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Thursday, March 11, 2010

365 Days Later

Even though my actual date of physical birth was only a few days ago, today marks yet another birthday for me and that would be I have been blogging for exactly one year to this very day. The very first post, review, or anything of that nature that I ever did, came on March 11th of 2009 over at Paracinema…The Blog. I remember being pretty darned nervous in my early days posting reviews and other such nonsense at Paracinema, but over time, that changed as well as my comfortability writing.

Since my very first post, things have changed so much and I have met many great people through Paracinema and here, at CNAMB. I feel blessed that several awesome people even bother to read my shit and so many leave such great comments and kind words. I write for a lot of reasons, but one of the most rewarding is to get a positive comment about something I wrote, or an email, or DM on twitter from someone saying that they love CNAMB. It really brings joy to my naughty parts, so thank you to everyone that reads this, or any post I ever write.

Now that I'm done being a pussy, I shall share with you my very first ever blog post by reposting it right here, completely unedited. It's a review of The Glove, and to say this review is rough around the edges is putting it lightly. While I might not be the best writer on the block, I sure as hell have gotten better at least! Enough of my words already, read my yucky review of, The Glove (!)!

No Glove. No Love

So in searching for something interesting to watch late one lonely and most likely semi nude night, I stumbled upon the 1979 masterwork, "The Glove." Paired up with "Search and Destroy" on the Dark Sky Films' "Drive in Double Feature" release. The Glove stars one John "Fuck Yeah!" Saxon, and Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier. With a tag line as powerful as "Wanted: Dead NOT Alive" and an opening credit sequence consisting of some of the finest music (Performed by the Glove himself Roosevelt Grier) and animation this side of the brown bowl, you might think you’re in for a serious treat. You are for the most part, as this is the perfect party movie to watch with some drunken friends. (Or semi nude and all alone.)

This Ross Hagen directed story is simple enough, Sexy Saxon plays Sam Kellog, a bounty hunter with a vicious tan who is paid 20 g’s to track down and detain Victor Hale (Grier) AKA The Glove! (I don’t think that’s what he really goes by…but I like to think so) The Glove(!) has been on a rampage of epic proportions, taking revenge on the prison guards that wrongly lumped him up while serving his jail sentence. The Glove's(!) weapon of choice is of course the same weapon the guards used on him…a glove. Though this is no ordinary glove. This is the kind of glove that demands respect. The kind of glove that is made up of "Bad ass" and "oh shit!" Why he doesn't have two gloves I’ll never know. I guess this one glove is more than enough when it comes to taking care of business.

As mentioned earlier the movie starts off strong with an awesome title sequence and quickly moves into one of the most ridiculous, yet fun scenes in this entertaining, but semi boring film. When you see The Glove(!) gearing up John Rambo style, you know someone's catching a beat down. The best is when he slides the glove on, and slowly closes his hand into a fist, only to quickly reopen his hand showing that this is not a glove made for winter. Decked out in what appears to be an MLB catcher's gear and a motorcycle helmet (all in black of course) that he needs to keep him safe from injury, as he travels by a…uh…car. The Glove(!) rolls up on his first victim to find him banging some girl he shouldn't be in the backseat of a car. Well these two dirty birds are in for a rude awakening when The Glove(!) tears apart the car with his super powered glove of death and makes mince meat out of its inhabitants. After this great beginning, the movie has little to no action at all. I spent a lot of time waiting to see some gloved action again. It’s not a terrible movie though, Saxon is very solid and carries the film for the most part. And he is involved in what is a strange yet entertaining scene involving a male homosexual couple that needs to be seen to be believed.

Another aspect I do like about this film is it’s the type of movie that the protagonists and antagonists are not all that clear. While somewhat silly, you see a light side of the Grier character that shows he’s not just some mindless prick out to kill for revenge, but actually has a heart too. Aww how sweet.

The ending is kind of entertaining, as we get a show down between Saxon and The Glove(!) where the tables are turned, and Sax gets a chance to do some damage with the glove against the…uh…glove(!) and you think its ass kickin time, right?! Well even the all mighty water resistant Glove cant help a 160 pound Saxon against a 250 pound ex NFL defensive tackle. Or does it? I’ll leave it up to you to find out for yourself.

If any of this sounds like your cup of Joe and you have been yearning for a good Halloween costume idea, then I would have to recommend giving The Glove(!) a whirl.

13 comments:

  1. Happy sorta birthday! You've earned a pile of cakes with oodles of semi nude (i.e., gloved) ladies jumping out (to serve you cake).

    Seriously though, I can't believe you've only been doing this for a year. I for one would not want to exist in a world where my babies would grow up, uneaten by a martial arts master and eating me out of the house.

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  2. Happy Anniversary thing!
    I also can't believe you've only been doing this for a year. You are pretty damn badass, man :)

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  3. Congrats! So your birthday, the blog's birthday, AND Chuck Norris' birthday, all in the same week??

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  4. Still havent seen THE GLOVE despite you and J.'s love for it, but a BIG congrats man!! Judging by the high quality posts and dedication to the blog scene, I have always felt like CNAMB has been around for years!

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  5. Celebrating a year is bound if make anyone a smidgen pussified and that's a lucky thing for us where you're concerned. You brought so many good (and bad) movies, trends, and insight to many people's attention and for that, I am extremely grateful.

    And why does The Glove sound familiar? Must be one of those film's in mom's VHS vault I saw as a kid...

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  6. Many congrats my friend! You are simply the best (cue Tina Turner).

    Oh and we are about ready to celebrate our 4th b-day. WOWSERS!

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  7. I remember this review! Yours is a bookmark I visit frequently, Matt. Part of it is because I miss you around these parts and want a fill. But more is the entertaining and informational content you produce. You're a very good writer and a great contributor to the art of the horror/exploitation genre.

    And when I say I miss you around here, I mean WE miss you. It hasn't been the same since you left. I hope you're doing really well in your new digs and I hope that a visit back east is in the future. Take care, bud and Happy Anniversary.

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  8. I'll second Marty's comment that WMass just isn't the same without you. Thank God you have CNAMB up so it feels like you're still around. Congrats on a year's worth of awesome blogging!

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  9. Thanks everyone for the congrats and kind words!

    Emily: I'm afraid of what them ladies will do with those gloves! Rectal exams don't come till later in life, right?!

    Rach: I can't believe it's only been a year. It feels like at least a year and three months! I'm mature beyond my years!

    Brian: I know! What an odd coincidence...I think Chuck has sent subliminal messages to me through his facial follicles. I often have the urge to karate chop people's necks!

    Carl: It certainly seems like I have been doing this nonsense forever, doesn't it?! Hopefully it just means I'll get better, but probably not! And yeah, The Glove is pretty boring in spots, but oh so entertaining in others. The opening is amazing!

    Ashlee: I would love to peruse that VHS vault so bad, Ashlee! I can imagine the gold that there is to be discovered in your mom's collection! Thanks a bunch and I am extremely grateful for you!

    POT!: I cannot believe you guys have been doing this for almost four years! That shit is crazy and I hope to be going that long (in bed), as well as being as awesome as you all are!

    Marty and Jeff: Thanks guys...I love it out here, but miss it back there just as much. Outside of Liz, there's no one cool to go to the movies with and the lack of Friday night hangouts is saddening. Hopefully soon enough we can all meet up for a con again...those were always the most fun by far!

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  10. happy bday and happy anni on the blog. my bday is tomorrow. here's to getting one year closer to the time where we order the fish sandwich and sanka at Mickey D's. Yea! we can do it!!!

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  11. It seems unreal that it could have been a year. I recall reading that first review and being really excited to see the voice I'd heard to many times call into podcasts writing something. Hmmm, see the voice. Maybe that's not quite right. Maybe it was really the strange tingly sensation that came over me when I was reading it.

    Well, at any rate, congratulations on a year of scribbling, and here's to many many years to come.

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  12. wiec?: Ha, and closer to the time where our coffee is not hot enough and it needs to be hot to the point of scolding! Thanks and I hope you have an awesome birthday, which will be official by my timezone in less than two hours!

    Bugg: Thanks brotha! I'm sorry that you had to read that first post, but thank you for sticking around! You blog was one of the first ones I knew about when I started getting into them, so you sir, are a legend to me! And an awesome dude too!

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  13. Hey Matt, congrats on CNAMB's first anniversary! Keep up the good work! And a belated Happy Birthday to you as well! I enjoyed The Glove review, thanks for reposting it. The movie sounds pretty entertaining, plus Sexy Saxon is in it, so you really can't go wrong.

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