The Horror Hangover

It would be an understatement to say that this week's edition of The Horror Hangover is scant, however, there was just enough on TV this afternoon to warrant doing a post. So, on the show shall go! 

Starting off this fine day, SyFy takes the piss out of mother earth with a slew of natural disaster films. First, things get twisted at 11:00, with Atomic Twister (2002), followed by Earthstorm (2006) at 1:00, and finally, the day takes a rocky turn for the worse, with Asteroid (1997) at 3:00. I usually do not include SyFy natural disaster films in the hangover, but I did want to have some sort of option for you all this afternoon. It could be worse, I guess, but not much.

It isn't until 2:00 when things finally pick up with Snakes on a Plane (2006), courtesy of FX. This is one where television edits almost work in favor of the film, just for the pure fact that the dialogue is actually much more entertaining than a person simply swearing. Fun movie that is always good to drop in on at any point during it's runtime.    

Thank heaven for AMC, who brings out the big guns with The Terminator (1984) at 2:30. The Terminator is one of my favorite films and an 80's classic. A pitch perfect genre mixture of sci-fi, horror, action, and Schwarzenegger, who as the T-600 is truly frightening. Amazing movie that still holds strong to this day (much more so than T2), The Terminator is definitely my pick of the week!   

Already 4:00 and the Hangover is winding down, and it's not ending on a good note either when, I Know Who Killed Me (2007) is pooping all over TV screens thanks to Lifetime Movie Network. I haven't seen this film, but have heard nothing but awful things about it, which honestly makes me super curious to the point that I kind of want to see it. However, I cannot fathom that this film actually made it into theaters after viewing this trailer. It totally should've been a made for Lifetime movie, so it is fitting that it's on that network's movie channel. The film really should have been called, I Know Who Killed My Career and the big reveal in the end would be that it was LL all along, or her drug dealer. Either one works for me. I know one of you have seen this film, so fess up and give me the goods!

As I said, slow goings this afternoon, but at least there was something on to watch, so the day isn't a total bust. Either way, hope you all have a wonderful day, and an even better evening filled with butterfly kisses on your nose. Oh, how it tickles!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Naturally Born to Dance Edition!

Steering about as far away from the hip-hopsplosion of last week's Dance Party as possible, this Friday's track attack is vastly more serious and much darker, to say the least. And despite the title of this post, this one doesn't really make for a good dance tune, unless you're on LSD, then you should be okay. So, gear up folks and prepare to have your senses assaulted visually, and audibly with, Burn!    

Written by Trent Reznor and performed by Nine Inch Nails, Burn was written for the 1994 Oliver Stone film, Natural Born Killers. It was specifically written for the film, which is very obvious, as Burn is a perfectly intense, brooding, and chaotic song that is tailor-made for a movie like Natural Born Killers. Definitely a spot-on pairing of musician and film to create something that, still to this day, is relevant, as well as somewhat uneasy. The video, which echoes the sporadic and powerful imagery that flashed across screens in the movie, is extreme and passionate, with it's flashing images of beauty, and horror.

As for the movie itself, I'm a huge fan of Stone's slightly pretentious, overly in-your-face, social commentary about media, television, and the negative influence they have on a society hungry for violence. Obviously, much of what Stone was touching on with the film, rings even truer now than it did back in 1994 with the near take over of media and the need to consume it by so many. Plus, Wayne Gale is gonna put a hot pepper up your ass when he gets home, so that alone makes the film tops in my book. Great film, great song, and a great video, but not as great as, TOP THAT!

Baby Babble: Issue 9 From Outer Space

I have an XTREME triple dose of Paracinema madness for you all today! First, I posted a review of the 1962 horror classic, Carnival of Souls, which you can read at Paracinema…The Blog. Head over and check out what I thought of the film and if I myself consider it a classic or not.

Click here to read!

Before you take off to read that sick review of Carnival of Souls, I have another nice and warm slice of greatness to serve you today. There is a brand new issue of Paracinema on the horizon, issue 9 to be exact and it promises to pound a whole lot of awesome into your noggin. That should be clear by the dope cover art. Some of the features in this newest issue include:

In Space, What You (Almost) Hear is Ka-ching!: The Genius Film Marketing and Knuckleheaded Toy Merchandising of Alien
by Todd Garbarini

The Death and Life of Cinema: An interview with Joe Dante
by Brian Saur

Emanuelle, Transnationality and the Cannibalisation of Cultures
by Ben Buckingham

How Hannibal Lecter Helped me Through a Difficult Time in my Life
by Jessie Robie

Australia’s Hollywood Pioneers and those who followed
by Bruce J. Patience

Devastating Color: Horror and magic in Herschell Gordon Lewis’s The Wizard of Gore
by Madelon Hoedt

And that is just the beginning of all the greatness that will be found in issue 9!

That's not all I got for ya today kiddies…on an extra incredible side note, if you pre-order this new issue between now and April 18th, you will be entered to win one of FIVE copies of James Gracey's upcoming book, Dario Argento! Now, that is truly XTREME beyond all that is known to man and you would be cah-razy to miss out on the magazine, as well as the chance to win a book you should buy anyways!

Click da link to pre-order!

This Review is For a Serial Killer Named Tony

Tony is a snapshot into the life a lonely-loser fittingly named, Tony. In essence, Tony is a middle-aged dork, a guy that wants to make friends, but no one cares to befriend him. He has a very oily DJ Conner inspired hairdo, a rapist stache, unflattering glasses, and an overall wimpy demeanor. But most importantly, Tony is also a serial killer.

Directed by Gerard Johnson, Tony is a London based film that has no actual storyline. Much of the film's runtime is spent with Tony as he goes about his daily routine, which includes a copious amount of action films, awkward attempts to build relationships, and of course, the occasional murder. Some compare this film to Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and that comparison is only slightly accurate. The film is a character study of a serial killer, but only as deep as the character goes in his life as it is at this moment in time - meaning there is no back-story as to why Tony is how he is. There is no explained history of a terrible childhood, abuse, or anything along those lines, instead, the viewer is left to their own device as to how Tony became this way.

Brilliantly played by Peter Ferdinando, Tony is not a character that is likeable, nor is he someone that you can completely hate either. He really tries to make friends with people, but his awkwardness is a turn off to potential friends, as well as making him an easy target for more dominant males. As I mentioned beforehand, Tony is a huge fan of action films, which really plays into Tony's character in many ways. He has a clear obsession with masculinity, an attribute which he himself does not possess, but clearly wishes he did.

Tony also has a habit of hanging out at gay bars, which mixed in with his tough guy movie fetish, may lend one to believe he is a homosexual. However, when faced with any sort of actual homosexual interaction, he wants nothing to do with it. This could be looked at as a motivation for his murderous tendencies, as he is tortured by the sexuality that he denies, but I personally do not think that is necessarily the case. He is constantly trying to make friends and the only people that seem to be interested are people that can benefit from Tony (he also hangs out with some scummy drug dealers at one point). The guys he meets in the gay clubs are under the influence, so they are horny and willing to hang with anyone in their intoxicated state, even Tony. And Tony is fully aware of this.

He just wants to have some one to hang out with, someone to watch Death Warrant with, but no one really wants to do those things with Tony, and that is where he losses his grip. Another motivator for his part time occupation as a serial killer comes from his own lack of male dominance in a socially acceptable way. When Tony murders someone, it makes him feel like a man, a man that can overpower another man by taking his life. Tony becomes the dominant one. He doesn't appear to be crazy, Tony never snaps, and he barely shows signs of insanity, unless he is actually attacking someone, but even then, he is mostly calm.

Tony is Johnson's first feature length film and he does an admirable job for such a green director. Tony is reportedly very low in budget, but looks quite good and the London location has a perfectly gritty aesthetic for Tony to prowl. Most of the camera work is following Tony around in an almost documentary type of way, and there are some nice looking long shots that take in all of Tony’s urban surroundings. The best use of location in the film is actually in Tony's apartment, as it is so plain and unpleasant, that you cannot help but feel a little creeped out by the setting in which he lives.

While I wouldn't call Tony a scary film, there are some affectively creepy moments that made me feel very awkward along with the characters involved. It's a very uncomfortable film at times, but Tony is an uncomfortable character. There isn't even a whole lot in terms of kills, or brutality, and the film's strength all comes from the character of Tony and Ferdinando's fantastic performance, as well as some of the technical aspects of the movie. There are also some humorous moments that are funny in the darkest of ways, meaning that they won't make you laugh out loud, but you'll appreciate them for being there. 

Tony is a film that has no real plot, has poorly executed confrontation, no resolution and basically, no purpose. However, the film exists to act as a window into the life of a serial killer and in a way, a person that could very well be in any of our lives without us knowing it. He's the unassuming killer who is not looked at as a threat, which is the scariest kind I would assume. Tony is an interesting character study that foregoes basic act structure to focus on the mind of a lonely man and mostly does so in a somewhat successful way.

The Apocalypse Continues. Still.

Rarely do I post only one single trailer, but I wanted to spend a little extra time and give this first look at Resident Evil: Afterlife, the attention it deserves (?). So, if you haven't seen the trailer (or even if you have), check it out, then I'll meet you right after to talk about what we saw! Kay? 

Alright, there is quite a bit to take in with this one, so I'm going to go over a few key things that stand out for me in this trailer. Fittingly, these things are the definition of what the series is and has been, which can almost be broken up into two categories.

I'll start with the good…

Mila Jovovich: Of course, the first thing to mention is seeing the return of Mila Jovovich, who is maybe the biggest draw for most fans of the series. She still looks great and I can feel comfortable in assuming that she will be whopping dat ass in style, as she always does.

Style: Something else I noticed was the visual style of the film. There are a few key shots that look stunning, namely the shot of the Hollywood sign and the one when Alice is jumping from the rooftop. It's an awesome look and the colors and texture almost look like the mate painting backgrounds of yesteryear.

REAL 3-D: I have a major distaste for the need to use the third dimension in EVERY film that comes out. As it was in the 80's, it has become nothing but a gimmick and a means to get the unsuspecting to spend way too much money for a movie that gains nothing from the "next level in cinema!" However, most of these films that are so called 3-D, are imposter conversions of the format and look terrible, but when a movie is crafted specifically for 3-D, it will no doubt look fantastic. Plus, it is that super duper 3-D being used, which we'll be coming back to a little later on.  

MONSTERS!: The last thing that really stuck out was that badass gigantic dude with that burly axe (who I believe is from the fifth game in the series), who looks like he could make up for the folly that was Nemises in Resident Evil: Apocalypse. 

Now, those are some of the positive things about this trailer, next I'll go over the corny and very stereotypical, yet awesome, aspects of the trailer...

Blu Blockers: In a completely original move, there's a dude that throws his super-cool sunglasses at the camera and for the fullest effect, it's done in slow-mo. I am fully expecting that they will explode all up in, or land perfectly on, someone's face. Either way is fine with me.

Flip You!: I noticed that there's a run-up-a-wall to back-flip, to land-on-knee, look-up, ready-to-pounce move. Always a classic and a staple of any cheesy action movie.

Born to Run: I saw at least one shot with characters running away from an explosion. I have a feeling that this will happen at least 19 times in Afterlife…anything less, would be a felony. 

Trinity Who?: Notice that jumping through a window, while shooting a gun in slow-mo Matrix move? Me too, but Afterlife is upping the ante by having TWO people jump through a window, shooting guns in slow-mo! Whoa.

We Will Rock You!: I'd be silly if I didn't mention there is some much needed, thumpin' techno rock music, just to add a little edge!

REAL 3-D: Now, how do I know that Resident Evil: Afterlife is doing 3-D the right way? Well, that might have something to do with the TRIPLE NAME DROP!!! of James Cameron, Vincent Pace and the Fusion Camera System. Shit is epic and so awful all at the same time. 

In the end, Resident Evil: Afterlife looks like it will be ridiculous and silly, but completely fun and entertaining…which is the case with all the films in the series. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this trailer (and the film), whether or not you think I'm right, or that I'm completely out of my mind. I'll go with the latter based off the fact that I just wrote 700 words about a Resident Evil trailer.

The Horror Hangover

Hoppity hop, bitches! It's Easter, which must mean it's Sunday, so that must mean it's time for…The Horror Hangover! And guess what? It is! So, pick up that remote with your nasty chocolate covered fingers, and lets get started already!

11:00 starts things off long and thick with Anaconda (1997) on TBS. I love nature run amuck and giant animal films, so even though Anaconda is a little less than good, I still get a kick out of it. A giant snake, Ice Cube as the token black guy with street 'tude, and Jon Voight chewing up more than even the anaconda…what's not to enjoy? Don't answer that.

Next up at 1:00, FX has the perfect Easter movie with Constantine (2005). Constantine is one of those films that people seem to enjoy for the most part, but few fully embrace it. I personally think the movie is great and it's one of the few films that Reeves is pretty good in (kind of). For the most part, it's gorgeously shot with lots of nice visuals, and there are a handful of great scenes. There are also some very solid performances, but a few too many throwaway characters, which may be the film's biggest flaw. Still, it's a great movie with a lot of interesting things going on in it and it's certainly worth a viewing this afternoon.  

At 1:00 on Spike, while you are enjoying your afternoon on the couch, some people are spending it In Hell (2003), namely Jean-Claude Van Damme and one of the greatest defensive football players of all-time, Lawrence Taylor (aka the real L.T.). I have seen this movie before and I remember thinking it was surprisingly decent, but I remember very little about it. I more than likely watched it on cable while nursing a hangover, so that could be the reason for my lack of memory. I would watch it again if that says anything, so I feel confident in having it featured on the Hangover today. 

Also at 1:00, prepare to serve your planet with Starship Troopers (1997) on TBS. It's 100% Verhoeven, so it's 50% tongue-in-cheek social commentary, mixed with 50% awesome Sci Fi/Action fun! I'm having trouble choosing a pick of the week, but I think Starship Troopers is THE definition of a perfect Hangover movie, so it shall be my choice!  

Following Starship Troopers, at 3:00, Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008) is on TBS. I have never even seen the second Troopers' film, so I have no clue if either of the sequels are any good. However, Casper is back, so that might make this a worthy sequel. Or not. 

Finishing off the afternoon, at 3:30, 30 Days of Night (2007) is on FX. I loved 30 Days when I saw it in theaters, but when I watched it again on DVD, I lost that loving feeling. Great setting, nice visual palate, blood thirsty vampires, some positive gore, all the makings for a great horror film. Unfortunately, the vampires are so lame with their stupid sounding language and need to have their mouths open all the time. They embarrass themselves acting the way they do with their pointless growling at the camera. The story progression is handled poorly, it's super clichéd, and I HATE Ben Foster in this film. Overall, a mediocre vampire movie, at best.  

That does it for this edition of The Horror Hangover…hope you all have a great Sunday and GO RED SOX!

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Cool as Ice Edition!

Nothing quite says Ninja like one Mr. Vanilla Ice. Much like a stealth assassin, he snuck past your better judgment and made his way into your boom box, and before you could say NO!, you were playing that funky music and shaving lines into the side of your head (You, not me. Okay, maybe me.). Like a Ninja, he was also a master of disguise, as he was able to convinced America that he was a rapper that came with a certain level of street cred. Much like a Ninja, Vanilla has now snuck past Chuck (he was eating) and made his way onto Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party, with the song, Ninja Rap!

Go Ninja, go Ninja, GO!!!

Ninja Rap was written and performed by Robert Matthew Van Winkle for 1991's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Vanilla even makes an appearance in the film itself and performs the song at a club for the movie's action filled finale. While Ooze kind of sucks in comparison to the first and very fun Turtles film, it does have many positive things: Ernie Reyes Jr., Super Shredder, a much hotter April O'Neil, and of course, the Ninja Rap ending! Nothing quite says commercial like getting the hottest sucker to perform a song for your movie, in your movie and what it says about that performer is all that needs to be said. Naw mean?

Still, sucker sell-out or not, I love every second of it! This video is gold from second one with Rob doing the Go Ninja cheer, and all with some super Hip-Hop hand gestures. It shows that even a thug can have fun once in a while too. I also love just how hard he dances…it's like he really means what he's rapping about and to not dance spastically would be holding in his love for Ninja Turtles. You just can't fight back a love like that, and the only way to get it out is with hard and quick head turns that go from left to right. Of course, the lyrics are also quite amazing, with my favorite line being: "Did you ever see a turtle get down?!" It's not my favorite because it's sooo corny…nope, it's my favorite because I have seen a turtle get down, so I can totally relate. I do think the best part of this entire clip is the end, when Robert talks about his experience doing the song and his role in the film. Keep it clean, make it Ice, and Vanilla did just that. Yup-yup, he sure did.