Oh boy kiddies, I hope you have your permission slips all signed by your parents, because it's time for a filed trip! YAY! Okay, calm down now you little brats. Now, while most field trips are filled with learning, fun and adventure, this one is more than likely going to scar you for good, as we will be taking a trip to hell so we can play with dynamite! And when I say dynamite, I mean Devil's Dynamite, which just so happens to be the film I reviewed over at The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema. Ninjas, jumping vampires, astronaut ninjas, short-shorts, crazy bad dubbing, and it's all brought to you courtesy of the great Godfrey Ho! This is so much better than the petting zoo, that's for sure!
Things aren't going to get much safer as we head on over to our next destination, a nice little movie theater where the crazed Mad Ron will be introducing us to a slew of his best horror, cult and exploitation Prevues! He doesn't do it alone, oh no siree, in fact, he has the help of ventriloquist Nick Pawlow and his undead buddy, Happy Goldsplatt, as they play host to the madness that ensues! If you've not heard of Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell, you should certainly stop by Strange Kids Club to check out my thoughts as well as the release itself (it's on Netflix instant). It's quite the bloody good time and a must for anyone that loves trailer compilations, exploitation, horror, grindhouse cinema and the 80s.
Well, that does it for today's field trip, but before I send you all back home to your parents, lets do a head count, starting with those that still have their heads!! BWAHAHAHAHA!
We here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby would like to wish the lovely Cynthia Rothrock the happiest of birthdays. May all of your kicks hit high and your shorts stay short, on this, your very special day. That's more of a request, actually.
Earlier today, Marc Patterson of Brutal as Hell made a call-to-arms in support of FEARnet's HD cable channel. Some time back in June of last year I had done a post expressing my anticipation for finally having a horror channel on the horizon, specifically one that has a solid library of films that have been built up over the years through FEARnet's wonderful VOD service. In October of last year, FEARnet dropped a 24/7 horror network that's programming consists of an array of horror cinema covering everything from classic to modern, as well as FEARnet original series, all of which are properly broadcast in HD.
Now, the only issue with such a grand channel built specifically for movie fans that love to hear things that go bump in the night is, FEARnet HD is only available through Verizon FiOS (channel 197). Personally, I do not have Verizon FiOS due to it not being available in my area, and I will take the gamble and guess that there are many of you out there that suffer from this same problem. So, what's a ghoul to do? Well, for one, you can stop by the FEARnet website, and with a few simple clicks you can request that your local cable company carry FEARnet HD. CLICK HERE, then click on the thingy that says 'Get FEARnet HD', and the rest is history.
Seriously, most if not all of you out there right now are horror fans, so there is no reason that all of us cannot band together to give ourselves something great. It's easier than burning a bra or making a sign, so get to it, why don't cha? Look at their upcoming lineup for March if you aren't convinced yet…March Highlights.
Clocking in at a mere five and a half minutes, including credits, Mark McCombe's Lover's Jump is an extremely short dramatic thriller set in a single location. The film's focus is on Peter (Laurence Fuller), a young man that is plagued by the death of his mother, as he believes it is his fault that she recently passed away. Peter only sees one way out of this nightmare that has become his life, and as he stands on Lover's Leap bridge, pondering ever so deeply, dark ideas swim throughout his head as he contemplates whether or not he will go through with what seems to be the best solution to ending the pain he is enduring. His Aunt (Holly Clark), whom Peter had asked to come to Lover's Jump, shows up and tries to talk sense into Peter, but is it too late, or will Peter take his sorrow and feelings of guilt into his own hands.
It's very difficult to get too deep into this film as it is so very short, and there is a major revelation that I would dare not spoil. Regardless, for a short that flies by at lightning speed, there is a great deal of depth to be found in Lover's Jump. Entirely set on Lover's Jump Bridge, with no more than the interaction between Peter and his aunt, this is a prime example of a lean story that bursts with ideas and backstory. The emotional damage and pain emitted from Peter is felt with Laurence Fuller's quiet performance, and the superbly written Jenny Wong dialogue is minimal but efficient enough to build a world and backstory in which these two characters are living.
As fast as things get going, Lover's Jump ends with a quick bang that is sure to catch most any viewer off guard. As I said, this one runs really short, but its end comes much faster than the runtime would suggest, only further cementing the impact that the revelation will have on the viewer. What's brilliant about this sudden ending is, as the credits roll, you have a moment to take in what just happened, only to come back to a shot of the bridge for a long poignant moment of reflection. Lover's Jump is a fantastic example of how much can be told in such a small amount of time with minimal means, and it's all done without it being forced upon the viewer, as it is the viewer that is given the chance to work things over in their own head.
Unfortunately, Lover's Jump is still making rounds on the festival circuit, so it isn't readily available for you all to check out. However, you can follow the film's blog for any news as it comes in.
One of the lesser mentioned films that has come from the warmly received wave of extreme French horror, 2004's Calvaire is a Belgium lensed, character-focused psychological-thriller with a heavy art-house cinema influence. The setting is familiar, with a backdrop that consists of a dreary Belgium countryside that essentially gives you a clear indication of the type of film you're in for - even if it goes in directions that one would not expect. Taking a page from most any horror film set in a secluded rural area, Calvaire (aka The Ordeal) follows an unsuccessful singer for hire, Marc (Laurent Lucas), as he sets out on a road trip to his next gig. Unsurprisingly, Marc runs into some car trouble on the way and is forced to shack up for the evening at a rundown inn owned by a seemingly kind and lonely older man, (ahem) Paul Bartel (Jackie Berroyer).
Over the course of the film (which is actually quite brief with its 83-minute runtime), it's the standard tale of an outsider trying to get where he needs to be, but there just seems to be one obstacle after another preventing this from happening. I'll be getting into some spoiler territory, so feel free to take off if you're not okay with having this one exposed for you. Bartel is the character that, for much of the film, goes back and forth as being the maybe he is, maybe he isn't a creep type of guy. Nevertheless, as soon as it becomes clear that Bartel is shady (which is somewhat far into the film), he goes from slightly odd to full on psycho in the blink of an eye; forcibly enslaving Marc for the sole purpose of him unwillingly becoming the replacement for his wife that had left him long before.
Throughout the film, Marc is portrayed as a sort of unwilling stud, with old women and nurses throwing themselves at him in the most pathetic of ways. There's really no indication that Marc deserves this attention as he is far from likeable, and I would feel very comfortable in assuming that he is more than likely gay, whether or not it's ever actually alluded to. This carries over to Bartel, who is, as I mentioned, all about Marc, but in a way that is vastly more delusional in that he believes that Marc is actually his wife. It doesn't end there, however, as a character played by the butcher himself, Philippe Nahon, shows up and it is learned that he too believes that Marc is this women that Bartel loves, and guess what? He loves him/her too!
Meant to be as shocking as it is strange, Calvaire is inflated with a handful of oddities; such as, its off kilter reveal, a bestiality scene (which is a major fucking warning sign, Marc), and this strange dance sequence where a bar full of more than likely inbred men (including Nahon's character) dance what appears to be a drunken, slowed down version of the pogo. The characters have a certain amount of depth to them, but there's never any payoff with anyone as there is nobody that I could even remotely sympathize with. Even Marc, who catches a fair amount of abuse, is such a crybaby bitch-ass that I could do no more than feel disgusted by his lack of strength. Apparently, Bartel is supposed to be the one to feel sorry for, but that works about as good as saying that a Nazi isn't so bad if he has cancer.
From a weak attempt at black comedy, false subtext, and random religious undertones, Calvaire simply feels like a bunch of shit thrown into a toilet and whatever flushes, flushes. This could be mistaken as horror with flourishes of art, I suppose, but it lacks the correct strokes to give it such weight. What irks me most is that director, Fabrice Du Welz, claims that there are really only two characters in the film: Marc and Bartel. Welz states that the rest of the characters in Calvaire are all some variation of Bartel's madness (remember, everyone LOVES Marc). Thanks for telling me that, director person, because nowhere does this film express this notion, therefore it only exists as an idea that you were not able to portray on screen. Good thing you're here to tell us after the fact, right?
This film is what I would like to call an imposter, a phony – a film that tries to be more than what it is by doing certain things to get certain reactions in the hopes that it will be mistaken for something better than it is. Unfortunately, I had not a single reaction outside of boredom and disdain. Calvaire tries to be different for no other reason than to do so, and I see right through it. You cannot fool me into thinking you're surreal with a random creepy dance sequence (even if the song was bad-ass). Nicolas Winding Refn did that in Bronson, and it worked because that film had what it took to pull off surrealism in a way that doesn't feel false. There is A LOT of talent showcased technically (especially with the fantastic confrontational finale), and yes, there are some interesting ideas here, but in the end, Calvaire leaves no more than a stain created by trying to be too much and the idea that if it's out-there, it's art.
Located somewhere over the rainbow is a magical land known simply as Paracinema, and within this village lies a small tavern owned and operated by yours truly. Every once in a while I like to have a nice little dinner - a feast in which everyone is invited to come over and take part in if they so choose. All that you need to bring is yourself and your appetite. This time around, I have prepared a special dish made up of 2010's questionable documentary, Catfish. This is a meal that I have truly enjoyed creating, nevertheless, if you have never enjoyed a dish such as Catfish, I suggest you take a taste before you head on over. If not, my meal may just 'spoil' your appetite altogether.
Throughout this annoyingly frigid month, some folks are celebrating black history, others, women in horror, but leave it to the almighty Emily of The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense to take the month of February and add her own 'little' twist to it. With - as Emily puts it - February being a short month, she has focused all 28 days of February to villains that are less than five feet tall. Vertically challenged villains, if you will. Dolls, killer kids, midgets…heck, even people without legs aren't safe from the sting of Emily's always-wonderful reviews. Along with her focus on tiny terrors, Emily was gracious enough to invite anyone and everyone to take part in this celebration, which is exactly what I'm doing here, with 1992's killer doll classic (well…), Dolly Dearest.
Directed by Maria Lease - whose other directorial credit belongs to that of the saucy TV series, Silk Stalkings, if that tells you anything - Dolly Dearest follows a toy manufacture and his family who move to Mexico so he can mass-produce the hottest toy since the Cabbage Patch Kids: Dolly Dearest. As soon as his young daughter, Jessica (Candace Hutson), lays her eyes on one of the dolls her father will produce (at his Mexican sweatshop) she falls in love and must have one immediately. Of course, her father gives Jessica a Dolly Dearest of her own but, little does he know, the torture porn toy factory is located right next to a Mayan tomb that, after being opened by an archeologist, released the evil spirit Sanzia (aka SATAN!) whom has taken refuge in….wait for it…the Dolly Dearest toys!
As opposed to Child's Play's protagonist, Andy, who becomes fearful of his killer doll, Chucky, Jessica's relationship with Dolly Dearest is a little more possessive; as in, Dolly slowly turns Jessica into an evil accomplice. A bad best buddy, if you will. While there could easily be a ton of comparisons to Child's Play, the films really share no more than the idea of a killer doll. Which is a big idea, sure, but that's beside the point. Dolly Dearest focuses less on Dolly herself and more on Jessica's sudden burst of poor behavior (and how it affects her family, specifically her mother), where she begins to act erratically and violently toward anyone that would dare to separate her from her new best friend. She lashes out at her mother constantly (played by Denise Crosby, in her greasiest of roles), attacks the religious Mexican maid - or slave, as some call it - and draws violent images…with crayons, naturally.
Candace Hutson, who plays Jessica, is fun to watch and actually quite adorable in a welfare Drew Barrymore sort of way. She puts out a nice over-the-top performance, while sometimes even coming off as somewhat creepy when she 'acts out' to the people around her. Also creepy is Dolly Dearest herself, who, specifically in 'normal' doll form, is unpleasant enough to give most any kid a doll phobia. In fact, as a normal doll, Dolly Dearest is probably most effective when she does little more than turn her head or moves her eyes slightly, as that is something that seems a little more plausible from an inanimate object such as a doll. That's not to take away from Dolly Dearest in full on 'I have an old face' killer doll mode, which is quite wonderful in its own way, just not as unsettling as what could be contemplated as real.
Going into what is essentially a direct-to-video killer doll film, I would expect no more than the normal amount of cheese and incompetence from this movie, however, Dolly Dearest really isn't as cheap as one would expect (or as many would claim it to be). Not to say this is a great film on any level, but it has a decent cast (that includes Rip Torn!), it's made competently enough and you can tell that the filmmakers were trying to make a solid scary movie that could step out of Childs Play's shadow, all while benefiting from its popularity. Nevertheless, good intentions don't always result in good films and Dolly Dearest fails in more ways than it succeeds.
Dolly Dearest suffers from a serious illness, an illness best known as being boring. Not completely, but mostly, which is more than too much for me to be okay with. One major issue is this film falls very short in the death department. In fact, I think there are no more than three, maybe four, kills all together. Moreover, with that comes a lack of Dolly's presence (who was played by Ed Gale), which was great when she was around, but her screen time was far too little for a character that could have been pure gold. What it comes down to is, it's not quite good enough to be good, and it's not quite bad enough to be good, either. Therefore, what you are left with is a middle of the road, doll driven Slasher film that tries too hard to be good and loses what it could have been, entertaining.
