The Horror Hangover

Well, the lack of Halloween Horror has really turned around for this edition of The Horror Hangover. This is actually the final edition before Halloween since it lands on a Saturday this year, so there is plenty of horror fun to be had while you wither away in pain and dehydration this fine and dandy Sunday afternoon.

Starting as early as you can possibly get up after the night of debauchery you partook the previous evening, 10:30 AM brings you Wolf (1994) on AMC. You know the film, werewolves, hot Michelle Pfeiffer, and Jack Nicholson pissing on James Spader's pants. What better place to piss, I ask you?

Also at 10:30 AM and fulfilling your childhood needs, Casper Meets Wendy (1999) is on ABC Family - and it's on again at 12:00 PM over at the Disney Channel! WOW! Two chances to watch a Casper movie! The only thing I can guarantee with this one is...there will be an epic tan courtesy of George Hamilton. Because he is in the film, that's why I can guarantee it. Also, instead of a trailer, I give you something so much better...you know you love it.



12:00 PM brings out a copy of the Devils Diary (2007) courtesy of Lifetime! A Canadian made for television film about a cursed book that will grant any evil desire to whoever writes in it. Two high school girls find the book where one would use it for evil deeds, while the other would try to destroy it. Should be fantastic.



If your in the mood for even more teen trouble, at 12:00 PM MTV will be replaying My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (2009). This is my pick for some odd reason...I know this movie is gonna suck and I would honestly be disappointed if it didn't. Simply enough, it is a Slasher film set in the world of bratty little spoiled cunts on their birthday...excuse my English. I guess you could switch back and forth between Devils Diarrhea and SPS16 and together they could make for a good movie. Maybe.



12:00 PM isn't messing around this Sunday - An American Haunting (2006) will be showing thanks to our good buddy, SyFy. I never saw this film, but kinda wanted to until I heard how garbage it was. The film is based on the novel The Bell Witch: An American Haunting, by Brent Monahan and alternates between two separate haunting events in the 19th and 21st century...blah.



Last on the 12:00 PM chopping block, the History Channel is showing Exorcism: Driving Out the Devil (2006). A documentary on the history of the exorcism and how it is still practiced to this very day.

If a half an hour into any of those films at noon don't grab ya, 12:30 PM gives us Final Destination 2 (2003) on USA. My personal favorite of the Final Destination franchise, though as most of these films on the Hangover will have some cuts, I think that this one may suffer the worst of them all. USA is kinda weak with showing the goods on TV as opposed to some of the other channels. Still, it's a fun movie and should make for a good watch between puke breaks.



1:00 PM brings the more credible of the horror today with The Silence of the Lambs (1991) on A&E. You know the story, you know Hannibal Lecter, and you know all about tucking your dong in between your legs and dancing around like the pretty little princess that you truly are. This could be a pick for me, if I haven't seen it so many times already.

AMC is showing Alien 3 (1992) at 1:30 PM - I think Alien 3 is okay, hated it when I saw it in theaters, but it's tough to follow in the footsteps of the first two Alien films, to be fair. I would prefer to watch the "Directors Cut" that is not Fincher approved, but is apparently the cut he would have intended to be released. I never did see it, so if I watch Alien 3 again anytime soon, it will be in that capacity.

At 2:00 PM, SyFy is bringin' da pain with Stephen King's Rose Red (2002) - It's a miniseries, so it is going straight through and up until 8:00 at night! That's a lot of Hangover time! It's a Stephen King miniseries that is not directed by Mick Garris and I never saw it. That's all.



Rolling into a late afternoon Hangover, at 3:00 PM Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktakular (2003) will be on Cartoon Network. I had never heard about this Scary Godmother bologna before this post, but it's supposedly based off a very popular series of children's books and comics created by Jill Thompson. The animation style is a mixture of CGI for the characters, with a watercolor background, resulting in a very neat looking style all its own. Wud-eva.

3:00 PM brings us a more adult type of Halloween action with the History Channels Vampire Secrets (2006). I have probably seen this already, but would watch it again as it covers all aspects of Vampires - from Stoker's Dracula to the history of Elizabeth Báthory.

Getting close to shower time, FX brings us Snakes on a Plane (2006) at 3:30 PM. Snakes on a Plane is a bus load, or should I say, Plane load of fun...and here is a little known fact about me - I actually bought a Cobra Starship cd because I liked the song Snakes on a Plane - Bring It! "I can see the venom in your eyes!"



At 4:00 PM AMC has Alien Resurrection (1997) for your Alien fix - if Alien 3 wasn't enough. And I'm sure it was.

And lastly, at 4:00 PM, the Scary Godmother is back, with Scary Godmother: The Revenge of Jimmy (2005) again on the Cartoon Network. I already went over this one with you, so if you weren't paying attention...then shame on you, you little hussy!

I'm tapped kids...there is a lot to choose from and hopefully something tickles your pickle amongst the numerous choices for this weeks final Halloween inspired Horror Hangover. Until next Sunday, Baby Eaters!

The Electric (Cut) Slide!

Hey boys and girls! Sorry, but no dance party this weekend - dj Skele-tone flipped his Escalade when he went to pick up scratch tickets and mountain dew sometime after last weeks dance party and we have no back up DJ's to fill his bony shoes. It's better that he get as much rest as possible anyways, especially with next weekends huge Halloween blowout we got planned...we can't risk further injury to Skele-tone by tempting him to get wasted and trying to do the windmill again. So instead, I leave you with this fun filled clip that I had stumbled upon a while back...hopefully its entertainment value will hold you over till next Friday.

Chucktober Presents: Horrifying Halloween TV Advertisements!

Only a little more than one week left until Halloween! Actually, I am already getting a little depressed by the fact that it's almost over....October flies by way too fast if you ask me! To help with the sadness of the forthcoming end of the Halloween season, I have another collection of Halloween advertisements to fulfill your nostalgic holiday needs!

Pillsbury Doughboy: Nothing says addiction quite like sugar cookies...they are the gateway to heroin.



Pepsi: The addiction continues into adulthood with "upper" echelon sugar snacks and cleavage.

Woolworth & Woolco: More shitty costumes...perfect for quick and painful deaths when near an open flame.



The Monsters of cereal!: Or, the monsters of drag?



McDonalds...again: Now at Mc Donalds - hamburgers made out of meal worms. How spooky!

One more week to go, and one more batch of Halloween ads are yet to come...see you on the flip side!

An Update, News and the Secret of My Ooze

Big news in the comic world - Nickelodeon just recently bought the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Global property from The Mirage Group and 4Kids Entertainment, Inc. for a whopping $60 million dollars! While it may be good news in a way, it is kind of a bummer to me. What many people probably do not know is that the Turtles were not originally set in NY; they were actually based and created in North Hampton Massachusetts, which is only about 30 minutes from where I grew up. I have all of my Mirage Studios TMNT comics to this very day (actually, I have all of my comics still), most of them signed by many of the artist and writers involved with the original series, including Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, the creators of the Turtles and founders of Mirage Studios.

I used to go to a comic store called Altered Earth Arts everyday when I was a kid, and that comic store was owned by Craig "A.C." Farley, someone who at the time had been doing covers for the compilation issues that came out every so often - a best of TMNT if you will. So anyway, he went on to do a few of his own issues (writing and drawing) for the series, and the very first one he did was clearly set in Chicopee center (where I'm from), and one of the main young characters had a striking resemblance to yours truly (right down to the lines shaved on the side of my head)! There was even a moment where a bully beat up "my" character and that bully happened to look exactly like a guy that used to work at that same comic store. He was a big dude that would rough house my friends and I when we came in to buy comics, in playful (and non-sexual way...I think!) way, so it was fitting that he be the bully to punch "my" characters lights out.

So as you can see, I have a soft spot for the Turtles property (Totally Tubular Trailers?), and even if the movies and TV series were never nearly as cool or dark as the original Eastman and Laird creation, they were still a ton of fun. Knowing that such a majorly successful franchise/property was thunk up and created near where I grew up, and is now all but completely sold off is a little sad to me. Especially when I had some personal connections to that franchise/property in a lot of ways, so I feel like it's kind of mine. I am pretty selfish, however.

I also wanna mention - the Dario Argento book by Mr. James Gracey that I just recently posted about has unfortunately been pushed back to an unknown date. Seems to happen with all the good shit, doesn't it? Anyway, hopefully it will be out sooner rather than later, and I will update you skanks if I hear anything else about a release date - as will James on his blog. If you are a fan of dope, or if you like bad-ass, and you are a fan of Argento, then head over to Amazon and give this little bitch a pre-order in support of dope, bad-ass, Argento-ness!

Totally Tubular Trailers!

I unfortunately haven't had much time to put together a Totally Tubular Trailers in a while, so I figured I should put up a quick one to share a few trailers that I have been sitting on for a little while. All three trailers are for Asian films and each one is significantly different from the next, but for once, two of them have subs!! Check 'em out, sexy!

First up is Mamoru (Ghost in the Shell) Oshii's, Assault Girls! Set on a post-nuclear war Earth, Assault Girls follows a group of young ladies armed to the teeth and fighting a group of giant deadly sand dwelling monsters. Simple enough. Style wise, it reminds me of a Final Fantasy game, just not as lame, but I think it looks like it could be a lot of fun - you have hot chicks with big bad ass guns, action, J-pop, and those giant worms from Bettlejuice - sans stripes! Assault Girls rolls into Japanese theaters on December 29th and there are already talks of a possible U.S. remake, which means it won't come out in America for at least four years. Sigh.



On an even more badass front, Clash (aka Bay Rong) is a Vietnamese martial arts film that some have said would be best described as a sort action/romance flick in the vein of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not that it should be too difficult to be better than MaMS, but Clash looks flat out awesome. Clash also re-teams Johnny Tri Nguyen and Ngo Thanh Van, who both appeared together in the 2007 film, The Rebel which was a well received hit in Vietnam. Clash will be opening in Vietnam on December 18th, and I really hope to get my hands on a copy of this as soon as possible.



Last on the docket we have Yam Laranas' Patient X, a Filipino horror film that will be released in its native land on October 28th. Patient X is the story of a doctor who must face the murderers of his younger brother from 20 years earlier. He soon learns that the murderers are not of human nature, but are Aswangs (vampire-like creatures) and they pose a much deadlier threat not only to him but also for the entire town. This one actually surprised me a little as I thought it would be some kind of detective/ghost story, but the inclusion of the Assheads adds something that could be cool. Or terrible.


Hope there was something here that piqued your interest a little, I think all three films look quite interesting, thus the reason why I posted them in the first place! There is a method to my madness! Peace out Baby Eaters!

I Might Be Showing Paracinema My Jack-O-Face!

What better way to encapsulate the month of mayhem known as Chucktober, than by watching classic Halloween themed horror movies?! Okay, maybe I'm stretching a little when I say classic, but 1995's monster mash masterpiece, Jack-O is a horror film, and it is set during Halloween...so I'm not that far off, right?

I can't help but love cheesy holiday and event themed Slasher films of the utmost ridiculous nature - whether it be celebrating Independence Day with Uncle Sam - giving the gift of three abducted Innocent women to Ma dukes for Mothers Day - getting your diploma on Graduation Day, or drinking a pint with a Leprechaun in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Christmas has this "sub genre" on straight lock down with a slew of awesomely wacky and out there holiday horror with movies like Santa's Slay, Jack Frost, and Silent Night Deadly Night 2 just to name a few.

I think most of these films are set out to achieve what they are, and that is entertaining B-movies that aren't to be taken too seriously, but instead are meant to be fun. You almost cannot judge this type of film with other more serious, or direct horror movies - they are schlock and are to be judged for how many times you can roll your eyes back in giddy disbelief, or how many times you can simply say, wow. This type of film may be looked down upon by some, and that seems to be a little unfair since they are not made to win awards, or to actually be scary, let alone be taken seriously. I wonder how many of those same people went all ape shit for Eli Roth's Thanksgiving segment in Grindhouse...which is the epitome of the films I am talking about here. Maybe Thanksgiving could be looked at as a kind of gateway drug to these "bad" movies in a way...I'm more than okay with that.

So, now that I have completely rambled on about movies that are of the lowest score on IMDB, I should get back to the reason why I am here in the first place. That reason is Jack-O, which I just so happened to write a review of over at Paracinema...The Blog. It fits in perfectly with the films that I am unintentionally ranting about, and should fill your Halloween horror needs if you are looking for something on the trashy side to watch...and it is on Netflix instant watch! I'll tell you one thing, Jack-O is a whole hell of a lot better than Automaton Transfusion.

Dario Argento By James Gracey!

James Gracey is a good friend to Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, and someone I am originally aware of from his contributions to Paracinema Magazine. He also has a great blog titled, Behind the Couch that I have been enjoying for quite some time now where he covers a slew of horror films, all set to a wine of the month that he has so graciously selected to pair up with the films he is covering. He is an amazing writer that has a book on his bread and butter subject, Dario Argento, coming out from Kamera Books on October 22nd, which is only a few days away!

Dario Argento - will cover the whole spectrum of the Italian auters work with a comprehensive and up to date look at his films, along with an accessible introduction to a general readership of Argento's work - that will also appeal to the hardcore fans. Included will be the recent conclusion to his revered Three Mothers Trilogy and talk of the proposed remake of Suspiria that has sparked an interest in Argento's work again, with many critics revaluating his films and his influence on horror cinema. James knows his Argento, and this is a must have if you are a fan of his films in any capacity.

You can find more info on Dario Argento at the Kamera Books website and it is available for pre-order from Amazon for $24.95! If you aren't in the U.S., you can also pick it up through Amazon U.K. and The London Bookshop. Both are selling it for $12 something…they have some weird squiggly line that I have no clue what it means. I'll take a guess and say it's $24.95! Friend of the Norris or not, I wouldn't pimp this one out if I didn't know how great of a writer James is, so this will certainly be money well worth spent!