Even though my actual date of physical birth was only a few days ago, today marks yet another birthday for me and that would be I have been blogging for exactly one year to this very day. The very first post, review, or anything of that nature that I ever did, came on March 11th of 2009 over at Paracinema…The Blog. I remember being pretty darned nervous in my early days posting reviews and other such nonsense at Paracinema, but over time, that changed as well as my comfortability writing.
Since my very first post, things have changed so much and I have met many great people through Paracinema and here, at CNAMB. I feel blessed that several awesome people even bother to read my shit and so many leave such great comments and kind words. I write for a lot of reasons, but one of the most rewarding is to get a positive comment about something I wrote, or an email, or DM on twitter from someone saying that they love CNAMB. It really brings joy to my naughty parts, so thank you to everyone that reads this, or any post I ever write.
Now that I'm done being a pussy, I shall share with you my very first ever blog post by reposting it right here, completely unedited. It's a review of The Glove, and to say this review is rough around the edges is putting it lightly. While I might not be the best writer on the block, I sure as hell have gotten better at least! Enough of my words already, read my yucky review of, The Glove (!)!
No Glove. No Love
So in searching for something interesting to watch late one lonely and most likely semi nude night, I stumbled upon the 1979 masterwork, "The Glove." Paired up with "Search and Destroy" on the Dark Sky Films' "Drive in Double Feature" release. The Glove stars one John "Fuck Yeah!" Saxon, and Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier. With a tag line as powerful as "Wanted: Dead NOT Alive" and an opening credit sequence consisting of some of the finest music (Performed by the Glove himself Roosevelt Grier) and animation this side of the brown bowl, you might think you’re in for a serious treat. You are for the most part, as this is the perfect party movie to watch with some drunken friends. (Or semi nude and all alone.)
This Ross Hagen directed story is simple enough, Sexy Saxon plays Sam Kellog, a bounty hunter with a vicious tan who is paid 20 g’s to track down and detain Victor Hale (Grier) AKA The Glove! (I don’t think that’s what he really goes by…but I like to think so) The Glove(!) has been on a rampage of epic proportions, taking revenge on the prison guards that wrongly lumped him up while serving his jail sentence. The Glove's(!) weapon of choice is of course the same weapon the guards used on him…a glove. Though this is no ordinary glove. This is the kind of glove that demands respect. The kind of glove that is made up of "Bad ass" and "oh shit!" Why he doesn't have two gloves I’ll never know. I guess this one glove is more than enough when it comes to taking care of business.
As mentioned earlier the movie starts off strong with an awesome title sequence and quickly moves into one of the most ridiculous, yet fun scenes in this entertaining, but semi boring film. When you see The Glove(!) gearing up John Rambo style, you know someone's catching a beat down. The best is when he slides the glove on, and slowly closes his hand into a fist, only to quickly reopen his hand showing that this is not a glove made for winter. Decked out in what appears to be an MLB catcher's gear and a motorcycle helmet (all in black of course) that he needs to keep him safe from injury, as he travels by a…uh…car. The Glove(!) rolls up on his first victim to find him banging some girl he shouldn't be in the backseat of a car. Well these two dirty birds are in for a rude awakening when The Glove(!) tears apart the car with his super powered glove of death and makes mince meat out of its inhabitants. After this great beginning, the movie has little to no action at all. I spent a lot of time waiting to see some gloved action again. It’s not a terrible movie though, Saxon is very solid and carries the film for the most part. And he is involved in what is a strange yet entertaining scene involving a male homosexual couple that needs to be seen to be believed.
Another aspect I do like about this film is it’s the type of movie that the protagonists and antagonists are not all that clear. While somewhat silly, you see a light side of the Grier character that shows he’s not just some mindless prick out to kill for revenge, but actually has a heart too. Aww how sweet.
The ending is kind of entertaining, as we get a show down between Saxon and The Glove(!) where the tables are turned, and Sax gets a chance to do some damage with the glove against the…uh…glove(!) and you think its ass kickin time, right?! Well even the all mighty water resistant Glove cant help a 160 pound Saxon against a 250 pound ex NFL defensive tackle. Or does it? I’ll leave it up to you to find out for yourself.
If any of this sounds like your cup of Joe and you have been yearning for a good Halloween costume idea, then I would have to recommend giving The Glove(!) a whirl.