Dumpster Diving for Gold: Lady Dragon's Big Box Monster Art Project

While on a recent excursion to the Appalachian Mountains with the intent of collecting berries and an array of life-giving fruits for the 1st Annual Chuck Norris Ate My Baby Fruit Festival and Farmer's Market in July, I decided to make a quick stop at the local Appalachian Mountain Goodwill to see if I could uncover any gold to go along with my berries and other assorted fruits. As luck would have it, the Appalachian Goodwill willingly gave good to me, and I was lucky enough to come across a few things that I shall now share with you in the next paragraph.

First up is an Imperial Entertainment VHS release of Lady Dragon, starring the one and only Cynthia Rothrock. Outside of the rental stickers, the box is in pretty good condition, and the film is more than enjoyable enough. It's not an upper tier Rothrock flick, but it's certainly WORTHy of the always lovely Mrs. Rothrock. 

The next two tapes I stumbled onto are big box releases of Terror Out of the Sky and I Dismember Mama. Both are a little on the beat up side, especially Terror with that sweet looking "Jeni" graffiti sprawled across the front. Regardless, they're in more than suitable condition (as good if not better than the copies that are being sold for some pretty hefty prices on eBay), and I have to say that I was simply elated to find not one but two big box tapes, which is something of a rarity in these parts, let alone in a Goodwill. On top of it, all three tapes were .99¢, so I spent less than three bucks for this trio or terror.

Next up and rounding out my Good Goodwill finds is this very random framed newspaper that my awesome lady friend found. I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, but I knew for a fact that I loved it and had to pick it up. The thing ran me $4.49, and I figured I could maybe put it in a new frame and hang it up somewhere just because it's aesthetically pretty neat looking.

When I got the thing home I naturally popped it open to see what else this oddity might have tucked away within its glass confines, only to find an intact, four page Monster Fun Book from a 1974 edition of some newspaper called The National Star.

Here are a few blurry photos of both sides of this monster mash-up of monster themed news articles. 

I mean, I don't know about you, but I think it's about as cool a find as one can have, and while I am certain there is no retail value with this thing, the idea of finding something such as this is simply just cool.  

Anyway, while I would love to frame the entire thing and hang it up, I don't really feel like spending the cash on a new picture frame. In fact, I think it would actually be a lot more fun to take that shitty, beat up looking frame that it came in and try to spruce it up like Martha. This way I can have myself a little fun art project to do while also being able to eventually return this Monster Fun Book back to its original home (and who knows how long it sat in there).  

So my brilliant idea has led me to doing a little DIY project wherein I will sand the bastard down and attempt to re-stain it using a homemade stain fit for a Monster Fun Book. 

My ingredients for such an undertaking are as shown:

Chewing tobacco mixed with equal parts water and ammonia should just about do the trick. And the Milk Duds? Well, those are for me, so get yer filthy hands outta there, bro.

I am hoping this concoction will present me with a nice dark doo doo stain, however, it does take a few days for the tobacco and such to mature. I really have no idea if this will work at all, but if it doesn't - or if I don't like the results - I will simply spray paint the thing and make it look all sick and shit.

Anyway, I've gone on more than long enough, but I will be doing an update in the next few days with what I hope will be the results of this monster sized art project. Well, unless it comes out horribly. In that case, let's just pretend this conversation never happened.

Alien Quadrilogy DVD Giveaway!

Timing is everything, and with my recent acquisition of the Alien Anthology Blu-ray set (which Amazon was recently selling for the insane price of $29.99!), and Ridley Scott's return to the franchise in the form of Prometheus coming our way in less than a week, I figured I might as well have a little giveaway!

Now, as I just stated, I did pick myself up the Alien Anthology Blu-ray set for a wicked good price, therefore I figured that there was no need for me to hold on to my Alien Quadrilogy DVD box set anymore. With that thought, I came to the conclusion that there is a really good chance that someone out there would love to own this set if they don't already, so why not give the bastard away?!

So here's the deal, if you would like to win yourself my slightly used (but in tip-top condition) Alien Quadrilogy box set, all you have to do is leave a comment that has something to do with the Alien franchise. You can talk about which film in the series is your favorite or least favorite; you can comment on how excited you are for Prometheus; you can even talk about how much Bishop's run-in with the Queen reminds you of your favorite Peter North film. Whatever works for you works for me, and unlike a Peter North film, the length does not matter. A few sentences will do just fine.

I will randomly pick the winner on Thursday at midnight and make the announcement on who won sometime Friday evening, just in time for the release of Prometheus! 

This is a stacked 9 DVD set that everyone who loves the Alien franchise should own, so leave a comment and good luck!

*Click Here to See All the Extras in the Set!*

The Red House (1947): Trespassing into Womanhood

Based on the novel by George Agnew Chamberlain, 1947’s The Red House is, on the surface, a fairly straight forward thriller that focuses on the dangers of jealousy and the secrets and lies that can come from contained lust. The film stars legendary actor Edward G. Robinson as Pete Morgan, who with the help of his sister Ellen (Judith Anderson) has raised a girl named Meg (Allene Roberts) from an abandoned baby girl to a teenager climbing towards adulthood. Despite their unusual situation, their family unit is quite stable; however, things begin to change for the family when Mr. Morgan, who has lived much of his life as a cripple, decides to hire one of Meg’s schoolmates, a young man named Nath (Lon McCallister), to help with some of his daily choirs.

Nath is the kind of boy who could be considered a popular kid. A good-looking young man who has a lot of charm and as much tenacity to go with it. He has a bright future, he’s eager to work and he even has himself a very attractive girlfriend named Tibby (Julie London), who loves him as much as he loves her. His character greatly contrasts that of Meg, who is painted as socially inept, but for no other reason than she is simply a little shy and certainly sheltered. It is revealed early on that her odd family situation is cause for gossip filled whispers at her high school. The chit-chat is not necessarily a direct result of how she carries herself socially but more a result of her personal home life. Regardless, she is very innocent to the world in almost every way; it’s a characteristic that she exudes from her very being and how she presents herself.

While shy, Meg is at an age where naivety brings about an intense curiosity of the world outside of the one she has always lived in. It is this curiosity that is prodded by Nath who, after learning that the surrounding woods near the Morgan’s home is plagued by some sort of unnatural danger, decides to investigate. Despite the numerous warnings given by Mr. Morgan, Nath is driven by his own brand of curiosity, and Meg is quick to follow Nath in his quest to learn more about what wicked things haunt the woods and what answers lie within the Red House.

For much of the film, there is a bit of a power struggle between the persistent Nath and the adamant Mr. Morgan. Mr. Morgan constantly asks Nath to just stay away from the woods. But despite Mr. Morgan’s warnings of the danger they present, and regardless of the proper head that he carries on his shoulders, Nath is too stubborn and, to a point, too egotistical to listen. While Mr. Morgan is not at all okay with Nath’s persistence, he is more concerned for the safety of Meg, who he has clearly been protecting from the secrets of the Red House and possibly the real reason she is as sheltered as she is. Nath’s desire to explore rubs off on Meg, and for Meg this is more than just a little adventure, which is what scares Mr. Morgan most.

While there is much to be said story wise about director Delmer Daves’ The Red House, what makes it stand out as being more than your basic, albeit well made, thriller is the complexity of the characters. It’s what really sets the film apart, specifically with the characters of Nath and Meg, who carry a level of subtext worthy of completely overtaking my attention in this review.

The character I find to be most interesting is Meg, who is driven by a desire to learn about what secrets are being kept from her and how they might affect her past, and Nath is the catalyst that sets her on this path. However, this runs parallel to a budding sexual subtext, where Meg is not only exploring her past, she is exploring her own individuality both as a woman and as a sexual being. And again, Nath is clearly the catalyst in this situation, too.

This all plays right into Mr. Morgan, who clearly perceives Meg as a daughter and fears that she will be greatly hurt by what she can learn from the past. Despite the fact that he is basically only her caretaker, Meg looks at Mr. Morgan as a father figure, and she is very much treated like daddy’s little girl, regardless of whether she actually is or not. Meg is growing into a woman, and as is the case with almost every girl who matures into womanhood, she is gravitating away from someone who has been her protective father figure to someone who can give her more than fatherly love. Deep down, this is what I believe truly frightens Mr. Morgan about Meg and Nath's growing relationship.

While her budding sexuality is a clear subtextual character trait, Meg is never exploited in a sexual fashion or any fashion whatsoever. In fact, she remains pure sexually and, more importantly, as a character throughout the film. Meg's curiosity about her past and as a sexual creature is played off innocently, and when in contrast to the more outwardly lustful character of Tibby (Nath's girlfriend), her character’s arc and structure benefit from it. She becomes the character that the viewer (or at least me, to be more specific) and Nath come to fall in love with, and this is indeed a natural progression throughout the film.

With her expressive doe like eyes that feel as if they are staring directly into your soul with a loving innocence, Meg is a character who slowly takes over the film by becoming the character that the viewer cares about most. In my opinion, falling for Meg is a necessity for The Red House to be successful, and it gives the film a density that helps it be much more than a mere thriller. It's the story of a woman becoming a woman, on her own terms and without the constraints of authority.

Throw Your Motherly Hands in the Air!

Happy Mother’s Day, from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

Zaat (1971): Underwater Love

Directed by Don Barton, Zaat (1971) is probably best known to genre fans by its alternative title, The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, which was the name used when the film played to the heckling crew of the Satellite of Love for an episode of the much beloved TV series, Mystery Science Theater 3000. I've never been fortunate enough to see the episode for myself, so I was going into the film completely fresh. However, knowing that it made an appearance on MST3K gave me a good clue as to what I was in for. Well, that and the fact that Zaat has also been granted the extremely low score of 1.7 on IMDB, something that, in all honesty, tickles my fanny in the most joyous of ways.

Zaat's story follows the exploits of an ex-Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Kurt Leopold (Marshall Grauer), who has spent much of his career trying to create a catfish/human hybrid, and he has finally resorted to using himself as a human guinea pig. The goal: to create a catfish with the size and intelligence of a man and a man with the predatory prowess of… a catfish. All wrapped up in one, badass human/catfish package. Though, maybe using the word catfish is a tad deceiving, as apparently the ex-Nazi mad scientist dude's plan worked, in theory, but for some reason he has not taken on the physical appearance of a catfish. Something that he explains at some point during his 20 minute long summary of his plan… to himself, which we can thankfully hear because without such exposition we would have no clue as to what is going on in the film.

"Time for my eardrops"

Regardless, the lack of catfish resemblance does not affect Dr. Leopold's strength or intelligence in any way, but I can imagine the disappointment on his non-catfish-face when he came to the realization that the Charles Bronson look was completely out the window. Thankfully, this does not impair the directive of this ex-Nazi, mad scientist walking catfish that doesn't look like a catfish, as the show must go on, and he must remain focused on his efforts in finding himself a dime piece to turn into his very own catfish that doesn't look like a catfish wife. Or something to that effect.

Along the way to find himself a bride, many people feel the clawing wrath of Dr. Leopold. He unleashes vengeance on all those who have ever wronged him in the past and anyone who dares to stand in his path in the present. As victims pileup due to Leopold's vicious claw thing that has the ability to dismantle a human being with what appears to be no more than a paper cut, the authorities take notice. Though, I guess they took notice when there were multiple reports of a human sized walking fish, but they sort of brushed it off not knowing that they were actually dealing with an ex-Nazi, mad scientist walking catfish that doesn't look like a catfish. That's a completely different level of trouble right there, folks, especially in a small Florida town with a high hot blond ratio.

I'll be ready, forever and always, I'm always here!

Moving along, although Dr. Leopold is making mincemeat out of many of the area residents, he has a much deeper level to him than being a simple "murderer." Let's remember, even though it isn't at all mentioned in the 20 minutes of expository projected thoughts that Dr. Leopold shares with the audience earlier in the film, he is on the hunt for a woman to call his own. He's looking for love, but I wouldn't say in all the wrong places, as there are plenty of girls that are fly like Brundle in this small town, but he is certainly going about things the wrong way. Kidnapping and attempting to turn your date into a walking catfish is not the smoothest of moves when trying to make a love connection. Trust me.

Still, as much as Dr. Leopold stumbles in his adventures of the heart, he does mean well, and this is all the more prevalent from his skills as an artist. Leopold spends some of his downtime drawing heartfelt portraits of the women he is trying to swoon, showing that, in all reality, he's just a misunderstood artist trying to obtain what many of us would want to achieve. Dr. Leopold is more than just a monster; he's an artist. He's an artistic, ex-Nazi, mad scientist walking-catfish that doesn't look like a catfish that only wants to find somebody to love, something that all artistic, ex-Nazi, mad scientist walking-catfish that don't look like catfish are truly looking for, deep-down. Something that we are all truly looking for, deep down.

Dr. Kurt Leopold: Proving that Science and Crayola art can go hand-in-hand

We can judge Dr. Leopold for being an ex-Nazi. We can judge Dr. Leopold for being a mad scientist. We can even judge Dr. Leopold for being a walking catfish that doesn't look like a catfish. But what we cannot do is judge Dr. Leopold for wanting to love.

*Awkward transition into final paragraph where I go on to recommend the film*

All jokes aside (as in this entire review), if you are truly a fan of super corny B-Movies, I fully endorse grabbing up a copy of Zaat on BD. It looks great, considering the film's budget, age and a little DNR. More so, it's incredibly rare that a true B-Movie is given such respectful treatment on home video, something that all films like Zaat should receive, in my opinion. Not only that, but the movie is fun as hell (I only barely touched the surface here… ), and will play perfectly to a drunken crowd of nerds or to someone like me, an ex-Nazi, mad scientist walking catfish that doesn't look like a catfish who loves the pants off of bad movies.

Dump5ter Diving for Gold: Redemption

And like Motownphilly, I am indeed back again with another kuh-razy edition of Dumpster Diving for Gold! Okay, maybe it's not so much crazy as it's really just a normal edition, but I figured if I punched up this little dialogue by calling it kuh-razy, you might want to check it out in the hopes that you would indeed see something crazy. In fact, the only thing crazy in this new DD4G is the fact that I actually made a video with my hair looking the way it does. Now that shit IS kuh-razy!

I'm hoping I can get a little more consistent with making these videos in the future… I have a ton of (awesome!) VHS tapes to share with you all as well as some more inexpensive DVDs, so I will be making an effort to make videos a little more often than I have been. Anyway, here are some totes awesome DVDs I picked up on the cheap recently. Check it, shun!

Answer Me, You Maggot!: Nightmare - The VHS Board Game

I recently stumbled on this video for the Australian VHS board game, Nightmare, which came on the scene in 1991 and apparently took Australia by storm. The result of Nightmare's popularity can be seen in the video below, which includes a promotional video, a few commercials and a handful of other promotional material, all of which is nothing short of completely magnificent.

And when I say magnificent, I mean, there are some serious dance parties involved here, and all I can wonder after watching this video is where the hell was I when this was all going on? Like, I would have totally killed that dance floor back in '91, straight moving my hips for the love of horror and VHS! But alas, my mad moves and infectious grooves were kept at bay here in the states, only to dream of that one day when they could be unleashed in front of The Gatekeeper!

Check out this video… it's seriously awesome.