Sunday, June 12, 2011

6 Reasons to Love Deadly Prey

1. Lock and Load During Downtime, to Save Time

Opening credit sequences are really a great way to give the viewer an idea of what they are in for with the film they are about to watch, as well as a good way to pump them up for what's ahead. In Ted Prior's Deadly Prey, the opening preparation for battle credit sequence does both of these things in a fashion that I cannot fully explain in a way that is justifiable to its awesomeness. It would be like explaining the intricacies of why taking a nice long crap at work is great. It's not easy to fathom, it just is. And on that note, watch the opening credit sequence for yourself and know what it feels like to get paid to crap.

2. Who Needs Clothes?

AKA

Shorts As Short As Private Parts Will Allow are the Only Shorts I Know

Mike Danton (played by golden god, Ted Prior) is a man of few words, but more importantly, he is a man of few clothes. For 92% of Deadly Prey, Danton wears no more than a pair of jean shorts that are so short, if he were to put on a belt, you would no longer see the shorts, just the belt.

What's great about Danton is the fact that when given the chance to arm up for a serious climactic battle, he puts on pants, yet, he still opts out of a shirt, knowing that the heat of his incredible body will be enough to keep him warm on those damp cold nights out in the woods. In addition, it keeps the homoerotism at a solid 9 on the homoerotic Richter scale.

He must be a naval officer

3. Highlights are Always the Highlight

The lead hero/stud rocking a kick-ass mullet is to be expected from a cheap action film such as Deadly Prey, however, Danton goes one-step further by adding gorgeous blond highlights to his messy, but oh-so adorable, mullet. Now, these are the real deal highlights, not that frosted tips pussy bullshit. Business in the front, beach party in the back with plenty of Sun-In on hand. I know it's the only way I roll.

4. Hidden Agenda

There are at least 25 different and completely amazing ways in which Mike Danton makes mincemeat outta mark-ass busters by using the natural wooded surroundings as cover, but there is one moment in particular that stands out as the greatest. That moment would be when Danton, who has buried himself under the leaf covered ground, grabs a mercenary by his wrist, growls like an animal about to 'get it in', and stabs the dude in the chest. Sure, my description doesn't sound all that great, but trust me here, this is a moment that will certainly make you hold back a laugh-shit.

Leaf me alone, already!

5. Explosive Choppers

The explosions that are to be found in Deadly Prey are truly something to behold. Grenades, in particular, appear to be quite ineffective with the little puff of smoke they let out when they go off (always behind their victims, naturally), regardless, the results are still very deadly for those that are unfortunate enough to have one land three feet behind them.

On the opposite end of the grenades spectrum is the rocket launcher, which when fired at a chopper creates an explosion so massive and powerful that even the great Peter North would be green with envy (or should I say white with envy?). I have brought along with me a series of screen grabs, all of which happen within the span of three sequential frames, to show you just how powerful this rocket launcher is, which is apparently powerful enough to turn day into night. Uh-mazing.

Game over, man.

6. The Right to Bear Arms, Then, Beat the Shit Out of the Bear With the Arm You Just Cut Off

From the moment he appears on screen, it is clear that Lt. Thornton (Fritz Matthews) will be the baddie that goes one-on-one in a battle to the death against our lion-esque hero, Mike Danton. The two even have a partial brawl where Thornton beats Danton, and quite effortlessly at that, which only means that when the two face-off in the finale, it's sure to be epic.

(SPOILERS!!)

However, Deadly Prey doesn't play by the rules and ends in what is possibly one of the most shocking scenes in all of cinematic history with a battle scene that is less like a final brawl to the death and more of a Mortal Kombat finishing move. Mike Danton, after seeing Thornton shoot his wife dead, runs up, machete in hand and pecs glistening in the sun, and chops Thornton's arm off like a knife through butter. Now, while that may come as a bit of a surprise when it initially happens, things only get better from there as Danton not only cuts Thornton's arm off, he then proceeds to take the arm and beat the deadly prey right out of his punk ass. It is IN. CRED. UH. BULL.

These are but a few of the many reasons why Deadly Prey is a film to love and behold. To go on with your life and not experience the joy that can be had from seeing a grown man run around in daisy dukes will only lead you to utter sadness. If you want to keep from dying sad and alone, watch Deadly Prey, and all will be right with your life.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Paracinema's Dream Home

What I have here is a double dose of Paracinema love to spread all over you funk soul brothers and sisters on this here sultry supersonic evening. First up is a review I wrote for Dream Home, a Hong Kong Slasher film about a woman who decides the best way to lower the market value of her dream home is to takeout a few of the surrounding residents. And when I say takeout I don't mean take them out for a nice surf 'n turf dinner followed by an ice-cream cone with rainbow sprinkles at the dairy queen, I mean takeout as in kill their asses.

Head over to Paracinema to scope out my review, and not to totally spoil my thoughts about the film or anything, but I totally fucking loved it, and if you wanna know why I loved it, you then will be forced to read my review. Capiche?

CLICK DA LINK!

Meanwhile…

In other Paracinema news, Paracinema Magazine Issue #12 has just recently been made available for pre-order, and as always, this newest issue of America's premiere genre magazine is ready to sock you in the cock (or vagina) with a slew of awesome articles covering all the genres that you, and I, care about most!

Take a look fer yerself…

The Man From Australia: Falling Without a Parachute Through the Films of Ozploitation Filmmaker, Brian Trenchard-Smith
by Justin Bozung

Howling All the Way Straight to Video
by Brett Taylor

The Good, The Bad and The Fulci:
Tales of Redemption and Revenge from Four of the Apocalypse
by Christian Sellers

No Future for You: Punk Aesthetics and British Identity in Derek Jarman’s Jubilee
by Andreas Stoehr

Explorers: Exploring Childhood Escapism
by Matthew House aka me

Kiyoshi Kurosawa: Reflections on Revenge
by Joshua Samford

Now, how's that for a line-up?! And don't get it twisted, there's so much more, including a free bowl of soup, a coupon for a FULL-body massage by team Paracinema (and boy do they have strong hands!) as well as a bunch of kickass articles written by peeps that kickass!

Click Here to Pre-order…it's only $7 for crying out loud!!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Totally Tubular Trailers

Admittedly, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark hasn't really been on my radar, and that's not due to a lack of interest or anything like that. I guess it's one of those films I knew would come to me eventually. Now after having the chance to check out this full-trailer for the film, I must say, I am now at full-attention. Don't Be Afraid looks incredibly creepy in a way that screams Guillermo del Toro's involvement, and even if it's only half as good as it looks, it should be pretty solid.

On the other hand, I hate when the under the covers "trick" is used at the end of any trailer. As if I didn't know something was going to happen right then. Maybe it would've been a surprise if Gary Busey were down there instead of a creature. Now THAT would be fucking scary!

Next up I have the full-trailer for Julien Lacombe and Pascal Sid's, Behind the Walls (Derriere Les Murs). I posted the fantastic and very subdued teaser trailer for this film in my last TTT post, and this full-length trailer works well to keep the movie dead in my sights.

To watch the trailer with the English subs you have to turn the CC on, which is located right under that little arrow thing that points upward.

Following up his 2007 breakout film, the fantastic Shotgun Stories, writer/director Jeff Nichols once again teams up with Michael Shannon for Take Shelter. The plot is very simple, focusing on a family man plagued by a series of apocalyptic visions, forcing him to obsess with preparing a bomb shelter, thus causing a rift between him and his family. Is homeboy as crazy as Charles Manson eating fruit loops on your front porch, or are his vision a sign of what's to come? It's an intriguing idea, however, an idea very similar to this was used in the form of George Sibley in the greatest television show ever (outside of Mama's Family), Six Feet Under.

Here I have the trailer for Miguel Ángel Vivas' Kidnapped, a Spanish home invasion film where the family is forced to fight back! Not much to say about this one except the trailer is great and the film looks very promising, however, the dubbing is immensely off putting, so hopefully when the film does see a stateside release there will be a subtitles option.

Our final trailer for the evening is for Eric Valette's Super Hybrid. I'll take a step back and allow this wonderful standard press kit synopsis do all the explaining for me:

"Late one night a mysterious car is brought into the Chicago police impound garage after a deadly traffic accident. The garage's female mechanic, Tilda, and her young, hip fellow mechanics soon discover the car has a mind of its own: It morphs into different cars to confuse them, and instead of needing an engine to run, it breathes. It's a killing machine that is capable of outrunning and outwitting humans. In a high-octane fight to the death, it's our group of determined humans versus the car in this supernatural action-adventure in the vein of Stephen King's 'Christine' and 'Transformers'."

Fucking Transformers and Christine, bro! This movie is totally for all the cool kids that love Transformers and have no idea what Christine is, while nabbing all the older horror fans that think Transformers is lame-o, but totally love Christine! WIN-WIN SITCH, BITCH!!

Super Hybrid is being released by Anchor Bay on August 23rd, and I am so fucking sold. Vroom-vroom.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

6 Films to Keep You Awake: The (B)Lame Game

Gloria, a single mother with financial difficulties, is invited to come and live with her friend, Dr. Ana Torres, a gynecologist who runs a clinic out of her home when not working at the hospital. In return for letting Gloria and her daughter stay with her, Ana asks that Gloria help with secretarial work at the home clinic, as well as provide a little much needed company for the lonely Ana. However, Ana is carrying a few secrets, with one being that she actually performs illegal abortions out of her home, the other, she is a lesbian with a major crush on Gloria.

Quick, which secret is hotter?!

Directed by Narciso Ibáñez Serrador (of Who Can Kill a Child fame), Blame (La Culpa) has two very well developed female characters that are strongly portrayed by both lead actresses (played by Montse Mostaza and Nieve de Medina). The almost male/female dynamic between Ana and Gloria is a strength of the film, with Gloria having nothing to stand on to keep her and her child afloat, whereas Ana sees this as an opportunity to win Gloria's affection. Ana provides shelter and food for Gloria and her daughter as if she were trying to buy Gloria's love, but with Gloria being straight, she is not at all interested in Ana. In a way, they are almost using each other to get what they want, but Gloria isn't giving Ana what she desires, no matter how hard Ana tries.

A major character trait of Ana is how incredibly successful she is at manipulation, specifically when it comes to unstable females. Many of the pregnant women that come in to see 'Dr. Ana' are young and impressionable girls who made a mistake and are now suffering the consequences. Ana uses their venerability to give these young women "advice," convincing them that abortion would be the best course of action in their unfortunate situation. This all plays into the Gloria character, who becomes pregnant from an unseen lover and is conflicted as to what she should do in the situation. Even though she initially wants to keep it, Ana uses her manipulation skills to coerce Gloria into aborting her baby. It's never clear as to why Ana would seem to want these women or Gloria to have abortions. Maybe it has something to due with her not being able to have kids herself, or maybe it could even have to do with her choice of sexuality.

Regardless of how well the characters are written, somehow, they are completely uninteresting, and I felt no connection to them whatsoever. Seeing as this film is driven by the two female characters, the lack of association I felt towards them is a major disconnect from the film as a whole. Now, I'm not sure how much of this is due to weak storytelling or if it's because I am watching from a male perspective. Maybe my absence of a uterus disconnects me from the abortion angle of Blame and a woman may take more from this film then I did, but I doubt it.

I'm totally in touch, brah.

Blame is filled with a number of plot holes, it's completely boring and mostly pointless. It's hard to say more about the film's story, as there is no real threat while, at times, there are attempts to make it look as if there is with heavy use of misdirection. Only problem with that is, if you want to misdirect, then what caused the misdirected moments to begin with? It's a wild goose chase that is not at all wild, just snooze inducing.

There is very little tension, no sense of dread and this comes from all angles of the film. Most of the music is weak and cheap sounding, and even though the film looks nice enough and the location is fantastic, something as simple as a wipe cut looks like something you would find in a Lifetime movie. It's fitting as Blame feels like just that, a Lifetime movie (but not NEARLY as good), but with a clear, over-the-top message that comes across quite blatantly in the film's ridiculous conclusion.

I wish I could get an abortion, but mommy says I'm "too young." What a crock of shit.

And oh boy is the ending shot of Blame so completely moronic and silly that I actually fell back, slack jawed in amazement. It's embarrassing for all of those behind the film with this clear stance taken on abortion that does nothing more than alienate its audience. Outside of the abortion message of the film, as well as with all of the women that get these abortions, including the Gloria character, there seems to be a message that women who get abortions are unstable or even slutty in a sense. Like women are without the ability to make smart decisions for themselves. Nice to know I spent 72 minutes of my life watching a misogynistic propaganda film that could barely keep my attention.

Who can kill a child? Apparently dumb loose women can.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dying to Get (it?) Outta Rain Town

I have a few quick links to share with you all on this dark and stormy evening, with the first being a review for the Zombie/Serial Killer film, Die-ner (Get it?), a movie that forced me to type (Get it?) way more than I ever had planned on doing when I started writing reviews. I'd like to NOT thank Die-ner (Get it?) for that.

You can find my review of Die-ner (Get it?) (AHHHHH!! I GET IT! NOW FUCK YOU!) over at the latest issue of BThroughZ.

Die-ner (Get it?)

After that, I'd like to steer you towards a little place known as Strange Kids Club, where you can watch and read my brief thoughts on Hiroyasu Ishida’s short Anime film, Rain Town. A film that couldn't be more fitting with the state of weather that has been plaguing my area for the past two months. I might have to start wearing a flannel and crying over Kurt Cobain if this shit doesn't clear up soon.

Rain Town

That's it. I would stay and chat, but I have a free form knitting class at 7:00 AM and I cannot perform well without at least 8 hours of sleep. You know how it is. I promise I'll be back soon with something for CNAMB, you know, since I have been slacking BIG TIME as of late. International super-stardom takes up a ton of time.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Run! Bitch Run!: Retro Rape Revenge

It would be somewhat of an understatement if I were to say that there has been an oversaturation of Exploitation cinema since the release of 2007's Tarantino/Rodriguez double feature, Grindhouse (though, the gears were in motion well beforehand). There have been many ups and downs that have come with this oversaturation, with one of the ups being that many films of the era have been given some recognition as well as a greater shot at seeing some sort of release on home video. However, what has been more notable than the rise in popularity of actual films of the time are the numerous, modern-made throwbacks to '70s Exploitation and Grindhouse movies that have flooded the market in both the mainstream and independent markets.

From remakes of genre classics like The Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave, to original films such as Machete and Piranha 3D, films influenced by the cinema of the '70s has been given a small presence in the mainstream market. Then there are the independently made films that have been shoveled out at genre fans over the past few years. Movies such as Bitch Slap, Hobo With A Shotgun and today's feature, Run! Bitch Run!, attempt to capture an era of cinema that has long passed us by. Much like the films of that time, these throwbacks have been met with mixed results by genre fans, and rightfully so.

One of the many problems that come with recreating a style of film from the past (specifically with independent features) can be the filmmakers try way too hard to make something that really cannot be easily recreated in this day in age. Instead, they end up making movies that are simply transparent, lacking an identity as the focus becomes more about the homage, and less about the actual content. In addition, the style can often be used as an excuse for poor filmmaking, with many claiming that said film is meant to be bad because it's like a grindhouse film. That is, quite frankly, a steaming crock of corn filled doo-doo.

With Run! Bitch Run!, director Joseph Guzman is somewhat able to avoid the issue of making a completely inept movie with the excuse of it being a throwback to Exploitation cinema. And while the film does sort of lack its own identity, it does a nice job of capturing the look and vibe of a '70s exploitation flick.

The film follows two catholic schoolgirls, Catherine (Cheryl Lyone) and Rebecca (Christina DeRosa), who are trying to earn some cash for college by selling bibles door-to-door (see where this one's going?). Their smut peddling hits the brakes when one of the doors they go to just so happens to be the door to hell (well, not literally), and the two girls become abducted after they witness the murder of a prostitute by a scuzzy white pimp - who never wears a shirt AND has long hair - named Lobo (Peter Tahoe). Lobo and his small but viscous gang murder Rebecca in cold blood then brutally torture and rape Catherine, leaving her for dead. Or so they think…

If you've seen more than one rape/revenge film in your lifetime, you should have a good idea where this one is going.

Being set in the 1970s, Guzman and co. surprisingly do a commendable job recreating the vibe of a '70s Exploitation film. The locations are simple but feel authentic, and the same could be said for the movie as a whole. Run! Bitch Run! is not quite as sleazy as I would have expected, but it's not nearly as ridiculous, either, which works both positively and negatively for the film. Where it succeeds best is with attention to technique as well as an air of subtlety that keeps everything reigned in. There are moments where things do go a little over-the-top (like a plunger masturbation scene), but for a film such as this it never goes too far, therefore the movie avoids coming off as overly goofy.

Run! Bitch Run! is veeery simplistic and also feels somewhat rushed, too. Not to say that this one should be any longer than it is, mind you, it's just the amount of time spent with naked chicks could have been properly distributed elsewhere (what am I saying?!). One of the big problems is just how standard it is as a revenge film. The story follows the basic three-tiered act of your typical rape/revenge tale, however, there is very little done to separate it from the pack, leaving the viewer with what is no more than a carbon copy of movies that are vastly superior.

For the type of movie that it is, Run! Bitch Run! is unfortunately very hallow is in its impact. Now, I should make clear that I love the rape/revenge genre. I'm not one to try and claim that so-and-so film is not one that you can actually love because of its specific subject matter; that has always seemed like a bit of a copout to me, personally. I love the genre as a whole, and just because I do, doesn't make me a fan of rape. I don't 'like' the rape page on facebook, but I do 'like' the Ms. 45 one, if that makes sense. So when I say that it's unfortunate that the rape in Run! Bitch Run! is a tad underwhelming, please don't take it the wrong way.

The rape scene is not nearly as impactful as it should be for a film of this style, and for a rape/revenge movie (and one that's somewhat trying to be serious), that can really take away from the intensity of the subject matter. There is very little as far as an emotional impact, and because it didn't hit me in the gut like it should have, it's difficult to generate any real sympathy for the Catherine character, let alone care/cheer for her forthcoming moment of vengeful rebirth. It seems as if this moment was just there to be there to serve the story, instead of to drive the character.

Regardless, Run! Bitch Run! redeems itself by going out with a bang, and the last 8 or so minutes of the film are completely and totally satisfying. Overall, what we have here is a movie that actually does a nice job capturing what it set out to on an aesthetic level, but still seems to lack the heart of what made Exploitation films of the '70s so great. I'll gladly give Run! Bitch Run! a ton of props for doing things better than most modern, cheap Exploitation films, I just wish they were able to go all the way with what was started.