This One's for My Fallen Soldiers

Rest in Peace, Planet of Terror. Your warm and controlled touch will be missed by us all. 

$2 Dollars Saved. Thanks Netflix!

I knew this email was on its way after reading about all of this nonsense online, so I was already pretty furious of such inevitable news from Netflix. I like having the one DVD sent to me, as that one DVD is what fills the void that Netflix's streaming service has in their library. But if you want to charge me an extra six bills a month to do so, then how about I save that money and rent the two or three new films I rent from the Redbox and still have a few beans left over to buy a taco and a delicious fountain drink?

I understand the fact that Netflix isn't quite making the profits they would like with the streaming/DVD bundle package, but to go and make such a bold price change is simply ridiculous. And sure, some of this money could be used towards investing into more content and a better service at some point, but the point is, this pisses people off and could very easily force many to jump ship entirely from the service. Especially with options such as Redbox and Hulu Plus being out there, with Hulu Plus being just as available as Netflix instant is.

Personally, I see a major benefit from the streaming service over the mailed-in DVDs, so that is where I will be going as of September 1st, and I assume many others will be sure to follow. If that's the case, Netflix not only loses a handful of subscribers, they will also be losing $2 of income from each and every person that drops the DVD plan altogether. That collectively could be a huge loss for the company, unless the ones that decide to keep both services can carry the rest. Either way, I will be losing something, sure, but I will also be saving $2 dollars a month, which is nice. Maybe I'll go to Bermuda.
 

Totally Tubular Trailers

In between Kenpo practice, meditation and these sick free form basket-weaving classes I've been taking, I've found a dash of time to cook up a batch of trailers that I consider to be totally tubular, brah. Hopefully you agree, but the only way to find that out is for me to shut up and let you get to watching them for yourself!

Staring things off is the trailer for the South Korean monster flick, Sector 7. Directed by Kim Ji-hoon, Sector 7 is your typical man VS monster flick, focusing on a crew trapped on an oilrig with a creature whose only desire is to eat their asses. Well, probably not just their asses; I'm sure it will eat their faces, too. Either way, South Korea's been steadily releasing giant monster movies over the passed few years, and doing so with reasonable success, and Sector 7 looks to be yet another entertaining entry into genre.

Check out the trailer, and see if you can guess how the movie is going to end. 

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Previously known as Weapon, the recently retitled Assassination Games stars Jean-Claude Van Damme and Scott Adkins as rival assassins that, get ready for it…join forces so they can take down a drug cartel. Okay, let me just repeat that: JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME AND SCOTT ADKINS ARE RIVAL ASSASSINS THAT JOIN FORCES SO THEY CAN TAKE DOWN A DRUG CARTEL!!

'Nuff. Fucking. Said.

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Next up we're taking an underground trip with Andy Fetscher's Urban Explorer, a German Slasher film that sends a group of explorers on an underground search for a walled up Fahrerbunker filled with forbidden Nazi graffiti. Naturally, some bad stuff happens, and people will more than likely start getting killed at some point. Or at least that's what we all hope, right?! One foreign review I read for the film called it Wolf Creek meets The Decent, which is really quite the praise if that comparison is reflective of quality as much as it is aesthetic. Outside of being a tad too hyper for my taste, I dig the trailer, specifically the style in which the titles look. Not that they at all reflect the film, but I dig the artistic flair.

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Last preview of the day is 5 Days of War, which comes to us from the great Renny Harlin. Okay, maybe great isn't the best adjective that could be summed up for Harlin, but fuck it, I dig most of his work for being simple, fun and action packed, and 5 Days doesn't look to disappoint in any of those departments.

The film is about an American journalist and his crew who are caught in the crossfire of a raging war between Russia and Georgia (a country VS a state seems kinda unfair, no?).  I really like this trailer and think 5 Days looks quite promising, though, being a huge Val Kilmer in his peak fan, seeing him so bloated always kind of freaks me out (he must be on his period. Forever.). Luckily for me, Emmanuelle Chiriquí should keep my eyes busy enough not to notice Val's ever expanding dome piece.

'Zero' People Came to My 'Bloody Birthday' Party

What's up, man. I see you decided to stop by this fine and often magical place known as Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. That's very nice of you, and I fully support your browsing of this here scene, in fact, I encourage the shit out of it. However, I have to ask you a real big favor. No! I don't want you to hide drugs in your girl's bra, again! Geez…that was one time two months ago, and she only had to spend one night in jail. Don't worry, this is way easier than shoving an eight ball down an A-cup.

Okay, first I'm gonna need you to give me a quick ride to Dalton McBeal's house so I can grab that cash he owes me. Then we'll head over to Wal-Mart so I can pick up a 'Bloody Birthday' cake for my little brother's birthday party that's being thrown over at someplace called PARACINEMA. I think it's near the Y. Gas money? Man, you know I got no cash to spare! This is a recession! I have just enough for a pack of smokes and a ten bag. How about I smoke you up instead?   

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Thanks for the lift, bro. I appreciate it and all, but you think you could do me a solid and swing me by Darius' crib real quick so I can pick up that cash he owes me? Thanks, man. I always knew you were my boy. Hey, you think I can use your phone to give him a quick call first? I have 'ZERO' minutes left of my cell, and I gotta make sure he's home and not over at that STRANGE KIDS CLUB picking up STDs again. Thanks, man. Hey, you got an extra smoke by any chance?

Dear Young Women of America,

Mr. T (and your parents rearview mirror) called, and he want's his style back.

A bunch of fools that are in dire need of pitying.

Dumpster Diving for Gold III: The Quickening

The DVD dumpster gods have been kind to me as of late, which only gives me the opportunity to make yet another video where I shall successfully make an ass out of myself while telling you what I got. Enjoy.

Post video thoughts:

I neglected to mention that I spent a grand total of $16.85 on this batch of bad-ass.

Did I unwittingly sing an 'NSYNC song?

I'm straight killing that maroon V-Neck like it's no one's business.

Thankfully there was never an H.P. Lovecraft dildo made. But if there were, would it be called H.P.'s LoveCraft?

Boughten? Really?!

I put my cell on vibrate, yet, I neglected to ignore it?

Great Moments in CGI: Mega Piranha

"And one and two and three and four…Kicking Mega Piranha sure does make for one heck on an abdominal workout! One look at these results, and you'll want to order the Mega Piranha VS Super Abs workout video today!"