Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest!

I have decided it's about damn time that we have a contest over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, something I have been pondering doing for sometime now. Doing contests and shit like that isn't really my bag, but I wanted to do something that is fun and interactive as well as something that can give a few of my very awesome readers the chance to win some prizes! Oh, and I know you love prizes!

So, I thought it would be great to do a blogathon thingy, with the subject matter being that of the bearded one himself, Chuck Norris. What you have to do is, post anything pertaining to Chuck Norris, whether it be a review of anyone of his many films or even an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. You can even do a write up on the man's career in film, in the ring, in bed, it doesn't matter as long as it's Chuck related. It can be funny, it can be serious, heck, it can even be both if you so choose! Yowza! 

My only rules are that it has to be bearded and has to be posted with in the time frame, which will be May 24th through May 30th. Outside of that, there are no rules as far as content goes, and you don't even have to link to me or anything. That's not what it's about. Now, to be fair, if I have anyone that is a reader and not a blogger and wants to join in on the fun but has no place to post something, let me know in the comments section, or email me. I will have you send it to me so I can post it here. I don't want anyone to be left out. I believe in love for all.  

At the end of the contest, I will do a post with links to everyone that hopefully participates, and then, with help from a crack team of scientists and astrologers, the winners will be picked using formulas and measurements to determine which are the best posts. From there, three winners will be announced, with one for the grand prize and the two runner-up winners.

Now, here's what you can win!   

Grand prize:

A copy of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper for XBOX 360!

A copy of both The Bloody Ape and Gothkill!

 

Issue number 9 of Paracinema Magazine!

A copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection which includes 12 films!

A copy of the 2009 Western/Horror hybrid, The Burrowers!

And finally, what Chuck Norris contest would be complete without a copy of one of the blonde babe's finest action films, Code of Silence? Well, you'll get a copy of that too, so this contest IS complete!

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Second and Third place prizes:

Both second and third place winners will receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

So, that is a total of three chances to win something! But I know you got your eye on that big prize, don't you?

As I said, this is all going down May 24th through May 30th, so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. All submissions/post links can be sent to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com and please don't send me naked pictures. Unless you're a hot old lady that likes bowling. I also made up a few banners that any one of you are free to use, but it is not required to enter or participate in the contest. 

Shoot me some feedback or questions if you have any, and hopefully this turns out as fun as I envision it and not it to a complete disaster! Now, get out there and start blogging!

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the fine prizes.

Baby Babble: Creature Featured

Hey all, I wanted to quickly share some news that I found to be incredibly cool with all of you nicely kept readers out there. Dylan (aka Fletch), from Blog Cabins and The LAMB, was kind enough to shoot me an email today letting me know that this very blog you are reading, was featured in today's Total Film newsletter! I found my heart (and other organs) suddenly swell with joy, and I just had to share it all with you. I took a screen cap of the newsletter, but if you want to see the entire thing, you can click on the screen cap itself, and it will take you straight to Baby Eating heaven.  

On that note, the review I wrote for Dial M For Murder some time back was featured on the Movies Unlimited: Movie Fan Fare site, which is a sort of sub-site for Movies Unlimited, a place where folks can purchase movies online. You can click here if you want to check out the review if you never read it when I posted it originally.

With both of those nifty little snippets of awesome things that happened today, to say I am living the high life would be an understatement. To make things even better, I have a major announcement that I will be…err, announcing later today, so keep an eye out for that.

The Horror Hangover

Before I get into this week's anemic Hangover, I want to wish my lovely and magical girlfriend, Liz, a happy birthday. Today she turns *cough-cough* years-old, so lets send well wishes her way, on this, her very special day.

Okay, first up we have an early bird special of Idiocracy (2006) over at Comedy Central at 9:30. Comedy Central is probably not the place to watch this great follow up to Mike Judge's cult classic, Office Space, as it will be censored and sh*t. However, it is a film that people should check out, as it's a very brilliant and witty commentary on the regression of society to the point of stupid, due to commercialism, television, the internet, etc... Idiocracy is a much smarter film than it appears to be and definitely worth an early morning viewing for the person who drank them self stupid the night before.

Following Idiocracy, Comedy Central keeps the laughs rolling with Hot Fuzz (2007) at 11:30. Hot Fuzz has made more than one appearance on the Hangover, so it's safe to say that it is worth a few hours of your hard hung time.

Over at AMC, things get a little tight around the crotch with Superman (1978) at Noon. What can I say about Superman outside of it being a classic and one of my childhood favorites? Need I say anything at all? I am a huge fan of Superman in all of his incarnations, even the most recent and poorly received Superman Returns, so nothing is much better than an afternoon spent with the Man of Steel. Well, as long as he's not the Man of Steel that rocks a five o'clock shadow and breaks liquor bottles with peanuts.

It doesn't stop there folks, as AMC keeps the cape on with Superman II The Richard Donner Cut at 3:30. There was a day in my adult life when I realized that Superman II was not as good as it was to me as a young man, and that day was a sad one indeed. The only thing that could rectify that sadness, was to see the Richard Donner cut of Superman II. While it's very obvious that the added scenes are not polished like the rest of the film, they, along with some omissions, make Superman II a sequel worthy of the first film. Easily my pick of the week.

Already at the end of the Hangover and we are heading back to 1:00 when The Craft (1996) is playing on E! I always liked The Craft, and I thought I would have no problem with including it on the Hangover, but after watching this trailer, I wonder if I still like The Craft, and should I be a little embarrassed that I ever did? I don't know for sure, but I would love for you all to enlighten me with your thoughts…vagina, or not.

That about does it for this week…hope you all have a solid Sunday!

To All the Mothers Out There…

…keep 'em coming - Chuck is depending on you for the nutrients and protein to keep his spin kick strong and beard thick.

Happy Mother's Day from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Just Another Victim Edition!

What's that frightening sound you hear? The pounding of smooth lyrical rhymes with the prowess of angry heavy metal? What is this monstrous and intruding noise you say? A melding of two musical genres, two genres that are intense enough to make you cross the street to avoid any interaction? If you don't have what it takes to face the music, don't move, don't whisper, don't even breath, because it's your Judgment Night!

Boy am I so lame.

Here we are once again kiddos, with a double dose of badass badassary for this monster of a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. Now, this is a bittersweet Dance Party as both of these tracks are cool and all, but these are not the gold standard when it came to songs off the soundtrack for 1993's Judgment Night. However, both of these are the only songs that got official video treatment, so they are the ones I'll go with.

First song is the titular track, Judgment Night, which comes to us thanks to frequent collaborators ONYX and Biohazard. I love me some Biohazard, and ONYX is a lot of bald headed fun, so as they come together for this track, I find myself bustin' in my pants, with dance!

Next one comes to us via Faith No More and Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E. with their contribution to the Judgment Night OST, Another Body Murdered. Now, I am a huge Faith No More/Mike Patton fan, so that's cool and all, but who the fuck is/was Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.? Seriously? Either way, the video is pretty awesome with Patton providing enough madness to keep this song interesting, and Troy Polamalu is good enough on the mic to get us by.

Judgment Night the film is a pretty good one, or at least I always really liked it as a youth, especially that awesome performance from Dennis Leary. Still, the movie could not be nearly as awesome as was that soundtrack, which may be one of the greatest (and certainly influential) of all time, and was the next logical evolution in the Rap/Rock hybrid. You know, before Nu Metal became official and ruined it all. But seriously, that was THE soundtrack for dudes my age at that time, and everyone who was someone was all about Judgment Night's OST. Even with the inclusion of Sir Mix-A-Lot and butt Mudhoney, it still holds pretty strong and is relevant even today.

There were so many great songs, and even with the two solid videos provided, they are not the songs I think of when I think Judgment Night. My two favorites are tracks that are still dance inducing to this day, and those are Just Another Victim from Helmet and House of Pain, and Fallin' by Teenage Fanclub and De La Soul. It's lame that there was no video made for Just Another Victim, but what can you do. You know what, though, I can't do a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party for Judgment Night and not include both those tunes. It's my party and I'll go overboard if I want to, so I'll tack both of them on here at the end just because I love them so much…enjoy the quadruple dose of Dance Party MADNESS!!

P.S. Dear Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.,

I looked you up on Wiki and learned that you could probably kill me. I was joking before. You like jokes, right? I can sing and dance too, if you'd like.

Chuck Norris Caption Action Kick!: Hell of the Living Dead!

Hell of the Living Dead is a 1981 Italian zombie film, and as with many Italian zombie films, it is a rip-off of a handful of other successful movies of the time, namely, Dawn of the Dead. Sometimes completely boring, sometimes completely entertaining, this sloppily made film is more than fun and even more than ridiculous with its poor gore FX and incredibly painful and overly used stock footage.

Brought to us by Bruno Mattei, Hell of the Living Dead was co-written by frequent Mattei collaborator, Claudio Fragasso, who also did some of the second unit directing that, consisted of effects work to beef up the grue. If the name Claudio Fragasso sounds somewhat familiar, it's because he is the man responsible for bringing cinema one of its finest films ever constructed, Troll 2. That should tell you all you need to know…

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I didn't know Rumer Willis worked with hazardous materials?

(If you are not aware, Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce and Demi, has a massive noggin. Like, Rocky Dennis makes fun of her massive)

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"You got something on your shoulder…here, let me get it for you!"

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"Who wants to hear some of my freestyle? Throw your guns in the air..."

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"Remember, whomever cums last, has to eat the cookie. All of it."

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"Wake up honey, it's 7:45, you're gonna be late for work…"

"I'm not going in today, babe…I'm feeling a little under the weather, and I'm DEAD tired!"  

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"Your lack of breast milk really irks me, daddy…"

"Guess this will just have to do then."

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"You wouldn't by any chance happen to have a napkin on you? That damn buffalo wing sauce gets everywhere, doesn't it?!"

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Even the natives can't help but get swelled heads when they run into a naked white women with jungle bush. Just ask the guy with the diaper.

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"Hey, I could really go for some of that Oil of Olay you got over there…" 

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The disturbing and corrupting effects that rap music has on decent white women.

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"Nope, I don't see your cat up here either."

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Looks like someone didn't get the memo.

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"Anyone seen the lifeguard around? Um, help?"

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I'm chewing in the rain, chewing in the rain…

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"Hey, let us in and we'll tell you all about Jesus…at least take a few of these pamphlets!" 

Gross Encounters of the Third Kind

I have been to my fair share of horror conventions, and with each these movie congregations I have attended, I've had plenty of interesting encounters with genre celebrities. With that said, I thought it would be fun to share a few of these moments every so often, and what better time than now?

My first story is a fitting one, as it comes from the very first horror convention I ever went to and features the very first celebrity I had ever met at a horror convention. In any event, I don't want to bog down the post with all the amazing details of this convention and how I got there; I’ll save that for another post at another time. This was a convention that garnered a ton of cool little stories, so I'll stick to the plan and start at the beginning with this one.

And here we go…

As I walked into the MASSIVE dealer room of my very first convention (which was a marriage of Chiller and Fangoria in New Jersey), I almost immediately spotted what would be one of my long time idols. As a youth, I was obsessed with practical special effects and make-up. I wanted to be a special effects artist for a good portion of my young adulthood, and I would *cough* buy cheap supplies from all the stores around Halloween time and practice making wounds and burns, shit like that. By the age of 12, I knew who everyone was, from Steve Johnston to this group of FX artists known as KNB. They were my idols, but one man trumped them all when it came to my worship and attention, and this man would be standing at a table no more than 20 feet away from me, just as I walked into the doors of that dealer room.

I think you can guess who I'm talking about by now (especially considering there will be a picture of him when I post this!), and that would be one Tom Savini! Now, do you have any idea how many times I rented and watched Scream Greats, Vol. 1: Tom Savini, Master of Horror Effects when I was a kid?! (No, you don't, but it was a lot… just take my word for it) You must be kidding me… Savini, right in front of me, with no one around him! I had him all to myself. I approached his table with a wide-eyed look of love and admiration, and as I got to the table, I met a man that might be the biggest dick in the universe.

Lets stop and think about this for a second… my first ever convention, and the first person I see is my longtime idol and he's a dick? Really?! I went to the table and played it cool (as always, naturally) but was very open about how much I looked up to him when I was a kid. He kind of just shrugged it off as if the regard I held him in meant nothing. I'm almost immediately thinking "Oh crap, what's up with that?" I quickly noticed a VHS second generation copy of Scream Greats laying on the table (which I hadn't watched since the mom and pop VHS days and had been dying to for many-many years), and I told Savini how I used to watch that video religiously and was sooooo excited to be able to pick up a copy (as in, give him money for it) and see it again. Once again, no real reaction; he acted as if I wasn't even there.

I did end up buying the Scream Greats on VHS and also picked up a few 8x10's and had him sign all of it, but the entire time, he seemed as if I was just bothering him. I even went back to the table later on during the weekend with a good buddy (and a blogging beast!) so he could pick up a taped from TV VHS copy of the Tales From the Darkside episodes that Savini worked on. And still, he was a dick as my friend would also notice, proving that it wasn't just me. Plus, I am loved by all, so how can anyone, let alone Tom Savini, not love me?!

From left to right: Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger on the set of Twins

I still and always will have a lot of love for the man and what he meant to me as I grew up. Even after that encounter, I still went home, watched the Scream Greats VHS a handful of times, and basked in the sentimental glow. However, it does not change the fact that he is a fucking asshole, and since that fine day at my first convention, I have heard plenty stories, from many mighty fine people, that he was a dick hole to them, too. I don't know who the heck he thought he was snubbing me the way he did. This was before the Dawn remake and Planet Terror, so Savini was as down and out as he could have been, and people didn't seem to care about him at this convention either. The dude had a table in the dealer room for crying out loud! You'd think he would be a little more appreciative of the one guy that came up and showed him love, as well as handing him the fucking money to feed his family?!

Thanks to those films previously mentioned, Savini has become a face in horror again, and I often see him at cons here and there. When I do see him now, he looks like such a jerk off. He walks around with this incredible arrogance, as if he's the cock of the walk… it's disgusting. He acts so kind and appreciative of his fans in interviews, but that's all a bullshit facade put on for the cameras. Seeing as I tower over his little ass, I think I need to kick it one day… that would make me feel better about having him crush the dreams of that adorable 12-year-old boy who idolized him so. He may be the biggest dick, but he comes in the tiniest of packages.

…Whew! I didn't mean for that to go on so long, but as you can see, it was very deserving. I look forward to your thoughts on my rantings, if anyone even cares. I also look forward to at least a handful of people speaking about their negative and possibly positive run-ins with the little guy. Thanks for listening and peace out baby eaters!!