The Horror Hangover

I would have to take a wild guess and assume that many a horror fan went on a bender this weekend after suffering from what is apparently a horrible remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. I didn't get a chance to see it myself, but wow-o-wow are the reviews simply awful and from a lot of trustworthy sources at that. I may give it a watch tonight if I get a chance, but that depends on how hard work rapes my energy this afternoon. So, hopefully I can bring you out of your drunken horror rut with a handful of cinematic goodness and not so goodness with this edition of The Horror Hangover.

We're starting things off with FX, a channel that spends the day being sooo super with a slew of superhero films, starting with Daredevil (2003) at 10:05. Now, people like to slag on Daredevil, but I actually quite enjoy it. It's not an upper tier comic book movie by any stretch, but it is much better than a lot of the comic films to have come out. Affleck is not that bad in the film or not as bad as some would make him out to be, and there are a handful of great moments here and there. However, Jennifer Garner can eat rat poison by the spoonful.

Following Daredevil, FX keeps up the heroics with Spider-Man 2.1 (2004) at 12:40 and then that film's sequel, Spider-Man 3 (2007) at 3:45. Spider-Man 3 is one that I kinda like and I kinda hate, and even with the hate, it's still better than X3 and Wolverine. On the other hand, Spider-Man 2 is one of the best comic movies ever put to film and by far, one of my favorites. If I made a list of my top five favorite comic book based films, Spider-Man 2 would definitely be on it. In fact, that might be a fun idea for a future post…

Oh yeah, Spider-Man 2…pick of the week!

Getting back to 10:30, SyFy slithers in with a handful of creepy crawly films starting with Copperhead (2008). Plot wise, the film concerns a small town in the Wild West that is attacked by poisonous snakes. However, this incredibly misleading trailer would give you no reason to think that there are snakes in the movie, but that is the plot as I read it. Sounds like it could be fun, and the Wild West setting is a different approach to a film about killer *fill in the blank*. Oh, and Billy Drago is in it, but that dude has left a real bad taste in my mouth since he shitted all up my TV screen with that terrible performance in Miike's MoH entry, Imprint.

Right after Copperhead, SyFy goes all Lexington Steele with Mega Snake (2007) at 12:30. As opposed to Copperhead, Mega Snake is much more along the lines of what SyFy normally has to offer film wise, which is okay by me. It's plot is pretty similar to Gremlins, similar meaning that it is a rip off of Gremlins but with a snake and no cute little Gizmo to lighten your spirits.

And finally, SyFy ends the afternoon at 2:30 with Arachnophobia (1990). I actually saw Arachnophobia in theaters and I fully blame that movie for my fear of spiders. I love the film, though, and it is a great mixture of humor and horror with a classic 50's B-Movie monster sensibility. Definitely a great way for SyFy to end their day Hangover wise.

Speaking of ending days, my day here is all over and you are free to go back to drooling on yourself! Later dewds!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! And the Nightmare Continues…Edition!

Hello all you jumpin' and jivin' dance machines! Glad you could make it out tonight to enjoy some fine ass jams at the hottest place in town…Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! As some of you may know, there is a brand spanking new Nightmare film making it's way into multiplexes. Of course, it is a remake, but it's still a Nightmare film and the character in this Nightmare film goes by the name Krueger – Fred Krueger. Considering this is Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, the need to acknowledge it is kind of important, whether or not the actor is Mr. Englund.

When I started doing this segment, it was meant to be what it is now, a place where I can post great official music videos from horror/cult movies, awesome musical dance scenes from films that are of my liking, and anything that I may find fun and entertaining. Now, while the name Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party might be a catchy one (or, at least that was what I was hoping!), that catchiness is not the reason for the segments name.

Out of all of the monsters, all of them, Freddy Krueger is my favorite of the bunch. He is the one that I grew up on, and while my favorite horror movie might star his rival, Michael Myers, it is Krueger that holds a massive chunk of my horror loving black heart. While some of the things I love him for are out of youth and nostalgia, he is the monster that represents everything that this segment is. I mean, look at the major amount of content I pulled from the Nightmare films for so many of these dance parties in the beginning! He was the definition of a rock star, or a rap star, or whatever style he so chose to take on. 

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party was inspired by wanting to have a fun open ended place to get down and show some clips that I find worthy of our time and attention. In that same vein, it is in honor of a monster that is the one that I grew up on, the one that produced movies that, while not necessarily all great, are a part of my childhood and what shaped my young horror mind. Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party is in essence, a tribute to Fred Krueger, so whether or not this new Nightmare is going to suck…I am still happy to see Freddy making it back to the celluloid form.        

I've been doing this segment almost as long as I've done this blog (which really isn't all that long) and the Nightmare inspired videos I have saved for the Dance Party are almost completely dried up. I am holding on to the few I have for special occasions and the ones I have would be in line with the Nightmare films of old, thus my reason for going with this completely insane non visual audio clip. It's called Freddy Krueger Rap and while it is about the Fred that haunted pre-remake, it is about the monster specifically, which I thought would be most fitting with the new film coming out.

Check it out, son! 

 

There isn't much to learn about this Freddy rap, outside of it being brought to us via some dude named Jiggerbean. Whatever, it's a totally fun little rap and what Mr. Jiggerbaen says about this track on his You Tube page is, by the end of recording it, he was hammered, which is noticeable in the song and makes for a good chuckle. Drunk or not, the lyrics are hysterical and every second of it is pure gold. My favorite line is about Jason and his machete, being chopped up like spaghetti! 

Anywho, I hope I didn't bore you with all the useless info I spilled all up on your monitors, but I wanted to explain my love for the character of Krueger and why he is the influence of what is a staple of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. Hope you dug the Freddy rap and hope that new Nightmare film is decent, though, I have heard some pretty bad things…sigh.

Every Single One of Us, the Devil Inside

I know I'm a little late to the game with the much hyped and mostly well received 2009 Ti West film, The House of the Devil, but I did finally get around to watching it after taking a risk and purchasing the VHS/DVD combo pack well over a month ago. I couldn't have been in a more perfect mood as I put the film in and I'm not exactly sure how that perfect mood played into my enjoyment of the movie, but I am sure that my mood was sustained throughout.

For the most part, The House of the Devil is basic in premise, focusing on Samantha (played by the very easy on the eyes, Jocelin Donahue), a college sophomore that rents an apartment to get away from the less than stellar lifestyle of dorm living. Samantha has one issue, she has no money and needs to come up with the first month's rent by Monday. Desperate, she takes a high paying one night only babysitting job, however, there is a very good reason it's a one time gig, but that reason is not a very good one for Samantha.

The House of the Devil is often called a throw back to late 70's, early 80's horror, but I see it as less a throwback and more of a style of filmmaking used by West to tell his story. I think it's less an homage and more of an influence that the films of that era have on West as a writer/director, as he is making a type of film that he himself loves and would enjoy seeing on screen. That era of cinema is what would be his influences as an artist and that is where he pulls from. In addition, The House of the Devil is set in the 80's - which is something that serves the story in a way that a modern set film would make very difficult - so the choice in aesthetic is more than fitting.

A big part of why House succeeds as it does is it never feels false, or like an imposter or cheap imitation of movies that came out during that time period. As others have said of the film, I could have been told this movie was made in '81 and outside of some of the familiar faces, I would have believed it. The House of the Devil looks like a 70's/80's film, but more so, it encapsulates the films of that time even outside of it's facade. It captures the essence of a time in cinema that has passed us, a time in cinema that is sorely missed and all but gone due to a general audience that lacks attention spans and patience.

Going into the movie, I was well aware of it being an extremely slow burn. Even though I do enjoy me a slowly paced film, I generally like to know if a movie is going to crawl beforehand, just so I can be prepared for it, as I too suffer from a short attention span. I'm not sure if this knowledge helped my viewing or not, but I do know that the slow pace of this film is it's strongest attribute. West is incredibly restrained with the pacing of the film as well as the scares and it isn't until the last ten minutes that the payoff, well, pays off for the viewer. Nevertheless, it is less about the payoff, which indeed, does payoff, and more about the build up from frame one, to the explosive finale.

I'm not one to frighten easily, or get creeped out by a movie, and maybe it was my "perfect mood," but The House of the Devil had me literally on the edge of my computer chair. There are a few perfectly executed jumps scares in the film and to be honest, I jumped right out of my skin at those off guard moments. Now, the jump scares are few and far between, but they hit so hard that I kept expecting another one to happen and that is where The House of the Devil works best. I sat and watched as I waited for the next scare, but that wait would prove to be long as West kept me on my toes, eagerly waiting for something to happen and the second something would happen in any other movie, he would move on to the next scene, only for the tension building process to begin again.

I was seriously a bit of a wreck by the end of this film…my nerves were fried as from the film's first moment, it just builds and builds this severe tension that almost never breaks. It's like having a rubber band be stretched right in front of your eye, but it's tensity almost seems infinite and still, the fear of it's imminent snap holds strong no matter how long the stretch. It's wreaks more havoc on ones nerves than a first kiss in seventh grade. Even when the movie hits that final stretch and makes a complete 180 turn, I was worn out from the tension previously built and was suddenly being assaulted with pure anarchy. I almost couldn't even focus on what was happening, and it took me a few moments to get my bearings back. Shit gave me heartburn.

All of the tension in the film is carried out so well on a technical level, with fantastic camera work, filled with great angles and shots, mixed with nice use of shadows. The sound and editing really stood out and I even jumped at the screeching of a chair at one point, then after wiping my ass, I felt slightly embarrassed. I was quite impressed with the skill West showed in The House of the Devil, and even more impressed with his approach to the movie's tempo as he was able to mix both in a masterful way.

Not everyone is down for a movie that takes it's time, but while The House of the Devil goes at it in a slow way, it is done in such a fashion that it actually makes it more effective. Well, for me at least. There could have been more shocks tossed in, but they would have been cheap and only served as instant gratification, taking away from the incredible build up that this film has. Even with hopes that were high, I was totally taken off guard by how well crafted The House of the Devil was and I think West has made what will be considered a near classic by my standards.

PMS: Oh hi! I just added this wonderful review of House of the Devil to Final Girl's Film Club thingy that happens in a future world after this review was written. Crazy, right? Anyways, you can go to Final Girl's page *right here!* to see who else reviewed this film in the future, including Stacie's own thoughts, which are even further in the future! What's with the life preserver?!

Totally Tubular Trailers!

Here we go again with yet another fabulous set of trailers that are sure to pique your interest in one way or another. Unless you accidentally stumbled upon this site while looking for something to make syrup to, in that case, you probably don't care at all. I don't blame you.

Moving on… 

First up is a trailer for Splice, a film about two scientists who create something a little more than they expected when playing with human and animal DNA. This trailer starts off a little hokey, but by the end, it looks like it could be a pretty cool little horror film in the vein of Species, only better. Hopefully. One positive thing about Splice is it's helmed by Vincenzo Natali who directed one of the best horror films of the 90's with Cube, so we'll see if he can do something solid with this one.

Next trailer I got for you is for The Mechanic, which is a remake of the fantastic 1972 Charles Bronson, Jan-Michael Vincent hit-man film. While it would be very hard to live up to the original, if any man in film is worthy of playing a role once played by Bronson, it's Statham, though they are about as different as you can get in every way. And in all honesty, it's Statham that has me interested in giving this one a shot since I have a bit of a completely straight man crush on him. However, Ben Foster does not help this film at all and hopefully he can subdue his overacting for one fucking moment in his life.

This next trailer is for Alexandre Aja's much anticipated and long in the works, Piranha 3D. I have no reason to go over this one as you know about the movie already, but seeing this first teaser, I am pretty underwhelmed. Piranha 3D looks decent enough, but the second the titular antagonists are shown, I am completely flabbergasted with how shitty they look. I mean, this is a film that is going to be wearing it's cheese firmly on it's sleeve, but the piranha effects are not where you want to get that feel from. Sorry, SyFy already has that covered and it's never a good thing when a film has bad CGI creatures no matter what film it is. I have a really bad feeling about this one after seeing the trailer and my anticipation for the film just went into the toilet. Plop. 

(My apologies about the video and the ad at the beginning – apparently, Piranha 3D is so important that embedding is disabled on You Tube.)

Now, this last trailer makes up for the let down of Piranha by keeping shit real! Burning Bright (aka Ravenous) is one I have been excited for since hearing the insane premise, which is about a young girl and her autistic brother getting trapped in their house during a hurricane. Doesn't sound too bad, I know, but they aren't trapped in the house alone, instead, they are trapped with a ravenous tiger! Now that's what I am talking about! This movie looks awesome and cool and tight and bad-nasty and sick and wicked and dope and badass and rad and phat and and and… *passes out*

Sorry, I had a tiger trapped in a house film breakdown for a second, forgive me. Check out the trailer and get ready for your breakdown! 

And on that high note, I leave you, but not for long as I will be back ASAP to hold and love you the way that you would want to be held and loved.

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

Hey, remember this segment?! It sure has been a while since I've done a Monster of the Week…maybe I should change the name to Monster of the Quarterly! Aww jeez, just how silly would that be?! Not that I ever really did Monster of the Week every week per say, but it has been far too long since I have done one, so for that, I apologize. So, in it's long overdue return to what will hopefully be a more normal rotation, I have what would be an interesting monster for this edition of Monster of the Week. This is a creature that draws mixed reviews from horror fans for it's celluloid incarnation, but for me, it is a monster that scared the corn right out of my ass when I was a kid and one that I still have a soft spot for.

Alright, lets get this long overdue show on the road and introduce our Monster of the Week… 

Rawhead Rex!

Rawhead Rex is a monster to be reckoned with – this massive madman has appeared in print, film, and even a handful of graphic novels. My first introduction to Rawhead Rex came via the 1986 film adaptation of the short story from Clive Barker's third volume in the Books of Blood series. So, while some may say the movie is awful (including Barker himself), at the time I saw it, it was pretty damned scary, mostly due to how monstrous and toothy Rawhead was. Plus, the Ireland setting is a fantastic one and there is a very appealing and natural atmosphere about the film due to it's dark and gloomy setting. Granted, I was pretty young when I saw the movie, so that of course factors heavily into my fear of the creature quite heavily.

Now, whether or not I enjoy the movie, I know it's not all that great, something that came to me when I first read the short story some years back and was blown away by how good it was in comparison to the film. However, even as I read the story, all I could think was how difficult a story it is to translate to screen, mostly due to the inner thoughts of Rawhead himself. Anyways, the film is not a good one, but it is a fun one for being cheesy and completely out there (that baptism scene?!), and you gotta love that big dopey Rex with his crossed glowing red eyes and intense fear of the female flow.    

I really wish Rawhead Rex would see a rerelease on DVD again someday. Lions Gate Home Entertainment owns the license, but still no plans are in place for a release, which is unfortunate. Either way, I still love me some Rawhead (wait, what did I just type?) and I think he makes for an interesting and fun return to Monster of the Week! 

The Horror Hangover

Hello sleepy heads! I'm proud to say that after missing last week, The Horror Hangover is back and better than ever baby! Well, maybe not better…actually, come to think of it, maybe not even as good as it sometimes can be, but there's still some crap on TV to watch today, so that's a start!
SyFy starts our day at 11:00 with part 1 of The Curse of King Tut's Tomb (2006), followed by part 2 at 1:00. This Russell Mulcahy epic is about King Tut's tomb and the curse that lies within, but that's just a guess, so don't quote me on that. One thing you can quote me on, is the film star's Caper Van Dien doing his best Indiana Jones imitation. So if your math skills are up to snuff, that equals fours hours of CVD! You can thank me later.

Up next, USA gives us a little afternoon action with The Condemned (2007) at 11:00. I don't know too much about the film outside of the premise being familiar to something like The Running Man, which is okay by me. It also stars Steve Austin, someone that I am sure can hold his own with the action scenes and tough guy persona, as he is best known for his wrestling work. Plus, it never hurts having Vinnie Jones in a film either, unless it's X-Men: The Last Stand that is (I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!). Surprisingly, The Condemned has a 6 on IMDB, which is not a bad score for this type of film, so it may be worth a view for anyone hungry for some action.

The action continues at 12:00 when E! goes undercover with True Lies (1994). True Lies is just plain old fun, and anything Schwarzenegger, is always going to be supported here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. Plus, it's always enjoyable watching Jaime Lee Curtis strip, one because it is hot, and two, because her ass is almost as flat as Jessie Spano's in Showgirls.

At 1:15, we get even more Casper Van Dien action with Sleepy Hollow (1999) on TNT. I love Sleepy Hollow quite a bit and I think it's one of Burtons best films, as well as one of his best team ups with Depp, outside of Ed Wood, naturally. It was a film that came at a time when horror had been in a bit of a slump and the throwback to atmospheric, Hammer horror styled cinema was more than welcome. Great film and definitely my pick of the week!

Last film of the day comes at 3:30 with Transporter 2 (2005) on FX. I love the first Transporter film with how solid it was and how it showed me what a badass one Mr. Jason Statham is. The sequels are not quite up to par and I found them both to be slightly disappointing and a little too over the top in comparison to the first film in the series. Still, love me some Statham and even a mediocre Statham action film is a decent enough way to spend a portion of your day.

That's all she wrote, kiddies…have a good hangover and thanks for stopping by and making CNAMB a part of your day!

Freddy's Friday Night dance Party!: Kicking and Screaming Edition!

I always have a crate full of videos to be randomly picked from each week for this little segment known as Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, and tonight's has been in that crate all the way at the very bottom for some time. If there is one thing this video doesn't make me want to do, it's dance, rather, it makes me want to leave my computer, go outside, and scream at babies in frustration with how bad it is. Go ahead, click play, and within 20 seconds, you too will want to Scream!   

This aptly titled song, Scream, was performed by Master P and featured Silkk the Shocker for the 1997 sequel, Scream 2. There really isn't much to find out about this track and my effort past wiki is no more than scrolling down the goggle page. I would assume that both P and Silkk wrote the song, but in the end, who cares? I personally cannot stand Master P and consider him to be one of those people who, in his heyday, was everything that was wrong with Hip-Hop and music in general. He's faded out, thankfully, but his obnoxious legacy still irritates me, thus, my slight ranting. His catchphrase was Uhhhhh, for crying out loud! It's more like Ughhhh.

I generally do not use videos for songs or artists that I dislike, but in the spirit of what this segment is all about, videos like this one do need to be acknowledged every so often. In one way, part of me is happy to see a video like this as it's somewhat recent and music/horror movie intergraded music videos are not as common as they were back in the day. However, the lack of the Ghostface character picking up the mic shows that the 80's did OST music videos the best. As for the film itself, Scream 2 is okay, though I have not seen it in many years. I was initially disappointed in it when it came out, but it cannot be any worse than the third film.