Horror website Bloody Disgusting is putting on a Horror Blog award’s thingy and amongst the many amazing blogs nominated, I am very proud to say that CNAMB has been included in the running. I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t LOVE to win, but I highly doubt I have any chance at all, however I would love to at least do well as it would be a great way to feed my ego!
What’s interesting about this whole thing is many great blogs are nominated and many of my readers and good friends are behind those blogs (I can forget about those votes!), so I want to wish them all good luck. If CNAMB doesn’t win, then it better be one of them! Click on the link below (or on the sidebar) to vote - you have to have a registered account to do so (and to keep it fair), but it’s really easy to sign up. If I win, I’ll review whatever movie each one of you wants me to!
Just when you thought Falcon’s parents were insane, let me introduce you to Mum & Dad. Parents with incredibly high values and even higher expectations from their kids, but these aren’t pageant mom’s we’re talking about here folks. Instead of making their kids learn dance moves, go tanning, and wear bedazzled sparkle motion inspired outfits, Mum & Dad expect their kids to provide them with new children to support their sadistic habits. The entire family lives near an airport, where Dad and both his children Birdy (Ainsley Howard) and Elbie (Toby Alexander) also work. The family makes extra cash and keep’s their wardrobe fresh by stealing from the cargo holds and offices at the airport - which is also where they find new brothers and sisters to bring home to expand this loving family.
Lena (Toby Alexander), a Polish immigrant who just moved to the area, makes acquaintances with Birdy while working together at the airport. Birdy tries to invite Lena out for drinks, but Lena isn’t interested and just wants to head home after her long day at work. Unfortunately for Lena, she misses her bus ride back home and Birdy talks Lena into coming home with her and Elbie to try and get a ride from there. Lena reluctantly agrees and goes to their house, which turns out to be a very big mistake when she meets Birdy and Elbie’s Mum & Dad.
What looks like a normal set of parents on the surface, Mum & Dad are actually a demented couple of people with a skewed view of what it means to be a family. After drugging and imprisoning Lena, she is explained the rules of the home. Basically, if she is a good girl, she will have a roof over her head, food on the table, and clothes on her back. If she misbehaves, she will be left to the devices of Dad, a homicidal maniac who doubles as a sexual deviant. Dad spends a lot of his time behind closed doors doing unspeakable things to previous bad children, which is only slightly seen at first, but it is clear that you want absolutely nothing to do with what he is up to. Mum, looks at Lena as her new daughter and shows how much she loves her by scarring her body with sharp instruments which are referred to as “battle wounds.” Seems like a pretty shitty thing, but if Lena doesn’t go along with it and resists the torture in any way, that would be considered misbehaving and lead to some alone time spent with Dad.
Mum & Dad is a 2008 British film written and directed by feature length first timer, Steven Sheil. Sheil does a solid job for a newb and has a strong sense of movie making ability. He successfully creates tension for most of the running time as there is always a lurking fear that Dad might snap at any moment. Mum & Dad is a torture porn film (a term I am iffy about…actually, I kinda hate it) in how the story unfolds for the protagonist as well as how the film looks stylistically. There are the dingy, dirty dungeon looking bedrooms that you would expect from a movie of this genre, but there is also a contrasting other aspect of their home that looks very prim and proper. Very much like Mum & Dad themselves. A nice glossy veneer, but filled with madness and chaos just beneath the surface.
Everything is lit nicely and there’s this very creepy and effectively odd score that is less musical and more of a pulsating sound - like feedback or static radio signal. Some of the things in this movie are unsurprisingly VERY harsh, but that’s to be expected with a film of this nature. This isn’t like a Martyrs harsh (or a Martyrs good), but there are some very sick moments and Lena is constantly physically and mentally abused throughout the movies runtime. There is one scene in particular involving Lena, a suitcase, a mallet, and a very unhappy Dad that is a little on the tough side to watch. Some of the scenes involving Mum and her torturous habits are jarring, especially in how she administers them in such a loving way. Heck, even at the dinner table nothing is sacred and while being set in a very normal looking kitchen, instead of BBC or Soccer playing on the tele, there is hardcore porno on.
Dido Miles who plays Mum and Perry Benson as Dad are both fantastic in there roles and play some of the most callous and merciless parents ever to appear on screen. John and Kate Never seemed like such great parents all of the sudden when watching these two go to work. Both of the children are pretty good with Ainsley Howard showing a strong performance as the manipulative Birdy - Toby Alexander as Elbie is decent, but he doesn’t have much to do since his character doesn’t speak. Of course, Mum & Dad hinges on Olga Fedori as Lena and she does a nice job playing a very physically demanding role, and it’s hard not to find yourself hoping she will refrain from making any mistakes and pissing off the crazed parents.
Overall the movie is well paced, but after a while it starts to get a little tiring and I began losing some interest around the end of the second act. While I do enjoy some of the films that this genre type has to offer, watching a movie like this can be a little taxing with the whole punish, torture, abuse, rinse, repeat. However, the last twenty five minutes or so make some of the slump more than bearable. Starting with the most demented Christmas celebration ever my eyes have witnessed, complete with human decorations and all, Mum & Dad hits a wicked high with its insanity, which then leads to a fantastic finale that totally pays off.
In the end, Mum & Dad is a solid film made for a very modest budget (£100,000 in British pounds, which equals to roughly 160 thousand U.S. dollars) and does a lot with a very little thanks to some great direction by Steven Sheil and solid acting from the cast. There are a few points where the film gets a little stale and if you’re not a big fan of torture porn styled films, then you will more than likely not change your view after seeing Mum & Dad, therefore, you shouldn’t bother. There was enough positive in the movie for me to enjoy it overall and the end is what sealed the deal for me in how the events unfolded and concluded in a very satisfying fashion. If you can handle seeing a father nut in an organ he used to masturbate, only to see it ooze out a little when he’s done, then you should know whether or not you would want to see Mum & Dad. torture
In the short history of the Monster of the Week segment, there have been some great creatures, but this week’s pick is a true king in the vast jungle of Monsters, Mutants, and Madmen. Additionally, this pick would also be having a very long overdue, and very much anticipated return to the big screen without having to share any of the glory. With hair right out of the Caribbean, an arsenal of weapons that would make Kraven drool, and blood that would pique the interest of Herbert West, this weeks Monster of the Week goes to…
The Predator!
Originally appearing in John McTiernan’s 1987 classic action film, Predator, the Predator has appeared in a 1990 sequel, two Alien vs. Predator movies, and numerous comic books, video games, and one of the best fan film’s ever made. Created by Jim and John Thomas, and designed by the late great Stan Winston, the Predator was played by the late Kevin Peter Hall in first two films and then Ian Whyte in the Alien vs. Predator movies.
While the AVP films are not up to par, the original Predator is one of the best, and manliest action movies ever made, along with being one of my favorite Schwarzenegger films. Even the sequel, while being very flawed, is quite enjoyable and I love the urban jungle that this sport trophy hunter was placed in. To say that I am excited about a new Predator film would be a major understatement, and it’s about time that this Monster got it’s own movie again after nearly 20 years. One of the most original, intimidating, and just flat out cool creatures ever put to screen, this ugly mother fucker is the definition of classic Monster and a solid addition to the Monster of the Week.
What up suckas! Hope you got the remote handy, ‘cause I got a handful of movies for you to choose from this afternoon as you slowly disintegrate into your couch. So let’s get right into it, shall we? Like you have any say in the matter. Well, you could just go and read some other blog I guess, but they don’t love you the way I love you, now do they?
Starting off at At 10:30, SyFy gives us Abominable (2006). I have a soft spot for all things bad, but an even softer one for movies that involve Sasquatch/Abominable snowmen (which usually means really bad). This is one that always piqued my interest and that interest is slightly raised after seeing the IMDB rating for the film is 5.1. That is way high for a movie like this and most of the Hangover movie’s playing on SyFy are around a 3, so there could be something worth seeing with this one. Plus, there are a few genre notables in the film, with appearances from Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, and Troma vixen, Tiffany Shepis to add to the positives.
Next up at 12:30, SyFy once again crawls into the Hangover with Ice Spiders (2007). Lets see, genetically mutated spiders that take in a day at the local ski resort, with an IMDB rating of 3.2…sounds like business as usual!
At 2:00, Road House (1989) is playing on CMT. Lots of badass brawls, a monster truck, Sam Elliott flipping his charcoal locks around, sweaty Pat doing ballerina inspired karate kicks, and you have the only reason I will ever put it on CMT for more than 20 seconds.
2:30 marches in with Kelly’s Heroes (1970) on AMC. I love me a WWII movie and this is one that has unfortunately slipped through the cracks for what seems like forever. Plot wise, it sounds kind of like Three Kings (a film I love), with a group of U.S. soldiers going AWOL to find them some Nazi gold. The big selling point for Kelly’s Heroes is clearly the awesome cast. Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, Don Rickles, Harry Dean Stanton, Archie Bunker! Word!
Things warm up a little at 3:00, when Devil in the Flesh (1998) shows up on Lifetime. Now THIS is the perfect hangover movie…you know it’s gonna be great with a plot revolving around a high school girl (played by Rose McGowan) with an out of control crush on one of her teachers! I get a feeling that I may have seen this movie before, or at least parts of it, because it all just seems too familiar (and I’m not making fun of the story's originality either!). Either way, this should be some super Lifetime sleaze and a solid way to droll away a few hours.
You might want to DUCK at 3:30 when A Fistful of Dynamite (1971) blow’s up the IFC airwaves. While I prefer to call it DUCK, You Sucker!, Fistful is one of my favorite Leone films, with one of my favorite Morricone scores. I love this movie, it’s characters, Rod Steiger’s pre-Tony Montana accent, and Coburn’s teeth. In fact, I think I’ll keep “MY” pick of the week with Kelly’s Heroes, but will make the pick for you guys AFistful of Dynamite. Fantastic film and what better way to watch it than on IFC where it will be uncut, widescreen, and without commercials? Pick of the week, part deux!
And last, but certainly not least, ION continues to support all of our Van Damme addiction with Bloodsport (1988) at 4:00. Bloodsport is on TV every 38 seconds, but it’s always worth a mention.
That about does it kiddies, hope you have a great afternoon and a fun filled day of cinema with 65% less Hangover!
This is a serious jam I have lined-up for you all tonight and there is a good chance you might not be able to handle how great it is. The song, Tonight is What it Means to be Young is brought to us by Ellen Aim and The Attackers, led by Dian Lane at her hottest! Hope you’re ready to rock, cause this shit is no joke!
Tonight is What it Means to be Young was written and produced by Jim Steinman for the 1984 rock fantasy, Streets of Fire. While Ellen Aim is not really a singer, the song was performed by Fire Inc., a fake band put together for the propose of this movie. Fire Inc. was made up of a number of vocalist’s, including Holly Sherwood (who was lead vocalist), Laurie Sargent, Rory Dodd, and Eric Troyer and they also recorded another song for the film (another song that also ROCKS!).
I love this song so much…why? I don’t know. It just means so much business (and Diane Lane doesn’t hurt either)! My favorite part of this song and clip, without a doubt, is at the 3 minute mark, when shit get’s hectic as Ellen Aim pumps her fist with such meaning and power, that it’s hard not to feel the moment along with her! She beats that beat back so hard, I thought I was watching a rerun of Jersey Shore.
Now, I’m a big fan of Streets of Fire, and if you’ve never seen it, do so, it’s a great movie that is just so different from anything else. An awesome mash-up of genres mixed together with tons of versatile music and it’s directed by Walter Hill, who at the time, was at the top of his game.
Before I get into the task at hand, I want to thank everyone that took the time to check out my best of the decade list and left comments, and shared their thoughts on Twitter, etc… I put a lot of work into it for the propose of sharing with you all some films that mean a lot to me, so I truly appreciate the feedback. Fo realz.
So as you can tell from the lackluster title of this post, I am sending you to the bowels of cinema awesomeness known as Paracinema…The Blog, for yet another edition of magic and mayhem!! In this week’s episode of Paracinema…The Blog, I bring you a review of the powerhouse cult classic (classic?), Student Confidential. It’s a Troma release, but not a Troma film, which is a good thing, ‘cause Troma makes pretty sketchy films that even for a fan of crud, I’m not always down with. They have been doing some cool shit as a distribution company, however, putting out some films that are worthy of release and of a viewing, so kudos to them.
I bumped into Student Confidential totally by accident the other night and to say it is an interesting film, would be selling it short. Does interesting equate to good? You’ll have to read the review to find out. I will say, what you see in this trailer makes the film look like something completely different than what it is.
Hellllloooo ghoulies! Just wanted to direct you all to a review I recently wrote for the Godfrey Ho film, Undefeatable, which you can find over in the newest issue of BThroughZ. Staring the lovely Cynthia Rothrock, Undefeatable is the film that was the insane subject of my very first post here at CNAMB and it contains what is known as the worst fight scene ever (or best if you’re snarky and have bad taste, which I am guilty of both)! The film is something else, to say the least and I would love if you took the time to head over to BThroughZ to give it a read.
Now, what is BThroughZ you might be asking? Well, it is simply an online magazine (or e-zine as the kids with the spiky hair call it), that specializes in all thing’s horror, cult, B-Movie, etc…this would include movie, video game talk, books, music and everything in-between. I found the site thanks to the awesome Reverend Phantom who does written and video reviews for the magazine. It’s a very cool site and something that is more than worth your time past reading my mediocre review for Undefeatable. So check out the magazine, check out my review and leave lots of comments/lies like “This is the best review EVA!” and “Wow, you are amazing Matt!” It would make me look good and I have no shame damn it!
ATTENTION!!! This is future Matt-suzaka, and sadly BThroughZ no longer exists, so here is a link to this review of Undefeatable which is now located on this very blog you are reading! Enjoy! CLICK HERE!
