The Horror Hangover

Hoping many of you didn’t give up drinking for Lent (If you did, I give it a week), and you are still in need of a Hangover movie guide, I am here for you. We are here for each other!

SyFy shows up early (and often) this Sunday with Judge Dredd (1995) at 10:00 AM. I’ve never seen Judge Dredd, and I know I asked if Demolition Man was any good when that showed up on a previous Hangover and the responses were mostly positive. I think Judge Dredd will not get the same response. Though, Diane Lane might make it worth a watch? No?  I’m not posting the trailer for this one…when the name Judge Dredd comes up, I do not think of the comic, or the movie, but fucking ANTHRAX!!!!

 

SyFy keeps it movin’ right into noon with Showdown at Area 51 (2007). This film showed up on a previous Hangover and it looks quite fabulous. I’ll even post the same great clip just in case you are in doubt of just how fabulous this film looks.  

 

At 1:00, TNT infects it’s viewers with the second film in the franchise, Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004). I actually find the R.E. films to be fun, but Apocalypse is my least favorite of the three (my fav actually being Extinction!). I think what made this movie less than great for me was the Nemesis character - in the game, he was as scary as warts, in the movie, he yelled STARS a lot. Still, even though it’s a weak movie, I see nothing wrong with spending an afternoon with Mila Jovovich.   

 

SyFy reins it back in with Reign of Fire (2002) at 2:00. A lot of people shit on this movie and maybe that is why I didn’t hate it like others seem to – I had low expectations. It’s nothing great, but it’s okay enough, then again, a movie with dragons in it should make you blow some sort of load. Christian “Goood, for yeeeew!” Bale is always solid and it’s so nice to see Matthew McConaughey in a film that is not a shitty romantic comedy.

 

At 4:00, IFC gets wicked funky, with the awesome Martial Arts film, Iron Monkey (1993). Even though there is another great movie on at 4:00, I would bet you already have seen that one and not Iron Monkey, so I have to give it my pick of the week. Iron Monkey is a fantastic and incredibly fun Martial Arts film, and one of my favorites. There are some serious names involved with this one, namely the film’s director, Yuen woo-ping and my favorite working film Martial Artist, Donnie Yen! This one has it all, great drama, hysterical comedy, and some of the dopest fight scenes ever put to film…Iron Monkey is a must, and IFC will show it due justice I’m sure. I’ll stop now.

 

Sharing the 4:00 spot with Iron Monkey is, Predator (1987) on SyFy. If you really aren’t into Martial Arts movies, then Predator is not a bad way to spend an afternoon, in fact, it’s one hell of a way to spend an afternoon, a morning, and an evening. There is nothing I can say about Predator that could do it justice…it is a fucking awesome film, period. An action masterpiece with more testosterone than any movie ever made, and I love every second of it. This is a film that gave us a recent Monster of the Week, so that should be all that you need to know.

 

That is it for this week’s Hangover, which actually turned out pretty damned good with some great films later in the day. And how about that SyFy with it’s solid line-up?! Well played SyFy, well played.

Freddy’s Friday Night Dance Party!: Enormous Schwanzstucker Edition!

Have I got a “Monster” of a Dance Party planned for all you jive ass turkeys this week! It is a memorable scene taken from an ageless horror comedy and is a big reminder why Mel Brooks was so awesome back in the day. It’s Puttin’ on the Ritz as performed by Dr. Frederick Fronk-en-steen! and his Monster. Enjoy.  

Originally written in 1929 by Irving Berlin, Puttin’ on the Ritz is a classic song, but that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise since it’s like, a billion years old. Now, this little song and dance number from the 1974 Mel Brooks classic, Young Frankenstein, is just as classic, without being nearly as old and man, it is still incredibly funny. The legendary Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle knock this performance right out of the park and the chorus is just flat out hysterical, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. I actually revisited this film very recently after not seeing it for many years and I was so surprised at how well it holds up, as well as how enjoyable looking Teri Garr was. Roll in zee hey, indeed.

Snots, Sniffles, and Conversations in the Dark

I, as in me, as in the guy that is typing this right now, is the latest guest on B-Sol’s Conversations in the Dark podcast! You can listen to us talk about horror directors that haven’t stayed relevant and why that is. It was a great conversation and I had a buh-last doing it, so head over to The Vault of Horror and listen to me and my wicked sinus infection! Thanks to B-Sol for having me as a guest and being a big listener of podcasts, it was very cool being involved with one! Hope you hoes dig it!

Doc You Meant Harry’s

I watch a pretty good amount of documentaries and I love all types, but lately, I have been on a bit of a tear with the amount of film related docs I’ve watched. I LOVE documentaries about movies, whether it be about one film in particular, a film series, or my personal favorite, docs about film genres. Here is a list and a few quick thoughts on the ones I have seen in the last two or three months. 

Flesh and Blood: The Hammer Heritage of Horror

1994 -  Directed by Ted Newsom - 100 min

Hammer has a truly rich history and one that spans a long time and this documentary covers a lot of that history. Filled with a ton of great interview by many involved with the studio and the films themselves, and it’s narrated by Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, there is a lot to be learned from Flesh and Blood. Being a Hammer production, there are a lot of wonderful photos, film clips, and old behind the scenes footage to be seen, however, being 16 years old, the doc already feels very dated. Another issue is what seems to be low production values, but that doesn’t necessarily hurt the movie overall as the content itself is just top notch and a must for fans of Hammer.      

Schlock! The Secret History of American Movies

2001 – Directed by Ray Greene - 89 min

Focusing on the early stages of Exploitation cinema, this documentary covers the independent Sexploitation movies from the 50’s and 60’s. It’s really cool seeing these early films that would kick off a completely different type of cinema, and there is a lot to be learned about genres like Nudies, Roughies, and right on up to the Gore films of Hershel Gordon Lewis. There are some great interviews with Doris Wishman, Roger Corman, Vampira, plus plenty more and the film is pretty well put together. If you are a fan of Exploitation cinema, this is a must as these are the film that paved the way for what many fans know of as more modern Exploitation films. 

Z Channel - A Magnificent Obsession

2004 – Directed by Alexandra Cassavetes - 120 min

Launched in 1974, Z channel was one of the countries very first pay cable channels predating even HBO. This was a channel that showed many art house, foreign, and underrated films often letterboxed and even directors cuts were shown. Z Channel is a great mix of real life drama and movie documentary as it focuses on the stations head programmer, Jerry Harvey who had a love and passion for film unlike anyone else. With that love, came a channel that showed films that were not shown anywhere else, or seen by many people beforehand. However, Harvey had major psychological issues that resulted in the murder of his wife and his own suicide. This is a fantastic look into a history of cinema I knew absolutely nothing about and as a film connoisseur, there is much to learn. The human drama elevates this film to a different level and adds a lot of emotional investment to this wonderful documentary.  

Baadasssss Cinema - A Bold Look at 70's Blaxploitation Films

2003 – Directed by Isaac Julien - 58 min

And no, despite the title, it’s not about sheep, or donkeys, but this one is about Blaxploitation movies. I actually just watched this one the other night, completely forgetting I had already seen it a few times before on IFC. It is an IFC production and is a very basic introduction to the genre and what it meant, along with the impact it had on the black community and cinema in general. It is perfect for anyone new to the genre, but it doesn’t go all that deep into the films that came out, mostly the basics. There are a ton of great interviews with Tarantino, Pam Grier, Melvin Van Peebles, and Fred Williamson to name a few. IFC makes a lot of docs like this and while I wish they were longer and a little deeper into the genres they covered, they are perfect for anyone looking to learn about a type of film they have little to no knowledge about. Whether or not I know most of what is covered, I still enjoy watching it anyways.     

Not Quite Hollywood

2008 – Directed by Mark Hartley - 103 min

Covering the Exploitation/Horror boom from Australia during the 70’s and 80’s, there are a lot of movies to be learned about with this one. Just when you think you know it all, something like Not Quite Hollywood comes along and introduces a slew of films never before heard about and it covers all of the aspects of the film industry in Australia at the time. While I really like and/or love all of these documentaries I am talking about here, this one is by far the best of the bunch. I’m surprised it’s under two hours because the wealth of cinema covered is vast and there are so many great interviews with actors, filmmakers, and of course, Tarantino. To top things off, this is one of the most incredibly produced documentaries I have ever seen and there was a lot of work put in to make it look as good as the content. Phenomenal and yet again, another must see.

Between all of these documentaries, there is a whole lot to learn about cult and midnight cinema and if you have not seen anyone of these, then certainly check them out. So worth your time and Not Quite Hollywood and Z Channel are both on Netflix instant view right now. I’d love to hear what you all love for horror/film docs…there are a whole lot of them out there and while I have seen my fair share, I always seem to find something new to learn from.

Horror Blogger Alliance

If you are not yet aware of the Horror Blogger Alliance, it’s the brain child of mister sassy himself, Carl (not Weathers) of I Like Horror Movies fame and is the hottest thing since sex addiction. It’s a community for all horror bloggers to come together, a place where we all can love freely without fear of persecution. Anyone can join, all you have to do is head over to the blog and join up via a follow, or by leaving a comment saying you want your blog added into the mix. As I said, it’s open to ANYONE that is down with horror blogging and there is no sort of real rules or anything expected of you.

Still in its infantile stages, things will be evolving naturally into something very cool and there are some great community things already in motion, for example: friendly hot topic horror debates and maybe a fantasy horror league. If you have something big going on, like maybe an interview with the hottest new French horror director, or maybe a special theme month at your blog, HBA is a great way to spread the word about it to our fellow horror bloggers. Suggestions are very welcome, of course as this is something that can grow due to what we give to it. Head over to the blog, catch up on what’s happening, and join in on the fun! Oh, and there’s a spaghetti dinner ever third Sunday of the month!      

Memoirs of An Invisible Man

Well, I wrote the review for this film about three months ago and for whatever reason, I just didn’t seem to find the right time to post it. Now that it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought what better time to put up my review of 3-Iron? A film that made my top 25 of the decade, mind you (and at number 11!). This is my anti-Hollywood made/spoon-feed romance film review in a way. While many people will sadly go out to theaters and see that piss shit of a movie, Valentine’s Day, I prefer to spread the word about a film that is the true meaning of meaning, a true film, in the truest sense. It’s not horror, but I urge you all to check out the review and the movie at some point. Happy Valentine’s Day, bitches!

If someone lives their life in solidarity and are not seen by others around them, do they even exist? I guess I don't even know if some of you exist unless you leave a comment, but you could be reading my blog once or twice a week for all I know. That is almost the idea behind the Kim Ki-duk directed 3-Iron (Bin-jip). A brilliant idea in the narrative of a story that is an unconventional one, and one that in normal conventions, I despise from the lack of creativity found within. That would be, the love story.

Love stories in film are so often bullshit nonsense, and it's so rare to find one that transcends the onslaught of garbage that caters to uncreative minds (usually these films star someone like Sandra Bullock…*fart noise*). I can be a major sucker for a love story, but it has to be good, touching, real and not exploitative of the human condition. Kim Ki-duk has written and directed one of the most well crated and thought out love stories I have seen in some time.

The film stars Jae Hee as Tae-suk who uses the front of leaving take-out menus on people’s doors to find out if they are home or not. When he discovers a home is left to his own device, he breaks in and makes it his own. He doesn't steal anything nor does he do anything bad really (outside of some significant pranks), he actually takes care of the place by cleaning things and fixing broken items. He acts as if he is in his own home and treats it as such - maybe even better. Tae-suk goes farther than to take the place over, he seems to want to have some sort of connection to the family that really lives there - he does so by taking pictures of himself with the family photos hanging on the walls as if he is in the picture with them.

He seems like he may be bored and slightly lonely, and in his loneliness, he has become very methodical and precise with the things he does with each home he goes into. Eventually, he makes his way into a home that is not as empty as he would think. There is woman named Sun-hwa (played by Seung-yeon Lee) inside who sees Tae-suk but does nothing at first, instead, she watches him. She seems to be partially captivated by him and what he is doing around her house...taking care of things and becoming a part of a family that he assumes knows not of his existence.

Sun-hwa, besides being curious about her polite intruder, has visible signs of physical abuse from what would be her overbearing husband. She may be ashamed of being seen this way, which could also factor in her not confronting him immediately. She does eventually bump into him when he catches her spying on him as he is in her bed. Tae-suk takes off, only to come back and in a way, save this woman from her abusive relationship.

Both characters are suffering from loneliness as we already know from Tae-suk's actions, but the controlled, abusive life that Sun-hwa is living, makes her just as isolated as her quasi hero. They are connected by their secluded lives, to become secluded together. Sun-hwa joins Tae-suk in his home invasion adventures and partakes in the practices that he does in these empty homes. They almost become one, and like a pair of ghosts, they seem to haunt these residences, only leaving residual essence behind for the true owners to never fully be able to pick up on. While they do act almost as one, they are also avoiding what they feel about one another until the most subtle of movements connects them in the biggest way.

Neither one of the characters speak one line of dialogue in 3-Iron's entire run time, and it is fantastic how so many small actions can speak larger than any words that they could belt out or be written for that matter. They are kindred-spirits, a couple who only know the existence of each other as they play in other peoples playgrounds. In their comfort with one another, they are eventually caught, and this results in Tae-suk being jailed and Sun-hwa being trapped back home with her abusive husband who has now changed his ways, apparently. Too little too late, as Sun-hwa is in love with Tae-suk and is completely devastated being separated from him.

I would prefer not to go any further into the plot, as I have left it very open and the third act of 3-Iron is best left to be discovered by the viewer's eyes, not this reviewer's words. I'll say that the movie goes into some almost fairytale like territory, but not in a cheesy way, in fact, it is quite brilliant and poignant. Love story or not, 3-Iron is not a romance film, as it doesn't need to stoop to the level of cheap romantic tricks. You aren't hit over the head with their love, it evolves naturally, like the characters do themselves.

3-Iron is a nicely paced and shot film that carries you through the journey and evolution of both Sun-hwa and Tae-suk, and the silent performances from the two leads are amazing and at times magical. The significance of the littlest things in this film is remarkable, whether it be a wall picture, a touch of the foot, or even a scale for weighing yourself. The underlying message that I took from 3-Iron is, to be alone is to be nonexistent, but to be alone with someone you love, is true existence. Word.

The Horror Hangover

Well, hopefully you are waking up to not only a Hangover, but a little V-Day morning whoopie. If that’s the case, you know it isn’t gonna last all that long and since you’re already up, I have a lot of early morning crap for you to digest. First up, AMC get’s all Gangsta on yo ass when they have an all day marathon of Gangster films! Starting with The Untouchables (1987) at 10:30, Goodfellas (1990) at 1:00, The Godfather (1972) at 4:00, and heading into the late night hours of 8:00 with, The Godfather II (1974).

Outside of the AMC gangster's paradise and starting bright and early at 9:00 AM, Godzilla (1998) is playing on ABC Family. God, I remember a time when I thought this was going to be the greatest movie ever. When I watched The Big Hit on VHS, the teaser for this monstrosity was at the beginning and I was pumped! Godzilla 1998 is one of ten thousand reasons I hate Roland Emmerich…’nuff said.

 

Still wicked early - at 9:30 Death Sentence (2007) is showing on FX. A movie I have never seen, and while I have never heard anything great about it, it still piques my interest. It’s a revenge movie and I love revenge movies (but don’t we all?!) and I like Bacon too, so Death Sentence is certainly worth a shot.  

 

SyFy is playing Open Graves (2009) at 10:30, and while the idea of a killer board game sounds great, it looks like Open Toilet might be a better title for this crap fest. I was surprised to see it only came out last year since I have never heard anything about it, which may speak of the quality. I would probably still watch it though, but that’s just me.

 

And the only late afternoon Hangover movie worth any note is at 2:30 with Joshua (2007) on SyFy. I have heard some good things about this one and I love a good creepy killer kid movie. Sam Rockwell is in it, which is certainly not a bad thing at all and it’s kind of funny that Vera Farmiga plays the mother in yet another killer kid flick. I’ll give my pick of the week to Joshua, only because every time I say the title in my head, it is in the voice of Diana Waits.

 

That about does it kiddies…hope you all have a fabulous day and an even better evening. Peace!