Paracinema...The Blog: Syndicate Sadists

Back from a weekend of minor league baseball at Fenway park with Lady-suzaka - had a great time and struggled with not buying every DVD I picked up to look at, at Newbury Comics. Whilst still in a good mood about the fun weekend, the Redsox are putting their season in serious jeopardy by sucking balls since the all star break. The only remedy for my depression...some good old fashioned Italian Cinema! And this week over at Paracinema, I posted my review of Umberto Lenzi's Euro-crime, kinda classic, Syndicate Sadists. Check it out if you wanna read borderline homosexual tangents about the film's star, Tomas Milian, and if you like good action films where their lips don't exactly match up with the words they are saying!



Click down there to read the review, and I will promise to love you the way that I love Tomas Milian.

Paracinema...The Blog: Syndicate Sadists

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Dream Warriors Edition

Hey girl hay! You just strolled into the hottest night club this side of the other hottest night club...Freddy's Friday Night Dance Par-tay! Eeoww!

Tonight's dance party, features the sick sounds of dj Skele-tone, and he has brought with him his copy of Dokken's Dream Warriors! Oh snappp! "Ain't gonna dance no more?!" Yeah right..this party is just getting started!



In 1987, Dokken members George Lynch and Jeff Pilson wrote the metal classic Dream Warriors for the film, A Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors. A song that I have always loved, with it's awesome anthem that was as simple as "Dream Warriors...ain't gonna dream no more!" A perfect song at the perfect time for one of the best films of the Nightmare franchise. Plus, how great is the video with scenes from Dream Warriors the film, interwoven with the members of Dokken?! It becomes ultimately clear that the only thing that can truly stop Freddy Krueger is the power of falsetto singing..."Maybe tonight, maybe tonight you'll be gone!" Take that Krueger!

But enough of this useless chit chat - lets get back to the dance party!!! Oh my God...is that Eric Nies?! Now this party is legit!

Totally Tubular Trailers!

Here are a few recent - to - new trailers that I came across on my usual nightly internet journeys, and I thought I would kindly share them with your pretty little ass.

First up, is the newest trailer for Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre aka What?!

I didn’t pay much attention to this film outside of the insane title, until I watched this trailer. As IMDB puts it, the film is “An epic tale about a group of whale watchers, whose ship breaks down and they get picked up by a whale fisher vessel. The Fishbillies on the vessel has just gone bust, and everything goes out of control.” What the hell are Fishbillies?! Do I need to look this one up? Cause I’m not going to…I’ll just make it up and say that Fishbillies are hillbillies, but they make their home the open seas as opposed to the sticks. How’s that sound? Okay, the trailer is entertaining and well paced, and I love the opening where you are shown the difference between the Icelandic town of Reykjavik, and whale watching! Also, the man who once did one hell of a sexy slow dance with a chainsaw, Gunner Hanson is also in this film, and usually when a horror genre vet is in a movie, it sucks, but this film does actually look quite promising…so his presence could possibly be a bonus for once.



Next up is the Martial Arts epic, Bodyguards and Assassins (Sap yueh wai sing).

This is a film that I have noticed on Twitch a number of times due to the poster, which for some reason, always catches my eye. Ten years in the making, and a huge budget by Hong Kong standards, we finally have an official trailer for the Teddy Chan directed, decade long, dream project.

Bodyguards and Assassins is a fictionalized account of Sun Yat-sen, a revered Chinese revolutionary who received protection from a group of Kung Fu masters during an assassination attempt on his life in 1905 Hong Kong. The film has an amazing cast, the most notable for me would have to be Donnie Yen and Simon Yam, and even with me being slightly tired of period piece Martial Arts flicks, this (along with Yen‘s IP Man) is one that I will certainly be checking out. You will agree by time the trailers final shot penetrates your retina.



Last and probably least, is the trailer for Don’t Look Up (the meaning of Fishbillies?). A remake of Hideo Nakata’s 1996 film Joyû-rei, Don’t Look Up is directed by Fruit Chan, and is the tale of a film crew dealing with haunted film stock, that is causing them to all - slowly - go - insane!!! Most impacted by this madness is a young filmmaker (Reshad Strik) that is overly sensitive to paranormal visions. Sounds just wonderful, now doesn’t it? So, the reason I was excited for this trailer was director Fruit Chan’s involvement in the director’s role. I loved Chan’s 3 Extremes segment, Dumplings, and for a short film that was kind of predictable, it remained shocking thanks to the discomfort and sense of dread that Chan was able to put across on screen with skillful film making technique and sound.

This trailer is rather gruesome (just wait till the 20 second mark hits!) which is of course, a good thing, but Don’t Look Up being Fruit Chan’s English language debut, doesn’t look to translate all that well. Reshad Strik’s performance based off this trailer is unbearable, and it looks like a Full Moon film, not a film from an acclaimed Chinese director. I love me some Full Moon, but that is not what I am expecting from this movie. I’m hoping that this is a case of a poorly cut trailer, and the film will be much better than what it seems from these three minutes of meh. Regardless, the trailer needs to be seen, to be believed.



Alright, I’m out for now, hope you enjoyed these trailers as I have enjoyed your presence here tonight.

We only have ourselves to blame

The stars have once again aligned - to hopefully create a horror film worth checking out in theaters. On August 7th, A Perfect Getaway will be released in theaters across the country, and I must say, I’m pretty excited for it. It’s the second movie in a month’s time that is horror, not a remake or something along those lines, and doesn't look like it will completely blow. I dig the trailer as it looks quite promising, and I was kinda surprised when my old lady said that she too wanted to see the movie, saying it looked intense and possibly scary. I love the cast, namely Steve Zahn, Marley Shelton, Timothy Olyphant, and of course, Mila Jovovich. I would call that a very solid genre cast considering some of the films those actors have previously done, and I have a feeling we will get some very strong performances from a few of them. Lastly, David Twohy has shown some serious horror chops as seen in 2002’s Sci Fi monster film, Pitch Black, and he hasn’t directed anything since that films sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick way back in 2004. So it could possibly be back to Pitch Black form for him, in a film that seems to have some similar themes, just in a different setting.

I mostly bring this movie up to see if others are excited for the film, this would be another great opportunity to show some support for an original horror film, instead of not going to see the movie, yet again proving Hollywood right when they assume that all audiences members are 14, or just stupid. For the record, I haven’t had a day off from work in a while, but I swear I will see Orphan this weekend, as I will be off for the weekend’s duration. Just wanted to make that clear before I tirade any further. Much to everyone’s surprise, Orphan has gotten some really good reviews, like way more than anyone would have ever thought, and I already wanted to see the movie because I just thought it looked like fun, but now it is being well received on top of that.

I’m really hoping the continuously positive buzz will get a few more assess in to seats to see Orphan, and hopefully those same assess sit in those seats for A Perfect Getaway…assuming it's a good film. For a good number of years now, horror fans have cried about not getting films geared towards them, too many remakes, and not enough originality to be found in the theaters is often heard by the horror masses these days. Now would be the prime opportunity to support a few films that are, original, Rated R, are not afraid to be intense or hardcore, and aren’t being thrown into limbo to eventually end up on fucking DVD. This seems to be the case with Orphan from what I have heard, and looks to be how A Perfect Getaway will be like…hopefully.

Orphan is no box office success in any way, but it hasn’t done all that terrible either. As of today, the film has grossed around $27 million after its second weekend, one decent push from you and I could make a little dent in the dismal summer movie market. If both Orphan and A Perfect Getaway were to do at least decent in theaters, it could certainly sway the horror pendulum towards our taste preferences a little bit. And that, is always a good thing. We have blown it in the past with films like The Devils Rejects, The Ruins, Grindhouse, and Drag Me to Hell. I unfortunately missed Drag Me to Hell, so I am not void of this horror guilt, but that shit was out of theaters in a flash. I cannot even fathom not seeing a Sam Raimi horror movie in the theaters, and it was another film that the horror crowd was raving about, which didn't make me feel any better.

What it all comes down to is horror fans complain so much, but are we in the seats when these films come out? I know a lot of you are, I am as much as possible, but how many people are complaining about the state of horror cinema, and then not supporting the right films? I bitch sometimes, but I do show support as much as possible, and anyone that is out there and not seeing these films has no reason to complain. If both Orphan, AND A Perfect Getaway fail at the box office, then forget about the state of horror in cinema being bad now, it will be worse ten fold after two R rated, original horror films crash and burn at the box office. Again. I will put forth my best effort to see both films, meaning I will see both, and I will try to encourage others to give ‘em a whirl too. It’s time we took our theaters back!

VIVA LA ORPHAN!!

Who? Little ol' Me? An Award?!

I was beside myself with glee and truly ecstatic to have recently received not one, not two, not three, not even four (!), but FIVE awards for my blogging efforts at Paracinema…The Blog, and now here, at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

The first award is one of the greatest of honors, the “Good Read” award…

The “Good Read” award is followed by these four honorary achievements that all blogger's would aspire to receive…








These awards were kindly given to me by one of the most knowledgeable film fans that I know, Hans, from Quiet Cool. In a return favor for a blog well done, I too would like to pass these honorary awards to Hans for his phenomenal work over at his blog, Quiet Cool.

While I’m at it, I will pass on these honors and awards to a few other blogs of note, consistently great blogs that are constantly being checked on by myself for new content…

Bill over at Dear Bastards

Jeff and his blog Dinner With Max Jenke

Ashlee of Sassy Smurf - The Girl, Culture, & Aberrance fame

James from Behind the Couch

B-Sol from The Vault of Horror and sister blog Day of the Woman done by one miss BJ-C

Marty, the man behind the Screen Writing blog

Alex’s blog, Assorted Loaf

Even though Hans already gave props to Emily, I too will throw a shout out to her for her fine work at The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense

And last, but certainly not least, since I received these awards mostly based off my work at Paracinema…The Blog, I would love to honor my fellow posters, Dylan, Christine, and Joe for their fine work at a blog that I am very proud to be a part of.

Give these fantastic, award winning blogs a whirl…I myself am now going to get wasted in celebration of my Boombastic awards!

Paracinema...The Blog: Stalking...in a Winter...Wonderland

Just posted a review of the Norwegian Slasher film, Fritt Vilt (aka Cold Prey) over at Paracinema. The wonderful Christine had only a few days earlier posted her take on the 2006 Horror film, just as I was starting to write mine, so make sure you check out her review of the film too. We share some of the same thoughts about the film, but we do not share the same opinion of if we liked the film or not...intrigued? You should be!

Here is my review...

Paracinema...The Blog: Stalking...in a Winter...Wonderland.

Hope you all enjoy the reviews, as I have certainly enjoyed your company this fine evening.

Alien Lives...and not in AVP Form!

With the recent news of Ridley Scott officially coming back to the series he started with his original 1979 Science Fiction masterpiece, Alien, I thought I would do something different than simply writing about the excitement and potential that can come from such fantastic news. Instead, I have decided to post some of the artwork that would come to inspire the visual look of Alien (and the following sequels); artwork that would result in astonishing landscapes, intricate set design and one of the most amazing and original creatures ever to be put to celluloid.

H. R. Giger’s brilliantly surrealistic Biomechanical artwork lead to him receiving the Oscar in 1980 for his titular creature design as well as the remarkable environments found within Alien. His artwork is something that lives on very strongly, and forever will it continue to influence all aspects of art, from comics, to video games and even right down to furniture and interior design. I have personally owned at least five of the H. R. Giger calendars and have proudly displayed the gorgeous and sexually explicit Biomechanical artwork in my very own kitchen. And quite frankly, nothing says dinner like an alien sucking on its phallic tail! Who wants hot dogs for lunch?! No matter how perfect of a film Alien is, it's very difficult to say just how well it would have worked had it not been for Geiger’s inspirational artwork. Would this incredibly tense and brilliantly paced movie have had the same effect had it featured the Krites from Critters? I’m not saying that Krites aren’t so dope or anything, but it clearly wouldn’t be the same.

Anyway, without any further ado, here are the pieces that I chose. Most of these photos are taken from Giger’s Necronomicon books and are very much a part of what Alien would eventually came to be.
Hope you enjoy!




















All of that incredible work eventually resulted in this...


...easily one my all time favorite movie creatures, the Queen from Aliens!