Friday, November 13, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: 2 Hot 2 Handle Edition!

After posting my review of Paranormal Activity earlier in the week, I found myself inspired. That inspiration is what provides us with this week’s song of choice for Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party. This pajama-jammy-jam is fitting to what Katie and Micah went through, they were facing an unknown haunting, and they were facing it all on their own. Had they called the Ghostbusters...well, let's just say, they would have been in control. So grab your proton packs and split, to the dance floor, for a pre-crack (maybe) Bobby Brown and his song, On Our Own!



A far cry from Ray Parker Jr's beloved, Who You Gonna Call, On Our Own was recorded and released by Bobby Brown in 1989 as a single from the Ghostbusters II soundtrack. Great cheesy 80's video, complete with awesome special FX, dancing, spandex, and more celebrity appearances than you can shake an ass at...Christopher Reeve makes an appearance for cryin' out loud (which actually kinda bummed me out a little)! On Our Own was my song! For real. Everyone fronts and says how Bobby Brown ruined America's sweetheart, but personally, I think that trick went to the crack, but Bobby gets all the blame. I would take Every Little Step and On Our Own over I'm Every Woman and that Bodyguard crap any day. America's sweetheart...pfft! If you didn't know what you were getting into with the bad boy from New Edition, crack is the least of your problems.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Take the Stairs...to Paracinema

I seem to be back on track with writing reviews as of late, which makes me very ecstatic to be honest with you. There was a while where I was hardly writing any reviews over at Paracinema and I think it took me a month before I even posted my first review here and then another month before my second! So yeah, I am kind of back on track and I plan on keeping a steady amount of reviews coming between Paracinema and CNAMB, so I hope you hoes are cool with that.

Speaking of which, I do have a new review posted and it's located over at Paracinema for you to love and hold dearly. The film, 2007's Blackout staring Amber Tamblyn. It's a killer elevator movie...well not a movie about an elevator that kills, but a movie with an elevator as the location, with some deaths that occur within the confinements of said elevator.

Speaking of Amber Tamblyn, way back when, I reviewed the 2007 film Spiral, a film which she was one of the leads. At that time, I thought she was very good in the film and she sort of won me over with her quirky performance. Now that I see her in yet another horror film, I may have to start considering her status as a Scream Queen. She has been in Spiral, Blackout (which you can read about over at Paracinema! A plug within a plug? I really am a whore!), The Grudge 2, and of course, The Ring. I don't know...is that enough to qualify her? If not queen, maybe a princess perhaps? What do you baby eating mofo's think?

Alrighty, I'll stop ramblin' about Tamblyn and send you over to Paracinema to read my shortest review, ever, Blackout.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

CNAMB Presents: Monster of the Week!

It isn't easy following up the first Monster of the Week when your monster is friggin' Swamp Thing, but it must be done and a great way to go about picking a sophomore monster would be to pick one of the plural variety. A monster that is not just relegated to one creature, but many creatures that work together as one and can unify to fight for the greater cause. To eat yo ass.

This weeks Monster(s) of the Week is (are)...

The Krites!

Krite, is of course the proper term used in referring to the creatures from Stephen Herek's 1986 film, Critters and its subsequent sequels. "Critters," which is actually a racist term in the Krite community, are an often-large group of individual space creatures with a multitude of abilities. Krites can roll up into a tight ball and travel at quick speeds to keep up with their prey, they can shoot porcupine like needles at any unsuspecting victim, rendering them nearly useless - and what would a Krite be without its giant, over sized mouth, filled with a mean set of razor sharp teeth? A Furby. Maybe the biggest asset that the Krite's have is the ability to form like Voltron and become a giant ball of Krite, which rolls around and chomps everything in its path. It also proves that saving the environment, via carpooling, isn't limited to just humans anymore.

The Krites have appeared in four films to date and while they could be looked at as a cash in on other films from the time period that Critters came out, i.e. Gremlins, that first film is a solid B monster movie in the vein of Joe Dante's Piranha. If any franchise were do for a revival, it is Critters and the Krites would be more than welcomed back and are very deserving of my pick for Monster of the Week.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Paranormal Activity

There are enough spoilers in this review to warrant a warning to anyone that has not yet seen the film...sorry.

When you have a movie such as Paranormal Activity, you are going to run into a wide variety of reactions from an even wider variety of people. Whether it be genre fans, or just your average casual moviegoer, it is almost fascinating what one person finds frightening and another person doesn't. Much like The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity is a story of success, a story of simplicity delivered through a means created by budgetary restraints and a desire to make a movie no matter how many roadblocks were faced. And of course, the desire to scare people.

Written and directed by Oren Peli, Paranormal Activity has a plot as basic as my cable. Katie (Katie Featherston) and her semi-long-term boy toy, Micah (Micah Sloat) have been experiencing...ahem, some Paranormal Activity (I suck) when they decide that they want to try to capture these ghostly-goings-ons on video tape. Of course, they do capture something and this something they capture might not be the friendliest of ghosts, and things escalate for Micah and Katie as they try to deal with this unwanted visitor.

Easy enough, right? Sure, but here's the thing, the ghost, or spirit, or whatever, has been following Katie around since she was a little girl, creating havoc for her throughout her entire life. With Katie dealing with such torture for so long, she has grown very fearful of this invisible antagonist, almost to the point where she knows not to instigate it anymore than need be. Micah, on the other hand, is fascinated by this unseen menace and not having the same history as Katie has had with this haunting, he has no real fear of it, nor any sense of respect for what it is capable of...whether or not Katie warns him before hand.

This is really where some of the strength in Paranormal Activity lies, the characters are extremely well written and very realistic in many ways that some would not like to admit. You are seeing very broad typical characterizations of the average man and women, and how they interact with one another, especially when faced with trauma.

Katie is a little whiny, needy, and open to any sort of suggestion, that isn't coming from the man she loves, Micah. She will only rely on him for protection when she chooses - shuts him down when she doesn't need it and she is easily irritated by anything he does, almost to the point that it is unfair to Micah. Katie has every reason to be scared by what is going on in a way since she has been plagued by this menace for so long, but it is unfair for her to think Micah can fully understand what is going on, when this is his first exposure to such events. The fact that she didn't share her past haunting experience with Micah until she has already moved in with him and it started happening to them both shows her selfishness also.

Micah is not afraid of the haunting's so much as he is fascinated by them. It is his idea to set up the cameras and even when Katie constantly warns they are making things worse, he still continues to use them. Micah is all for communicating with the ghost via a Ouija board no matter what the warning are, and much like a child, he almost sees it as fun at first and it shows his immaturity. When things do escalate, he feels it is up to him to take care of the situation, he feels he must protect his girlfriend and his home without any help from anyone else. Like most men, including myself, Micah is slightly egotistical and his ego clouds what would be better judgment for the fear of not being in control. He constantly promises Katie that he will figure this out for her and he really does try to, because he cares about her, but he also doesn't want to not be in control of the situation as much as he wants to protect her.

Now, do I think the film is scary? Paranormal Activity has been heralded as the scariest movie of all time, or of this decade and so on, whatever. How any movie can live up to that expectation is unfair to say the least. Especially when "average asshole Joe" has no clue about the movie outside of it being referred to as the "scariest movie of all time," then seeing Paranormal Activity and ultimately being disappointed by the lack of visual apparitions. This is the same shit that happened with Blair Witch...many disliked it saying that it wasn't scary because they didn't see anything, because nowadays, people are so used to seeing everything, that when challenged to use their imagination, they are not capable of doing so.

What you are seeing in this film is what I would guess you would see (or not see) in real life and that is what either frightens people, or completely turns them off. For me, I find the simplicity of a door shutting by itself, or a chandelier rocking back and forth from an unknown force to be scary, as opposed to being shown an actual ghost or having a creature be shown. Being shown something can be scary too, if done well of course, but it is easier to distance myself from the events in a movie like The Orphanage, for example, than it is a film set in a normal everyday house with a faceless assailant. This almost goes back to what worked in the first half of Jaws; it was more frightening to see the results and actions of the shark, without actually seeing the shark itself. You know what's there creating the chaos without seeing it, and it's what it is capable of that is the most effective aspect.

Some can say you do not see anything in Paranormal Activity, yet when you do in the form of a possessed Katie; it is the worst part of the film and seems like an unnecessary sight used just to put a face to the menace. Putting a face to the menace to appease moviegoers who want to see "something." That is really my only complaint about the film and I much prefer the alternative endings that I have seen/read about, but it is what it is. I found Paranormal Activity to be quite scary and it is a scary that has lasted with me for a few days...it is easy to relate to the events because they are plausible and they can happen to you in your natural setting. I will forever be creeped out by the often-used static camera shot from inside Katie and Micah's bedroom, waiting to see what was going to happen next in what area of the hallway...or seeing nothing, and only hearing loud bangs or footsteps, not knowing what was to come from those noises.

As I have expressed in a recent post, I am extremely happy that Paranormal Activity has done so well and this is the second film in ten years to come from nothing and sweep the nation. This film is the opposite of Hollywood and for it to do well almost balances things out in the big picture. It takes thing back a little and shows that you can do so much with so little, and I don't completely mean money wise either so much as I mean what can be done to scare people with simple film making techniques. Whether or not it scared you is one thing, but it has put a little poopie in a whole lotta moviegoers pants to make it one of the most successful films of the year...so it has done something right. Word is born.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Horror Hangover

Hey Baby Eaters! After the wild Saturday night you had, I hope your not hurtin' too much this afternoon. But, if you are...then we have a pretty decent lineup of films to help you get through your hangover.

Starting things off at 10:30 AM The Fan (1996) is on FX. Solid Tony Scott directed thriller that I enjoy enough. Great cast with De Niro, Wesley Snipes, and a younger Benicio Del Toro, The Fan should make for a good watch to start off your hangover.

In the mood for impending Armageddon? At 11:00 AM SyFy has Asteroid (1997) with the conclusion at 1:00 PM. That's four fucking hours of doom! Originally an NBC TV movie, Asteroid actually won an Emmy, but more importantly, it stars Michael Biehn! The Emmy was actually for FX work, so it doesn't really count, but Biehn does! If this TV ad doesn't make you want to see this four hours of funk, then nothing will!



1:00 PM gives me real bad gas when Van Helsing (2004) craps all over FX. You may as well go back to watching Asteriod...did you hear? It won an Emmy!

At 2:30 PM, Turner Classic is showing Capricorn One (1978). I have never seen, nor even heard of this film before, so it gets my default pick of the week. It's directed by Peter Hyams, who is an okay filmmaker, but it's the cast that is the big draw with this one: Elliott Gould, James Brolin, Telly Savalas, Karen Black, Hal Holbrook, and OJ Simpson before he killed motha fuckas! It has an awesome concept too...



Speaking of wicked casts, at 3:30 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) is on Fox Movie Channel. A classic disaster movie with a brilliant cast bigger than the asteroid from Asteroid, but I bet The Poseidon Adventure never won no Emmy. Take that Poseidon Adventure!



Getting close to dinner time, 4:00 PM brings us Underworld: Evolution (2006) on FX. The Underworld movies are okay I guess. Not the worst films ever, but certainly nothing to really get excited over outside of the mega hot Kate Beckinsale and the other hot Vampire chicks sprinkled throughout. Though, non of them are as sexy as Michael Biehn, but luckily for Underworld: Evolution, Asteroid is finished destroying my heart with love for the day.

Last but not least, at 4:15 PM The Blob (1958) is on Turner Classic Movies. While I am more a fan of the '88 remake, I always loved the original The Blob, though I probably haven't watched it since around 1988. Still, not a bad way to end the hangover if I do say so myself!



That's all she wrote...Later skaters!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Paracinemasploitation

Going outside of the "normal" movie reviews I put together, over at Paracinema...The Blog, I just posted a review of the Kidsploitation film, Kidulthood. Kidsploitation...I don't know if that's actually a real term or not, but then again, you can make anything into "Sploitation" when it comes down to it. Like, Water World would be - Watersploitation, Boogie Nights - Dongsploitation, or any Rambo film could be considered - Oilsploitation and so on. Either way, check out the trailer and if the movie seems like it fits your fanny, then head on over and read my review. Actually, even if it doesn't quite flick your pickle, head over there and read it anyway...because I love you real good. Isn't that enough?

Kidulthood review at Paracinema.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Kumite Slow Jam Edition!

The club has been straight poppin' and lockin' the past few Friday nights, and since Halloween was straight off the bike chain, I thought it would be nice if we slowed things down a bit and brought in a guest DJ for tonight's slow jam edition of Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! No one knows how to take it slow better than DJ OK, USA! So fellas, if you don't wanna be on your own - alone, then grab the lady you think is hottest *except for her... that honey is mine!* and get ready for some slow grinding... Bolo style!! You may wanna limber up first. Might I suggest grabbing a couple chairs to do the splits on? It'll really make the dancing experience that much better as well as give you the ability to do triple helicopter kicks at the head of any opponent who stands in your way.



Man, Bolo's got bigger tits than every girl here! I wonder if they feel as nice as they look…

DJ OK, USA! sure knows how to spin a tight beat, huh? Hope you were able to enjoy a nice slow dance without being haunted by images of your hospitalized friend from Revenge of the Nerds and Chinese Hercules. If you were, you really didn't show it. You looked great out there, sport!


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