It has recently dawned on me that I hardly get excited by most horror news anymore. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I am swept up by some big announcement, new trailers, stuff like that, but that doesn't seem to happen too often lately. I like to have my interest piqued, and it takes a lot to grab my attention, and then keeping my attention is even more difficult. Once in a while there is a film that begs to be ingested and has me clamoring for more. But more often than not, there isn't all that much I really need to know about a movie past a trailer or two, a couple of posters, and eventually a review.
I find a major annoyance with most internet horror news sites and what they deliver as "relevant" horror news, as it's mostly just boring and pointless filler. For example: "Hey horror fan, watch 96 new clips from Splice!" or "Oh snap, Jennifer Aniston is gonna be in Scream 4?!" or "C'mon, of course Jennifer Aniston's Scream 4 casting is a rumor. Duh?!" or "Here is another new trailer for REC 2! It's the brand new UK trailer, and it's new!" How about, I don't fucking care about a new trailer for REC 2 - how about, I only care about the DVD release date for REC 2, so I can go to the store and buy it. How about that? I saw trailers for REC 2 two years ago, and I can buy it on Amazon UK. A new trailer is not news to me.
I'm not even trying to place blame solely on the horror sites, even though it seems as if I just did. Obviously, being a fan of horror, I love horror sites, I just wish there wasn't so much bullshit on them sometimes. I notice and get most annoyed by it when news is especially slow. Being that this is mainly a horror blog, I receives some press release stuff from different companies here and there. Not like a website, or even like many of the bigger blogs, but I get mines. Now, it's cool getting those emails because it makes me feel…well, kind of special, but most of these emails are giving me news that is on par with what I just complained about in that last paragraph. It's pretty rare that I get one with something interesting and worth doing a post about. So I don't.
I guess a lot of the blame for that should be placed on marketing and companies throwing movie sites teeny tiny bones that have no meat, but they are still eaten up anyways and plastered as the newest headline. It's how these companies are keeping their product on the minds of horror fans with out giving up anything of real substance. Why do we need 6 boring new clips from so and so movie? We don't. Well, I don't, I just want to watch the movie, that's all.
Simon says… check out my review for, Simon Says, a movie that I had in my instant queue, but may have never watched if not for Christine's (kind of) glowing review for the movie over at Paracinema some time back. The film stars movie madman Crispin Glover, and is a modern day Slasher with the hook of the main killer being named Simon, thus, Simon Says! How brilliant? So yeah, you can read that review over at the newest issue of BThroughZ as well as a whole slew of other awesome articles that will make your eye balls smile with joy. It's true.
ATTENTION!!! This is future Matt-suzaka, and sadly BThroughZ no longer exists, so here is a link to my review of Simon Says, which is now located on the very blog you are reading! Enjoy! CLICK HERE!
There has been a lot of hubbub going around the world of internet horror concerning the upcoming television incarnation of The Walking Dead. I haven't really cared all that much about it, most likely because I have never read the books, and I think I may have needed things to come closer to fruition before I could begin to show interest. Well, now I'm starting to, which brings forth the question, how friggin' cool will a zombie TV show be?! Based on well received source material, written, produced and directed by the great Frank Darabont, and it's on AMC, which is a channel that has put out quality original programming like only cable is capable of doing nowadays. So yeah, now I'm starting to get pumped for this show, and it is shaping up to be the biggest thing since Manimal.
Now that the Blogathon/contest is completely all over, things are getting back to normal around here, and I am very happy about that. Mostly because I fear change….and Mark Wahlberg's third nipple. I do have a ton of very versatile film reviews written, waiting in the wings to be posted as well as a whole bunch of other ideas that are brewing in my cranium. I plan on really trying to push CNAMB to the next level and bring as much quality as I am capable of. Which isn't much, but I work with what I got. There's a dick joke in there somewhere. Anyways, keep yer eyes peeled, for the future is now!
You know where you are? You're in the Hangover baby…you're gonna die! Okay, so maybe only a portion of that statement is true, unless you're 89-years-old and on your death bed. In that case, thanks for reading! You may not be passing anytime soon, but you certainly are feeling that way with all that Natty Ice you put in your body last night, so let me take you by the hand and lead you down the path to The Horror Hangover.
IFC loves it's dead gay son by starting us off with Heathers (1989) at 10:15. Heathers is a favorite film from my youth as well as a cult classic, so there isn't much I really need to say about this one. I have seen Heathers quite a few times, but it has been a while, so what better time and place than this morning on IFC? Pick of the week.
The Hangover only gets easier from here on out as it's all SyFy, all day, starting at 11:00 with See No Evil (2006). I saw this maybe a year ago, and I remember absolutely nothing about it, so I can only assume that it wasn't very good. I do remember one pretty badass death at the end of the film that was cool enough for me to recall, but that is really all, unfortunately.
At 1:00 SyFy takes a trip to the woods with Timber Falls (2007). Never saw this one myself, but it is directed by Tony Giglio, the man behind the classic family film Soccer Dog: The Movie (was there a TV show?), and we all know what a big fan of Soccer Dog you are. The plot reads stale and uncreative, but the review average isn't completely terrible, so take that which ever way you'd like. The trailer isn't too bad, and I decided to go with a foreign language one to make the movie appear better than it probably is. It actually works.
SyFy keeps on trucking through this Hangover with Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead (2008) at 3:00. I enjoyed the first Joy Ride, but I can't imagine a sequel being too great, especially when the crazed trucker sound like he rubs the lotion on his skin. And what's with the name, Rusty Nail? More like Rusty Trombone.
Our Hangover comes to a dead end with Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007) at 5:00 on SyFy. I've always heard good things about this sequel to a movie that I quite enjoyed, but I have yet to see it outside of a few minutes on SyFy, naturally. Rollins is always good for some entertainment, and the survival game show angle seems like fun, so I look forward to catching up with Dead End at some point in the future.
That will be all for this edition of The Horror Hangover. See you all next week, when once again, you are half past dead.
Well, the new version of The Karate Kid opens today, and surprisingly it looks better than I would have ever thought. However, I think that it only appears that way due to the presence of Jackie Chan. The fighting also looks like it will be elevated from the original, but that's probably because it's the more flashy art of Kung-Fu, not Karate, this time around. Funny, Kung-fu? Karate Kid? Eh, what's the difference, it's not as if anyone can differentiate between China and Japan anyways. Even if it looks okay, I still can't help but hate it. Why? Because I cannot stand that little girl, Jaden Smith, who isn't even worthy of Ralph Macchio's Jersey ball sweat. Sorry. It's not even his fault really so much it's his one-trick dad that I don't like, and shit rolls downhill as they say.
I'd rather not spend a dance party explaining my reasons for hating Will Smith post Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, because it's all about the music, man. Even more so, it's all about the original Karate Kid, and while it's not set off in some foreign land, or filled with near wire-fu Martial Arts, nor does it have an all-star cast and a robotic pre-teen with cute braids, it has heart, inspiration, and a drunken Miyagi. Oh, and it also has one of the greatest montages outside of a Rocky film. It's the type of montage that has you doing sit-ups and stretches within minutes. Just remember, there is only one person better than you, and that is you when trained to fight, trained to be strong and trained to be the best...around.
Written and performed by Joe Esposito, You're the Best is the hype song for the All-Valley Karate Championships as well as the hype song for my day-to-day life. You're the Best is just one of many classic songs made to pump up the audience in movies where adversity was faced head-on by whomever the underdog may be. An interesting note about this song is the fact that it was written for Rocky III, but after being nudged for Eye of the Tiger, it was again replaced by Maniac on the Flashdance soundtrack before making The Karate Kid cut. While I love the song, it is a little hokey even compared to Maniac and Eye of the Tiger, two songs that proved to be much more popular at the time. Still, bounced around or not, the song has an important place in cinema and in the hearts of Karate Kid fans across the globe.
No matter how many times I had heard great things about the 2006 Canadian zombie film, Fido, I still, for whatever reason fronted on it. Finally sitting down to watch it recently, I found myself far from disappointed, and while there are many ways to handle a horror comedy, Fido does so with the sharpest of wit and a double dash of social commentary, avoiding the over-the-top route that many of the genre seem to take.
Directed by Andrew Currie, Fido is set sometime in the 50's where - due to some cosmic space dust the Earth passed through - all of the dead have come back to life, fittingly, with a taste for human flesh. A massive war against the zombies ensued and with the end of that war came the birth of ZomCom (short for Zombie Comedy?), a government funded corporation that found a way to domesticate the living dead so they could be used as servants. Special collars were created to control the zombies, and every household in America has one of their own. These tamed un-dead do everything from laundry and mowing the lawn, to even being used for tasks like delivering the newspaper and working as crossing guards for school children.
Fido focuses on the Robinson's, a seemingly normal family consisting of Bill, his wife Helen and their son, Timmy. While they seem as normal as anyone else does in their perfect little suburb, they lack one thing, a zombie. This is something of an embarrassment for Helen, as it's all about appearance in their snotty neighborhood and being without a zombie is less than the best. Due to a childhood trauma during the "Zombie Wars," (as they're referred to) Bill has always been against getting a zombie, but to fit in with the rest of their neighbors, Helen gets one anyways and Bill begrudgingly goes along with it.
Timmy Robinson, who is sort of a loner and is picked on by his peers, befriends the zombie when he saves Timmy from some bullies. Timmy aptly names his new best friend and pet, Fido, and they form a strong bond much like a boy and his dog would. However, when Fido's control collar malfunctions, he eats one of the neighbors, resulting in a small zombie outbreak and the possibility of the Robinson's being held accountable and being sent to the forbidden zone by the ZomCom corporation. If you can't tell by the name, the forbidden zone is bad news.
Fido relies less on outrageous jokes and goes for the comedy jugular in a much smarter and more subtle way. While there are some very funny moments, Fido is not a laugh riot, but more of a cleverly thought out comedy with a heavy splash of satire on American culture. There's peer pressure to be like everyone else as seen with Helen feeling the need to own a zombie like her neighbors as well as Timmy being bullied for, essentially, not supporting ZomCom. There are moral questions about the enslavement of these flesh eating creatures for personal use and whether or not they really are nothing more than just monsters, or is it fear projected on society that makes these zombie more monstrous than they might be. Are the zombies a product of fear themselves and they react violently due to how the human population reacts to them? With this situation also comes the subject of racism with the zombies taking the place of minorities in this perfect little white bread American setting.
Many of these social issues are as fitting then as they are even in our modern times. Setting the film in the 50's works as that is a time when America is perceived as cookie cutter and easily influenced with the use of fear tactics (Fido fittingly starts off with a propaganda film about the zombies, which is shown to kids in school). It's a perfect contrast to the world we live in today and while some would look back on that time and think how ignorant people were, really, nothing much has changed outside of the country being more cynical and somewhat more informed due to technology. More informed doesn't equate to less ignorant, however.
The 50's setting is perfectly captured and the look of Fido is spot on to that time period but through the eyes of a TV sitcom as opposed to real life. There are great little touches like the edges of the movie being slightly rounded, to make it look as if it's playing on an old styled television or the clearly fake background when characters are driving their cars. There are many elements that are akin to an episode of Lassie, complete with "Timmy" asking Fido to go and find help when stuck in a bad situation. Funny enough, instead of barking to get help, Fido growls and grunts.
All of the portrayals are fantastic with a great cast that consists of Dylan Baker, Carrie-Anne Moss, and K'Sun Ray making up the Robinson's and Billy Connolly playing the titular role of Fido. Carrie-Anne Moss actually stood out the most, as I would never had pictured her being able to play the role of 50's housewife, but she pulls it off incredibly and looks quite nice doing so, which was an even bigger surprise.
Fido is not an in your face comedy like Zombieland, or even to an extant, Shaun of the Dead. With it's setting and how the humor is handled, it is more along the lines of the Tim Burton classic, Edward Scissorhands, than anything else. Even with all of the social commentary throughout the film, it never feels forced, instead, it comes to the viewer naturally during the movie and when further thought is provoked. Even in the oversaturated zombie and horror comedy markets, Fido finds a way to breathe some fresh air into both genres, and I can only suggest you take a whiff of these un-dead flowers for yourself.
After much deliberation and difficult whittling down of posts, in the end, it was a toss of the dart that made the final decisions for the winners of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. It was just way too difficult to pick which post was better than the next, because each of the posts were simply great, and even more so, there was a lot of versatility in them as well as the writers that wrote them.
So without any further ado, I present the winners…
Congrats to you both and you each shall receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!
A huge congratulations to Stacia, who has won herself all of these prizes!
There you have it, three very deserving blogs that put some quality Chuck in their posts. Each of the winners can email me their addresses so I can send out the prizes as soon as I feel like. Thanks again to everyone that took part in this historic event, it would have been nothing without your contributions. I really do wish you all could have won, but in a way you did, because I now love you and forever will you be safe in my home in case the apocalypse should begin. That's a promise.
If it's Sunday afternoon, than it must mean that you are this close to puking up tequila, $1 draught beer and that rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity from the night before. Luckily for you, Sunday afternoon also means it's time for The Horror Hangover!
Nothing quite says next level in fear like a Children of the Corn sequel, and that is exactly what SyFy is starting us out with this week when Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001) reveals itself at 10:00. It's the seventh and last film in the franchise (if you don't count the remake), and this time the corn is going urban when a woman finds that here apartment complex is built on the old stomping ground of the OG children of the corn. You gotta love how this trailer pimps so hard the fact that Stephen King wrote the original story that this film is based on, intercut with shots of some hot chick taking a bubble bath. Class.
Speaking of class, at 10:15, Strangers On A Train (1951) pulls in for a stop at Turner Classic Movies. Strangers is such a great film and definitely a must see for any genre fan that has not seen it already. Fantastic performances, ahead of it's time and completely inventive visuals, and a great story based off Throw Mama from the Train. It's so weird how that came out after Strangers, though. It's classic Alfred Hitchock and will be treated as such on TCM, and this may be one of the best ways to watch this film, therefore, it gets my pick of the week!
Taking a nose dive in the quality department, SyFy is showing Cold Creek Manor (2003) at noon. I actually saw this movie, but it was on TV I think, and I can't really remember much about it, probably because there was nothing worth those precious brain cells of mine. I can guarantee you this, there will be mystery, suspense and lots of boredom with this one.
In something that rubbed me as odd, at 1:30 a film titled Stick It is on ABC Family. Now, I am not sure what's going on over at this "family channel," but if I am being asked to stick it, then I shall happily oblige, but should the whole family be watching this "sticking?" I'm fine with grandma, but the kids seem a little out of place, don't cha think?
At 2:00, Lifetime Movie Network outdoes itself by showing The Return (2006), a movie that I would possibly watch, and not for a few overly dramatic laughs either. Not that I would guess it's good, but it doesn't look totally terrible either, and I don't mind me a little Sarah Michelle Gellar in the afternoon, let alone anytime for that matter.
And our day comes to a close at 2:30 with a film that got the shaft worse than Armando Galarraga, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005) on SyFy. I actually never saw either of the Exorcist prequels that were made, but how crazy is it that all of that happened? If you don't know the history, this film was made as a prequel to the Exorcist, but the studio got cold feet and thought the movie wouldn't be well received by modern audiences with a taste for Saw. So to spice things up, they fired director Paul Schrader and hired Renny Harlin, to do a little Richard Lester inspired retooling, resulting in Exorcist: The Beginning.
Either way, it blew up in their faces and the Harlin film did terrible and they ended up releasing the Schrader version sometime afterwards. but by that point, no one was spending any more cash on another Exorcist prequel nor did anyone really care. At some point in my life, I would love to watch both films to see how different they are from each other. Still, I am sure the history is much more interesting than either of the movies.
That does it for this Sunday kiddies, hope to see you next week, same drunk time, same drunk channel.
