Christmas is just a few days away now and with that joyous occasion comes our final Holiday Monster of the Week. If there is one thing that can ruin your holiday festivities, it's knowing that there is always a threat lurking the snowy streets just outside your door. What's worse is the fact that you may never know exactly when you may run into this menace - it could be at anytime, at anywhere and the end result will never be very good for you.
This week's Holiday Monster of the Week is...
Scut Farkus!
Scut Farkus graced our lives in Bob Clark's 1983 holiday classic, A Christmas Story, which was based off the short stories and anecdotes of author Jean Shepherd. However, the character of Scut Farkus (Played by Zack Ward) was actually written specifically for the film, so the credit for this Monster could go to either Clark himself, or Leigh Brown who also partook in the films writing.
First off, when you spell the name Scott, Scut, you know you are dealing with a serious monster of grotesque proportions. The name Scut alone just sounds awful and seems like it would be a great description for a phlegmy open wound, or a skanky slut perhaps. Everything about him drips bad and just by looking at him, you know his path is not one that you should ever cross. He tucks his super blue jeans into his boots, wears fingerless gloves, he rocks a Davy Crockett cap and out from under that hideous dome piece he'll stare you down with his yellow eyes. He has yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes! I would liken "Scut" to road construction, something that while on your way to and from work or school, can cause quite the inconvenience, except this inconvenience can and probably will result in a bloody nose, or the repeated use of the word uncle.
Little Harry was just soooo excited as he sat with his mother and younger brother, Phil, while from in between the railing of their staircase they secretly watched Santa Claus as he slid down the chimney and proceeded with his Santa duties. Harry looked on, eyes as wide as can be, as Santa enjoyed the delicious cookies and milk they had left out for him and then witnessed the jolly one as he unloaded a mass of amazing gifts for Harry and his brother to tear open in the morning. Harry was in heaven. That is...until after Harry was supposed to be in bed, he snuck back down the stairs and much to his amazement, Santa was still there! This time, instead of bringing joy to Harry with gifts of magic, Santa is bringing joy to Harry's mother as he sexually caresses her leg while kneeling down in front of her. Santa?! Harry thought, as he could not believe what he was seeing before him. It's as if all his dreams and hopes had been crushed because mom and dad wanted to fuck while playing a little dress up.
While being considered a Slasher as far as genre goes, 1980 Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out or Terror in Toyland) is one of the few holiday horror films with intense Santa Claus and Christmas imagery that is not really a Slasher at all outside of a few choice moments towards the end. That's a bit of a nice change with the amount of holiday Slashers I've been watching lately - though I do truly enjoy them, I am starting to get a little burnt out by Christmas Slasher films. Christmas Evil works much differently than some off the wall Slasher; instead, it is more along the lines of a physiological horror film with a man who slowly succumbs to madness due to the traumatic childhood discovery of his mom as she's about to get munched on by someone whom he thought was Santa Claus.
Harry (Brandon Maggart) spends the rest of his life, right up until adulthood, being completely obsessed with Santa and the Christmas holiday - to the point, that he even works passionately in a toy factory and surrounds himself with creepy Santa paraphernalia. It all seems innocent, and Harry appears to be a nice, well-meaning guy, but he harbors many issues that stem from his past trauma. Harry has no sense of nerve when it comes to dealing with others, who can smell the wimp on Harry, and they use it to take advantage of him. To his peers, he is a nobody and they know they can push him around as if he just doesn't matter. Harry is not without the smarts to notice how he is perceived by others. In fact, he doesn't like it at all, but he lacks the proper jingle bells to do anything about it. Couple this with a piss poor relationship with his brother, Phil (Jeffrey DeMunn), and a life less than mediocre, and you have a recipe for a psychotic breakdown.
Taking his Santa obsession to creepy levels, Harry sees fit to spy on all of the neighborhood children so he can see for himself who is naughty and who is nice. He even has a book for both categories, and he puts each child's name in their respective categorie along with what deeds makes them good or bad. Besides being incredibly odd, this aspect of Harry can almost be perceived as the actions of a pedophile in a way, but I think Harry only has one thing on his mind though, and that is the joy that Christmas and Santa can bring to the hearts of good children. As Harry's sanity begins to slip further, he starts to think it may be up to him to take on the role of Santa Claus. He fashions a dope Santa suit, complete with a realistic looking beard and a sleigh, which is actually painted on the side of his van which is filled with toys.
Harry takes his list of who is naughty and who is nice and sets about to do what he thinks will make him important to people. It is at this point that Harry transforms from the loser that he was, to THE GREAT SANTA CLAUS! Being Santa makes Harry beloved by all, respected by everyone and it gives him a purpose - it gives him everything he does not have as just himself, a schlepy toy factory worker with no backbone. Now he is the almighty giver of joy! And this demented Santa does bring happiness to many, as he dances around a room full of clapping children and adults, who make toasts to this great man and celebrate him the way he has always hoped. Not everyone is down with Claus, though and when "Harry" is given a hard time while under the guise of Santa Claus, he does not appreciate it. Now, as Santa, Harry has the balls to stand up to his oppressors and he does so, by killing them.
Written and directed by Lewis Jackson, Christmas Evil is an exercise in one man's will to be greater than he actually can be on his own. When Harry is Santa, he is something special, he becomes someone that matters. Or so he thinks. To him, he is doing what he is meant to have done his entire life, but his decision-making is clouded and how he deals with the bad boys and girls is where Harry goes all wrong. Even with his good intentions, he cannot fight off his demons and these demons are what drive him to judge people, and when he judges people, they learn a life-ending lesson.
Christmas Evil is a bit slow paced, but to watch Harry go through his different stages of sanity is quite interesting, if not extremely sad. Part of me wants to feel for Harry, but another part of me wants to say, "Quite being such a pussy, Harry!" because he's the one who is too afraid to step up and be a man...too afraid to step up and take control of his own life and how people perceive him. If you are looking for something a little different this holiday season, Christmas Evil is a very solid mind fuck of a film with a very well acted thought out character contrast from when Harry is Harry and when he dons the red suit and magnificent beard to become Santa Claus.
Missing last weeks Hangover due to technical difficulties, or better yet, nothing good on cable TV, was a shame, but this week is only slightly better to be completely honest. Thanks once again to SyFy for making this Sunday somewhat salvageable with a few decent (well, maybe decent is being kind) things to check out on the boob tube. Drinking is at an all time high with the stress of the holidays all up in our faces, so I feel it very important to provide some cinema de poop for you all to enjoy this Sunday afternoon.
SyFy brings da funk at 9:00 AM with Never Cry Werewolf (2008). Yeah, I know, 9:00 AM is a lot early for a Hangover movie and I usually never start earlier than 10:00, but them's the breaks kid. Anyways, this is clearly a Werewolf movie if you didn't notice and I personally love werewolf movies, especially when they star Kevin fucking Sorbo. You know, HERCULES, or, God amongst men. If the movie seems familiar from the trailer, then you would be correct in thinking so, because it's pretty much Fright Night minus the Vampires. That's okay; it looks like a fun pile of Werewolf pooh either way.
At 10:00 AM, a film called Johnny Gaddaar (2007) is on IFC. I just kinda stumbled upon this one and it sounded interesting and looks to be that way at least. Johnny Gaddaar is described as an Indian crime-thriller noir-film thingy, which sounds cool enough. The trailer is more than promising, though it looks a little like a Guy Ritchie film, but I like Guy Ritchie films, so there you go.
The Werewolves keep-a-comin' (gross) at 11:00 AM with Cursed (2005) on SyFy channel. This came up on a previous Hangover, so no need to get into it again, but in case it's your cup of tea, I thought I'd provide it.
Pulling into 1:00 PM, Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007) is on (thank baby jesus for) SyFy. I have actually never seen this installment outside of bits and pieces, but I loved the first film and have heard great things about this sequel, which also seems to garner a mention from most fans that Rollins is in it. With that said, this shall be my official pick of the week, for this weak week!
At 2:00 PM, plan on taking some time to Meet the Santas (2005) over at Hallmark. This is the long awaited sequel to the smash hit Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus and stars Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol's Steve Guttenberg and that "I don't know if she's hawt or not" chick from Wings. Looks tight, son.
Already running out of gas at 3:00 PM with Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead (2008) on SyFy. I didn't even know that there was a sequel to Joy Ride, but I surprisingly enjoyed the first film quite a bit. I am not so sure about this one though...just the trucker's voice alone is enough to send me back to Hallmark for some more Fa la-la-la Lifetime, or wait, that's Lifetime...whatever.
That just about does it...I know there wasn't much, but at least there was enough shit on TV worth telling you about today. Hope you have a very special and merry Hangover this wonderful Sunday afternoon.
Yay! It's time for a brand spankin' new review! While I am balls deep in winter set films and Christmas themed horror over here at CNAMB, I am balls deep in Pink over at Paracinema...The Blog! When I say Pink, I of course mean Pink Eiga! So the balls deep reference is more than fitting. The review of choice for this week is for a film titled Blind Loveand comes to us from Daisuke Goto, a sort of well respected director in many ways, whether or not he makes many a soft-core porn film. Most notably would be a film I covered not too long ago called A Lonely Cow Weeps at Dawn.
Don't be turned off by the subject matter, or the nakedness of it all either - Goto is a wonderful filmmaker and one who deserves a little attention beyond looking at what type of films he does, instead, look at the actual films he makes. No doubt, these films are not for everyone, even as far as genre's go, but to use sleaze and sex in parallel with a tender and heartfelt story is strangely appealing. I'm not even a big fan of love stories or sleazy erotic cinema, for that matter, but mixed together makes for an interesting combination. Hope you all check out the review and to give you an idea of what Blind Love is all about, here is a NSFW trailer!
Now head over to Paracinema to read my review of Blind Love!
It has been a while since I posted a bunch of trailers, so here I am, posting a bunch of trailers that are of interest to me and hopefully to your foxy little ass. Great batch though, with a few promising ones, along with a few that are promising to be good. Never can trust a hoe, don't ya know...now on with it already!
First up is the trailer for the Indian film Porkkalam, which translates to Battlefield in English and is written and directed by first timer, Bandi Saroj Kumar. No real details as far as plot goes, which is a little wiggity-wack, but the writer/director promises that this will be revolutionary movie for the Indian film market with it's high-voltage action that strays away from fantasy and is grounded in reality. While the trailer is pretty dope, there is no action to be seen...it's all build up. Can this build up lead to a massive climax? It would be nice.
Next, we got a Russian horror film known as Phobos: Club of Fear! Really? That's your secondary title? "Phobos: Bar of Scared" Even the plot isn't too appetizing with a bunch of jerk offs going to a club, that unbeknownst to them, is an underground bomb shelter...in disguise! When this BOMB club's giant blast door slams shut, the club kids are trapped in total darkness. Now, they are forced to use their glow sticks for light, instead of for fun. I made that last part up. Lame title, lame plot, but the trailer is interesting enough for me to keep it in the eaten babies room long enough to show it to you guys.
If there is one thing I hate, it's "From the Producers of Lassie, comes blah, blah, blah..." However, I do love me a Werewolf movie and the Producers of Dog Soldiers brings us a new one titled, 13 Hrs (or Hours or whatever). The easiest way to describe the idea and plot to 13 Hrs is it’s Cabin Fever, with Werewolves instead of a flesh-eating virus. Malfoy from Harry Potter is in it and I hope he gets his dickhead ass eaten. By a Werewolf, I mean.
Rounding out tonight’s terrible trailer event comes The Reeds. Directed by Nick Cohen, The Reeds was just announced as the seventh pick for After Dark Films Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For. Another group of 20-year-olds in this one, but instead of a house, or a sick club, these ones are out for a weekend boating trip through the Norfolk Broads. Things get complicated when they get lost in the vast reedy tidewaters, where unknown forces begin to terrorize the lost and terrified group. The trailer is promising and it looks like a survival film of sorts, but what are the characters surviving exactly? We'll find out January 29th of next year when 8 Films rolls around again.
Also, here is a brand spanking new photo from The Reeds...hot chick+gun=I'm in!
At a measly 63, genre icon Dan O'Bannon has sadly passed away from what I gather would have been sometime earlier tonight. One of the best writers of Science Fiction and Horror, Dan O'Bannon will be greatly missed.
I'm a big fan of handheld styled lost footage films and have seen a good deal of them too. From Blair Witch to the imperfect, but effective, The Last Broadcast and all the way to the most recent Paranormal Activity, I love the genre, and something about the filming technique just works for me. Very often, there is some sort of marketing behind these films - Blair Witch clearly did this best with its use of the Internet to make many suspecting cinema goers believe the occurrence on screen were real, even setting up an entire mythos and back story just to suck people in even further. While also using the Internet, Cloverfield did something entirely different, as it was pretty obvious that the events in the one time untitled movie did not happen in real life, but they were able to create a massive amount of interest and intrigue by not showing anything and keeping the secret as to what exactly was behind all the ruckus.
Then there's a film like The St. Francisville Experiment. Hot on the heals of Blair Witch, the filmmakers of The Saint Francisville Experiment claimed in the pages of Fango that the handheld events depicted in the movie were real. I, for whatever asinine reason, believed them, and when I saw the film, it was the fakest shit I had ever seen. It was as unrealistic as you can get, and when you have shots coming from cameras that are clearly not operated by your characters, there is a major problem. I hate that movie.
All of this brings me to a package I received the other day; stamped with the word CONFIDENTIAL on it, the 8x5 manila envelope contained a letter from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (you know, the FBI!) that asked for my assistance in a missing persons case. On January of 2009, five college students left New York City to spend the weekend in the woods. 48 hours later, all five students simply vanished without a trace. The only lead in the case is a VHS tape that was found. That VHS tape was transferred to DVD and enclosed for my viewing with hopes that I can assist with the on going investigation in some way.
This was truly a nice little touch and a very smart and fun way to market a film, though, I thought it had something to do with my unpaid taxes at first, which is far scarier than anything in any handheld horror film. Now, what is this mysterious film you ask? It's called Evil Things, and it's the newest entry in the handheld horror genre using the lost footage hook. The lost footage thing is getting a bit played out, but the way this film was sent to me in such an involving packaging really brought it up a level and put me in a positive mood to see the movie.
Written and directed by Dominic Perez, Evil Things is a voyeuristic look at how five collage students end up missing while out for a fun filled, albeit, secluded weekend in upstate New York. On the way to their destination the group encounter a menacing van on the snowy and dangerous mountain roads, a menacing van that almost seems to be stalking them. They make it to their destination, which is a beautiful Country home lent to them so they can have the perfect place to celebrate one of the girls 21st birthday. While enjoying their amazing snow filled surroundings, and a whole lotta beers, they soon begin to believe they aren't alone and that someone, a hillbilly, a bear, or maybe even the person in the van from before, is stalking them.
Coming in at only 75 minutes, Evil Things is somewhat slow paced for a major portion of the film. There is a few slight moments of nicely executed threat when they are on their road rage road trip and a few little things happen to stir up a goosebump or two at the house they are staying at, but it's mostly slow goings for a bulk of the movie. With that said, the characters are all very well written (though a lot is improvised), honest and surprisingly realistic. I found myself not being bored because I actually enjoyed my time spent with the group, watching them act like dorky college kids out having fun together, all the while knowing something bad is eventually going to happen.
Another surprising aspect of Evil Things, is the actors themselves. They are all fairly young, late teen to early 20's, but there really is not a bad actor in the bunch. In fact, overall, the entire cast was very solid, with a standout performance specifically from Laurel Casillo who plays Cassy. Very engaging and just as cute, Casillo has a definite star quality to her and she is quite charming and a joy to watch on screen.
While the film is pretty slow to go, it is all payoff in the last 15 minutes. There is a great voyeuristic reveal that was more than effective in tingling my spine, and the whole ending is very tense and pretty well paced with the exception of a scene that is unrealistically dragged out, but has to be dragged out to serve its purpose. Still, the last moments are genuinely creepy and really sold me on the entire film, and this is also where the great secluded location really excels in its lack of protection and ease of access. I do wish there were more of an explanation as to what happens, but ambiguity may be a factor of budget.
I have a few quibbles, one of them being the use of music during the third act of the movie. It is very ambient and low key, but it's there and you really do not want to have a score in anyway in this type of film...even if the score is decent. Another thing that is less of a complaint and more of an observation is when the characters are in the snow covered woods, they more than once make reference to a noise probably just being a bear or possibly a bird. It's winter. I couldn't tell if this was meant to be played comically or not, or possibly this was showing the characters are a bit naive? I'm not sure, but I think that EVERYONE knows that bears and birds go to Bermuda for the winter months.
So in the pantheon of lost footage horror films, Evil Things certainly deserves a place, as it is a solid little horror movie made for less than peanuts. A better term might be peanut shells or peanut shell dust, perhaps? Either way, I had a good time with this one, and I loved the fun packaging that I received it in just to top it all off. With the success of Paranormal Activity, I would really like to see this movie get a bit of a boost and maybe a small theatrical run; it is deserving of such, and I always love to see the little guy do well, so hopefully this cute little campaign helps get the word spread a little bit.
You can learn more about Evil Things the movie, it's actors and the writer director Dominic Perez over at the official website, which has some testimonial videos from the missing kids family's and friends for added mysterious fun. No definitive DVD release date as of this time, but the gears are in motion for one, along with a possible sequel. If any news comes about, of course, you will be the first to know! Thanks to John from Freddy in Space for the heads up on this one.
Scut Farkus graced our lives in Bob Clark's 1983 holiday classic, A Christmas Story, which was based off the short stories and anecdotes of author Jean Shepherd. However, the character of Scut Farkus (Played by Zack Ward) was actually written specifically for the film, so the credit for this Monster could go to either Clark himself, or Leigh Brown who also partook in the films writing.
