Totally Tubular Trailers

I have had all of these trailers just sitting her collecting dust for some time, which is quite shameful, because they certainly need to be shared with you all. Old-ish or not, chances are you might have missed them, so hopefully they are new to you, which is all that matters.

I'll start us out with the trailer for Verbo, a Spanish horror/adventure film directed by Eduardo Chapero-Jackson. Verbo is about a young girl (Alba Garcia) that goes on a quest to find herself and to understand the meaning of the world that surrounds her, even if it means many dangers will be faced. I really dig the vibe of this trailer, and I'm always down for a dark fantasy/adventure film. Garcia appears to have a good look to play a character that is driven by inquisitiveness and innocence and that may be one of the big factors for this film's success. 

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Man, it doesn't get any more exciting than the most recent trailer for Kim Ji-Woon’s I Saw the Devil. The first trailer for this one showed up on a previous 3T (that's hip-hop slang for Totally Tubular Trailers…kind of like KFC) and this one only adds to my anticipation for what promises to be one of the year's best. I Saw the Devil pits a psychopathic serial killer (played by Choi Min-shik) up against as a special agent (Lee Byung-hun) whose fiancée becomes one of the killers unfortunate victims. With the tag team of these two great actors and one of the best directors working, this film is sure to be incredible. If you aren't sure for yourself, check out the trailer.

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Next up is the upcoming documentary titled, The Splat Pack, which should kind of be self explanatory. It focuses on the new wave of directors that made a huge splash on the horror genre in the early 2000's with movies that brought gruesome life back to a mostly stale genre. I love me a film focused documentary and even if it seems a little soon for a retrospective, It is nice to put some perspective on the most recent era of horror cinema (even if it's still somewhat going on). The interview line-up is tight, and I can only guess there will be some very interesting anecdotes to be shared with us horror fans. 

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Coming to us from Germany, our last trailer for the day is for the Post-Apocalyptic Martial Arts film Straight Blast. The movie is a production in the works and - in true grassroots fashion - is being shot as the money comes in to fund this incredibly ambitious project. Written and directed by Ulrik Bruchholz, with collaborator Mike Möller doing the fight choreography, Straight Blast looks straight dope with fight scenes that appear to be quite promising and a quirky style with heavy influence from Apocalyptic cinema of the 80's. I will definitely be keeping my eye on this one and you have got to check out the trailer as it is quite the doozy indeed. You will be impressed by time it's all over.

Baby Babble: Watching Bloody Movies On A New TV

About a week or two ago, I wrote a review for Blood Sucking Freaks for BThroughZ, but being all busy (or lazy) and shit, I was sending it in on the deadline. In what may be the craziest of coincidences, Jamie - the man behind BThroughZ - emailed me right back to inform me that another person had already submitted a review for the same damn film! So going into scramble mode, I watched and whipped up a review for the 80's Slasher film Bloody Movie (aka Terror Night), which can be found over in the July issue of BThroughZ. It turned out to be a good thing in hindsight as Bloody Movie made for a fun review, and now I have the epic Blood Sucking Freaks leftovers that I can post here at some point. So we all win, but make sure to head over and check out my review of Bloody Movie, as well as all the other gory goodies in the latest issue of BThroughZ.

 

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Nearly two months ago, the living room TV shit the bed big time, something that is sort of a nightmare for a cinephile. Luckily, when I picked up the TV I had also bought the extended warranty (which was due to end in two months!), so I went about trying to get it fixed. Dude came to the house - didn't have the part. Got the part - broken part wasn't the only problem and had to take the TV to the shop. Waited for a long ass time. Waited even more. Had an 18' TV sitting on an old end table in the middle of my living room with wires all stretched across the floor. Found out the TV would cost $900 dollars to repair. Waited some more. Got confirmation that we would get a new TV (!). Waited for their offer - got the offer - got the TV. Finally.

So, the TV I owned was five years old…it was a solid TV at the time I had bought it (Samsung 42' DLP things and things), was capable of 1080p (though it never seemed to get past 1080i) and had a nice picture in High Def, but it was five years old. The warranty contract stated that my replacement TV might not be the same brand, but had to be comparable quality wise to my previous brand and have the same specs. In what may be the coolest thing that could happen in this nearly two month long horrific situation, we got a brand new TV, an LG 42' 1080p black flat screen with 120 hz and all that shit. The TV looks AMAZING and so much better than the TV we already had, and to top it off, it was FREE! Well, not free, but when I look at it, I see what is a brand new TV I bought five years ago, so I win so hard. About time.  

90 Days Till Halloween-Halloween-Halloween

It's August 1st, which means that Halloween is slowly but surely creeping up on us. Soon enough, the grocery stores will start carrying black and orange decorated boxes filled with candy – shelves will empty to make room for the familiar seasonal Halloween gear we all have come to know and love -  and I will be salivating during every second of it. For me personally, August is like Halloween's pre-season, with September pretty much being Halloween for me. As the air becomes slightly colder and the sunny days are replaced by an ominous overcast sky, my smile will simply get bigger in anticipation for Halloween.

Getting in the proper spirit, as you may have noticed, I already have the countdown clock added to the blog, and I will be brain storming exactly what I will be doing here at CNAMB for the much anticipated return of CHUCKTOBER!!! More than likely everything will be focused on horror films and nothing else, but I would like to come up with something different outside of movie reviews and horror-centric Dance Parties and Hangovers. Either way, I am pumped for the first signs of Halloween, and I hope you feel the same way. To get you all in the Halloween mood, I have one of my favorite videos that I have ever posted for you all to enjoy.

The Horror Hangover

After that ridiculously off the chain birthday celebration this weekend, I know I am hurting worse than the box office performance of Knight And Day (seriously, how could THAT movie not have been a mega-success?). Now, while this week's Hangover is a bit on the light side, the quality is so absolute that I simply had to share the goodies that are on this Sunday afternoon.

SyFy, for the second week in a row, drops the non-mutated monster animals gone awry act and really brings the pain with a double dose of movies that are sure to stimulate your throbbing noggin. Even if your day is a bit gloomy, I foresee the clouds parting to make way for some Sunshine at 11:00. I have seen Sunshine but only once and really enjoyed how completely gorgeous it looked as well as the interesting story, but in the last 20 or so minutes, things go in an unflattering direction. I would love to see it again, however, and I have no issue with recommending it to you, Mr./Ms. sleepy head.

The good times continue to roll when SyFy puts on a pair of flip-flops and goes on an epic journey with Children of Men at 1:00. This film just recently came up in that meme I did a few days ago, as well as my best of the decade list, so you already know how I feel about Children of Men, but if YOU haven't seen it, or haven't seen it twice, now is the time. Actually, don't even watch it on SyFy, you can buy one of the greatest films ever made at Wal-Mart for a measly $5 bucks and view it without any of the interruptions trying to get you to buy shit. You have no excuse.

Away from SyFy we go for our last film of the day, so follow me as we head over to TNT for some over-the-top evil with The Devil's Advocate at 12:00. I love The Devils Advocate and have seen it numerous times and even own the movie poster. It's in my closet, but I do own it. I like it because it's very different from most horror films and as outrageous as he is in the movie, Al Pacino is super fun to watch. The smile he delivers to Neo when they're at dinner and some random hot chick just ducks under the table for a hot dog desert is simply priceless.

As I said, it is a short Hangover, but one that would perfectly fit the definition of short but sweet. Enjoy your Sunday, kiddies.

CNAMB Turns One! Or 1?! Or Juan?! Whatever.

It's a celebration! One year ago today, I decided that I needed to curb my internet masturbating, but I just wasn't sure what I could do to keep my hairy hands busy. At first I thought about starting a gang, but I then realized I didn't own any nice wife beaters or bandanas. Then I thought about training to become Mr. Universe, but I'm not really all that into physical activity. Well, outside of the masturbating, naturally, but I was trying to stop that, remember? And then it finally dawned on me, I can start my own movie blog and make the world a better place by sharing my opinion about shit normal people don't care about! So I did, and that blog would just so happen to be this one, the one that kisses you on the places you most like to be kissed.

It seems like it has been much longer than a year since I first started this thing, and so much has changed in my personal life since I first clicked publish. Whether things were up or down in the real world, I have found a nice escape here, talking gibberish about movies, making great new friends, and laughing at the silly internet drama that unfolds every two or three months. CNAMB has grown quite a bit in the time since I started it, way more than I would have ever expected, and knowing that great people such as yourself actually take the time to read my random bologna simply warms my heart. Or that could just be the Goldschläger kicking in.

So here's a toast to one year of bad grammar, terribly tasteless dick and fart jokes, and of course, movies! So thanks again everyone, and since it is Friday Night, it would only be fitting to end this birthday celebration with a dance-splosion of epic proportions!

Carriers: Circle Circle Dot Dot

2009's Carriers is a film that went mostly unnoticed at the box office, as well as a film that no one really expected anything from (myself included), which could have had to do with the PG-13 rating, mixed with the somewhat youthful and attractive cast. I'm not one who believes that PG-13 horror cannot work, I just thought the movie looked weak and uninteresting. Still, when reviews came in and were mostly positive, I figured it was worth a look, and I am a sucker for any sort of Apocalyptic film, so my arm need not too much twisting.

Carriers keeps the story basic albeit slightly predictable, focusing on four survivors (played by Lou Taylor Pucci, Chris Pine, Piper Perabo, and Emily VanCamp) that are traveling the empty dessert highways as they try and survive a viral epidemic that has taken out much of the Earth's population. The story is simple, but doesn't treat the viewer as if they them self are simple. There is very little to no exposition, things unfold naturally and there is no over explanation as to what is going on. The film starts right off, without the usual back-story, and you really don't need it, as it becomes apparent through character interaction and the setting how things got the way they are.

While there are a handful of well staged moments of tension, Carriers is not really a "horror" movie per say. It's more of a dramatical road film, with the focus being mostly on the characters as they try and keep it together to survive this pandemic. The only threat posed is from the infected, as their presence can spread the sickness either through the air or through blood. Other wise, they are just men and women that are slowly fading away to death, not aggressive or rabid zombie type of monsters, which is a nice chance of pace. There are no big action moments or wild special effects, it's a low key drama fueled thriller that goes through the paranoia motions from time to time.

One could consider the film's antagonist to be the four main protagonists themselves. They live by rules to keep themselves safe from infection, and play by what is an everyman for himself game of survival when it comes to characters they have run-ins with. One of the portions of Carriers that I found myself enjoying most was the interaction between the four main characters and a father and his sick daughter that they run into (played by Christopher Meloni and Kiernan Shipka, respectively). Meloni is fantastic in this small role and the father/daughter characters are clearly used as instruments to pull at the viewer's heartstrings. In my case, It worked.

One of the few downfalls of the movie is it moves a bit slow at times, especially towards the end. However, the film is short, running at about 85 minutes, so there isn't much time for the film to wane too much on the viewers interest. Still, Carriers is good all around, with solid, simple direction from brothers Àlex and David Pastor. Everything about this film is simple, but it succeeds by doing what works and does so competently, without force fed plot points and exposition.

Matt-suzaka Loves Beef Stu

Do I really need to explain what this is? Pax is made of magic, Billy Love Stu, meme, blah blah blah. Just read it already.  

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

I'm not really sure how to describe my blog…damn.

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?

F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:

(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)

B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

Can I pick Chris Hargensen as played by Emilie de Ravin? Well, I just did, so too late now isn't it.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

I would divide the cash out and use it to make multiple horror films with different people from different countries involved. The ability to have full creative control, without studio influence, would be amazing. And I personally would love to make a film in the style of a Giallo/80's Brian De Palma film. 

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

The chaotic and unfocused camera work of the (death scenes in the) Saw franchise will always drive me up a wall. All of those great ideas and inventive ways to kill people, only to be wasted by sped up seizer like cinematography. I cannot look past a visual pallet and the hyperkinetic impact the films have had on cinema is not a good one on an aesthetic level.   

6:  Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

Nah, the people who give him the money and power are the antichrists. Them and Sandy Bullock, of course.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

None of them actually scare me nor did they when I was a kid from what I remember, but I'll use science to make my pick, which would have to be Dracula. The Wolfman and Frankenstein are, at heart, good people under their horrific surfaces. Dracula, on the other hand, is not. He is a monster that is a monster at all times, so that would make him the most frightening. To make him an even greater threat, as opposed to the other two monsters, Dracula has an attractive facade, which works in a very deceptive way.   

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

This is a great but really tough question because it can go so many different ways. While I would like to dig into the recesses of my youthful mind for something that frightened me, those scenes aren't as impactful to me as an adult. If I'm going to pick something that scares me now, it would have to be the prison stabbing scene of  Mark "Chopper" Read in 2000's Chopper. I hate it because I feel it, and that feeling is an awful one to have. 

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch.  What do you bring?

I've never seen that film, but from the looks of it, she could use some Oil of Olay and a bowl of ice cream to cheer her up some.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging?  Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

It's a great way to pick up chicks.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

The Pill.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Godzilla has the advantage of girth and he can spit some hot ass shit, so it's a no brainer for me. Go-Godzilla!

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

I would just repost my H2 review…that would tell him everything he needs to know about what he does wrong and what he does correctly in his films. 

14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

Children of Men. The film is a masterpiece for more reasons than I care to explain.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

Working on my tan, breaking hearts and breaking necks. The usual.