Bad Trick or Treat Ideas: Baked Goods

I love me a freshly baked batch of cookies. An apple pie right out of the oven? No doubt I’m all over that shit. Baked goods are called ‘goods’ for a reason, and that’s because they are good, so long as they are made by people like your mother, grandmother or aunt. A perfect stranger, on the other hand, well… I’ll pass. I appreciate that you took the time to whip up a delicious treat for the kiddies on Halloween. Your effort is valliant and all, but why should I risk the chance that you’re the cat lady whose main baking ingredient is cat hair, cat pee or a little of both?

Speaking of pee, how can I trust that you wash your hands on the regular? How do I know you didn’t whip your ass, pick your nose, take out an old tampon, or all of the above at some point during your baking process? Who do you think I am, Miss Cleo?! Because if I was, I would simply avoid your house all together. Do me a favor, and give your baked goods to your kin and let them develop a staph infection.

Goosebumps at 33: Phantom of the Auditorium

Phantom of the Auditorium opens with a tripped-out barrage of Phantom of the Opera inspired imagery, all of which turns out to be no more than a strange dream being had by a young girl named Brooke (Jessica Moyes). Brooke - who was cast to play the lead in the school’s production of ‘The Phantom’ - learns that the play is cursed by a missing boy who was set to play the titular role way back in 1923. According to one of the students, every time the play goes into production the Phantom shows up to haunt the cast and crew.   

News of this curse doesn’t frighten Brooke in the least, as she is far too excited to be playing such a big role to be concerned about an urban legend. Soon enough, however, someone dressed up as the Phantom shows up and begins causing trouble for the production. The Phantom specifically targets Brooke, who he constantly refers to as Esmeralda, which is the name of her character in the play.

The trouble caused by The Phantom is all pinned on Brooke’s best bud and the school class clown, Zeke (Shawn Potter), who has actually been cast as the Phantom. Looking to clear Zeke’s name and get to the bottom of this mystery, Brooke and Zeke decide to investigate, only to learn that the Phantom may very well be living in the basement of the school auditorium. Is the urban legend about the missing young boy true, or is there someone else looking to sabotage the play for some reason yet to be known?

Appearing during the series’ first season, Phantom of the Auditorium is, in my experience, a true anomaly in the Goosebumps cannon. What’s instantly noticeable about this episode is that it has a slightly Gothic feel about it, which fits in well with The Phantom of the Opera inspired storyline, while also giving the episode a very distinct feel from any other I‘ve seen. Furthermore, it’s certainly one of the more serious episodes that I’ve seen, as there is very little humor on display. Phantom of the Auditorium also marks the first episode I’ve watched that doesn’t feature a twist ending. And if anything’s a staple of Goosebumps, it’s that twist ending.

After doing this segment for four years, and feeling as if I had my finger on the pulse of Goosebumps, I’ve found myself quite surprised by the three episodes I’ve covered this Chucktober. There have been no bullies, obnoxious practical jokers, or even much to poke fun at, which has been an incredibly fun part of reviewing some of the episodes I have. With that said, all three episodes have also been really good, if not some of the best that I have watched so far. I suppose this shows the variety that can be found in R.L. Stine’s writing and, in turn, the show. It also further proves how perfect Goosebumps is as starter horror for young kids. There’s really a little something for everyone with this show.

That does it for this year’s Goosebumps at 33. I hope you’ve enjoyed this fourth season as much as I have, and I look forward to bumping into you again next Chucktober!

Until next time, kiddies, keep your night light on and your head under the covers…

The Conjuring/Pacific Rim Blu-ray Giveaway Winners!

It’s time to pick the winners of the Pacific Rim and The Conjuring Blu-rays! To see if you were one of the lucky winners, then you will have to watch the video below.

Dumpster Diving for Gold: Halloween Edition!

The month of October has been very kind to me in terms of VHS finds, so I decided to do a special Halloween edition of Dumpster Diving for Gold! In what might be my stupidest video yet, I go over all the goodies I have come across throughout the month of madness, all of which are of the horror/Halloween variety. Check out the video below, and I apologize in advance!

Salute Your Shorts: The Legend of the Scarecrow (2005)

In an attempt to curb his loneliness, an isolated scarecrow tries to befriend a group of crows. Much to his dismay, however, the crows completely ignore the scarecrow’s every effort. This causes the scarecrow to become deeply saddened, until one day when the scarecrow comes across a wounded, blind crow. The scarecrow nurses the injured creature back to health, and the two becomes fast friends. Out of curiosity, the scarecrow asks the blind crow why the other crows ignore him, in which he learns that the birds are simply afraid of him because he is, after all, a scarecrow. Upset by this notion, the scarecrow approaches his owner to see if there is anything he can do to help him with this situation, but the owner’s reaction results in a chain of events that causes the scarecrow much heartache.  

Written and directed by Marco Besas and beautifully brought to life by animator Carlos Lascano, The Legend of the Scarecrow (aka La leyenda del espantapájaros) is a touching morality tale about the dangers of perception. More so, how people’s perceptions can be skewed by fear of the unknown or by things they cannot understand in a simple manner. The short properly deals with the idea that not everyone or everything is or should be only looked at for what is on the surface, as the surface doesn’t dictate who someone/something is on the inside.

With a wonderful, emotionally driven piano score draped over a haunting narration by Sancho Gracia, The Legend of the Scarecrow is a gothic fairy tale that exudes a dark, somber feeling in a fashion that leaves a powerful impact that anyone can understand and appreciate, no matter what the age. The story is simple and possibly even a little hokey sounding in my own description, but within the confines of this 9 minute short, it works perfectly as a touching tale that can be beneficial to adults and children alike.

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Spooky Buddies (2011): Happy Howl-ween!

Everyone’s favorite talking puppies are back in a brand new adventure that pits them up against a wicked Warlock named Zarwick and his horrific Halloween Hound in a battle of good versus evil that’s sure to leave the whole family on the edge of their seat! Will the buddies survive this latest adventure, or will they end up as puppy chow? The answer may be a little spooky, but rest assured, dear buddies, because this is one tail you won’t soon forget!

Directed by Robert Vince, who is a serious baller when it comes to talking animal movies (I’m not kidding), Spooky Buddies is but one of many entries in Disney’s Air Bud/Buddies series of films, which got their start with 1997’s Air Bud. There are seriously like 11 or 12 of these movies, something that I certainly wasn’t aware of until I took a ride on the Spooky Buddies’ train.

Despite the number of films in the series, Spooky Buddies is the franchise’s first foray into what could be looked at as “horror.” Now, using the word horror might be pushing it a bit, but regardless of the fact that Spooky Buddies is an adorable family comedy about talking puppies, its core tale is rooted in horror. Furthermore, it’s set during Halloween, which is really the quickest way to capture my attention, whether or not I’m the intended audience.

The main story focuses on the before mentioned Zarwick (played by Harland Williams, who might actually be the new Christopher Lloyd) and his Halloween Hound trying to take over the world. To do this, the Halloween Hound needs to swallow the souls of five puppies, and there just so happens to be five precious golden retrievers that fit the bill. Chaos ensues and heads begin to roll. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but you follow my trail. Anyway, the buddies cannot take on this otherworldly menace on their own. Thankfully, however, there are others who join them in their fight, including their tween owners, a psychic dog named Zelda (which is a nice nod to Zelda Rubinstein) and a ghost dog.

There’s actually quite a bit more to the story than what I’ve gone over, and that’s because there is a surprising amount going on in Spooky Buddies. The film seamlessly shifts between the exploits of Zarwick, the kids, and the buddies, all of which gives Spooky Buddies a very fast pace that only slows down enough to give the viewer time to ogle at cute puppies. More specifically, cute talking puppies.

Speaking of which (or is it typing of which?), watching a movie like Spooky Buddies is a little odd at first, as I don’t watch a lot of/enough talking animals films, so when the buddies - as lovable as can be - start chatting it up, it sort of freaks me out. Not that it looks at all real or anything like that, but something about it spins my brain around a bit. Once I got passed the whole talking animals thing, I couldn’t help but be entertained by some of the buddies’ personalities, specifically B-Dawg, who is the four legged version of a suburban white boy living that “hip-hop lifestyle.” Adorned with a diamond encrusted “B” chain around his neck, B-Dawg often refers to the other buddies as “yo, dawgs!,” which is kind of the best. My one disappointment is that B-Dawg never takes the time to bust out a rap. I mean, that’s simply a wasted opportunity, if you ask me.

“Throw your paws in the air, and wave ‘em like you just don’t care!”

As I mentioned, Spooky Buddies is set during Halloween, and the Halloweeness of the film is quite satisfying. You get the Halloween drenched suburb setting where every house is decorated, and done so with the types of Halloween decor that you would find in any number of Halloween stores, something that I really appreciate. Children dressed up in an assortment of Halloween costumes literally take over the streets to earn themselves an eventual bellyache, which made me nostalgic for a time when I was young and trick or treating was a big deal. Spooky Buddies is legitimately enjoyable as a Halloween set movie with almost as much Halloween spirit embedded into its DNA as Trick ‘r Treat.  

Even outside of the Halloween aesthetic, it’s kind of impossible to not be somewhat charmed by the whole affair. Adorable dogs wearing equally adorable Halloween costumes is enough to cut through my blackened heart in a way that I did not at all expect. Honestly, I was inclined to watch Spooky Buddies because I thought it would be a great movie to make fun of, and while I probably could make fun of it if I really wanted to, that wouldn’t be honest of me.

Spooky Buddies is a kids movie about talking dogs, something that will not ‘speak’ to people who are not either young children or parents of young children. On the other hand, people who do love Halloween, and I mean LOVE Halloween, will likely enjoy this one, so long as you’re okay with watching a talking dog movie. It’s not necessarily original or creative, but it is earnest, properly witty and charming, and I look forward to the day where I can share Spooky Buddies with my own little buddies.

Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?

Man, I’ve been searching high and low trying to find some awesome DIY Halloween costume ideas, and until now I have had no luck whatsoever. I’m sooooo pumped that I stumbled across this video, which is going to be SUPER helpful in getting me to that DIY “Next Level” this Halloween. I’m really looking forward to an exciting video, full of passion, care, love, and maybe even a few thrills and chills!

Let’s do it!

I’m not sure how to comprehend all of that. I mean, I really appreciate the work that this young lady put into such a fine video, filled with an intimidating amount of pink blanket and an equal part of indifference. It takes an incredible amount of work and passion to lay in bed and do a video with the excitement level of a dead dolphin sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I can only imagine how challenging it must have been to force all those words out of her mouth, especially after that impressive cough right at the beginning. I‘d really like to thank her for that.

You know, it’s not often one person can deliver such entertainment value with so little effort. It’s like watching someone try to understand why they’re dumb. But that’s exactly what can happen when you’re really giving it your all. Never would I have guessed that I’d get so many good DIY Halloween costume ideas in one place, just as I never would have guessed that the video would get so extremely loud at the minute mark. Quite frankly, I am impressed. 

This video has left an emotional impact that will forever change who I am as both a father and a son. Now, I’m not a father, but I feel like one after the inspirational brush with brilliance that came upon me in watching this video. And the best part is, I totally have a MILLION great ideas for making my own DIY Halloween costume!