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Sunday, July 4, 2010

Fire 'Never' Works

fourthofjuly1

No Hangover today, mostly because there wasn't much going on, but it is a holiday weekend, so I fully expect you all to enjoy your Fourth of July with enough beer and liquor to make you want to put your head in an oven on Monday morning. Ha ha, the jokes are funny, I know, but I want to get serious here for a second. It is the Fourth, and I expect that many of you will be celebrating your freedom by drinking heavily and playing with fireworks. Now, I don't mind the drinking - so long as you drive no more than a block for a packy run when you run out of beer - but I am concerned about your use of fireworks on this day of joy. I have provided an educational safety video that will show you, dear reader of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, just how dangerous these satanic explosives really are…

So, if you are a dummy, literally or figuratively, do not hold fireworks in your hands for more than 38 seconds, or stand directly over them as they are going off, set them off in your pockets, or even use one to try and save time slicing up that watermelon. It just isn't worth it, and if you get hurt, that is just one less page view I get here, and we wouldn't want to upset me, now would we?

Remember kids, Fire 'Never' Works.

2 comments:

  1. "slicing up that watermelon"

    Why you gotta get racist? No seriously, though, thanks for the safety tips. I had totally planned on wrapping my body with fireworks and lighting them just to see what happens. Now I KNOW what happens. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, I am here to save lives...it's what Jesus would want me to do.

    ReplyDelete

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