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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Funny Twilight Title

twilight3 Very recently, I was lucky enough to finally sit down and watch one of cinema's most provocative and discussed films, Twilight. It's almost weird even typing the name, as I would never have expected to watch and review this movie, let alone do so with a sort of high anticipation. Let me explain: I remember this one day I was at my old job, and everyone was telling me about this disgusting online video that was sure to make me hold back a drop or two of vomit. Some were saying that I just had to see this video, while others warned me, saying it is so gross, and not to put myself through the horrid imagery. Curiosity killed the Matt, and I went straight home and watched 2 Girls 1 Cup, and forever will I think differently about soft serve.

What I'm trying to get at here, is no matter how much I was warned about just how nasty this video was, I had to see it for myself. That is kind of the same thing that happened with me having to watch Twilight. Part of me was willing to put my taste at risk, to see something that I knew would be just plain awful. But just how awful could it be? That's the draw. I heard every complaint about Twilight more times than I would care to, but that may have just added a little fuel to the fire, making me want to see the movie even more.

twilight4Now, I have more than once expressed my love for bad cinema. While I am constantly on the hunt to expand my celluloid horizons by watching all types of film, and as much as I love a Harold and Maude, or a Rashômon, I twilight5almost equally love something like The Room, or Trick or Treat. At times, my bad taste even extends to a certain enjoyment of films that are pretty much terrible. I can find something about them that keeps me watching and interested. I actually thought that Twilight might be that movie in the dark moments leading up to my maiden voyage, however, I was quite wrong.

Strangely, I am really wanting to see New Moon and eventually Eclipse, because I have to see just how bad it can all get. While I can find great joy in laughing at a movie that has me scoffing about terrible performances, moronic puke faces, terrible cinematography and awful music, I didn't find much joy in Twilight. I should love this film for how terrible it is, but it is just that horrendous that it cannot even find appreciation from someone who might possibly give it some. I don't even care about the bastardization of vampire mythology, I am someone that really knows the mythology quite well, but it still doesn't bother me all that much. Let them have their vampires be as girly as they want, it makes for a great laugh and it doesn't change the mythology outside of the Twilight tweeniverse.

twilight1What does bother me most is that some people really do think that Twilight is a great movie. Twilight is flat out insulting to the intelligence of the general public, but not that insulting if they eat it up with a glazed look in their eyes and a smile. Now, if you're a 16-year-old chick/dude with a taste for eyeliner, I have no issue with you liking it. It's made for you. Actually, I have no issue with an adult liking it, so long as they can at least admit that it's not a good film. There is such thing as a guilty pleasure, I have many, and guilty pleasure grants a very free and open pass to like garbage. I, shamefully, love Dawson's Creek. I didn't always love that awful show, in fact, I thought it was completely moronic and talked all sorts of shit about it. Then, thanks to syndication, one late night I got roped in well after the show had gone off the air, and born was a very guilty pleasure and a life choice…Dawson or Pacey.

twilightI could have gone 900 different ways with this review, and there are 900 different things to say about this film, which is funny, because nothing even happens until the last 45 minutes? But Twilight has been torn apart by so many in so many different ways that I need not tread the details. It's way too easy. Though, a caption post would have been great, or even one about the epic Kristen Stewart hospital performance that was recently recreated by Mindy McCready on Celebrity Rehab. Maybe now that I have seen Twilight, I can talk about it and mention how bad it blows, but realistically, I couldn't care less when it comes down to it. In the end, the only things I got out of watching Twilight are the fact that I conquered one of the most infamous films ever made, and that girls really shouldn't shop at Eddie Bauer.

80's Slasher Films that Will Rattle Your Senses!

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The Death Rattle has dedicated the entire month of June to everyone's favorite genre, the Slasher film, but more specifically, the Slasher films of the 1980's! Throughout the month, Aaron put together the 80's Slasher Movie Championship Tournament - a massive Slasher showdown that pitted all the genre had to offer from the decade of decadence - to see who would come out on top as voted by his readers. The ultimate Slasher, if you will. Or even if you won't.

Anyways, Aaron decided to cap off this joyous month by having a bunch of horrors sexiest bloggers participate with their own list of essential subgenre specific Slasher films. For example, there is a list for 80's Slashers, 70's Slashers, Campus Slashers, Foreign Slashers and so on and so forth. There are a bunch of excellent writers that took part, then there is me, the one that swopped in and got my dirty little hands on Holiday/Special Occasion Slashers. So head over to The Death rattle for my list of essential Holiday/Special occasion Slasher films, and while you at it, check out the cornucopia of Slasher action!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Horror Hangover

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Hello once again kiddies. I'm very glad you have decided to take some time to check out what we have in store for you today. Hopefully there is something that will catch your bloodshot eye and make this, your awful hangover, just a little more bearable. Sadly, I am going to have to rush through this one, as I have no time in what is an annoyingly busy work weekend for me. I didn't want you to think I was being lazy or some crap.   

When in a rush, SyFy comes through big time with an afternoon full of horror to keep your mind off the sick headache you developed for some odd reason. Things start nice and early with some quality horror at 9:00 with In the Mouth of Madness, which is a fun 90's film as well as a solid homage to Lovecraft.

After that, SyFy goes buck wild with a bunch of movies I have not seen, but I would think about watching if in the right mood. 100 Feet (eww, stinky) is the first film at 11:00, followed by Backwoods (starring Haylie Duff!) at 1:00, and finishing off the afternoon is Open Graves at 3:00. Not a bad line-up from SyFy, and at least a few of these films look watchable, while still harboring a copious amount of alcohol in your bloodstream, of course.  

I'll close out the afternoon with a back-to-back dose of classic Tim Burton on ABC Family, starting with a 2:30 showing of Bettlejuice, followed by Edward Scissorhands at 4:30. Love both of these movies and they certainly add to what is a decent Horror Hangover film wise, which is nice.

Alrighty, I gotta jet, but thanks for sticking around, and may your hangover subside by the evening. So you can drink some more.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: Slaughtered Lamb Edition!

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Oh boy is it about to get hot in here, actually, with a certain someone's central air pooping the bed, it already is hot in here. I'll save you the boring and sweaty details, but to say Swamp Thing could make his home in my undies is an understatement. However, I am not the only one burning up tonight, but unfortunately, my need to strip is not followed by a werewolf transformation, which would be kind of cool. Tonight's clip is a special one, as it's from a film that is loved and considered a classic by most every genre fan, including myself. Before we get started, I should warn you all that this video is NSFW…there is a naked American man in it, but thankfully, you don't see his balloons.

1981's An American Werewolf in London made great use of music, and all with a common and fitting theme, the moon. This is the scene that clearly stands out most, as David Kessler make his famous transformation into a beast of the night to Sam Cooke's version of Blue Moon. The song was originally written by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart way back in 1934 and has been covered so many times, it would take all of our fingers and toes to count them. While I prefer, and completely adore, The Marcel's Doo-Wop version, Cooke's fits in quite nicely for its ominous yet sweet tone. Blue Moon is a small, but very important, piece of a puzzle that created one of cinemas most memorable scenes.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Caught in a Net of Fear

fearnet1 How much have all of us been dying for a horror movie television network all our own? Well, I know I have. There was Monsters HD, but that was a satellite channel and went in the pooper anyways. I hear some people talk about Chiller TV, mostly saying it sucks, and either way, it isn't available from many of the bigger cable companies. SyFy has been the closest and most accessible channel, and while I love SyFy for what it is, it certainly doesn't quite cut it as a horror channel or even a Sci Fi one for that matter. So finally, there may be a chance for redemption.

It has recently been announced that FearNet will be making a play as a cable horror channel October 1st of this year, just in time for the month long celebration that is known as Halloween! Though it is still in the works, the hopes are that the channel will be available in both high-definition and standard-definition through the following cable companies: Comcast, Cox (ha ha, cox) Communications, Insight Communications, Bresnan Communications, Verizon’s FiOS TV and AT&T’s U-Verse. If this is the case, the channel will end up in a lot of homes, hopefully mine included.

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I find this exciting for many reasons, one being that FearNet has a solid lineup of horror films and the On-Demand channel always has a great mix of horror movies, from classics and modern films, to straight B-Movie cheese and exploitation. Therefore, the movies will be versatile and solid, that much I know, and that is a huge step. Another great thing is FearNet has built up a solid community focused entity through their website, and that focus shows they have their finger on the pulse of horror fans who can be the most dedicated fans of them all when treated right.

The folks at FearNet really seems to know what they are doing, especially since they started out in a low risk, internet based way to build up a fan base and get their ideas straight, before jumping into a cable channel and learning the hard way what works. They have a built in relationship already in place, they know what fans want, and I hope they can deliver the goods that I have been waiting for for a long time now.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Stepfather Factory

stepfather So it's father's day and with that comes the need to do something thematic, as well as the need to put myself through some possible torture at the same time. Sadly, the first thing that came to mind when I thought, "what can I do for father's day?" was to do a review of The Stepfather remake. It's on instant view and chances are it will make for an interesting review. Maybe.

In a way, there isn't all that much to say about The Stepfather narratively. It's a remake that follows the 1987 movie pretty closely, which is basically about a man that only wishes to have the perfect family, but when that systematized delusion is not met, this "stepfather" discards of his family by killing them, then moves on to his next family and the possible chance for unified family bliss. He finds a venerable woman, whom, thanks to a recent divorce, is single with kids and he swoops in with a gallon bucket full of charm, working his way into their lives in the hopes of forming the ideal family.

stepfather1 The Stepfather was directed by Nelson McCormick, a man who has directed a ton of television but is best known to horror fans as the director of Prom Night 2008. I reviewed that film some time ago over at Paracinema, and while I wasn't a big fan, I knew it was not made for my eyes as they are too old for that film. It was made for those youngsters and their skateboards. Still, it was a terrible movie, so what can I expect when McCormick comes back for yet another tween-geared remake of an 80’s horror film? Not much, but it is better than Prom Night at least.

stepfather3 As with Prom Night, The Stepfather is technically adept, but very standard at the same time. There is little to no creativity, but it does work as a functional film. The same can be said for stepfather8the acting, which is nothing special, but everyone is solid, with Dylan Walsh's performance being well played and creepy enough, while not nearly as memorable as what was done by the ever so intense Terry O'Quinn.

Even if the film is close to competent, it also fails where so many unoriginal horror movies do. There is a so bad it hurts jump scare, with a cat no less, which caused me to punch my own cat in retaliation. There is a moment where a window is broken in the basement using the sound of thunder as cover…because a window being smashed in and thunder sound so much alike. The family that is chosen by the stepfather has three siblings, one that would be the main focus, while oddly enough, the other two are hardly ever around, especially the younger sister who is seen no more than two or three times. Then there's the whole cell phone ringer issue that is just going to cause my blood pressure to rise if I get into it, so I'll leave it at that.

stepfather15Something that stood out like a sore dick was the obvious product placement. Every character uses a Mac, which is whatever, but the one that had me shaking my head in disbelief was the amount of time the game Burnout Paradise spends on screen. There is a least three moments where the kids are shown playing it, with a close up of the screen no less, but the kicker is the game's case is actually propped up at one point, right in front of the TV in which they are using. I can somewhat give a pass to a character drinking a mountain dew or some shit, but who props up a game case in front of their television? It was painfully lame.

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Being better than Prom Night isn't much of a stretch, and I think it's only better due to this version staying on the rails of the original more than Prom Night did. However, that does play into the films lack of originality, and at least Prom Night tried to be its own movie, whether or not it was awful. The Stepfather is completely predictable, and even if it wasn't a remake, it is like so many movies that have come before it, from frame one, you know exactly what will happen in the film's runtime. You know that there are characters that will question the motives of the titular character, and you know he will end their life short to keep his cover and his dream of the perfect family alive. You know that the oldest child will be weary of this new man in his family’s life, and will spend the runtime trying to figure out what this dudes deal really is. It's overly dramatic familiarity.

One thing that is definitely better about this remake compared to Prom Night is the fact that one of the two main characters is an adult. That keeps the teen aspect to a lesser degree, as he is the main focus over the eldest son. While the "teen" aspect is there, complete with shitty pop-punk-commercial-rock music, it was all slightly acceptable due to how the presence of Amber Heard (who is best known to horror fiends as the titular character in All the Boys Love Mandy Lane) is handled.

stepfather4stepfather6 stepfather13stepfather7 stepfather12stepfather14 stepfather11sleep

I can see where those boys are coming from after seeing The Stepfather. While this kept me interested way more than much of the film, it is oddly gratuitous and exploitative in a movie that other wise remains cookie cutter and almost safe. She's good in the movie, but her character serves no other reason than to look hot in string bikinis or to have her tits falling out the top of her shirt. And the fact that Mandy Lane has yet to see a release, but The Stepfather has, speaks volumes to the injustice that is life for the horror fan.

Poor product placement, an unoriginal and predictable premise, good looking-half naked teens, catchy pop music, easily digestible…in the end, The Stepfather is nothing short of Hollywood exploitation by way of a PG-13 rating.

The Horror Hangover

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Open those pretty little eyes sleepy head. Oh, don't you just look sooo cute when you wake up, but it's getting late and you don't want to miss any second of…The Horror Hangover! Actually, it isn't even that great of a Hangover this week as far as quantity goes, so I should probably just let you sleep in this afternoon. Still, being father's day, there are some very appropriate comedies playing throughout the afternoon.

AMC spends the day with a handful of Mel Brooks classics, starting with History of the World: Part 1 (1981) at 11:00, followed up by Blazing Saddles (1974) at 1:00, then finishing the fun with Spaceballs (1987) at 3:00. No Dracula: Dead and Loving it? I thought it was American Movie Classics, not American Movie Classics, except for Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Still, a nice little line-up and a hangover spent guffawing is better than one spent sleeping.  

There is one horror film on today, and it comes at us at noon when Sleepy Hallow (1999) fogs up your TV screen over at TNT. Great film and one of Burton's best, Sleepy Hallow stars Casper Van Dien, and that is all that matters. 

Hey, that's it. Told you it was a slow day, but at least there are a few movies on that can tickle your vodka soaked funny bone. Until next time kiddies.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party! Rambada: The Forbidden Dance Edition!

I have thrown quite a few of these whacky and wild Dance Parties now, and even though I've had this clip in the vault for sometime, I still find myself speechless, which is a first. It's just too much to take in for even a human as advanced as I, and it won't take you long to figure out why.

If you can't handle the entire clip due to a heart condition or you are easily turned on by sassy Spanish men, dressed up like Rambo, sexing up the screen, then please make sure to skip to 2:30. That is the moment when I am nothing short of destroyed and nothing can bring me back. The grandma hug-to-work out montage-to-sexy explosion starting at 3:15 just makes things worse.

Please, enjoy. 

What'd I tell ya? You probably need a Pepsi now to quench your thirst, but the thirst left by sweaty Spanish Rambo cannot be quenched that easily. To close the wound opened by this video, you need to burn it with some gun powder mixed with cobra spit and mango salsa.  

I did actually try and look for some info on this dude and this song, but I had to stop only after a few minutes. I think it would be a bad idea to take away from the mystique of this fabulous video, as in my mind, there really is a singing dancing Spanish Rambo that walks the streets spreading joy from his being and sweat from his follicles. Bless you Spanish Rambo, for you have blessed me with gold.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Diapers In A Bunch

It has recently dawned on me that I hardly get excited by most horror news anymore. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I am swept up by some big announcement, new trailers, stuff like that, but that doesn't seem to happen too often lately. I like to have my interest piqued, and it takes a lot to grab my attention, and then keeping my attention is even more difficult. Once in a while there is a film that begs to be ingested and has me clamoring for more. But more often than not, there isn't all that much I really need to know about a movie past a trailer or two, a couple of posters, and eventually a review.

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I find a major annoyance with most internet horror news sites and what they deliver as "relevant" horror news, as it's mostly just boring and pointless filler. For example: "Hey horror fan, watch 96 new clips from Splice!" or "Oh snap, Jennifer Aniston is gonna be in Scream 4?!" or "C'mon, of course Jennifer Aniston's Scream 4 casting is a rumor. Duh?!" or "Here is another new trailer for REC 2! It's the brand new UK trailer, and it's new!" How about, I don't fucking care about a new trailer for REC 2 - how about, I only care about the DVD release date for REC 2, so I can go to the store and buy it. How about that? I saw trailers for REC 2 two years ago, and I can buy it on Amazon UK. A new trailer is not news to me.

I'm not even trying to place blame solely on the horror sites, even though it seems as if I just did. Obviously, being a fan of horror, I love horror sites, I just wish there wasn't so much bullshit on them sometimes. I notice and get most annoyed by it when news is especially slow. Being that this is mainly a horror blog, I receives some press release stuff from different companies here and there. Not like a website, or even like many of the bigger blogs, but I get mines. Now, it's cool getting those emails because it makes me feel…well, kind of special, but most of these emails are giving me news that is on par with what I just complained about in that last paragraph. It's pretty rare that I get one with something interesting and worth doing a post about. So I don't.

I guess a lot of the blame for that should be placed on marketing and companies throwing movie sites teeny tiny bones that have no meat, but they are still eaten up anyways and plastered as the newest headline. It's how these companies are keeping their product on the minds of horror fans with out giving up anything of real substance. Why do we need 6 boring new clips from so and so movie? We don't. Well, I don't, I just want to watch the movie, that's all.

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Yeah, I know…waaah.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Baby Babble: Simon Says, Take the Dead For A Walk

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  • Simon says… check out my review for, Simon Says, a movie that I had in my instant queue, but may have never watched if not for Christine's (kind of) glowing review for the movie over at Paracinema some time back. The film stars movie madman Crispin Glover, and is a modern day Slasher with the hook of the main killer being named Simon, thus, Simon Says! How brilliant? So yeah, you can read that review over at the newest issue of BThroughZ as well as a whole slew of other awesome articles that will make your eye balls smile with joy. It's true.

ATTENTION!!! This is future Matt-suzaka, and sadly BThroughZ no longer exists, so here is a link to my review of Simon Says, which is now located on the very blog you are reading! Enjoy! CLICK HERE!

 

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  • There has been a lot of hubbub going around the world of internet horror concerning the upcoming television incarnation of The Walking Dead. I haven't really cared all that much about it, most likely because I have never read the books, and I think I may have needed things to come closer to fruition before I could begin to show interest. Well, now I'm starting to, which brings forth the question, how friggin' cool will a zombie TV show be?! Based on well received source material, written, produced and directed by the great Frank Darabont, and it's on AMC, which is a channel that has put out quality original programming like only cable is capable of doing nowadays. So yeah, now I'm starting to get pumped for this show, and it is shaping up to be the biggest thing since Manimal.

  • Now that the Blogathon/contest is completely all over, things are getting back to normal around here, and I am very happy about that. Mostly because I fear change….and Mark Wahlberg's third nipple. I do have a ton of very versatile film reviews written, waiting in the wings to be posted as well as a whole bunch of other ideas that are brewing in my cranium. I plan on really trying to push CNAMB to the next level and bring as much quality as I am capable of. Which isn't much, but I work with what I got. There's a dick joke in there somewhere. Anyways, keep yer eyes peeled, for the future is now!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Horror Hangover

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You know where you are? You're in the Hangover baby…you're gonna die! Okay, so maybe only a portion of that statement is true, unless you're 89-years-old and on your death bed. In that case, thanks for reading! You may not be passing anytime soon, but you certainly are feeling that way with all that Natty Ice you put in your body last night, so let me take you by the hand and lead you down the path to The Horror Hangover.   

IFC loves it's dead gay son by starting us off with Heathers (1989) at 10:15. Heathers is a favorite film from my youth as well as a cult classic, so there isn't much I really need to say about this one. I have seen Heathers quite a few times, but it has been a while, so what better time and place than this morning on IFC? Pick of the week.

The Hangover only gets easier from here on out as it's all SyFy, all day, starting at 11:00 with See No Evil (2006). I saw this maybe a year ago, and I remember absolutely nothing about it, so I can only assume that it wasn't very good. I do remember one pretty badass death at the end of the film that was cool enough for me to recall, but that is really all, unfortunately.   

At 1:00 SyFy takes a trip to the woods with Timber Falls (2007). Never saw this one myself, but it is directed by Tony Giglio, the man behind the classic family film Soccer Dog: The Movie (was there a TV show?), and we all know what a big fan of Soccer Dog you are. The plot reads stale and uncreative, but the review average isn't completely terrible, so take that which ever way you'd like. The trailer isn't too bad, and I decided to go with a foreign language one to make the movie appear better than it probably is. It actually works.

SyFy keeps on trucking through this Hangover with Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead (2008) at 3:00. I enjoyed the first Joy Ride, but I can't imagine a sequel being too great, especially when the crazed trucker sound like he rubs the lotion on his skin. And what's with the name, Rusty Nail? More like Rusty Trombone. 

Our Hangover comes to a dead end with Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007) at 5:00 on SyFy. I've always heard good things about this sequel to a movie that I quite enjoyed, but I have yet to see it outside of a few minutes on SyFy, naturally. Rollins is always good for some entertainment, and the survival game show angle seems like fun, so I look forward to catching up with Dead End at some point in the future.  

That will be all for this edition of The Horror Hangover. See you all next week, when once again, you are half past dead.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Freddy's Friday Night Dance Party!: The Fresh Drippings of Bel-Air Edition!

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Well, the new version of The Karate Kid opens today, and surprisingly it looks better than I would have ever thought. However, I think that it only appears that way due to the presence of Jackie Chan. The fighting also looks like it will be elevated from the original, but that's probably because it's the more flashy art of Kung-Fu, not Karate, this time around. Funny, Kung-fu? Karate Kid? Eh, what's the difference, it's not as if anyone can differentiate between China and Japan anyways. Even if it looks okay, I still can't help but hate it. Why? Because I cannot stand that little girl, Jaden Smith, who isn't even worthy of Ralph Macchio's Jersey ball sweat. Sorry. It's not even his fault really so much it's his one-trick dad that I don't like, and shit rolls downhill as they say.

I'd rather not spend a dance party explaining my reasons for hating Will Smith post Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, because it's all about the music, man. Even more so, it's all about the original Karate Kid, and while it's not set off in some foreign land, or filled with near wire-fu Martial Arts, nor does it have an all-star cast and a robotic pre-teen with cute braids, it has heart, inspiration, and a drunken Miyagi. Oh, and it also has one of the greatest montages outside of a Rocky film. It's the type of montage that has you doing sit-ups and stretches within minutes. Just remember, there is only one person better than you, and that is you when trained to fight, trained to be strong and trained to be the best...around.

Written and performed by Joe Esposito, You're the Best is the hype song for the All-Valley Karate Championships as well as the hype song for my day-to-day life. You're the Best is just one of many classic songs made to pump up the audience in movies where adversity was faced head-on by whomever the underdog may be. An interesting note about this song is the fact that it was written for Rocky III, but after being nudged for Eye of the Tiger, it was again replaced by Maniac on the Flashdance soundtrack before making The Karate Kid cut. While I love the song, it is a little hokey even compared to Maniac and Eye of the Tiger, two songs that proved to be much more popular at the time. Still, bounced around or not, the song has an important place in cinema and in the hearts of Karate Kid fans across the globe.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Sit Fido, Sit…Good Zombie

fido_27x40_rev2.indd No matter how many times I had heard great things about the 2006 Canadian zombie film, Fido, I still, for whatever reason fronted on it. Finally sitting down to watch it recently, I found myself far from disappointed, and while there are many ways to handle a horror comedy, Fido does so with the sharpest of wit and a double dash of social commentary, avoiding the over-the-top route that many of the genre seem to take.

Directed by Andrew Currie, Fido is set sometime in the 50's where - due to some cosmic space dust the Earth passed through - all of the dead have come back to life, fittingly, with a taste for human flesh. A massive war against the zombies ensued and with the end of that war came the birth of ZomCom (short for Zombie Comedy?), a government funded corporation that found a way to domesticate the living dead so they could be used as servants. Special collars were created to control the zombies, and every household in America has one of their own. These tamed un-dead do everything from laundry and mowing the lawn, to even being used for tasks like delivering the newspaper and working as crossing guards for school children.

fido Fido focuses on the Robinson's, a seemingly normal family consisting of Bill, his wife Helen and their son, Timmy. While they seem as normal as anyone else does in their fido1perfect little suburb, they lack one thing, a zombie. This is something of an embarrassment for Helen, as it's all about appearance in their snotty neighborhood and being without a zombie is less than the best. Due to a childhood trauma during the "Zombie Wars," (as they're referred to) Bill has always been against getting a zombie, but to fit in with the rest of their neighbors, Helen gets one anyways and Bill begrudgingly goes along with it.

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Timmy Robinson, who is sort of a loner and is picked on by his peers, befriends the zombie when he saves Timmy from some bullies. Timmy aptly names his new best friend and pet, Fido, and they form a strong bond much like a boy and his dog would. However, when Fido's control collar malfunctions, he eats one of the neighbors, resulting in a small zombie outbreak and the possibility of the Robinson's being held accountable and being sent to the forbidden zone by the ZomCom corporation. If you can't tell by the name, the forbidden zone is bad news.

fido3Fido relies less on outrageous jokes and goes for the comedy jugular in a much smarter and more subtle way. While there are some very funny moments, Fido is not a laugh riot, but fido9more of a cleverly thought out comedy with a heavy splash of satire on American culture. There's peer pressure to be like everyone else as seen with Helen feeling the need to own a fido7zombie like her neighbors as well as Timmy being bullied for, essentially, not supporting ZomCom. There are moral questions about the enslavement of these flesh eating creatures for personal use and whether or not they really are nothing more than just monsters, or is it fear projected on society that makes these zombie more monstrous than they might be. Are the zombies a product of fear themselves and they react violently due to how the human population reacts to them? With this situation also comes the subject of racism with the zombies taking the place of minorities in this perfect little white bread American setting.

fido4 Many of these social issues are as fitting then as they are even in our modern times. Setting the film in the 50's works as that is a time when America is perceived as cookie cutter fido5and easily influenced with the use of fear tactics (Fido fittingly starts off with a propaganda film about the zombies, which is shown to kids in school). It's a perfect contrast to the world we live in today and while some would look back on that time and think how ignorant people were, really, nothing much has changed outside of the country being more cynical and somewhat more informed due to technology. More informed doesn't equate to less ignorant, however.

fido8The 50's setting is perfectly captured and the look of Fido is spot on to that time period but through the eyes of a TV sitcom as opposed to real life. There are great little touches like the edges of the movie being slightly rounded, to make it look as if it's playing on an old styled television or the clearly fake background when characters are driving their cars. There are many elements that are akin to an episode of Lassie, complete with "Timmy" asking Fido to go and find help when stuck in a bad situation. Funny enough, instead of barking to get help, Fido growls and grunts.

All of the portrayals are fantastic with a great cast that consists of Dylan Baker, Carrie-Anne Moss, and K'Sun Ray making up the Robinson's and Billy Connolly playing the titular role of Fido. Carrie-Anne Moss actually stood out the most, as I would never had pictured her being able to play the role of 50's housewife, but she pulls it off incredibly and looks quite nice doing so, which was an even bigger surprise.  

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Fido is not an in your face comedy like Zombieland, or even to an extant, Shaun of the Dead. With it's setting and how the humor is handled, it is more along the lines of the Tim Burton classic, Edward Scissorhands, than anything else. Even with all of the social commentary throughout the film, it never feels forced, instead, it comes to the viewer naturally during the movie and when further thought is provoked. Even in the oversaturated zombie and horror comedy markets, Fido finds a way to breathe some fresh air into both genres, and I can only suggest you take a whiff of these un-dead flowers for yourself.

Monday, June 7, 2010

And the Winners Are…

After much deliberation and difficult whittling down of posts, in the end, it was a toss of the dart that made the final decisions for the winners of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. It was just way too difficult to pick which post was better than the next, because each of the posts were simply great, and even more so, there was a lot of versatility in them as well as the writers that wrote them.

So without any further ado, I present the winners…

Second and third place prizes go to:

Emily C: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

&

T.L. Bugg: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Congrats to you both and you each shall receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

………………………………………………….

And the grand prize goes to:

Stacia: She Blogged By Night

A huge congratulations to Stacia, who has won herself all of these prizes!

sherlock

paracinema9

bloodyapegothkill

gorehouse

burrowers

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There you have it, three very deserving blogs that put some quality Chuck in their posts. Each of the winners can email me their addresses so I can send out the prizes as soon as I feel like. Thanks again to everyone that took part in this historic event, it would have been nothing without your contributions. I really do wish you all could have won, but in a way you did, because I now love you and forever will you be safe in my home in case the apocalypse should begin. That's a promise.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Horror Hangover

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If it's Sunday afternoon, than it must mean that you are this close to puking up tequila, $1 draught beer and that rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity from the night before. Luckily for you, Sunday afternoon also means it's time for The Horror Hangover!

Nothing quite says next level in fear like a Children of the Corn sequel, and that is exactly what SyFy is starting us out with this week when Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001) reveals itself at 10:00. It's the seventh and last film in the franchise (if you don't count the remake), and this time the corn is going urban when a woman finds that here apartment complex is built on the old stomping ground of the OG children of the corn. You gotta love how this trailer pimps so hard the fact that Stephen King wrote the original story that this film is based on, intercut with shots of some hot chick taking a bubble bath. Class. 

 

Speaking of class, at 10:15, Strangers On A Train (1951) pulls in for a stop at Turner Classic Movies. Strangers is such a great film and definitely a must see for any genre fan that has not seen it already. Fantastic performances, ahead of it's time and completely inventive visuals, and a great story based off Throw Mama from the Train. It's so weird how that came out after Strangers, though. It's classic Alfred Hitchock and will be treated as such on TCM, and this may be one of the best ways to watch this film, therefore, it gets my pick of the week!

Taking a nose dive in the quality department, SyFy is showing Cold Creek Manor (2003) at noon. I actually saw this movie, but it was on TV I think, and I can't really remember much about it, probably because there was nothing worth those precious brain cells of mine. I can guarantee you this, there will be mystery, suspense and lots of boredom with this one. 

In something that rubbed me as odd, at 1:30 a film titled Stick It is on ABC Family. Now, I am not sure what's going on over at this "family channel," but if I am being asked to stick it, then I shall happily oblige, but should the whole family be watching this "sticking?" I'm fine with grandma, but the kids seem a little out of place, don't cha think?

At 2:00, Lifetime Movie Network outdoes itself by showing The Return (2006), a movie that I would possibly watch, and not for a few overly dramatic laughs either. Not that I would guess it's good, but it doesn't look totally terrible either, and I don't mind me a little Sarah Michelle Gellar in the afternoon, let alone anytime for that matter. 

And our day comes to a close at 2:30 with a film that got the shaft worse than Armando Galarraga, Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005) on SyFy. I actually never saw either of the Exorcist prequels that were made, but how crazy is it that all of that happened? If you don't know the history, this film was made as a prequel to the Exorcist, but the studio got cold feet and thought the movie wouldn't be well received by modern audiences with a taste for Saw. So to spice things up, they fired director Paul Schrader and hired Renny Harlin, to do a little Richard Lester inspired retooling, resulting in Exorcist: The Beginning.

Either way, it blew up in their faces and the Harlin film did terrible and they ended up releasing the Schrader version sometime afterwards. but by that point, no one was spending any more cash on another Exorcist prequel nor did anyone really care. At some point in my life, I would love to watch both films to see how different they are from each other. Still, I am sure the history is much more interesting than either of the movies.  

That does it for this Sunday kiddies, hope to see you next week, same drunk time, same drunk channel.

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