Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Horror Hangover


It's time to rise from that hard earned slumber, so you can enjoy your day the way you were meant to…drooling, covered in sweat (or at least I hope that's sweat) and unable to move the necessary limbs to lift you from where you lay. This is better known as a hangover, but don't fret my dear reader, I have the remedy to make this sad state you're in just a little more tolerable.

We'll start our day off with Monster Ark, playing on good ol' SyFy at 11:00. In what is a ridiculous but kind of good idea, this one asks - what if Noah's Ark wasn't the only ark that sailed the seas? What if there were another ark, one that housed a monster?! It's really not a bad idea, but what is most appealing about this one is it stars Tommy "Tiny" Lister, better known as Zeus! I wonder if it is he that plays the titular monster?

We can keep the dial set to SyFy since Reign of the Gargoyles is set to rain some badass gargoyle action all over yo ass at 1:00. Of course there is no trailer for this one, but based off this fantastic photo, you just know that Reign of the Gargoyles is the real deal Holyfield.

reign of the gargoyales

And if you still aren't of the belief that goreguyales aren't completely frightening, then just ask the god warrior.

Taking a step back from the gold that SyFy has already brought us, our hangover continues at 1:00 with Disturbia, on TNT. I guess this is supposed to be okay, or at least that's what I've heard. I always have been, and always will be, skeptical until I have seen it for myself I suppose. I have issues getting past the moronic name…Disturbia? Really? How about Scaretopia? Or Frightville? Maybe even Horriblefield?     

Oh, here's a good one…if you have IFC, a TV, taste, and love something great, 3:00 brings us the Martial Arts epic, Hero. There was that small amount of time where a handful of pretty amazing Martial Arts flicks were getting into theaters after the success of Crouching Tiger, and Hero was one of them. From top to bottom this one is just so beautiful, and I cannot recommend it anymore, especially if you have not seen it for yourself. Even if you aren't much for the Asian action, this is well worth it, and it should look more than proper on IFC too. Pick of the week. 

Our day comes to an end at 4:00 with Final Destination 3 on TBS. I didn't really enjoy this one the first time I saw it (especially after how great the second one was), but I have really grown to like this third entry in the FD franchise. More of the same, fun deaths and…you know…some other stuff. And I just love the tanning bed death for some reason. It's so completely off the wall, and seeing the death of some stuck-up bitches is always a joy to watch, especially when they're naked with very nice and tan milk providers.   


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