The Horror Hangover

Before I get into this week's anemic Hangover, I want to wish my lovely and magical girlfriend, Liz, a happy birthday. Today she turns *cough-cough* years-old, so lets send well wishes her way, on this, her very special day.

Okay, first up we have an early bird special of Idiocracy (2006) over at Comedy Central at 9:30. Comedy Central is probably not the place to watch this great follow up to Mike Judge's cult classic, Office Space, as it will be censored and sh*t. However, it is a film that people should check out, as it's a very brilliant and witty commentary on the regression of society to the point of stupid, due to commercialism, television, the internet, etc... Idiocracy is a much smarter film than it appears to be and definitely worth an early morning viewing for the person who drank them self stupid the night before.

Following Idiocracy, Comedy Central keeps the laughs rolling with Hot Fuzz (2007) at 11:30. Hot Fuzz has made more than one appearance on the Hangover, so it's safe to say that it is worth a few hours of your hard hung time.

Over at AMC, things get a little tight around the crotch with Superman (1978) at Noon. What can I say about Superman outside of it being a classic and one of my childhood favorites? Need I say anything at all? I am a huge fan of Superman in all of his incarnations, even the most recent and poorly received Superman Returns, so nothing is much better than an afternoon spent with the Man of Steel. Well, as long as he's not the Man of Steel that rocks a five o'clock shadow and breaks liquor bottles with peanuts.

It doesn't stop there folks, as AMC keeps the cape on with Superman II The Richard Donner Cut at 3:30. There was a day in my adult life when I realized that Superman II was not as good as it was to me as a young man, and that day was a sad one indeed. The only thing that could rectify that sadness, was to see the Richard Donner cut of Superman II. While it's very obvious that the added scenes are not polished like the rest of the film, they, along with some omissions, make Superman II a sequel worthy of the first film. Easily my pick of the week.

Already at the end of the Hangover and we are heading back to 1:00 when The Craft (1996) is playing on E! I always liked The Craft, and I thought I would have no problem with including it on the Hangover, but after watching this trailer, I wonder if I still like The Craft, and should I be a little embarrassed that I ever did? I don't know for sure, but I would love for you all to enlighten me with your thoughts…vagina, or not.

That about does it for this week…hope you all have a solid Sunday!

To All the Mothers Out There…

…keep 'em coming - Chuck is depending on you for the nutrients and protein to keep his spin kick strong and beard thick.

Happy Mother's Day from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Just Another Victim Edition!

What's that frightening sound you hear? The pounding of smooth lyrical rhymes with the prowess of angry heavy metal? What is this monstrous and intruding noise you say? A melding of two musical genres, two genres that are intense enough to make you cross the street to avoid any interaction? If you don't have what it takes to face the music, don't move, don't whisper, don't even breath, because it's your Judgment Night!

Boy am I so lame.

Here we are once again kiddos, with a double dose of badass badassary for this monster of a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. Now, this is a bittersweet Dance Party as both of these tracks are cool and all, but these are not the gold standard when it came to songs off the soundtrack for 1993's Judgment Night. However, both of these are the only songs that got official video treatment, so they are the ones I'll go with.

First song is the titular track, Judgment Night, which comes to us thanks to frequent collaborators ONYX and Biohazard. I love me some Biohazard, and ONYX is a lot of bald headed fun, so as they come together for this track, I find myself bustin' in my pants, with dance!

Next one comes to us via Faith No More and Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E. with their contribution to the Judgment Night OST, Another Body Murdered. Now, I am a huge Faith No More/Mike Patton fan, so that's cool and all, but who the fuck is/was Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.? Seriously? Either way, the video is pretty awesome with Patton providing enough madness to keep this song interesting, and Troy Polamalu is good enough on the mic to get us by.

Judgment Night the film is a pretty good one, or at least I always really liked it as a youth, especially that awesome performance from Dennis Leary. Still, the movie could not be nearly as awesome as was that soundtrack, which may be one of the greatest (and certainly influential) of all time, and was the next logical evolution in the Rap/Rock hybrid. You know, before Nu Metal became official and ruined it all. But seriously, that was THE soundtrack for dudes my age at that time, and everyone who was someone was all about Judgment Night's OST. Even with the inclusion of Sir Mix-A-Lot and butt Mudhoney, it still holds pretty strong and is relevant even today.

There were so many great songs, and even with the two solid videos provided, they are not the songs I think of when I think Judgment Night. My two favorites are tracks that are still dance inducing to this day, and those are Just Another Victim from Helmet and House of Pain, and Fallin' by Teenage Fanclub and De La Soul. It's lame that there was no video made for Just Another Victim, but what can you do. You know what, though, I can't do a Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party for Judgment Night and not include both those tunes. It's my party and I'll go overboard if I want to, so I'll tack both of them on here at the end just because I love them so much…enjoy the quadruple dose of Dance Party MADNESS!!

P.S. Dear Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.,

I looked you up on Wiki and learned that you could probably kill me. I was joking before. You like jokes, right? I can sing and dance too, if you'd like.

Chuck Norris Caption Action Kick!: Hell of the Living Dead!

Hell of the Living Dead is a 1981 Italian zombie film, and as with many Italian zombie films, it is a rip-off of a handful of other successful movies of the time, namely, Dawn of the Dead. Sometimes completely boring, sometimes completely entertaining, this sloppily made film is more than fun and even more than ridiculous with its poor gore FX and incredibly painful and overly used stock footage.

Brought to us by Bruno Mattei, Hell of the Living Dead was co-written by frequent Mattei collaborator, Claudio Fragasso, who also did some of the second unit directing that, consisted of effects work to beef up the grue. If the name Claudio Fragasso sounds somewhat familiar, it's because he is the man responsible for bringing cinema one of its finest films ever constructed, Troll 2. That should tell you all you need to know…

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I didn't know Rumer Willis worked with hazardous materials?

(If you are not aware, Rumer Willis, daughter of Bruce and Demi, has a massive noggin. Like, Rocky Dennis makes fun of her massive)

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"You got something on your shoulder…here, let me get it for you!"

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"Who wants to hear some of my freestyle? Throw your guns in the air..."

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"Remember, whomever cums last, has to eat the cookie. All of it."

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"Wake up honey, it's 7:45, you're gonna be late for work…"

"I'm not going in today, babe…I'm feeling a little under the weather, and I'm DEAD tired!"  

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"Your lack of breast milk really irks me, daddy…"

"Guess this will just have to do then."

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"You wouldn't by any chance happen to have a napkin on you? That damn buffalo wing sauce gets everywhere, doesn't it?!"

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Even the natives can't help but get swelled heads when they run into a naked white women with jungle bush. Just ask the guy with the diaper.

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"Hey, I could really go for some of that Oil of Olay you got over there…" 

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The disturbing and corrupting effects that rap music has on decent white women.

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"Nope, I don't see your cat up here either."

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Looks like someone didn't get the memo.

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"Anyone seen the lifeguard around? Um, help?"

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I'm chewing in the rain, chewing in the rain…

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"Hey, let us in and we'll tell you all about Jesus…at least take a few of these pamphlets!" 

Gross Encounters of the Third Kind

I have been to my fair share of horror conventions, and with each these movie congregations I have attended, I've had plenty of interesting encounters with genre celebrities. With that said, I thought it would be fun to share a few of these moments every so often, and what better time than now?

My first story is a fitting one, as it comes from the very first horror convention I ever went to and features the very first celebrity I had ever met at a horror convention. In any event, I don't want to bog down the post with all the amazing details of this convention and how I got there; I’ll save that for another post at another time. This was a convention that garnered a ton of cool little stories, so I'll stick to the plan and start at the beginning with this one.

And here we go…

As I walked into the MASSIVE dealer room of my very first convention (which was a marriage of Chiller and Fangoria in New Jersey), I almost immediately spotted what would be one of my long time idols. As a youth, I was obsessed with practical special effects and make-up. I wanted to be a special effects artist for a good portion of my young adulthood, and I would *cough* buy cheap supplies from all the stores around Halloween time and practice making wounds and burns, shit like that. By the age of 12, I knew who everyone was, from Steve Johnston to this group of FX artists known as KNB. They were my idols, but one man trumped them all when it came to my worship and attention, and this man would be standing at a table no more than 20 feet away from me, just as I walked into the doors of that dealer room.

I think you can guess who I'm talking about by now (especially considering there will be a picture of him when I post this!), and that would be one Tom Savini! Now, do you have any idea how many times I rented and watched Scream Greats, Vol. 1: Tom Savini, Master of Horror Effects when I was a kid?! (No, you don't, but it was a lot… just take my word for it) You must be kidding me… Savini, right in front of me, with no one around him! I had him all to myself. I approached his table with a wide-eyed look of love and admiration, and as I got to the table, I met a man that might be the biggest dick in the universe.

Lets stop and think about this for a second… my first ever convention, and the first person I see is my longtime idol and he's a dick? Really?! I went to the table and played it cool (as always, naturally) but was very open about how much I looked up to him when I was a kid. He kind of just shrugged it off as if the regard I held him in meant nothing. I'm almost immediately thinking "Oh crap, what's up with that?" I quickly noticed a VHS second generation copy of Scream Greats laying on the table (which I hadn't watched since the mom and pop VHS days and had been dying to for many-many years), and I told Savini how I used to watch that video religiously and was sooooo excited to be able to pick up a copy (as in, give him money for it) and see it again. Once again, no real reaction; he acted as if I wasn't even there.

I did end up buying the Scream Greats on VHS and also picked up a few 8x10's and had him sign all of it, but the entire time, he seemed as if I was just bothering him. I even went back to the table later on during the weekend with a good buddy (and a blogging beast!) so he could pick up a taped from TV VHS copy of the Tales From the Darkside episodes that Savini worked on. And still, he was a dick as my friend would also notice, proving that it wasn't just me. Plus, I am loved by all, so how can anyone, let alone Tom Savini, not love me?!

From left to right: Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger on the set of Twins

I still and always will have a lot of love for the man and what he meant to me as I grew up. Even after that encounter, I still went home, watched the Scream Greats VHS a handful of times, and basked in the sentimental glow. However, it does not change the fact that he is a fucking asshole, and since that fine day at my first convention, I have heard plenty stories, from many mighty fine people, that he was a dick hole to them, too. I don't know who the heck he thought he was snubbing me the way he did. This was before the Dawn remake and Planet Terror, so Savini was as down and out as he could have been, and people didn't seem to care about him at this convention either. The dude had a table in the dealer room for crying out loud! You'd think he would be a little more appreciative of the one guy that came up and showed him love, as well as handing him the fucking money to feed his family?!

Thanks to those films previously mentioned, Savini has become a face in horror again, and I often see him at cons here and there. When I do see him now, he looks like such a jerk off. He walks around with this incredible arrogance, as if he's the cock of the walk… it's disgusting. He acts so kind and appreciative of his fans in interviews, but that's all a bullshit facade put on for the cameras. Seeing as I tower over his little ass, I think I need to kick it one day… that would make me feel better about having him crush the dreams of that adorable 12-year-old boy who idolized him so. He may be the biggest dick, but he comes in the tiniest of packages.

…Whew! I didn't mean for that to go on so long, but as you can see, it was very deserving. I look forward to your thoughts on my rantings, if anyone even cares. I also look forward to at least a handful of people speaking about their negative and possibly positive run-ins with the little guy. Thanks for listening and peace out baby eaters!!

The Horror Hangover

I would have to take a wild guess and assume that many a horror fan went on a bender this weekend after suffering from what is apparently a horrible remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. I didn't get a chance to see it myself, but wow-o-wow are the reviews simply awful and from a lot of trustworthy sources at that. I may give it a watch tonight if I get a chance, but that depends on how hard work rapes my energy this afternoon. So, hopefully I can bring you out of your drunken horror rut with a handful of cinematic goodness and not so goodness with this edition of The Horror Hangover.

We're starting things off with FX, a channel that spends the day being sooo super with a slew of superhero films, starting with Daredevil (2003) at 10:05. Now, people like to slag on Daredevil, but I actually quite enjoy it. It's not an upper tier comic book movie by any stretch, but it is much better than a lot of the comic films to have come out. Affleck is not that bad in the film or not as bad as some would make him out to be, and there are a handful of great moments here and there. However, Jennifer Garner can eat rat poison by the spoonful.

Following Daredevil, FX keeps up the heroics with Spider-Man 2.1 (2004) at 12:40 and then that film's sequel, Spider-Man 3 (2007) at 3:45. Spider-Man 3 is one that I kinda like and I kinda hate, and even with the hate, it's still better than X3 and Wolverine. On the other hand, Spider-Man 2 is one of the best comic movies ever put to film and by far, one of my favorites. If I made a list of my top five favorite comic book based films, Spider-Man 2 would definitely be on it. In fact, that might be a fun idea for a future post…

Oh yeah, Spider-Man 2…pick of the week!

Getting back to 10:30, SyFy slithers in with a handful of creepy crawly films starting with Copperhead (2008). Plot wise, the film concerns a small town in the Wild West that is attacked by poisonous snakes. However, this incredibly misleading trailer would give you no reason to think that there are snakes in the movie, but that is the plot as I read it. Sounds like it could be fun, and the Wild West setting is a different approach to a film about killer *fill in the blank*. Oh, and Billy Drago is in it, but that dude has left a real bad taste in my mouth since he shitted all up my TV screen with that terrible performance in Miike's MoH entry, Imprint.

Right after Copperhead, SyFy goes all Lexington Steele with Mega Snake (2007) at 12:30. As opposed to Copperhead, Mega Snake is much more along the lines of what SyFy normally has to offer film wise, which is okay by me. It's plot is pretty similar to Gremlins, similar meaning that it is a rip off of Gremlins but with a snake and no cute little Gizmo to lighten your spirits.

And finally, SyFy ends the afternoon at 2:30 with Arachnophobia (1990). I actually saw Arachnophobia in theaters and I fully blame that movie for my fear of spiders. I love the film, though, and it is a great mixture of humor and horror with a classic 50's B-Movie monster sensibility. Definitely a great way for SyFy to end their day Hangover wise.

Speaking of ending days, my day here is all over and you are free to go back to drooling on yourself! Later dewds!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! And the Nightmare Continues…Edition!

Hello all you jumpin' and jivin' dance machines! Glad you could make it out tonight to enjoy some fine ass jams at the hottest place in town…Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! As some of you may know, there is a brand spanking new Nightmare film making it's way into multiplexes. Of course, it is a remake, but it's still a Nightmare film and the character in this Nightmare film goes by the name Krueger – Fred Krueger. Considering this is Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, the need to acknowledge it is kind of important, whether or not the actor is Mr. Englund.

When I started doing this segment, it was meant to be what it is now, a place where I can post great official music videos from horror/cult movies, awesome musical dance scenes from films that are of my liking, and anything that I may find fun and entertaining. Now, while the name Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party might be a catchy one (or, at least that was what I was hoping!), that catchiness is not the reason for the segments name.

Out of all of the monsters, all of them, Freddy Krueger is my favorite of the bunch. He is the one that I grew up on, and while my favorite horror movie might star his rival, Michael Myers, it is Krueger that holds a massive chunk of my horror loving black heart. While some of the things I love him for are out of youth and nostalgia, he is the monster that represents everything that this segment is. I mean, look at the major amount of content I pulled from the Nightmare films for so many of these dance parties in the beginning! He was the definition of a rock star, or a rap star, or whatever style he so chose to take on. 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party was inspired by wanting to have a fun open ended place to get down and show some clips that I find worthy of our time and attention. In that same vein, it is in honor of a monster that is the one that I grew up on, the one that produced movies that, while not necessarily all great, are a part of my childhood and what shaped my young horror mind. Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party is in essence, a tribute to Fred Krueger, so whether or not this new Nightmare is going to suck…I am still happy to see Freddy making it back to the celluloid form.        

I've been doing this segment almost as long as I've done this blog (which really isn't all that long) and the Nightmare inspired videos I have saved for the Dance Party are almost completely dried up. I am holding on to the few I have for special occasions and the ones I have would be in line with the Nightmare films of old, thus my reason for going with this completely insane non visual audio clip. It's called Freddy Krueger Rap and while it is about the Fred that haunted pre-remake, it is about the monster specifically, which I thought would be most fitting with the new film coming out.

Check it out, son! 

 

There isn't much to learn about this Freddy rap, outside of it being brought to us via some dude named Jiggerbean. Whatever, it's a totally fun little rap and what Mr. Jiggerbaen says about this track on his You Tube page is, by the end of recording it, he was hammered, which is noticeable in the song and makes for a good chuckle. Drunk or not, the lyrics are hysterical and every second of it is pure gold. My favorite line is about Jason and his machete, being chopped up like spaghetti! 

Anywho, I hope I didn't bore you with all the useless info I spilled all up on your monitors, but I wanted to explain my love for the character of Krueger and why he is the influence of what is a staple of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. Hope you dug the Freddy rap and hope that new Nightmare film is decent, though, I have heard some pretty bad things…sigh.