Recently, the kind folks over at T-Shirt Bordello were nice enough to send a few gifts my way after reading all about my heroic rescue of two baby jaguars that were trapped in a burning building this past March. If you aren't already aware of T-Shirt Bordello, they specialize in t-shirts for the nerd in all of us. With tees covering subjects ranging from Married With Children to Hellraiser, they carry a cornucopia of pop-culture and genre film apparel to dig into, but that isn't all they have to offer.
Have you been suffering from issues keeping track of where you last placed your keys? Try a Bates Motel key chain, it's mother approved. Got a pack of Parliament ultras and no place to put them out? An Overlook Hotel ashtray is nice this time of the year. Are you a big fan of "the drink?" How 'bout taking a few swigs from a Winchester Tavern pint glass?
Those are just a few small examples of what T-Shirt Bordello has to offer, but the star of the show is, of course, the tees. Here are a few of my personal favorites:
Now, as I said, those are a few of my favorites, but my mostest favorites are the two shirts that they sent to me, which just so happen to be from two films I love:
My thoughts are mad deep, son
Straight throwin' out duck lips Like it's no ones business
That's right, Monster Squad and mother fucking Robocop, mother fucker!
The shirts are of solid quality, and the graphics look great and feel as if they will be able to last through more than a few washes without getting all jacked up. Not that I wash my clothes or anything silly like that; I like to have that natural musk that only can come from being unbathed and coated in funk juice. Can you smell it, baby? Okay, that's kind of gross.
All of the shirts are a reasonable $14.99 (plus shipping), and they update their stock with new designs every week, so you're guaranteed to find something you love there. Unless you don't love cool shit, that is. So there you have it, T-Shirt Bordello. Nice people that sent me some nice things that I feel I can proudly pimp to all of you in complete confidence. However, they need to get rid of that Red Sux shirt with the quickness.
With a newborn baby in tow, newlyweds Juan and Sofia are just getting their family started together as they move into their dream home. Being new parents in an unfamiliar place, the couple decide to use a hand me down baby monitor to keep tabs on their new edition. The reassurance is nice, however, on the very first night Juan hears strange noises coming from the baby monitor, noises that sound very much like someone is talking. This obviously frightens Juan and, in turn, Sofia, but they chalk it up to a faulty monitor. Regardless, Juan feels a bit uncomfortable about what happened, so he goes out and buys a brand-new top of the line baby monitor - complete with an infrared camera - so he can keep a close eye on his newborn. Unfortunately, instead of finding reassurance, Juan learns there is someone (or something) else sharing the house with the him and his family.
Directed by Álex de la Iglesia, The Baby's Room (La habitación del niño) mainly focuses on Juan (Javier Gutiérrez), as it is him who is seeing and hearing these strange things coming from the baby’s bedroom. While friends and co-workers would like to, no one really believes what Juan claims he is hearing and seeing, and that includes his own wife. Juan is afraid someone is out to hurt his family, and he would do anything to protect them, but unfortunate events unfold in a way that make Juan seem less than stable as a father and husband. He becomes paranoid, believing that there's someone out to hurt his child or even his wife, Sonia, and it gets to the point that he himself may pose a threat to his family. His paranoia feeds an obsession with figuring out what is going on, whether or not it is hurting his relationship, his family or even his job.
The Baby's Room is along the lines of films like Candyman, Stir of Echoes or any movie that has a character with a questionable and/or possibly dangerous obsession involving a haunted past. Whether or not it's Juan's imagination that is causing all of this, he is seeing things, which gives him more than enough of a reason to be infatuated. And it's what Juan sees that is one of the stronger pieces of the film. The infrared baby monitor is nicely used for some genuinely creepy scares, and, much like we all saw in the One Night in Paris video, the baby's glowing eyes are unsettling all by themselves. Now, add in some random dude suddenly appearing next to that baby, and you're talking straight shit stains.
The baby monitor is a good device to generate scares as well as adding a hair of originality to an otherwise all too common idea. Now, even though the film does have a familiar storyline - and you'll have a good idea what the conclusion could be - The Baby's Room keeps the secret fairly safe. I never knew exactly where the movie was going, even if I had a good idea of where it could end up. Nevertheless, it is a properly executed film on most every other level outside of originality. Smooth camera work, an intense score, great settings, some creative ideas with the baby monitors, and strong acting from both Javier Gutiérrez and Leonor Watling (as the extremely gorgeous Sonia).
As a whole, The Baby's Room is very light on kills, but there is one that I must mention as it is simply incredible. Keeping things spoiler free, there is one death that has the perfect mix of brutality, blood and extreme realism. The music used is seriously intense, and the whole scene plays out in such a frightening and gruesome way that I can't help but compare it to that of classic Argento.
As is the case with most of the features in the 6 Films to Keep You Awake set, The Baby's Room is a shorter film, only running at 80 minutes. This is something that works in the film's favor in some ways, but hurts it in others. There is a lot that happens in this short running time, so the filmmakers did a commendable job trimming the fat. However, things do feel a little rushed at times, but even then, I have seen so many characters go crazy in this type of film that I very much appreciated how lean it is.
In the end, The Baby's Room is a superbly made horror flick with some well-timed scares that effectively filled-up my diaper with the quickness. Even with a recognizable story, it's a film that executes well enough to keep things from getting stale. It's not perfect, but The Baby's Room is a solid entry into the world of Spanish horror; in fact, it's good enough to stand on its own, even outside of the 6 Film's set.
It seems as if I just did one of these thingamajigs a post or two back, and, well, that's because I did. The more often there's a fresh new edition of Totally Tubular Trailers only means that there are more and more sick looking movies are on their way. And when I say sick, I mean sic. Like, the way my friend spells it on facebook when describing something awesome. It's pretty funny, especially when he writes "fucking sic, bro!"
What I'm getting at here is, it certainly seems as if the glut that was the first quarter of 2011 is nearing an end, and now all sorts of great looking movies are making their way into our lives, our hearts and hopefully our beds. Well, just so long as they don't have gonorrhea. That shit is fucking sic, bro.
The Prodigies is a superhero/apocalypse film that focuses on five "special" teens that come together to lash out against the world after they are violently attacked in Central Park. Humanities only hope against the five prodigies is a sixth prodigy named Jimbo (Jimbo?!) Farrar, who must use all of his might top keep the five prodigies from exacting their vengeance-fueled apocalypse.
The Prodigies is a French language animated film directed by Antoine Charreyron, whose previous works consist of directing a number of video games. Unfortunately, this trailer is not available in English as of yet, but this film looks absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. The animation style is simple and slightly underwhelming at first, but as the preview moves forward, your jaw will be sure to drop more than once. Also, including a MUSE song in a trailer, specifically the track chosen, is always a great way to grab my pickle for a tickle.
WATCH THIS TRAILER!!
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Jointly written and directed by Julien Lacombe and Pascal Sid, Behind the Walls (Derriere Les Murs) follows a young novelist who moves to a peaceful countryside so she can concentrate on writing her latest book. It isn't long before the novelist succumbs to terrifying hallucinations and nightmares, all the while, numerous young girls are disappearing from the area, which sends the locals into quite the tizzy.
Like The Prodigies, Behind the Walls is also a French made film and, despite their lack of freedom and women's deodorant, the genre cinema that they have been producing has been some of the best outside of South Korea, and it doesn't seem like things will be slowing down anytime soon, especially after seeing this teaser.
It's a quick clip, but in less than a minute, you can see that Behind the Walls looks to be gorgeous, tense and chances are if the film is anything like this teaser, spines will be sent right into tingle mode. However, that could also be do to poor posture.
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Next up is Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen. The story is what you would come to expect from an action film where a guy wears a mask and fights crime. There's some form of corruption that needs to be dealt with, the titular character will be pressured by the double life that he lives and, most importantly, there will be some sic fucking action.
Legend of the Fist stars Donnie Yen, who is reprising his role of Chen Zhen from the 1995 TV series, Fist of Fury, which was actually influenced by the character Bruce Lee played in Fists of Fury. Sweet, right? Helmed by Lau Wai-keung, Legend also stars Anthony Wong and the always beautiful, but oddly fish like, Shu Qi, and is expected to see a US DVD release on June 16th.
The 20-second mark begins what should put a few skid marks right in yer undies.
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Directed by non-porn star, Dick Maas, our last trailer for the day comes to us in the form of the Dutch horror flick, Saint (Sint). The movie exposes the beloved Saint Nicholas for what he really is: a bloodthirsty bishop who, whenever there's a full moon on the 5th December, murders as many children as he possibly can.
Saint basically looks like your standard Slasher film, but instead of a Santa killer, which has been seen more than once before, you have jolly ol' Saint Nick doing all of the hacking and slashing. It's an extremely fun premise, and I love every little thing about the look of Saint based off this excitingly awesome trailer. Luckily, IFC has recently picked up the rights to the film, so hopefully it will make its way to our shores by the holidays, which clearly would be the perfect time to watch such a movie.
That's it for now, boils and ghouls. Hopefully you all have enjoyed what you've seen here, and please, be sure to share your thoughts on any one of these trailers.
As I mentioned a handful of posts back, I will be posting reviews for all six of the films found in the 6 Films to Keep You Awake collection. Now, I wrote these reviews way back and, for whatever reason, just never got to posting them. Well, I decided I needed to put these sumbitches up, but I wanted to start with the one film in the set that I had previously reviewed, A Christmas Tale. I reviewed A Christmas Tale as part of the first ever celebration known as Death-cember and figured I could repost it (with a few grammatical edits, of course) since I am posting the other films. It make things a little more complete, plus it works as a good introduction to the series of films (and it means I don't have to explain the set all over again, too), so I hope you enjoy this and all of the other reviews to come!
In 2008, Lionsgate released 6 Films to Keep You Awake, a conglomeration of six (no shit, right?) somewhat short Spanish horror films from different directors, most of whom are of Spanish decent. The mastermind behind the this set is Narciso Ibáñez Serrador of Who Can Kill A Child fame and with us being knee deep in Death-cember, the no-brainer film to be discussed from this set is 2005's A Christmas Tale (Cuento de Navidad).
Written by Luis Berdejo and directed by Paco Plaza (both of whom also worked as writer and co-director of the fantastic Spanish zombie film, [REC]) A Christmas Tale is about five pre-teen kids that stumble upon a woman dressed in a Santa suit, trapped in a large deep hole in the woods. They decide to help her out, but when two of the boys go to the police, they discover that the woman is wanted for robbing a bank for two million pesetas. Not sure how much that is, but I bet it's enough to be in some big trouble.
With this information, the children decide not to help the woman out of her trappings, but instead of calling an adult or telling the police about the woman, these kids take a very different route. Even at such a young age greed rears its ugly head, and a few of the kids decide to try and get their hands on the stolen money from this unintentionally trapped thieving Santa using the leverage of her unfortunate situation. Cross dressing Santa's aren't down with extortion, but with a choice of losing all of her money or being trapped in a massive hole and left to die, well, there's no real wiggle room there.
At a scant 71 minutes, A Christmas Tale works like two very different films in terms of tone. The first half is almost like a kid's movie right out of the '80s and is very reminiscent of films like Stand By Me and the Brian Trenchard-Smith film, The Quest (man I loved that movie). It is set in 1985, and the film successfully conveys how life was for a lot of kids that age, at that time.
If you're in your mid-20s to mid-30s, you will love all of the bad-ass retro movies and TV shows that these children are in to. They use code names that are all character names from the A-Team; one kid is completely obsessed with the Karate Kid (I still am); there are glimpses of bedrooms filled with Star Wars toys (you know, before the prequels) and Ghostbusters stuff strewn about; and a few of the characters even watch what plays as a film within a film titled, Zombie Invasion, which is reminiscent of a cheap Italian Exploitation Zombie film. All of this really serves no other purpose than to show that these kids are into the same stuff many of us were when we were kids, and I am assuming the filmmakers were into themselves at that age.
All of the throw-back stuff is very well done and really brings a true sense of nostalgia in how it is all captured; more importantly, it brings about a sense of connection to the characters as you can see a bit of yourself in these kids in one way or another. However, just how far does that connection go? That is where the film takes a turn from fun '80s kids movie to a much darker place, when a few of the characters become quite manipulative, which shows how even youth can be driven by greed and power, just as adults can be.
We are all like the kids in many ways, but most of us would do differently in such a situation. Others...maybe not so much. The way a few of the characters treat their siblings and this woman, who is essentially bad but still a human, shows how evil some people can be when put into certain situations. There are certain consequences in making the decisions that they do make, and without getting into too much detail, when the woman escapes her unholy hole (that sounds so vaginal), she is not all too pleased about what the children did to her.
Outside of the trapped Santa, there are no adults to be "physically" seen in this film, which shows you that these kids are in their own little world, almost living by their own rules. All of the young actors in A Christmas Tale are very solid and believable in their roles, and all but one of the children are boys, with the lone girl being played by a pre-Pan's Labyrinth Ivana Baquero. Maru Valdivielso as the trapped thief in a Santa suit is fantastic, and when you get into the more horrific elements of this film, she is quite scary and effective, making for a great villain of sorts.
A Christmas Tale is an enjoyable, nostalgia filled romp that is well made and not commonly seen these days. The feeling of retro-kids films is spot on, and the horror elements are all in place for a fun holiday fueled ride that is well worth a watch during the Christmas anytime of the season.
This is a hefty collection of trailers I have for you all this time around, many of which are films that are blipping my radar with the wickedness. Let's not waste too much time with small talk here and get right into the shit.
Directed by Sarawut Intaraprom, our first trailer of the day is for the Taiwanese lensed ghost story, aptly titled, Ghost: The Cinderella (aka KUVW). The film is about the unexpected death of a film star after numerous arguments with various crew members on the set of his latest film. Being stubborn, the actor comes back from his grave to continue arguing, and probably to kill a few people, too. Simple ghost story premise which is something that can be found in way too many Asian films, but what stands out about this one is the clear influence from American Torture cinema.
The trailer is decent enough - with bonus points going to that red bikini - and while Ghost does at first appear to be no more than a basic ghost story, things take a turn for the torturous about halfway through. As much as the torture genre has been played out in the states, I think it could be very interesting to see another country take a crack at it. One things for sure, it certainly doesn't look like this film will be pulling any sort of punches.
No English, but it's not at all necessary.
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Next up is the trailer for the Uruguayan haunted house film, The Silent House (La Casa Muda), a "based on true events" tale of a father and daughter hired to renovate a broken down cottage but find themselves plagued by strange noises and frightening apparitions.
Director Gustavo Hernández promises 'real fear in real time', and this is achieved by filming The Silent House in one continuous shot. Is it a gimmick to get people to watch the film? That doesn't matter so much as how the end product turns out, and early word on this one has been mostly positive. This trailer simply kicks ass, and The Silent House is definitely on my most anticipated list.
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Our next clip comes in the form of a teaser trailer for Snowblade, a Martial Arts film that follows a female assassin who is forced to slay seven very unique individuals between the hours of moonrise and moonset.
Despite the fact that this film evokes instant comparisons to Sex and Fury and Lady Snowblood (which is a good thing, mind you), what really stands out about Snowblade is it's the directorial debut of Bey Logan, whose presence in, and knowledge of, East Asian and Martial Arts cinema is quite incredible, and more than enough to put Snowblade right on any Martial Arts fan's radar. The teaser flies by in a jiffy, but what is shown is more than enough to catch my attention. You'll figure out why real quick!
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With Edgar Wright on as executive producer and Nick Frost in one of the lead roles, Attack the Block already has some promise. Add in the fact that word on the street has been unanimously positive for this Joe Cornish directed, inner city kids versus space aliens film, and you certainly have a true contender. The buzz has been enormous for this one, and most of you may have already seen this trailer already, but for anyone that hasn't had the chance, well, here it is.
The trailer speaks for itself, so take a looksee and I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this one.
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Our final trailer for the day is for the independently made sci-fi film, Sweetheart, about a housewife whose husband and son take a trip into town but they never return. Left alone in their secluded farmhouse, she decides to go looking for them, only to discover the world is not what it used to be.
Directed by Michael Matthews, this 30-minute short-film is, according to those involved with the picture, inspired by the the Coen Brothers’ film, The Man Who Wasn’t There, as well as being a tribute to the noir films of the '50s and '60s. There is also a strong familiarity here with this film and the recent Sci-Fi films like Monsters and District 9, which are both movies that achieved a level of respectable cinematic effect with very little money.
Check out this fantastic trailer to see just what can be done with a little money and the desire to make something incredible.
That's it for me, kiddies…I'm straight pooped and need to warm up for my weekly kickboxing class, which is followed by a few hours of tanning.
Regardless of the fact that I'm still suffering greatly from the injury I received after stepping on a nail while in a wicked dance battle against Jeff Pickleberry in the Boys & Girls Club gymnasium this passed Thursday evening, I have been able to find the strength to crank out a few pieces of awesome for you all to check out. It's field trip time, folks, so grab yer bags and get on the bus…no, the shorter one…that's right, and we can go on our merry way!
First stop is the one place where you actually fit in: the Strange Kids Club, where I, as in me, as in myself, as in this fucking guy, has posted a little slice of magic for you all to enjoy. I dug up quite the interesting commercial for an '80s toy that went by the name, Pamela the Living Doll. Now, what's interesting about a TV ad for a children's doll, you ask? Well, you'll have to head over there to watch the clip and read my thoughts to find out, now won't you! Damn straight you will.
After our super adventure at Club Strange, we have a special reservation at Paracinema all lined up for you. On the menu this evening is a review for the 2010 Canadian teen girl drama, Triple Dog. Me, reviewing a teen girl drama where the dialogue is almost as memorable as the radical skateboarding scenes? What more could you ask for?! Well, ice cream and a wad of hundreds, I suppose, but that's not the point. Jump on your board, put foot to ground and head over to Paracinema to check out my review, and we'll be besties for life!YAY!
Whew! With Pamela the Living Doll and a review of Triple Dog, you have yourself a full day of fun! Well, more like 15-minutes of fun. Actually, it might not even be all that fun in the first place, so just look at it as 15-minutes wasted. Sorry.
P.S. Looking at the content for what I have posted at these other fine sites, I must ask: am I a girl?
Within the span of one summer vacation, Mandy Lane would make a drastic metamorphosis from the girl that no one noticed to the hot girl that all the guys are dying to get with. Mandy has a good, steady head on her shoulders, and with all the temptations and advances that come from horny teenage boys and the pressures brought on by her peers, she has been able to remain pure when it comes to her sexuality. Every dude-bro in school would love to be the one who breaks through her proverbial chastity belt, but Mandy is far too smart to fall for any of their cheap lines and promises of love. With her newfound hotness Mandy quickly becomes accepted into the cool kids club, meaning, all the girls want to be friends with her, while all the boys want to bone her.
The plot to All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is simple with Mandy being invited out for a weekend of hard partying at some kid 's parent free ranch, where all of the guys are fully expecting to seal the deal with her. Looking forward to a fun weekend away, she accepts the invitation and joins the intimate - and only mildly stereotypical - group of teens. While there, things get off to a good start with some seriously hardcore partying, some seriously pathetic attempts at boning Mandy and some seriously sick person knocking off the teens, one by one. As I said, simple, but there are a few twists and turns to be found throughout the story, though, I didn't find them all too difficult to figure out and had my correct guess by the 40-minute mark.
Regardless of predictability, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is a tale told properly through its execution and craftsmanship. It's often referred to as - and very much is - a Slasher film at its core, but it lacks the stalk and slash elements of a traditional Slasher as well as the tension that comes with what one would expect from the genre. The kills are a little light, and outside of one wonderfully phallic inspired death (go booyah), they aren't all too gruesome, either. Lacking those elements doesn't really hurt the film too much, as those tactics aren't necessary for this particular story to work. You basically have a teen driven story where the teenage characters aren't a detriment to the film. The movie is respectful to the viewers with characters that are nicely written and respectably acted by the young cast, which is always something to applaud in modern horror fare.
What really pushes All the Boys Love Mandy Lane up over the top is the character of Mandy Lane as played by Amber Heard. The entire film rests solely on the shoulders of this one character; from the film's title to its premise, the viewer has to be on board with the spell Mandy casts on those around her. For a girl like Heard, the looks part is not a problem whatsoever, but there is much more to this character than just her beauty. It's her presence; it's the way that she carries herself; it's that indescribable thing that makes someone attractive past their looks, and that is what this film grounds its feet in. Heard is able to bring this to the screen like very few actresses could have, but her performance and presence aren't the only reason for the aura the character has around her.
The way in which she is filmed plays an incredible part in how Mandy Lane, the character, comes off, which is as all the male characters in the movie see her. Director, Jonathan Levine, does an overall solid job on the film itself, but it is what he does with the character of Mandy Lane, specifically, that is fantastic. It's a perfect melding of cinematic technique and an actress with the right look and ability that really give this one a unique feel. There's one scene in particular that is one of the more titillating moments in the film, and it is no more than Mandy coyly taking off her shorts and tank top so she can jump into a lake for a swim. This scene is sexy because Heard looks amazing, that's a given, but it's how it's shot with the use of warm lens flairs, teasing camera angles and the soft music that collectively bring the moment to a whole different level of cinematic seduction.
Since its 2006 Toronto International Film Festival premier, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane has been one of the most talked about horror films for as many good reasons as there are not so good reasons. Its lack of a U.S. release has been the subject of annoyance for many a genre fan (myself included), and rightfully so. There's really no reason not to have access to ANY film, whatsoever. Even with the recent promise that it's on its way to a DVD release in the U.S., in limbo it remains for the time being. And that is truly unfortunate as this is a film that could certainly be geared towards the same crowd as shit fluff like the Prom Night and The Stepfather (also featuring Heard) remakes, while getting support from most of the horror community. That my friend is a recipe for a horror flick that could be a major success. But for now, those of us in the know know enough to make sure we own a region free DVD player.
