disney’s Air Bud/Buddies series of films, which got their start with 1997’s Air Bud. There are seriously like 11 or 12 of these movies, something that I certainly wasn’t aware of until I took a ride on the Spooky Buddies’ train.

Despite the number of films in the series, Spooky Buddies is the franchise’s first foray into what could be looked at as “horror.” Now, using the word horror might be pushing it a bit, but regardless of the fact that Spooky Buddies is an adorable family comedy about talking puppies, its core tale is rooted in horror. Furthermore, it’s set during Halloween, which is really the quickest way to capture my attention, whether or not I’m the intended audience.

The main story focuses on the before mentioned Zarwick (played by Harland Williams, who might actually be the new Christopher Lloyd) and his Halloween Hound trying to take over the world. To do this, the Halloween Hound needs to swallow the souls of five puppies, and there just so happens to be five precious golden retrievers that fit the bill. Chaos ensues and heads begin to roll. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but you follow my trail. Anyway, the buddies cannot take on this otherworldly menace on their own. Thankfully, however, there are others who join them in their fight, including their tween owners, a psychic dog named Zelda (which is a nice nod to Zelda Rubinstein) and a ghost dog.

There’s actually quite a bit more to the story than what I’ve gone over, and that’s because there is a surprising amount going on in Spooky Buddies. The film seamlessly shifts between the exploits of Zarwick, the kids, and the buddies, all of which gives Spooky Buddies a very fast pace that only slows down enough to give the viewer time to ogle at cute puppies. More specifically, cute talking puppies.

Speaking of which (or is it typing of which?), watching a movie like Spooky Buddies is a little odd at first, as I don’t watch a lot of/enough talking animals films, so when the buddies - as lovable as can be - start chatting it up, it sort of freaks me out. Not that it looks at all real or anything like that, but something about it spins my brain around a bit. Once I got passed the whole talking animals thing, I couldn’t help but be entertained by some of the buddies’ personalities, specifically B-Dawg, who is the four legged version of a suburban white boy living that “hip-hop lifestyle.” Adorned with a diamond encrusted “B” chain around his neck, B-Dawg often refers to the other buddies as “yo, dawgs!,” which is kind of the best. My one disappointment is that B-Dawg never takes the time to bust out a rap. I mean, that’s simply a wasted opportunity, if you ask me.

“Throw your paws in the air, and wave ‘em like you just don’t care!”

As I mentioned, Spooky Buddies is set during Halloween, and the Halloweeness of the film is quite satisfying. You get the Halloween drenched suburb setting where every house is decorated, and done so with the types of Halloween decor that you would find in any number of Halloween stores, something that I really appreciate. Children dressed up in an assortment of Halloween costumes literally take over the streets to earn themselves an eventual bellyache, which made me nostalgic for a time when I was young and trick or treating was a big deal. Spooky Buddies is legitimately enjoyable as a Halloween set movie with almost as much Halloween spirit embedded into its DNA as Trick ‘r Treat.  

Even outside of the Halloween aesthetic, it’s kind of impossible to not be somewhat charmed by the whole affair. Adorable dogs wearing equally adorable Halloween costumes is enough to cut through my blackened heart in a way that I did not at all expect. Honestly, I was inclined to watch Spooky Buddies because I thought it would be a great movie to make fun of, and while I probably could make fun of it if I really wanted to, that wouldn’t be honest of me.

Spooky Buddies is a kids movie about talking dogs, something that will not ‘speak’ to people who are not either young children or parents of young children. On the other hand, people who do love Halloween, and I mean LOVE Halloween, will likely enjoy this one, so long as you’re okay with watching a talking dog movie. It’s not necessarily original or creative, but it is earnest, properly witty and charming, and I look forward to the day where I can share Spooky Buddies with my own little buddies.