The Horror Hangover

Another day, another hangover, but thankfully, there are quite a few films for you to drool through today, so your hangover won't be relegated to just infomercials about little wieners and badass food processors. Not that every single one of these films are much better than infomercials or a QVC sweater blowout, but there still be some gold in these here hangover hills, and I shall be your guide for this, The Horror Hangover.

AMC starts our day off with a Governor, a director with a god complex, a super flat butt and the guy that banged Rosanne. Of course, I'm talking about True Lies (1994), which is playing at 10:30.

1:00 gives us all the gift of Boogeyman (2005), followed by Boogeyman 2 (2007) at 1:00, and we can thank SyFy for this one. I've never seen but have only heard very bad things about Boogeyman, and I only can assume that would be the same case for it's sequel. Boogeyman…why can't I keep the thought out of my head that this film would be better served if the main antagonist were just some dude who picked his nose, then ran after people trying to wipe it on them? Now that would be scary. Boogers are frightening on their own, but put them on a fingertip that is hot on your tail, and you got the stuff nightmares are made of. It'snot how I would want to go out, that's for sure.

11:30 comes and goes with Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) on FX. It's not a horrible remake, but certainly the definition of an unnecessary one. It does make for a good hangover movie though, as you won't feel bad taking puke breaks during the movie and possibly missing something.

I must admit, nothing else in today's hangover matters, and all of it was only leading up to the double-decker of oily badass that AMC has starting at 1:00 with First Blood (1982) followed by First Blood Part II (1985) at 3:00. Seriously, I love First Blood, like a wicked lot, and you should too. To show my love, I have provided this photo, which is actually directly to the right of my computer desk and contains the lamp I bought for $2 and Rambo killing mother-fuckers.

Oh, and make sure to watch this teaser. It's so tough, you have to watch it shirtless with a stick of butter rubbed on your chest.

Double pick of the week.

Ugh, why go on after First Blood? Well, SyFy gives us something that might be worth a view with Carny (2009) at 3:00. Clearly, it's set in a carnival, it star's LDP and it actually looks like it might be kind of fun based off this trailer. Carny is also on Netflix instant and is already on my queue, so if I don't watch it today, I may give it a whirl soon. Hay, who knows, it could be good, or it could be Carny! Yup, I did it.

And ending the hangover as far away from Rambo as you can get, we are once again put under the spell of The Craft (1996) at 4:00 on E! I'll save the First Blood and period comparison jokes for some other time…the whole booger thing was enough nasty for one Sunday.

Before I go away and stop alienating you all, I want to congratulate good friend to CNAMB and myself, Cortez the Killer and his new wife, Jennifer. The two of them were wed yesterday, so I can only imagine the hangover that is being had by many that attended the festivities. Good luck kiddies, and Chuck wants you to start working on kids asap!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Master Blaster Edition!

I haven't seen the third film in the Mad Max trilogy, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, since before I first produced baby batter. It's a film that is difficult to forget, however, and even though it's one I loved as a young lad, I still knew all that kid's shit was pretty corny. Which is funny as Mad Max's version of Ewoks were meant to draw a young me to the film, which would be further proven by the PG-13 rating. But even at a young age, I could see through it. Still, there were many cool moments in the movie, and I would love to revisit it again sometime in the near future. No matter how long it's been since I've watched Thunderdome, there's one thing that still stands out in my memories very clearly, and the most iconic aspect, even over Master Blaster, is We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome), by lady legs herself, Tina Turner.

I don't think I need to go over how Tina Turner plays a pivotal role as Aunty Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome the film, but her role in Thunderdome as far as marketing goes may have had more impact on that film's recognition than anything else. She was huge at the time, and that fame was only continued with We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome). Written by Terry Britten and Graham Lyle, with Turner backed by a choral group coming out of King's House School in Richmond, London, the song was a smash hit to say the least. It was nominated for a Golden Globe as well as a Grammy, and it hit a high of #2 on the Billboard Hot 100.

We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) and Turner in her Aunty Entity outfit in this video are very iconic, and sure the song has a lot of actual meaning behind it, but I cannot get over her White Fang hairdo. She does look pretty bangin' though, and I wouldn't mind taking a hold of those epic earrings and going for a little ride through Thunderdome. I'll show Tina a real Master Blaster if you get my drift. In all seriousness, it's an infectious song and I would be telling nothing short of the truth when I say how many times the chorus of this song has come out of my mouth over my lifespan. Complete with dum-dum-dum drum sound, naturally. Great song and a fun video, it's about damn time it made it's way onto Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. Dum-dum-dum. 

Who's it Gonna Be Tonight?

For the most part, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to hearing about upcoming remakes. I'm not all for them, and unless they are announced to be in 3D (ugh), I am not really against them either. To state the obvious, I know for a fact that they will either be: A) Good B) Bad or C) Mediocre. No matter which one of those categories the remake might fall in, the original will stay in whatever category you and I have it in to begin with. A shitty remake cannot take that away from either of us. The reason I bring this up is due to the recent casting news for the upcoming remake of Fright Night. Now, Fright Night is one of my favorite horror films – it is a childhood favorite – as well as my favorite vampire film from a time when I absolutely loved the genre and vampires period. I even read and still own the comic book series that came out around the time, and I even once went as a post turned "Evil" Ed for Halloween as a kid.

So even with news of one of my favorite childhood films being remade, I am still indifferent about it all. I always have the hopes that it will be good, of course, because then I would have yet another take on a film and story that I love. However, with the casting news for this soon to be remade vampire film, I find myself very excited for a few reasons. Toni Collette is a great actress and to know that she is going to play a small but still important role as Judy Brewster is very promising. She isn't a major character, so to have a solid actress fill that role is a surprise and a welcome one at that. Of course, the bigger news is the announcement that the part of Jerry Dandridge has been cast with another big star, Colin Farrell.

Many will slag on Farrell for his acting and he has done plenty of shit, I know, but he is a great actor when he so chooses. See the fantastic In Bruges if you need proof of that fact. What's even better about his casting, outside of him being a high profile actor and a decent one, is the fact that they cast someone who, age wise, fits the role. In this post-Twilight era, it's nice to see that there aren't any changes to the main antagonist of the film, as in, there is no attempt to make him a much younger, brooding man. It would be very easy to switch around the story a bit to make Charley's neighbor a young and attractive to the Twilight crowd man, and the fact that is not happening is a positive one.

I'm not trying to take the piss out of Twilight as it isn't made for my pleasure (but it's next up in my Netflix queue…lord have mercy), but I would hate to see the vampire genre go a certain way because of it's influence. I don't mind sex appeal, but I do not need my vampire stories to be driven by mindless romance. Fright Night is a prime candidate for a Twilight influenced makeover, so the strong casting choices as well as a director that has something under his belt, are all very good signs. Now, we'll just have to wait to see who gets the roles of Peter Vincent, Evil and Marcy…

Baby Babble: A Swift Kick to Paracinema

If you're feeling a little frisky and could go for some ass kicking Asian action, stop by Paracinema…The Blog, and check out my review for the 2009 Japanese Martial Art's Film, High Kick Girl! Thank you for your time kissy face.

Click Da Link!!  

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest!

I have decided it's about damn time that we have a contest over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, something I have been pondering doing for sometime now. Doing contests and shit like that isn't really my bag, but I wanted to do something that is fun and interactive as well as something that can give a few of my very awesome readers the chance to win some prizes! Oh, and I know you love prizes!

So, I thought it would be great to do a blogathon thingy, with the subject matter being that of the bearded one himself, Chuck Norris. What you have to do is, post anything pertaining to Chuck Norris, whether it be a review of anyone of his many films or even an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. You can even do a write up on the man's career in film, in the ring, in bed, it doesn't matter as long as it's Chuck related. It can be funny, it can be serious, heck, it can even be both if you so choose! Yowza! 

My only rules are that it has to be bearded and has to be posted with in the time frame, which will be May 24th through May 30th. Outside of that, there are no rules as far as content goes, and you don't even have to link to me or anything. That's not what it's about. Now, to be fair, if I have anyone that is a reader and not a blogger and wants to join in on the fun but has no place to post something, let me know in the comments section, or email me. I will have you send it to me so I can post it here. I don't want anyone to be left out. I believe in love for all.  

At the end of the contest, I will do a post with links to everyone that hopefully participates, and then, with help from a crack team of scientists and astrologers, the winners will be picked using formulas and measurements to determine which are the best posts. From there, three winners will be announced, with one for the grand prize and the two runner-up winners.

Now, here's what you can win!   

Grand prize:

A copy of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper for XBOX 360!

A copy of both The Bloody Ape and Gothkill!

 

Issue number 9 of Paracinema Magazine!

A copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection which includes 12 films!

A copy of the 2009 Western/Horror hybrid, The Burrowers!

And finally, what Chuck Norris contest would be complete without a copy of one of the blonde babe's finest action films, Code of Silence? Well, you'll get a copy of that too, so this contest IS complete!

……………………………….

Second and Third place prizes:

Both second and third place winners will receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

So, that is a total of three chances to win something! But I know you got your eye on that big prize, don't you?

As I said, this is all going down May 24th through May 30th, so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. All submissions/post links can be sent to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com and please don't send me naked pictures. Unless you're a hot old lady that likes bowling. I also made up a few banners that any one of you are free to use, but it is not required to enter or participate in the contest. 

Shoot me some feedback or questions if you have any, and hopefully this turns out as fun as I envision it and not it to a complete disaster! Now, get out there and start blogging!

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the fine prizes.

Baby Babble: Creature Featured

Hey all, I wanted to quickly share some news that I found to be incredibly cool with all of you nicely kept readers out there. Dylan (aka Fletch), from Blog Cabins and The LAMB, was kind enough to shoot me an email today letting me know that this very blog you are reading, was featured in today's Total Film newsletter! I found my heart (and other organs) suddenly swell with joy, and I just had to share it all with you. I took a screen cap of the newsletter, but if you want to see the entire thing, you can click on the screen cap itself, and it will take you straight to Baby Eating heaven.  

On that note, the review I wrote for Dial M For Murder some time back was featured on the Movies Unlimited: Movie Fan Fare site, which is a sort of sub-site for Movies Unlimited, a place where folks can purchase movies online. You can click here if you want to check out the review if you never read it when I posted it originally.

With both of those nifty little snippets of awesome things that happened today, to say I am living the high life would be an understatement. To make things even better, I have a major announcement that I will be…err, announcing later today, so keep an eye out for that.

The Horror Hangover

Before I get into this week's anemic Hangover, I want to wish my lovely and magical girlfriend, Liz, a happy birthday. Today she turns *cough-cough* years-old, so lets send well wishes her way, on this, her very special day.

Okay, first up we have an early bird special of Idiocracy (2006) over at Comedy Central at 9:30. Comedy Central is probably not the place to watch this great follow up to Mike Judge's cult classic, Office Space, as it will be censored and sh*t. However, it is a film that people should check out, as it's a very brilliant and witty commentary on the regression of society to the point of stupid, due to commercialism, television, the internet, etc... Idiocracy is a much smarter film than it appears to be and definitely worth an early morning viewing for the person who drank them self stupid the night before.

Following Idiocracy, Comedy Central keeps the laughs rolling with Hot Fuzz (2007) at 11:30. Hot Fuzz has made more than one appearance on the Hangover, so it's safe to say that it is worth a few hours of your hard hung time.

Over at AMC, things get a little tight around the crotch with Superman (1978) at Noon. What can I say about Superman outside of it being a classic and one of my childhood favorites? Need I say anything at all? I am a huge fan of Superman in all of his incarnations, even the most recent and poorly received Superman Returns, so nothing is much better than an afternoon spent with the Man of Steel. Well, as long as he's not the Man of Steel that rocks a five o'clock shadow and breaks liquor bottles with peanuts.

It doesn't stop there folks, as AMC keeps the cape on with Superman II The Richard Donner Cut at 3:30. There was a day in my adult life when I realized that Superman II was not as good as it was to me as a young man, and that day was a sad one indeed. The only thing that could rectify that sadness, was to see the Richard Donner cut of Superman II. While it's very obvious that the added scenes are not polished like the rest of the film, they, along with some omissions, make Superman II a sequel worthy of the first film. Easily my pick of the week.

Already at the end of the Hangover and we are heading back to 1:00 when The Craft (1996) is playing on E! I always liked The Craft, and I thought I would have no problem with including it on the Hangover, but after watching this trailer, I wonder if I still like The Craft, and should I be a little embarrassed that I ever did? I don't know for sure, but I would love for you all to enlighten me with your thoughts…vagina, or not.

That about does it for this week…hope you all have a solid Sunday!