Got a very mixed and slightly small bag of films for The Horror Hangover this week, but there is some shit worth checking out depending on your taste. First I’ll mention that The Matrix films will be on AMC starting only an hour after you went to bed last night aka 8:00 AM. It will be a marathon of Matrix, so you can leave it on all day long and as you sober up, the quality of the films shall slowly disintegrate!
On a much better note, BBC has a Hitchcock marathon that will span the entire day, starting with Vertigo at 9:00, then Psycho at 12:00, and Rear Window at 2:30. Then it will loop right back around and start all over again. I don’t get BBC on my cable, but if you have the power, spending a day with Hitchcock is not a bad day to be spent at all. I’ll give this my marathon pick of the week!
In non-marathon Hangover news, at 11:00 Breakdown (1997) is playing on USA. I haven’t seen Breakdown in a long time, but I have decent memories of it. It’s a thriller style road movie, with trucks, and Kurt Russell, so you really can’t go wrong. Only thing better would be a thriller style road movie, with trucks, and Pat Swayze, but that isn’t the case. Still, Breakdown gets my solo movie pick of the week!
At 12:00, you might want to “Get Down!” when Eraser (1996) is on A&E. It’s an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, so I have to mention it, as I have a deep love for the greatest action hero of all time. I actually saw this movie in the theaters, but barely remember it outside of Vanessa Williams and I think there was a cool futuristic gun used in it at one point, but that could be another movie for all I know.
Lastly, at 12:15 The Amityville Horror (2005) meh-make is showing on TNT. Movie is pretty wiggity-whack with a few good moments, but the whole “catch ‘em and kill ‘em” thing was one of the lamest hooks a horror film has ever had. The scene with the hot babysitter (I think she was hot?) was pretty cool from what I remember, but there is very little for me to recommend about this pile of pooh. Ryan Reynolds’ beard is very proper though…but as powerful as James Brolin’s? I smell celebrity death match!
That's all folks…not a lot, but there are some movies worth checking out. Hopefully I have lead you down the path of cable horror ‘n such, and you won’t feel so alone as you wonder why you slept with that nasty dude/dudette last night!
After having such a emotional and epic Dance Party with Ms. Ellen Aim last week, I thought I should take this weeks’ edition back to the streets. Hip-Hop has influenced many cultures, people young and old, and thankfully so, because if not, we wouldn’t have this clip from Teen Witch. The song is Top That and while it takes 35 seconds to get to the gold, the dialogue between our two bike riding babes is certainly worth the wait!
As already mentioned, Top That comes from the 1989 film, Teen Witch, staring one time über crush, Robyn Elaine Lively and the recently deceased Zelda Rubinstein. This groundbreaking track in the vein of Public Enemy meet’s KRS-1, Top That was written by Larry Weir and performed by The Michael Terry Rappers, who I could not find out all that much about, nor did I try all that hard either. Why ruin the mystique of something as impactful as Top That?!
Everything about this clip is amazing, from the close up of the boom box, the rolled up tight jeans with matching Hawaiian shirt, right down to the spastic, seizer like dance moves. And how about that dude with the suspenders?! Now THAT is Hip-Hop! My favorite part of the entire clip is when Teen Witch and her “normal” friend, Darlene Conner spot the Hip-Hop dance crew and Darlene says “Look at how funky he is,” then lingers for a moment before saying ”I’ll never be hip!” But how wrong she is, because thanks to the power of Witch Craft, Darlene spit’s some lyrics of her own! Back and forth Rap battle at its finest…I can’t even handle it! This might be my favorite clip of all time!
When re-watching Sleepaway Camp for the first time in a long time, I began to notice a pattern. Not a pattern showing how the killer chose his/her victims, or even clues found in the numerous red hearings pointing to who the killer actually is in this 1983 Slasher cult classic. Nope, this was a pattern that included the outfits that many of the film’s male character’s picked out for their summer of fun in the sun.
Sometimes known as booty shorts, daisy dukes, short-shorts, hot pants, jorts (if they’re made of jean, that is), and why the hell is that man wearing those, slut cuts are a brand of short pants that exceed the legal limits of short and cross over into a realm of excessive inner thigh and possible pube sightings. I’m not here to judge these male characters for their odd choices in attire…instead, I am here to celebrate their decision to avoid tan lines, respect, and ambiguity as to how big their plunger is.
Here is an in-depth look, at the semi-nude, butt-cut boys of summer.
“Daddy, that girl’s bikini bottom cover’s more ground than your shorts!”
“Ehh…whatevs.”
“What time should I realize I’m wearing these shorts?!”
“Man, your legs are really looking righteous this summer!”
“Nice to see some of us got the new uniform memo…”
A meeting of the thighs
I think we may have found Snooki’s long lost father
(I actually don’t know if he was lost, so much as he probably ran away!)
Who wears a half-shirt over a sweater?
(I know he’s the same guy, but he is beyond just one photo!)
“HEY! I wanna be the catcher!”
“Bet ya guys can’t get my blue shorts wet! Ha ha ha ha! ”
Them some sexy legs, huh?! But no one in Sleepaway Camp quite has the stem presence like camp consoler Ronnie (Paul DeAngelo), who with his always poking pecker, brings a whole new meaning to the term, less is more.
Ronnie: A God amongst men. Or tennis players in the 80’s
“Hey honey, you’re looking kinda wolfie down there. I got an extra bottle of Nair in the back if your up for a session?”
Ronnie’s version of Capri pants
“You have the right to remain…really hot in those shorts! What gym do you go to?!?”
There ya have it…just a small handful of the impressive wardrobe choices found in Sleepaway Camp. All worn with pride. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna hit the gym so I can do some squats and get ready for summer. Ladies, get ready to take a ride on the thighway when I hit up the beach this year.
It seems like interesting trailers are hard to come by lately, however, there have been a few very recently that would warrant a viewing for good and/or bad reasons.
First up is the trailer for Dead Rising? Something that I had not even known about and apparently, neither did anyone else. Dead Rising is based off the game of the same title, which is a sort of homage to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, in that it was a zombie game set in a mall. From the looks of it, this has very little in common in the game, which makes it all the more pointless, and I see not one shot from inside a mall in this entire trailer?! However, they do a great job of recreating the storage room’s from the game to a tee. I like wild and crazy Japanese movies enough, but this looks a bit meh for even me.
On a much more promising note, here is the trailer for The Last Lovecraft: The Relic of Cthulhu. Lovecraft is sacred and a major influence in horror, sometimes done well, sometimes not so much, but this is an interesting take seeing as it is a comedy set in the world of Fish Gods. I pretty much love all thing’s Lovecraft and I think this could be a fun breath of fresh air. There are a few funny moments in this trailer, but it also looks like it could be overly self referential too. Something that is not often a good thing.
One of the best of the trailers I have here for you today, comes in the form of yet another zombie film! The Dead simply looks awesome and is the type of zombie film not seen in quite some time with its African setting and great looking practical gore FX. The trailer speaks for itself.
Speaking of movie types we haven’t seen in a long time, thanks to 24Framespersecond, I learned about The Dark Lurking, which looks to get back to the old school 80’s Horror/Sci Fi/Action hybrids without the polished turd feel of films that we see nowadays. Like Doom, for example. It looks gory, expansive, gritty, and very low budget, but filled with ambition. And with a Game of Death styled plot, it could be very fun.
No, this isn’t a feature length film based off the Danzig song, instead, Mother is a Korean kind of thriller from director Joon-Ho Bong, who is best known for the giant monster movie, The Host. I’ve heard pretty good things about this one and with the directors previous work, I am certainly interested in checking it out. Actually, I think I may have posted the Korean trailer for this one in an old Totally Tubular Trailers, but this is the official U.S. trailer, therefore the reason for posting it here and now.
Some great trailers and I look forward to at least four of these movies…how about you?
About a month ago, John Cozzoli aka Iloz Zoc of Zombos’ Closet of Horror fame, asked if I would like to be one of the horror bloggers spotlighted in his weekly Meet the Horror Blogger’s segment. Being that I truly enjoy talking about myself, I was very ecstatic and honored to be considered for the prestigious spotlight. It’s basically an about me – how I got into horror films and into blogging, with some personal stuff mixed in for some added flavor. Plus, there’s a ridiculous picture of me that I submitted, where I look like I have a dump in my pants.
In all seriousness, I had a lot of fun writing it and honestly, I wrote so much, I had to omit a couple of paragraphs to keep it from being too long (I’m like T.O., but with better hands)! It’s not easy to condense the many influences in my life that led me to where I am now, but I did my best and I hope you all can take a couple of moments to check it out. A huge thanks to John for asking me to partake in this…I really appreciate it and am truly flattered.
Horror website Bloody Disgusting is putting on a Horror Blog award’s thingy and amongst the many amazing blogs nominated, I am very proud to say that CNAMB has been included in the running. I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t LOVE to win, but I highly doubt I have any chance at all, however I would love to at least do well as it would be a great way to feed my ego!
What’s interesting about this whole thing is many great blogs are nominated and many of my readers and good friends are behind those blogs (I can forget about those votes!), so I want to wish them all good luck. If CNAMB doesn’t win, then it better be one of them! Click on the link below (or on the sidebar) to vote - you have to have a registered account to do so (and to keep it fair), but it’s really easy to sign up. If I win, I’ll review whatever movie each one of you wants me to!
Just when you thought Falcon’s parents were insane, let me introduce you to Mum & Dad. Parents with incredibly high values and even higher expectations from their kids, but these aren’t pageant mom’s we’re talking about here folks. Instead of making their kids learn dance moves, go tanning, and wear bedazzled sparkle motion inspired outfits, Mum & Dad expect their kids to provide them with new children to support their sadistic habits. The entire family lives near an airport, where Dad and both his children Birdy (Ainsley Howard) and Elbie (Toby Alexander) also work. The family makes extra cash and keep’s their wardrobe fresh by stealing from the cargo holds and offices at the airport - which is also where they find new brothers and sisters to bring home to expand this loving family.
Lena (Toby Alexander), a Polish immigrant who just moved to the area, makes acquaintances with Birdy while working together at the airport. Birdy tries to invite Lena out for drinks, but Lena isn’t interested and just wants to head home after her long day at work. Unfortunately for Lena, she misses her bus ride back home and Birdy talks Lena into coming home with her and Elbie to try and get a ride from there. Lena reluctantly agrees and goes to their house, which turns out to be a very big mistake when she meets Birdy and Elbie’s Mum & Dad.
What looks like a normal set of parents on the surface, Mum & Dad are actually a demented couple of people with a skewed view of what it means to be a family. After drugging and imprisoning Lena, she is explained the rules of the home. Basically, if she is a good girl, she will have a roof over her head, food on the table, and clothes on her back. If she misbehaves, she will be left to the devices of Dad, a homicidal maniac who doubles as a sexual deviant. Dad spends a lot of his time behind closed doors doing unspeakable things to previous bad children, which is only slightly seen at first, but it is clear that you want absolutely nothing to do with what he is up to. Mum, looks at Lena as her new daughter and shows how much she loves her by scarring her body with sharp instruments which are referred to as “battle wounds.” Seems like a pretty shitty thing, but if Lena doesn’t go along with it and resists the torture in any way, that would be considered misbehaving and lead to some alone time spent with Dad.
Mum & Dad is a 2008 British film written and directed by feature length first timer, Steven Sheil. Sheil does a solid job for a newb and has a strong sense of movie making ability. He successfully creates tension for most of the running time as there is always a lurking fear that Dad might snap at any moment. Mum & Dad is a torture porn film (a term I am iffy about…actually, I kinda hate it) in how the story unfolds for the protagonist as well as how the film looks stylistically. There are the dingy, dirty dungeon looking bedrooms that you would expect from a movie of this genre, but there is also a contrasting other aspect of their home that looks very prim and proper. Very much like Mum & Dad themselves. A nice glossy veneer, but filled with madness and chaos just beneath the surface.
Everything is lit nicely and there’s this very creepy and effectively odd score that is less musical and more of a pulsating sound - like feedback or static radio signal. Some of the things in this movie are unsurprisingly VERY harsh, but that’s to be expected with a film of this nature. This isn’t like a Martyrs harsh (or a Martyrs good), but there are some very sick moments and Lena is constantly physically and mentally abused throughout the movies runtime. There is one scene in particular involving Lena, a suitcase, a mallet, and a very unhappy Dad that is a little on the tough side to watch. Some of the scenes involving Mum and her torturous habits are jarring, especially in how she administers them in such a loving way. Heck, even at the dinner table nothing is sacred and while being set in a very normal looking kitchen, instead of BBC or Soccer playing on the tele, there is hardcore porno on.
Dido Miles who plays Mum and Perry Benson as Dad are both fantastic in there roles and play some of the most callous and merciless parents ever to appear on screen. John and Kate Never seemed like such great parents all of the sudden when watching these two go to work. Both of the children are pretty good with Ainsley Howard showing a strong performance as the manipulative Birdy - Toby Alexander as Elbie is decent, but he doesn’t have much to do since his character doesn’t speak. Of course, Mum & Dad hinges on Olga Fedori as Lena and she does a nice job playing a very physically demanding role, and it’s hard not to find yourself hoping she will refrain from making any mistakes and pissing off the crazed parents.
Overall the movie is well paced, but after a while it starts to get a little tiring and I began losing some interest around the end of the second act. While I do enjoy some of the films that this genre type has to offer, watching a movie like this can be a little taxing with the whole punish, torture, abuse, rinse, repeat. However, the last twenty five minutes or so make some of the slump more than bearable. Starting with the most demented Christmas celebration ever my eyes have witnessed, complete with human decorations and all, Mum & Dad hits a wicked high with its insanity, which then leads to a fantastic finale that totally pays off.
In the end, Mum & Dad is a solid film made for a very modest budget (£100,000 in British pounds, which equals to roughly 160 thousand U.S. dollars) and does a lot with a very little thanks to some great direction by Steven Sheil and solid acting from the cast. There are a few points where the film gets a little stale and if you’re not a big fan of torture porn styled films, then you will more than likely not change your view after seeing Mum & Dad, therefore, you shouldn’t bother. There was enough positive in the movie for me to enjoy it overall and the end is what sealed the deal for me in how the events unfolded and concluded in a very satisfying fashion. If you can handle seeing a father nut in an organ he used to masturbate, only to see it ooze out a little when he’s done, then you should know whether or not you would want to see Mum & Dad. torture
