Beard-Os And Badasses: The Punks Who Took Film News Underground

There is an new documentary in the works; a documentary that will explore how, through the internet, movie fans were able to take a hold of film news and criticism, adding their own voice for the world to hear. Beard-Os And Badasses focuses on a small movement that would become a revolution, and it’s this revolution that would come to inspire cinephiles across the world to create blogs, websites and podcasts of their own, forever changing the landscape of film criticism and news.

Now, I’ve been doing Chuck Norris Ate My Baby for nearly five years, and I have written for numerous websites and blogs throughout that time. I have also been very fortunate to become friends with a number of incredible people over the years as a direct result of communities that are built on blogging and podcasts. So needless to say, a documentary such as this really speaks to me in many ways.

With that being said, Beard-Os And Badasses is a masterpiece waiting to happen, but it needs a little help from good people like you and me. There are two ways you can help: donate to the Kickstarter and help spread the word. Simple, right?

Here’s a Kickstater video and press release with more info about this badass project and how YOU can help:

This was a movement bigger than any one site, more significant than a name. BEARD-Os AND BADASSES: The Punks Who Took Film News Underground is a new documentary film project that has exploded onto Kickstarter. In 1995 when Patrick Sauriol flipped the switch on his film news website Corona Coming Attractions, it changed everything. No longer was film reporting and criticism, in the exclusive hands of the few, privileged elite. For the first time, fans and enthusiasts threw their keyboards in the ring, and a revolution was launched.

BEARD-Os AND BADASSES, the feature length debut from Geoff Todd and H. Perry Horton, will be an in-depth look at The Punks who took control of an out of control and outdated mechanism. There were false starts, missteps, and plenty of controversy, but a revolution was launched that changed the entire landscape of American film journalism and criticism. It is the goal of this film to document each step, but we need your help.

Join the Revolution on Kickstarter, Already in Progress!

• Go to: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1034909631/beard-os-and-badasses
• Follow Us on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/beardosthemovie
• Like Us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/beardosthemovie
• Visit http://beardosandbadasses.com for more updates and ways to help!

We can't make this movie without you and we are going to do everything we can to make sure the world knows you helped us out. Pre-production is done; the next step is up to you. It's like a choose your own adventure book, only you end up with a cool as hell film and some killer rewards instead of a cheesy ending you saw coming from a mile away.

This is BEARD-Os AND BADASSES: The Punks Who Took Film News Underground!

The Slaterocalypse is Upon Us…

Not too long ago the mighty Eric from the equally mighty Back online. Back on Duty. asked if I would participate in an event worthy of busting out the ol' Black Jack Gum and cracking open that pack of menthols I stole from the corner store. This event would come to be known as Slaterocalypse, a week long celebration dedicated to the films of the great, and when I say great, I mean great, Christian Slater.

Now, chances are that Eric doesn't have access to my memories, so he probably isn't aware of the fact that there was a time when I was pretty much obsessed with a few of Slater's films, specifically Gleaming the Cube and Pump Up the Volume. Both films are a great representation of the type of kid I was at the time in which they came out, and I watched both of these movies on a constant basis. In fact, there were times when I used to watch Pump Up the Volume as often as twice a day (usually smoking stolen cigs). That sounds pretty over the top now, but I was 13 at the time and the rebellious nature of the film filled a void that very few could.

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is it's very awesome that Eric decided to ask me to take part in a Christian Slater theme week, because he is an actor who did a handful of films that were quite influential on me as a youngster. Now, Pump Up the Volume naturally would have been my first choice to review as a part of Slaterocalypse, but it was already taken, unsurprisingly. However, of the options that were left, I think I fared well considering I was able to pick a film that I not only have always enjoyed but one that I actually bought on DVD recently and had been wanting to rewatch, and that is Lot 249 from Tales from the Darkside: The Movie.

So, why not take a moments to stop by Back online. Back on Duty. to check out my horror host approach to Lot 249, and while you're there, check out all the other Christian Slater goodness that has overtaken his blog with the force of 10,000 hail storms. I don't even know what that means, but it does sound pretty bad ass. Click here for all the action! 

This One's for My Fallen Soldiers

Rest in Peace, Planet of Terror. Your warm and controlled touch will be missed by us all. 

A Gentlemanly Introduction to A Friend of Ours

There's a new kid on the blogosphere block and while there are already way too many to follow as it is, this times things are a little different. The blog in question is titled The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema, and is in conjunction with one of the planet's finest genre podcasts, The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema. If you aren't already aware of this podcast, then you are missing out on what is one of the finest and most versatile film podcasts out there, covering a vast array of the cinema that we all love dearly. The two main hosts, Willy and Samurai, are deeply knowledgeable film fans, and their sense of humor has a way of causing infectious giggle fits at any given moment.

So this new site will be, in essence, an extension of the show itself. It has been spearheaded by the hardest working man in genre blogging, Aaron of The Death Rattle, and there are a slew of other wonderful contributors that are sure to tickle your pickle with interest. T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair, Emily from The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense, as well as part time GGtMC guest hosts, Rupert Pupkin of Rupert Pupkin Speaks and Pickleloaf from Assorted Loaf, just to name a few. Also, I would be remised if I did not mention that the amazing and adorable Matt-suzaka of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby will also be contributing from time to time. Oh, wait, that's me!

So I urge you all to stop by The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema, become a follower and just watch as all your dreams slowly begin to come true. Do it for America!

And the Winners Are…

After much deliberation and difficult whittling down of posts, in the end, it was a toss of the dart that made the final decisions for the winners of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. It was just way too difficult to pick which post was better than the next, because each of the posts were simply great, and even more so, there was a lot of versatility in them as well as the writers that wrote them.

So without any further ado, I present the winners…

Second and third place prizes go to:

Emily C: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

&

T.L. Bugg: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Congrats to you both and you each shall receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

………………………………………………….

And the grand prize goes to:

Stacia: She Blogged By Night

A huge congratulations to Stacia, who has won herself all of these prizes!

There you have it, three very deserving blogs that put some quality Chuck in their posts. Each of the winners can email me their addresses so I can send out the prizes as soon as I feel like. Thanks again to everyone that took part in this historic event, it would have been nothing without your contributions. I really do wish you all could have won, but in a way you did, because I now love you and forever will you be safe in my home in case the apocalypse should begin. That's a promise.

Chuck Norris Ate These Blogs!

Here it is folks, every single one of the posts and entries into the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest Blogathon, all in one neat and tidy package for you to enjoy. There are quite a few links here, but it would be wicked rad if each of you try and check out as many of these as you can, if you already haven't read them of course.

There is nothing short of greatness from every one of these posts, and making the decisions on who is going to win will not be too easy for my impartial secret judge and especially myself. I have a feeling a hat may need to be involved at some point. Good luck to you all!

Blog: The Great White Dope

Post:

Invasion USA (1985)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: iZombie-Lover

Posts:

What Would Chuck [Norris] Do?

Chuck Norris is…20 Hard Reasons.

Day In The Life Of…CHUCK NORRIS

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Cinema Obsessed.com

Post:

Colorful Cameo: Chuck Norris in Dodgeball

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Four of Them

Posts:

Battle Royale: Katharine Hepburn vs. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris vs. Katherine Hepburn Battle Royale Round 2!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Porkhead's Horror Review Hole

Post:

Action Movie Monday Presents: Silent Rage

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Movie Feast

Doug Tilley's Post:

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

J.T.'s Post:

The Octagon (1980)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

Posts:

Chuck Norris Vs. Eeeeevil

Chuck Norris Vs. Ghostface

Chuck Norris Vs. Freddy Krueger

Chuck Norris Vs. The Wet Bandits

A Force of One (1979)

Chuck Norris Vs. Biff Tannen

Silent Rage (1982)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Enter the Man-Cave

Post:

Chuck Norris Has Met His Toughest Enemy Yet!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: From Beyond Depraved

Post:

BAD ISSUE Presents: Hellbound (1994)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: I Like Horror Movies

Post:

Carl's Failed Script Ideas: Terror of Mecha-Chuck Norris

……………………………………………………….

Blog: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Post:

A Tale of Two Matt Hunters: Norris vs. Dudikoff

……………………………………………………….

Blog: From Midnight, With Love

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate Bruce Lee? Not Exactly, But He Could Have!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: She Blogged By Night

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog: "Silent Rage" (1982)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Thrilling Days of Yesteryear

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Blogathon: Breaker! Breaker! (1977)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Confessions of a Fake Inuit

Post:

Why Do They Always Pick On My Hat?

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Buried in a Book Crypt

Post:

Chuck Norris Eats This: Sidekicks

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Billy Loves Stu

Post:

The movie Chuck Norris hopes you never see: Dr. Leather's House of Torture on Haunted Hill

……………………………………………………….

If I missed anyone, or if any of the links do not work properly, please, feel free to punch my neck really hard, therefore I will fix it with the quickness.

FIN

That there is a fancy way of saying done, finished, it's all over. Of course, I would be referring to the wonderful Blogathon known as the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. I put my contribution up only ten minutes before the "deadline," even though I wrote it at the beginning of the week…I'm such a goof, aren't I? Luckily, mine doesn't count, or I would have won all three prize packs, but that might constitute as cheating? Anyways, I received a nice amount of submissions, which I will be sorting through and posting links to all of them here in a monster-mega-post very very soon. Shortly after that, my unbiased secret judge will be helping with picking the winners, which will be announced by the end of this week. Probably.

I have gotten more than enough submission to keep me from having even been able to read them all still, which is a great thing, so I will be playing a whole lot of catch up in the following days, while trying to keep up with my meditation and Kung-Fu exercises. I'm sure I will do this more than once, but I really want to thank everyone that took the time to write something for this bearded cause. Heck, some people even wrote multiple posts, which is nothing short of awesome if I do say so myself. So thanks again. You all are true baby eaters. Now, watch this clip until you get tired of it. Oh wait, you never will.

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the dope prizes for this massive contest.

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest!

I have decided it's about damn time that we have a contest over here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, something I have been pondering doing for sometime now. Doing contests and shit like that isn't really my bag, but I wanted to do something that is fun and interactive as well as something that can give a few of my very awesome readers the chance to win some prizes! Oh, and I know you love prizes!

So, I thought it would be great to do a blogathon thingy, with the subject matter being that of the bearded one himself, Chuck Norris. What you have to do is, post anything pertaining to Chuck Norris, whether it be a review of anyone of his many films or even an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. You can even do a write up on the man's career in film, in the ring, in bed, it doesn't matter as long as it's Chuck related. It can be funny, it can be serious, heck, it can even be both if you so choose! Yowza! 

My only rules are that it has to be bearded and has to be posted with in the time frame, which will be May 24th through May 30th. Outside of that, there are no rules as far as content goes, and you don't even have to link to me or anything. That's not what it's about. Now, to be fair, if I have anyone that is a reader and not a blogger and wants to join in on the fun but has no place to post something, let me know in the comments section, or email me. I will have you send it to me so I can post it here. I don't want anyone to be left out. I believe in love for all.  

At the end of the contest, I will do a post with links to everyone that hopefully participates, and then, with help from a crack team of scientists and astrologers, the winners will be picked using formulas and measurements to determine which are the best posts. From there, three winners will be announced, with one for the grand prize and the two runner-up winners.

Now, here's what you can win!   

Grand prize:

A copy of Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper for XBOX 360!

A copy of both The Bloody Ape and Gothkill!

 

Issue number 9 of Paracinema Magazine!

A copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection which includes 12 films!

A copy of the 2009 Western/Horror hybrid, The Burrowers!

And finally, what Chuck Norris contest would be complete without a copy of one of the blonde babe's finest action films, Code of Silence? Well, you'll get a copy of that too, so this contest IS complete!

……………………………….

Second and Third place prizes:

Both second and third place winners will receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

So, that is a total of three chances to win something! But I know you got your eye on that big prize, don't you?

As I said, this is all going down May 24th through May 30th, so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. All submissions/post links can be sent to chucknorrisatemybaby (at) gmail (dot) com and please don't send me naked pictures. Unless you're a hot old lady that likes bowling. I also made up a few banners that any one of you are free to use, but it is not required to enter or participate in the contest. 

Shoot me some feedback or questions if you have any, and hopefully this turns out as fun as I envision it and not it to a complete disaster! Now, get out there and start blogging!

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the fine prizes.

Polishing a Turd

As you may have already noticed, I changed the look of the blog and quite drastically I must say. I have been wanting to do something different for a long time now (the brown blog never really worked, now did it?), so I took advantage of the new blogger design stuff to do so. I would love to hear feedback, if it looks fucking stupid, awesome, or is it difficult to read…blah, blah. I did try and go with a background as epic and powerful as the one who carries the beard, so I think I made a solid choice. BUT, if it is too distracting, please, let me know.

365 Days Later

Even though my actual date of physical birth was only a few days ago, today marks yet another birthday for me and that would be I have been blogging for exactly one year to this very day. The very first post, review, or anything of that nature that I ever did, came on March 11th of 2009 over at Paracinema…The Blog. I remember being pretty darned nervous in my early days posting reviews and other such nonsense at Paracinema, but over time, that changed as well as my comfortability writing.

Since my very first post, things have changed so much and I have met many great people through Paracinema and here, at CNAMB. I feel blessed that several awesome people even bother to read my shit and so many leave such great comments and kind words. I write for a lot of reasons, but one of the most rewarding is to get a positive comment about something I wrote, or an email, or DM on twitter from someone saying that they love CNAMB. It really brings joy to my naughty parts, so thank you to everyone that reads this, or any post I ever write.

Now that I'm done being a pussy, I shall share with you my very first ever blog post by reposting it right here, completely unedited. It's a review of The Glove, and to say this review is rough around the edges is putting it lightly. While I might not be the best writer on the block, I sure as hell have gotten better at least! Enough of my words already, read my yucky review of, The Glove (!)!

No Glove. No Love

So in searching for something interesting to watch late one lonely and most likely semi nude night, I stumbled upon the 1979 masterwork, "The Glove." Paired up with "Search and Destroy" on the Dark Sky Films' "Drive in Double Feature" release. The Glove stars one John "Fuck Yeah!" Saxon, and Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier. With a tag line as powerful as "Wanted: Dead NOT Alive" and an opening credit sequence consisting of some of the finest music (Performed by the Glove himself Roosevelt Grier) and animation this side of the brown bowl, you might think you’re in for a serious treat. You are for the most part, as this is the perfect party movie to watch with some drunken friends. (Or semi nude and all alone.)

This Ross Hagen directed story is simple enough, Sexy Saxon plays Sam Kellog, a bounty hunter with a vicious tan who is paid 20 g’s to track down and detain Victor Hale (Grier) AKA The Glove! (I don’t think that’s what he really goes by…but I like to think so) The Glove(!) has been on a rampage of epic proportions, taking revenge on the prison guards that wrongly lumped him up while serving his jail sentence. The Glove's(!) weapon of choice is of course the same weapon the guards used on him…a glove. Though this is no ordinary glove. This is the kind of glove that demands respect. The kind of glove that is made up of "Bad ass" and "oh shit!" Why he doesn't have two gloves I’ll never know. I guess this one glove is more than enough when it comes to taking care of business.

As mentioned earlier the movie starts off strong with an awesome title sequence and quickly moves into one of the most ridiculous, yet fun scenes in this entertaining, but semi boring film. When you see The Glove(!) gearing up John Rambo style, you know someone's catching a beat down. The best is when he slides the glove on, and slowly closes his hand into a fist, only to quickly reopen his hand showing that this is not a glove made for winter. Decked out in what appears to be an MLB catcher's gear and a motorcycle helmet (all in black of course) that he needs to keep him safe from injury, as he travels by a…uh…car. The Glove(!) rolls up on his first victim to find him banging some girl he shouldn't be in the backseat of a car. Well these two dirty birds are in for a rude awakening when The Glove(!) tears apart the car with his super powered glove of death and makes mince meat out of its inhabitants. After this great beginning, the movie has little to no action at all. I spent a lot of time waiting to see some gloved action again. It’s not a terrible movie though, Saxon is very solid and carries the film for the most part. And he is involved in what is a strange yet entertaining scene involving a male homosexual couple that needs to be seen to be believed.

Another aspect I do like about this film is it’s the type of movie that the protagonists and antagonists are not all that clear. While somewhat silly, you see a light side of the Grier character that shows he’s not just some mindless prick out to kill for revenge, but actually has a heart too. Aww how sweet.

The ending is kind of entertaining, as we get a show down between Saxon and The Glove(!) where the tables are turned, and Sax gets a chance to do some damage with the glove against the…uh…glove(!) and you think its ass kickin time, right?! Well even the all mighty water resistant Glove cant help a 160 pound Saxon against a 250 pound ex NFL defensive tackle. Or does it? I’ll leave it up to you to find out for yourself.

If any of this sounds like your cup of Joe and you have been yearning for a good Halloween costume idea, then I would have to recommend giving The Glove(!) a whirl.

FreeDUMB of Speech?

Something was recently brought to my attention that I really thought should be shared with my readers/lovers/fellow bloggers. Something that I found to be quite disturbing. No, it has nothing to do with blog contest nominations, or killer whales THAT KILL, or even the "I am a motherfucker!" bus brawl. Nope, it has to do with a certain criticism that has resulted in quite the internet mess for a certain blogger.

This all started back in the middle of January when Dangerous Jamie posted a critical piece on a UK Horror magazine over at his blog, Let’s Get Dangerous. The post was titled An Open Letter to Gorezone Magazine and was just that, an open letter to the editors of the Gorezone, stating what issues he took with the magazine in question.

This open letter has spawned something of an internet frenzy for Jamie and his blog, mainly because he and his blog have been attacked for his critical comments. There are 176 (and counting…) comments on the post in question, many of which are filled with hateful remarks towards Jamie, his blog and his defenders. Remarks that are filled with violent threats, insults about weight and appearance, homophobia and ill wishes for Jamie’s physical wellbeing. You know, nice things.

Now, I have read the piece and being that I read many reviews and criticism of books, movies, etc…as well as write critical reviews of movies myself, his open letter was anything but a viscous attack on the magazine. He pointed out that there were a lot of grammatical errors to be found in each issue, and he questioned the magazine’s content choices as well as it’s depiction of women. In my very reasonable opinion, he did this in a completely respectable fashion, pointing out some positive aspects of the mag as well.

I have read the magazine in the past, but only a few times, so to be fair, I cannot say whether or not Jamie’s criticisms are true. But what is true, is it’s Jamie’s criticism, his opinion, and he is completely allowed to have an opinion as do you and I. That is where things get a lot sketchier and quite shocking.

Unless Jamie takes down the post, Gorezone has threatened legal action, claiming that his constructive criticism was slanderous and a defamation of character. They are also threatening copy right infringement for his use of a photo that he had in the post, a photo that he found on Google (but has since removed) and is legal to use in the context of a review. Now, this is UK law, so it’s obviously not the same as America, but considering that Gorezone is a horror movie magazine that partakes in critical reviews and are going after someone over a negative review, is a little disheartening.

This is where my big issue comes from. First of all, the thought that someone is being attacked for having an opinion is unacceptable, especially when that opinion is a fair one and not given in a hateful tone. Second, someone be bullied for their opinion is incredibly cowardly and if Shock Till You Drop did the same thing as Let’s Get Dangerous, would this be happening? Hell. No. Gorezone is using threats to force someone to remove their fair opinion, threats that have absolutely no ground. They cannot sue him. If they did, they sure as hell wouldn’t win.

They don’t want to go to court. That's why they’re threatening him, they want to scare him into removing the post. As a blogger, the thought that anyone would try and censor me, is a thought that shouldn’t be. And heaven forbid anyone ever try to. Using clout and false power to push around the little guy is flat out unfathomable as well as a form of bullying. This would be like the filmmakers behind Automation Transfusion threatening me because I trashed their movie, and that thought is sickening.

Besides the legal threats, Jamie claims that 15 of the commenters that left the crude and hate filled remarks on his post are from the same IP address. An address that links back to Gorezone. It’s very easy to track back IP addresses, I have yours right now, so this is something that could very well be true. Still, this is Jamie’s claim, not fact, but it is something that could easily be proven if need be.

What is fact, though, is that one of the administrators at GZ’s forums has not one, but two sticky posts that pertain to this particular subject matter. These posts are very misleading and state that the “blogger” attacked Gorezone, it’s staff and it’s readers. Something that would only be intended to rile up GZ fans indirectly, by playing the victim role. There is even someone that has gone on the GZ forums claiming to be Jamie and has made negative remarks, thus stirring the pot even more.

Why is Gorezone so offended by one blogger’s thoughts? I have no clue, but what they are doing is wrong in so many ways and they are doing nothing but hurting their reputation by treating a horror fan and a budding critic the way they are. I have no ill will or any issue with Gorezone the magazine, or anyone involved, but I do take issue with how they are handling such a situation. From an outsider's perspective, they are clearly in the wrong.

I know this post is a bit long, but I think this is something that's important to everyone of us for a variety of reasons, thus my reason for sharing. I encourage you to read the post, some of the comments, and the GZ forum posts. I have shared my opinion, and now I ask you: Is Jamie’s post deserving of threatened legal action?

Horror Blogger Alliance

If you are not yet aware of the Horror Blogger Alliance, it’s the brain child of mister sassy himself, Carl (not Weathers) of I Like Horror Movies fame and is the hottest thing since sex addiction. It’s a community for all horror bloggers to come together, a place where we all can love freely without fear of persecution. Anyone can join, all you have to do is head over to the blog and join up via a follow, or by leaving a comment saying you want your blog added into the mix. As I said, it’s open to ANYONE that is down with horror blogging and there is no sort of real rules or anything expected of you.

Still in its infantile stages, things will be evolving naturally into something very cool and there are some great community things already in motion, for example: friendly hot topic horror debates and maybe a fantasy horror league. If you have something big going on, like maybe an interview with the hottest new French horror director, or maybe a special theme month at your blog, HBA is a great way to spread the word about it to our fellow horror bloggers. Suggestions are very welcome, of course as this is something that can grow due to what we give to it. Head over to the blog, catch up on what’s happening, and join in on the fun! Oh, and there’s a spaghetti dinner ever third Sunday of the month!      

Meet the Horror Bloggers Spotlight!

About a month ago, John Cozzoli aka Iloz Zoc of Zombos’ Closet of Horror fame, asked if I would like to be one of the horror bloggers spotlighted in his weekly Meet the Horror Blogger’s segment. Being that I truly enjoy talking about myself, I was very ecstatic and honored to be considered for the prestigious spotlight. It’s basically an about me – how I got into horror films and into blogging, with some personal stuff mixed in for some added flavor. Plus, there’s a ridiculous picture of me that I submitted, where I look like I have a dump in my pants.

In all seriousness, I had a lot of fun writing it and honestly, I wrote so much, I had to omit a couple of paragraphs to keep it from being too long (I’m like T.O., but with better hands)! It’s not easy to condense the many influences in my life that led me to where I am now, but I did my best and I hope you all can take a couple of moments to check it out. A huge thanks to John for asking me to partake in this…I really appreciate it and am truly flattered.

Clickity click the link and away you go!

WHAT!?!?!?! Still, Nothing for That Purdy Smile of Mine?

Well, it would appear that love certainly is in the air and the awards and memes are going around faster than H1N1 at an airport. Now, just one post ago – you know, the one right below this one, I was given and gave out so many awards that my ass started to swell from shaking it so much in celebration.

A lot of people that I have awarded this time and in times past have awarded me once again and I thank them for that so dearly, but I don’t think I could do a follow up post for each one because that would take FOREVER! Or at least a few hours, either way, long enough and I already did my post for those awards, so I’m covered.

I did get a new one, however and it’s a pretty dope one to be exact and one I do not already have and the requirements are much easier this time around. The award – the Zombie Chicken Award and it is described as it says in the following…

The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words.

Cah-razy! This award of excellence was given to me by a man often known as the sexiest man in all of blogging – outside of me, of course and that man is B-Sol, or Brian (if we’re not going by our Hip-Hop names!) of The Vault of Horror. Brain has been a great friend of CNAMB and his support is appreciated more than he will ever know…so thank you Brain.

Now, on to five blogs that are great! As I said in the last post, I do not want to list any blogs that I have given awards to in the past. Since I read so many deserving blogs, I would rather spread the love to all of them – the only tough part is picking which ones and making sure I haven't mentioned them in the past. So my five picks for the Zombie Chicken Award goes to…(Zombie Chicken Drumstick role?)

In Nervous Convulsion Great newer blog by my good friend, Heaven’s Trash.

Movie Feast Which has a few authors, but Doug Tilley is the main beast of this great blog.

Fascination With Fear I am fascinated by Chris Hadden’s fascinatingly awesome blog!

The Gore Gore Girl XXX through a feminist lens Sleazy! And I love it, Gore-Gore Girl brings the nekkid movies to dizzying heights in this super fun blog.

Zombots! The Dive Mistress breaks it down with an awry of horror subject matter in this final and amazing blog pick!

There you go…awards for even more award worthy blogs. Thanks to all that have been supporting CNAMB and thanks to B-Sol for doing his thing and for loving me in a way that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable.

What? No Award for Prettiest Smile?!

The ugly brown looking blog you are reading right now has been given an award from our very good friend Geof of Enter the Man Cave. It is the Kreativ Blogger award for Kreativity (so hip-hop sounding!) and CNAMB is proud to have been loved by the one that wants us all to Enter his Man Cave! As you may know, there are a few rules that apply whenever an award like this goes around…

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog (it’s already on the left side!).
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

So first I would like to thank Geof for this honor and for being a supporter and friend of CNAMB since nearly the beginning. I also would like to thank him for putting together such a fine blog himself and Enter the Man Cave is a Man Cave more than worth Entering. Thanks Geof!

And here is my seven interesting things about me:

1. I was once on the cover of an Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine for a story that was up for a couple of awards.

2. I don’t watch a lot of network TV, but when I do get into a show, it’s usually on DVD or On-Demand. I have gone through seasons in one sitting and I most recently stayed up till 7am watching the last 6 episodes of Lost. Dork? Yup.

3. While I thought it was the stupidest show when it was originally airing on TV, I succumbed to Dawson’s Creek and would watch numerous episodes in the early mornings and late nights when back-to-back-to-back episodes would air.

4. I love string cheese and eat at least two a day…usually after I eat a meal.

5. I met Dave Chappelle and hung out with him for more than five minutes.

6. I was playing with fire when I was younger and set the trash in the basement on fire, almost burning down the entire house.

7. I made out with your mom at a disco party once…she kisses really well.

Now for my seven Kreativ blogs…I did this a couple times last year and named quite a few blogs back then(which you can see here, here, and here), so I am not going to repeat any of those blogs here. I read A LOT of blogs – so many that I cannot even comment on half of them, so this is going to be a tough choice and know that if your blog is not mentioned, it is not because I do not love you. It’s because you wont sleep with me.

1. Planet of Terror Complaint Dept and my boy, Cortez the Killer rock the dope reviews and even make it a point to spotlight and support great Independent horror cinema – even doing interviews with the filmmakers behind them. Also, Cortez’s taste in trashy horror is to die for!

2. The Horror Digest Andre (short for Andrea) is witty, consistent, and always brings a fresh take on the movies she covers. Her humor is some of the best in the blogging business, she is incredibly snarky (maybe even more so than me), she pulls no punches and that is what I love about her!

3. Midnight Confessions Movie Reviews What can I say about the Reverend Phantom? Man, does this guy do an amazing job with what may be the most difficult of review techniques…the video review. He’s very funny, covers a ton of great trash and has a style all his own. His video reviews are superbly put together and must take so much time to produce, but I’m happy he does, ‘cause I love them.

4. Italian Film Review Nigel posts numerous reviews about the wonderful world of Italian cinema…covering all the Exploitation, Spaghetti Westerns and Euro Crime goodness (and everything in-between) that can be found in the land of mozzarella! Best part about his reviews, besides his knowledge of the movies themselves, is they are very short and you can blast through them quick and get exactly what he thinks about the film.

5. The Jaded Viewer Jeff, better known for being Jaded, is another hard worker always putting out interesting and great reviews with a nice set up with how he structures them. I love that he rates all of his films in Van Damme Kumite spin kicks and he is just a great guy to interact with and brings a lot of fun to his posts every time.

6. All Things Horror Mike Snoonian and Chris Hallock will Double Impact your brain like Jean Claude with their amazing blog. They cover all things horror as the title would suggest and that includes book and movie reviews, blog spotlights, and even special effects tips! The mostest awesome thing about them, they do special horror events at the Somerville Theater in Massachusetts, where they show horror films from independent filmmakers. That’s what it’s all about!

7. Musings Across A Continuum Ms Harker does it all, from news, books and movie reviews, to just plain old banter. She has a fun – quirky and very insightful way about every subject she tackles and it is always a great joy to stop by this blog, which might be the best looking one around, just for the record!

Enjoy your much deserved award guys!

And Moving on…

Now, not only did I get Kreativ recently, but I also got tagged by Carl of I Like Horror Movies fame with a Meme. The rules of this one are similar, but a little less than that of the award for best tush. I mean for Kreativ blogging. First, I must share the three best things that happened to me this past decade and then name five blogs (but I’m doing six) to keep the Meme going if they so choose to participate.

First, I’ll thank Carl for showing me some love, as he too has been a great friend of CNAMB since almost the beginning and he also puts out one of the best blogs around! Thank you so much, sweet checks!

Here are the three best things that happened to me this past decade in as few words as possible (‘cause I’m getting tired):

1. Number one is meeting my girlfriend, or fiancé if you don’t believe in freedom. This is as easy as it gets for a decade highlight…together for nearly a decade ourselves, she is da bomb and I love her. And if I didn’t pick her, she would get mad. Wokka-wooka!

2. Netflix instant watch. Need I say more?

3. And one that I should mention as best thing of the decade for me, I won’t, because it will come up soon enough in something else I wrote. Instead, I will say that when my lady and I were in a wedding contest a few years back is a great moment for me in the last ten.

We had something like 2,200 votes and lost to some ugly, loser couple that had 2,500 votes and then broke up after they won ‘cause the girl was apparently a slut! Sounds kinda shitty, I know and why would this be a great moment in the last ten years? Because we had TWOTHOUSANDTWOHUNDRED (something) VOTES! Friends and family and friends of friends and family of friends and friends of family came together and gave us so much support, that it was just fantastic.

You know way too much about me…

Okay, now on to six MORE blogs that give me a stiff one, because I love them so…

1. Heart in a Jar Senski puts out a wonderful and intelligent blog with a very wide variety of horror related subject matter with each and every post. This is a must read and his Siskel & Ebert & Slashers post is one hell of a great read!

2. Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire Is as the title would suggest, a dark and delightful blog brought to us by the wonderful Tenebrous Kate. She covers all sorts of great foreign horror films and in the same humorous breath, she will review the sleaziest of the sleazy, and I love me some sleaze!

3. GoreGoreDancer’s Movie Reviews Aleata covers horror a plenty, but she is also into doing her own horror movies and even better, she posts some of the short films she made on her blog. She puts herself out there and isn’t afraid to do her own thing and it shows in her topics and writing.

4. Cavalcade of Perversions The title says it all and Jenn has a sassy style all her own when it comes to covering sleaze and cheese – or talking about her cats even! She dives head first into the dumpster and finds some great films that might be just plain awful, but there is a diamond in the rough from time-to-time and that is something I appreciate greatly.

5. The WGON Helicopter This is a newer blog I discovered and as with every blog mentioned here, Dod puts out a quality blog that covers many things that horror has to offer shuffled into the great reviews he does. He even did a great post on the music of Nick Cave and spotlighted a few of his favorite songs from the artist. Great stuff!

6. Zombies Don’t Run Chuck don’t fuck around and has been smashing out numerous posts covering all different topics in the world of a horror fan. Great reviews and a lot of fun nostalgic posts keep me coming back every day to see what’s new!

In all seriousness, go to my blog roll for honorable mentions – all blogs on there are nothing short of great.

Thanks for reading all this crap about me and thanks to Geof and Carl for being so purdy. I hope everyone checks out their blogs and the other blogs I listed – I wouldn’t list them if they weren’t great, or if their authors didn’t earn it in other ways, if ya know what I mean!

Chuck Norris on the LAMB Leaderboard!

About a month ago, this magical little blog that you are reading right this very moment became old enough (three months to be exact) for LAMB consideration. For those who do not know, The LAMB stands for The Large Association of Movie Blogs and is the premier movie blog directory (well, now it is!), a one-stop shop for readers and blogger's alike. So CNAMB became a member of The LAMB and after the first month of membership, CNAMB made it on The LAMB leaderboard! The leaderboard works from click-through's from this site to The LAMB's site and apparently my 9 readers have clicked enough to get me on the leaderboard! This made me extremely happy and I don't know if it means anything outside of making me feel warm and fuzzy, but it does and that is all that matters.

So thanks to the LAMB for letting an asshole like me be down with their cause and thanks to all of you who read and comment and follow and get some sort of enjoyment out of reading posts where all I talk about is boobs. I truly appreciate it and the comments have been nothing short of spectacular and they are a big reason for my enjoyment in doing this blog. The interaction with, meeting, and befriending some quality horror fans, many with crazy dope blogs themselves, makes all of this worth it. Now go and click on that LAMB thing up on the left side of the page and while you're at it, why not click on that HS Top 100 thingy too. You should have known there'd be a catch when I was being so sweet!

Three More Days Till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

I went and put up a big fat baby ass with a pumpkin painted on it for my header in the spirit of the last week of Chucktober and the final and insanely sad moments before Halloween passes us by...like a candle in the wind. You know for a fact that baby ass is gonna be pumpkin pie for a certain bearded male with roundhouse kick capability, but till the season is over, safe that ass is. As always, I have had an okay Halloween, filled with a lot of excitement and a sliver of letdown for whatever lame reasons that decide to come up and ruin things.

I was off from work on Thursday and did whatever I do when not working (kicking a ton of ass and tanning). When Sunday rolled around, I was out of work remarkably early, so I thought, "I can go to one of the two local Haunted Houses tonight!" Nope. The mother fucking Haunted Houses are closed on Sundays - and here's the kicker...they're open on Thursdays! So I could have went to both of the local haunts in one day, but I would have never thought that a "weekend attraction" would be open on a weekday, let alone closed on a Sunday.

Being that I moved not too long ago, I got a new job, which is good, right? Yeah, good until you walk in and see a sign asking that no employees take off Halloween, or the day beforehand for that matter. I can begrudgingly deal with that a little more as I understand it's the weekend and I am new, so who am I really to complain. However, I will complain about the fact that two out of three pumpkins were snagged from my house the other night! I feel like I've been raped. By a shark. I shouldn't get too pissed...it's not like I've never taken a pumpkin from a house before, but mixed in with the Haunted House thing, it just really chaps my ass.

On the bright side, I am very happy that I can safely leave the rest of my Halloween decorations outside without anyone messing with them - and pumpkins of gigantic sizes are on sale at Walfart for $1. $1! Oh yeah, I did have a can of soup in the witches cauldron out in front to keep it from blowing away in the wind, but those cock-hairs took that too. At least it was vegetable soup, so no real loss I guess...in fact, I should thank them.

There have been plenty of ups to go with my downs however. I'm pretty psyched that I was able to see a few good horror films in theaters lately with Zombieland last week and Paranormal Activity tonight (reviews soon to follow). As always with this time of year, there are a ton of great Halloween programs on TV and I cannot get enough of it! Nothing says Halloween quite like Theo Huxtable in a Dracula custom topped off with a jheri curl wig! There is also a ton of Halloween fun to check out in the blog world too.

Over at Dinner With Max Jenke, my good buddy Jeff has a "Trick or Trailers" countdown to Halloween going on right this very second. He has some awesome trailers and his nostalgic thoughts on them are always entertaining. Every ones favorite Bugg, as in T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair has his own countdown titled: The Halloween Top 13: The Sequel! This is where he counts down his 13 favorite Horror sequels of all time and his picks have been mighty fine thus far. Also, keep a look out, as yours truly will be showing up on there with my own list of favorite horror sequels too! There are a ton of other blogs doing great Halloween shit, but too many for me to mention in just one post.

However, I would like to direct you all over to our good friends (and proud Baby Eaters!) at Planet of Terror who have an interview with Will Devokees, a 20 year old filmmaker who is finishing up his very first feature film, Macabre Medicine. This Grindhouse homage is self-financed by the young filmmaker and we here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby are big supporters of any one that has the tenacity to even attempt to make their own movie...independent Horror is the driving force of creativity, so support it I shall!

I gotta get moving...the Scream Awards are on and that will probably be kind of mediocre I'm sure, but at least it will have some cool shit on it mixed in with the lame musical performances, so I'll check it out. Thanks for listening to my whining and bitching and I would love to hear how your Halloween holiday season is going thus far. Until then, Happy happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

Mad Monster Throw Down!

Earlier in the week I was asked to participate in a blogger opinion article for GeekBlips, and the question posed was one of epic proportions - Which are more dangerous to the human race, Zombies or Vampires? Being I am a fan of both Zombies and non-Twilight Vampires, I was more than happy to participate in such a task. There were a handful of other bloggers that joined in on the fun and the end result is some great answers that make for anentertaining read that goes perfectly with the ongoing Chucktober celebration. It's funny, I was asked to try to keep my answer under 200 words, and I really did try, but I'm so full of hot air, I ended up a little over the required word count. About 400 words over to be exact! Way to impress the people over at GeekBlips by not following directions!

If you do not know what GeekBlips is, well, it is a collection of all the hottest Geek related news stories via websites and blogs. If you like a particular story, you can Vote It Up! and give it a little boost in the rankings. The more people that vote for a story, the longer it stays on the front page and the more chances that others may see and read that post. Also, links from other blogs and sites help with a stories placement along with the actual blogs/sites positioning on the overall blog rankings list. Other than GeekBlips, there are plenty of other "Blips" to be found and enjoyed, such as MovieBlips, TVBlips, and of course my fave, HorrorBlips (just to name a few). HorrorBlips is one that I check out the most, and I should note that I have a pretty nice consistent ranking with in the top 10-15 on there for this fine blog that you are enjoying right this very second!

If you want to read my answer to the age-old question of who is more dangerous to humanity, Zombies or Vampires, I would be very upset with you if you didn't head over to GeekBlips to read my definitive answer! While you are there, check out all the shit you can find and if you find it in your heart, I would love if you took the time to vote for my posts over at HorrorBlips and GeekBlips (which I just joined) along with any others that may tickled your pickle! If you have a blog and aren't on board, then I would suggest giving it a try too. It's good for traffic and gets more eyes on what you write, which is kinda the point, right?

Here is a direct link to the article on GeekBlips, and if you wanna go the horror route, you can find it through HorrorBlips too! Hope you enjoy my answer, and I would love to hear your opinion on the subject...especially if it's an opposing one - cause there aren't many!

Reading Rainbow of Blood!

Take a look; it's in a book, Reading Rainbow! Wait a second here...what the hell is a book?! Okay, I'm just messing around when I say that, but I do say it because the physical written word has become almost extinct and taken over by things like movies, video games, pod casts, Internet porn, shit like that...and no, reading on your computer doesn't count! Same deal goes for magazines, newspapers, etc...stuff like that has been murdered by the ease of access to specific content - thanks to the machine that sits right in front of you - glowing with the warmth of knowledge and information all right there with the movement of a mouse and a left click.

I am not one to throw stones at all...that is not my purpose here. I still buy magazines, but I often find that I barely read them cover to cover, like I did even a few years ago (save for Paracinema!). I have a read a few books over the past two or three years - I would say probably about five maybe? That is not very many at all, and I hate the fact that I do not read at least one book every month or two...shit is fundamental, right? I just get wrapped up in reading a disgusting amount of movie news that is to be found on the Internet, listening to pod casts, watching movies, making baby batter, reading and writing blogs. I just do not have the time. But that is a bullshit excuse, I should make the time, because nothing is more rewarding than reading a good book, a good horror book to be exact.

I am a very nostalgic person, and I think of my youth very fondly, and a big part of my childhood that I loved most was reading a great horror novel, or short story, and letting my imagination carry me to spooky land! The Muppet Babies had their finger on their pulse of what is fun, imagination, and nothing inspires imagination quite like books. They truly do make your dreams come true.

Why the crap am I all about books right now you ask? Well, even if you didn't, I'm gonna tell ya anyways! B-Sol over at The Vault of Horror invited a group of black belt worthy bloggers to put together their top 10 list of favorite horror literature (Just in time for Chucktober!). When this was posed to me, I thought about how I have not read enough books in so many years and that my list would be a little difficult to put together. It wasn't too bad when I sat down, thought about it, and looked through my book collection, but outside of Zombie Survival Guide, I haven't read any of these books in over ten years - at least! Moreover, these are books that made my list too! I have seen all of the movies that make my top ten favorite horror films list probably once a year! That is sad to me, slightly embarrassing to be honest, and hopefully this little experiment in ultimate horror literature results in me doing a little more reading now.

The stipulations were really just that the choices had to be horror. Books, short stories, and poetry were allowed equally, and I'm fine with that. I am not a big poetry guy though, so none of that on my list...this is Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, not Jessica Tandy Ate My Rose Petals! Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Below is my list, I really don't have full rhyme or reason to the order outside of the first five or so, but as I always do, I tried to keep it somewhat varied, while putting books that I love, or loved growing up. I also added a few honorable mentions that I didn't even send to Mr. Sol, but put them on here because they are all *this* close to making the list, but ultimately, had to be axed.

1. Bram Stoker: Dracula
2. H.P. Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness
3. Clive Barker: Books of Blood: Volumes One through Three
4. Mary Shelley: Frankenstein
5. Richard Matheson: I Am Legend
6. Stephen King: Pet Sematary
7. H.P. Lovecraft: The Case of Charles Dexter Ward
8. Whitely Strieber: Communion
9. Clive Barker: Cabal
10. Max Brooks: Zombie Survival Guide

Honorable mentions...　
Robert Bloch: Psycho
Stephen King: Salem's Lot & Cycle of the Werewolf!
Ray Bradbury: Fahrenheit 451 (Easily would have made it, but more Sci-Fi than horror)

Six of my picks made the list, not that it's a surprise, and I am happy to see my number one pick, Dracula made its deserving position in this ultimate list too. Maybe I should read that again in honor of this revelation that I hope I am able to maintain. Now to see the results of my list and another 20 or so horror bloggers, check out "The Greatest Fright Fiction of All Time! The Cyber-Horror Elite Takes on Literature!" over at The Vault of Horror. Please comment, as comments are always welcome, I'm sure there will be some interesting dialogue about the ultimate list that was put together, but I can back it as being a proper one in my non-reading ass opinion. Any comments on my personal list, I would love to hear them, and I would love to read a book with you sometime...maybe swinging in a hammock 69 style while listening to California Dreamin'...maybe?