When re-watching Sleepaway Camp for the first time in a long time, I began to notice a pattern. Not a pattern showing how the killer chose his/her victims, or even clues found in the numerous red hearings pointing to who the killer actually is in this 1983 Slasher cult classic. Nope, this was a pattern that included the outfits that many of the film’s male character’s picked out for their summer of fun in the sun.
Sometimes known as booty shorts, daisy dukes, short-shorts, hot pants, jorts (if they’re made of jean, that is), and why the hell is that man wearing those, slut cuts are a brand of short pants that exceed the legal limits of short and cross over into a realm of excessive inner thigh and possible pube sightings. I’m not here to judge these male characters for their odd choices in attire…instead, I am here to celebrate their decision to avoid tan lines, respect, and ambiguity as to how big their plunger is.
Here is an in-depth look, at the semi-nude, butt-cut boys of summer.
“Daddy, that girl’s bikini bottom cover’s more ground than your shorts!”
“Ehh…whatevs.”
“What time should I realize I’m wearing these shorts?!”
“Man, your legs are really looking righteous this summer!”
“Nice to see some of us got the new uniform memo…”
A meeting of the thighs
I think we may have found Snooki’s long lost father
(I actually don’t know if he was lost, so much as he probably ran away!)
Who wears a half-shirt over a sweater?
(I know he’s the same guy, but he is beyond just one photo!)
“HEY! I wanna be the catcher!”
“Bet ya guys can’t get my blue shorts wet! Ha ha ha ha! ”
Them some sexy legs, huh?! But no one in Sleepaway Camp quite has the stem presence like camp consoler Ronnie (Paul DeAngelo), who with his always poking pecker, brings a whole new meaning to the term, less is more.
Ronnie: A God amongst men. Or tennis players in the 80’s
“Hey honey, you’re looking kinda wolfie down there. I got an extra bottle of Nair in the back if your up for a session?”
Ronnie’s version of Capri pants
“You have the right to remain…really hot in those shorts! What gym do you go to?!?”
There ya have it…just a small handful of the impressive wardrobe choices found in Sleepaway Camp. All worn with pride. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna hit the gym so I can do some squats and get ready for summer. Ladies, get ready to take a ride on the thighway when I hit up the beach this year.
It seems like interesting trailers are hard to come by lately, however, there have been a few very recently that would warrant a viewing for good and/or bad reasons.
First up is the trailer for Dead Rising? Something that I had not even known about and apparently, neither did anyone else. Dead Rising is based off the game of the same title, which is a sort of homage to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, in that it was a zombie game set in a mall. From the looks of it, this has very little in common in the game, which makes it all the more pointless, and I see not one shot from inside a mall in this entire trailer?! However, they do a great job of recreating the storage room’s from the game to a tee. I like wild and crazy Japanese movies enough, but this looks a bit meh for even me.
On a much more promising note, here is the trailer for The Last Lovecraft: The Relic of Cthulhu. Lovecraft is sacred and a major influence in horror, sometimes done well, sometimes not so much, but this is an interesting take seeing as it is a comedy set in the world of Fish Gods. I pretty much love all thing’s Lovecraft and I think this could be a fun breath of fresh air. There are a few funny moments in this trailer, but it also looks like it could be overly self referential too. Something that is not often a good thing.
One of the best of the trailers I have here for you today, comes in the form of yet another zombie film! The Dead simply looks awesome and is the type of zombie film not seen in quite some time with its African setting and great looking practical gore FX. The trailer speaks for itself.
Speaking of movie types we haven’t seen in a long time, thanks to 24Framespersecond, I learned about The Dark Lurking, which looks to get back to the old school 80’s Horror/Sci Fi/Action hybrids without the polished turd feel of films that we see nowadays. Like Doom, for example. It looks gory, expansive, gritty, and very low budget, but filled with ambition. And with a Game of Death styled plot, it could be very fun.
No, this isn’t a feature length film based off the Danzig song, instead, Mother is a Korean kind of thriller from director Joon-Ho Bong, who is best known for the giant monster movie, The Host. I’ve heard pretty good things about this one and with the directors previous work, I am certainly interested in checking it out. Actually, I think I may have posted the Korean trailer for this one in an old Totally Tubular Trailers, but this is the official U.S. trailer, therefore the reason for posting it here and now.
Some great trailers and I look forward to at least four of these movies…how about you?
About a month ago, John Cozzoli aka Iloz Zoc of Zombos’ Closet of Horror fame, asked if I would like to be one of the horror bloggers spotlighted in his weekly Meet the Horror Blogger’s segment. Being that I truly enjoy talking about myself, I was very ecstatic and honored to be considered for the prestigious spotlight. It’s basically an about me – how I got into horror films and into blogging, with some personal stuff mixed in for some added flavor. Plus, there’s a ridiculous picture of me that I submitted, where I look like I have a dump in my pants.
In all seriousness, I had a lot of fun writing it and honestly, I wrote so much, I had to omit a couple of paragraphs to keep it from being too long (I’m like T.O., but with better hands)! It’s not easy to condense the many influences in my life that led me to where I am now, but I did my best and I hope you all can take a couple of moments to check it out. A huge thanks to John for asking me to partake in this…I really appreciate it and am truly flattered.
Horror website Bloody Disgusting is putting on a Horror Blog award’s thingy and amongst the many amazing blogs nominated, I am very proud to say that CNAMB has been included in the running. I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t LOVE to win, but I highly doubt I have any chance at all, however I would love to at least do well as it would be a great way to feed my ego!
What’s interesting about this whole thing is many great blogs are nominated and many of my readers and good friends are behind those blogs (I can forget about those votes!), so I want to wish them all good luck. If CNAMB doesn’t win, then it better be one of them! Click on the link below (or on the sidebar) to vote - you have to have a registered account to do so (and to keep it fair), but it’s really easy to sign up. If I win, I’ll review whatever movie each one of you wants me to!
Just when you thought Falcon’s parents were insane, let me introduce you to Mum & Dad. Parents with incredibly high values and even higher expectations from their kids, but these aren’t pageant mom’s we’re talking about here folks. Instead of making their kids learn dance moves, go tanning, and wear bedazzled sparkle motion inspired outfits, Mum & Dad expect their kids to provide them with new children to support their sadistic habits. The entire family lives near an airport, where Dad and both his children Birdy (Ainsley Howard) and Elbie (Toby Alexander) also work. The family makes extra cash and keep’s their wardrobe fresh by stealing from the cargo holds and offices at the airport - which is also where they find new brothers and sisters to bring home to expand this loving family.
Lena (Toby Alexander), a Polish immigrant who just moved to the area, makes acquaintances with Birdy while working together at the airport. Birdy tries to invite Lena out for drinks, but Lena isn’t interested and just wants to head home after her long day at work. Unfortunately for Lena, she misses her bus ride back home and Birdy talks Lena into coming home with her and Elbie to try and get a ride from there. Lena reluctantly agrees and goes to their house, which turns out to be a very big mistake when she meets Birdy and Elbie’s Mum & Dad.
What looks like a normal set of parents on the surface, Mum & Dad are actually a demented couple of people with a skewed view of what it means to be a family. After drugging and imprisoning Lena, she is explained the rules of the home. Basically, if she is a good girl, she will have a roof over her head, food on the table, and clothes on her back. If she misbehaves, she will be left to the devices of Dad, a homicidal maniac who doubles as a sexual deviant. Dad spends a lot of his time behind closed doors doing unspeakable things to previous bad children, which is only slightly seen at first, but it is clear that you want absolutely nothing to do with what he is up to. Mum, looks at Lena as her new daughter and shows how much she loves her by scarring her body with sharp instruments which are referred to as “battle wounds.” Seems like a pretty shitty thing, but if Lena doesn’t go along with it and resists the torture in any way, that would be considered misbehaving and lead to some alone time spent with Dad.
Mum & Dad is a 2008 British film written and directed by feature length first timer, Steven Sheil. Sheil does a solid job for a newb and has a strong sense of movie making ability. He successfully creates tension for most of the running time as there is always a lurking fear that Dad might snap at any moment. Mum & Dad is a torture porn film (a term I am iffy about…actually, I kinda hate it) in how the story unfolds for the protagonist as well as how the film looks stylistically. There are the dingy, dirty dungeon looking bedrooms that you would expect from a movie of this genre, but there is also a contrasting other aspect of their home that looks very prim and proper. Very much like Mum & Dad themselves. A nice glossy veneer, but filled with madness and chaos just beneath the surface.
Everything is lit nicely and there’s this very creepy and effectively odd score that is less musical and more of a pulsating sound - like feedback or static radio signal. Some of the things in this movie are unsurprisingly VERY harsh, but that’s to be expected with a film of this nature. This isn’t like a Martyrs harsh (or a Martyrs good), but there are some very sick moments and Lena is constantly physically and mentally abused throughout the movies runtime. There is one scene in particular involving Lena, a suitcase, a mallet, and a very unhappy Dad that is a little on the tough side to watch. Some of the scenes involving Mum and her torturous habits are jarring, especially in how she administers them in such a loving way. Heck, even at the dinner table nothing is sacred and while being set in a very normal looking kitchen, instead of BBC or Soccer playing on the tele, there is hardcore porno on.
Dido Miles who plays Mum and Perry Benson as Dad are both fantastic in there roles and play some of the most callous and merciless parents ever to appear on screen. John and Kate Never seemed like such great parents all of the sudden when watching these two go to work. Both of the children are pretty good with Ainsley Howard showing a strong performance as the manipulative Birdy - Toby Alexander as Elbie is decent, but he doesn’t have much to do since his character doesn’t speak. Of course, Mum & Dad hinges on Olga Fedori as Lena and she does a nice job playing a very physically demanding role, and it’s hard not to find yourself hoping she will refrain from making any mistakes and pissing off the crazed parents.
Overall the movie is well paced, but after a while it starts to get a little tiring and I began losing some interest around the end of the second act. While I do enjoy some of the films that this genre type has to offer, watching a movie like this can be a little taxing with the whole punish, torture, abuse, rinse, repeat. However, the last twenty five minutes or so make some of the slump more than bearable. Starting with the most demented Christmas celebration ever my eyes have witnessed, complete with human decorations and all, Mum & Dad hits a wicked high with its insanity, which then leads to a fantastic finale that totally pays off.
In the end, Mum & Dad is a solid film made for a very modest budget (£100,000 in British pounds, which equals to roughly 160 thousand U.S. dollars) and does a lot with a very little thanks to some great direction by Steven Sheil and solid acting from the cast. There are a few points where the film gets a little stale and if you’re not a big fan of torture porn styled films, then you will more than likely not change your view after seeing Mum & Dad, therefore, you shouldn’t bother. There was enough positive in the movie for me to enjoy it overall and the end is what sealed the deal for me in how the events unfolded and concluded in a very satisfying fashion. If you can handle seeing a father nut in an organ he used to masturbate, only to see it ooze out a little when he’s done, then you should know whether or not you would want to see Mum & Dad. torture
In the short history of the Monster of the Week segment, there have been some great creatures, but this week’s pick is a true king in the vast jungle of Monsters, Mutants, and Madmen. Additionally, this pick would also be having a very long overdue, and very much anticipated return to the big screen without having to share any of the glory. With hair right out of the Caribbean, an arsenal of weapons that would make Kraven drool, and blood that would pique the interest of Herbert West, this weeks Monster of the Week goes to…
The Predator!
Originally appearing in John McTiernan’s 1987 classic action film, Predator, the Predator has appeared in a 1990 sequel, two Alien vs. Predator movies, and numerous comic books, video games, and one of the best fan film’s ever made. Created by Jim and John Thomas, and designed by the late great Stan Winston, the Predator was played by the late Kevin Peter Hall in first two films and then Ian Whyte in the Alien vs. Predator movies.
While the AVP films are not up to par, the original Predator is one of the best, and manliest action movies ever made, along with being one of my favorite Schwarzenegger films. Even the sequel, while being very flawed, is quite enjoyable and I love the urban jungle that this sport trophy hunter was placed in. To say that I am excited about a new Predator film would be a major understatement, and it’s about time that this Monster got it’s own movie again after nearly 20 years. One of the most original, intimidating, and just flat out cool creatures ever put to screen, this ugly mother fucker is the definition of classic Monster and a solid addition to the Monster of the Week.
What up suckas! Hope you got the remote handy, ‘cause I got a handful of movies for you to choose from this afternoon as you slowly disintegrate into your couch. So let’s get right into it, shall we? Like you have any say in the matter. Well, you could just go and read some other blog I guess, but they don’t love you the way I love you, now do they?
Starting off at At 10:30, SyFy gives us Abominable (2006). I have a soft spot for all things bad, but an even softer one for movies that involve Sasquatch/Abominable snowmen (which usually means really bad). This is one that always piqued my interest and that interest is slightly raised after seeing the IMDB rating for the film is 5.1. That is way high for a movie like this and most of the Hangover movie’s playing on SyFy are around a 3, so there could be something worth seeing with this one. Plus, there are a few genre notables in the film, with appearances from Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, and Troma vixen, Tiffany Shepis to add to the positives.
Next up at 12:30, SyFy once again crawls into the Hangover with Ice Spiders (2007). Lets see, genetically mutated spiders that take in a day at the local ski resort, with an IMDB rating of 3.2…sounds like business as usual!
At 2:00, Road House (1989) is playing on CMT. Lots of badass brawls, a monster truck, Sam Elliott flipping his charcoal locks around, sweaty Pat doing ballerina inspired karate kicks, and you have the only reason I will ever put it on CMT for more than 20 seconds.
2:30 marches in with Kelly’s Heroes (1970) on AMC. I love me a WWII movie and this is one that has unfortunately slipped through the cracks for what seems like forever. Plot wise, it sounds kind of like Three Kings (a film I love), with a group of U.S. soldiers going AWOL to find them some Nazi gold. The big selling point for Kelly’s Heroes is clearly the awesome cast. Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, Don Rickles, Harry Dean Stanton, Archie Bunker! Word!
Things warm up a little at 3:00, when Devil in the Flesh (1998) shows up on Lifetime. Now THIS is the perfect hangover movie…you know it’s gonna be great with a plot revolving around a high school girl (played by Rose McGowan) with an out of control crush on one of her teachers! I get a feeling that I may have seen this movie before, or at least parts of it, because it all just seems too familiar (and I’m not making fun of the story's originality either!). Either way, this should be some super Lifetime sleaze and a solid way to droll away a few hours.
You might want to DUCK at 3:30 when A Fistful of Dynamite (1971) blow’s up the IFC airwaves. While I prefer to call it DUCK, You Sucker!, Fistful is one of my favorite Leone films, with one of my favorite Morricone scores. I love this movie, it’s characters, Rod Steiger’s pre-Tony Montana accent, and Coburn’s teeth. In fact, I think I’ll keep “MY” pick of the week with Kelly’s Heroes, but will make the pick for you guys AFistful of Dynamite. Fantastic film and what better way to watch it than on IFC where it will be uncut, widescreen, and without commercials? Pick of the week, part deux!
And last, but certainly not least, ION continues to support all of our Van Damme addiction with Bloodsport (1988) at 4:00. Bloodsport is on TV every 38 seconds, but it’s always worth a mention.
That about does it kiddies, hope you have a great afternoon and a fun filled day of cinema with 65% less Hangover!
