Happy Harry Warden Day!

As I sit Indian style in a field of golden wheat, bathed in the illuminous rays of the summer's sun (just go along with it), away I pluck at my six string, singing to you, Happy Valentine's Day!

Love Makes People Do the Craziest of Things…

Happy Valentine's Day, creeps!

Memoirs of An Invisible Man

Well, I wrote the review for this film about three months ago and for whatever reason, I just didn’t seem to find the right time to post it. Now that it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought what better time to put up my review of 3-Iron? A film that made my top 25 of the decade, mind you (and at number 11!). This is my anti-Hollywood made/spoon-feed romance film review in a way. While many people will sadly go out to theaters and see that piss shit of a movie, Valentine’s Day, I prefer to spread the word about a film that is the true meaning of meaning, a true film, in the truest sense. It’s not horror, but I urge you all to check out the review and the movie at some point. Happy Valentine’s Day, bitches!

If someone lives their life in solidarity and are not seen by others around them, do they even exist? I guess I don't even know if some of you exist unless you leave a comment, but you could be reading my blog once or twice a week for all I know. That is almost the idea behind the Kim Ki-duk directed 3-Iron (Bin-jip). A brilliant idea in the narrative of a story that is an unconventional one, and one that in normal conventions, I despise from the lack of creativity found within. That would be, the love story.

Love stories in film are so often bullshit nonsense, and it's so rare to find one that transcends the onslaught of garbage that caters to uncreative minds (usually these films star someone like Sandra Bullock…*fart noise*). I can be a major sucker for a love story, but it has to be good, touching, real and not exploitative of the human condition. Kim Ki-duk has written and directed one of the most well crated and thought out love stories I have seen in some time.

The film stars Jae Hee as Tae-suk who uses the front of leaving take-out menus on people’s doors to find out if they are home or not. When he discovers a home is left to his own device, he breaks in and makes it his own. He doesn't steal anything nor does he do anything bad really (outside of some significant pranks), he actually takes care of the place by cleaning things and fixing broken items. He acts as if he is in his own home and treats it as such - maybe even better. Tae-suk goes farther than to take the place over, he seems to want to have some sort of connection to the family that really lives there - he does so by taking pictures of himself with the family photos hanging on the walls as if he is in the picture with them.

He seems like he may be bored and slightly lonely, and in his loneliness, he has become very methodical and precise with the things he does with each home he goes into. Eventually, he makes his way into a home that is not as empty as he would think. There is woman named Sun-hwa (played by Seung-yeon Lee) inside who sees Tae-suk but does nothing at first, instead, she watches him. She seems to be partially captivated by him and what he is doing around her house...taking care of things and becoming a part of a family that he assumes knows not of his existence.

Sun-hwa, besides being curious about her polite intruder, has visible signs of physical abuse from what would be her overbearing husband. She may be ashamed of being seen this way, which could also factor in her not confronting him immediately. She does eventually bump into him when he catches her spying on him as he is in her bed. Tae-suk takes off, only to come back and in a way, save this woman from her abusive relationship.

Both characters are suffering from loneliness as we already know from Tae-suk's actions, but the controlled, abusive life that Sun-hwa is living, makes her just as isolated as her quasi hero. They are connected by their secluded lives, to become secluded together. Sun-hwa joins Tae-suk in his home invasion adventures and partakes in the practices that he does in these empty homes. They almost become one, and like a pair of ghosts, they seem to haunt these residences, only leaving residual essence behind for the true owners to never fully be able to pick up on. While they do act almost as one, they are also avoiding what they feel about one another until the most subtle of movements connects them in the biggest way.

Neither one of the characters speak one line of dialogue in 3-Iron's entire run time, and it is fantastic how so many small actions can speak larger than any words that they could belt out or be written for that matter. They are kindred-spirits, a couple who only know the existence of each other as they play in other peoples playgrounds. In their comfort with one another, they are eventually caught, and this results in Tae-suk being jailed and Sun-hwa being trapped back home with her abusive husband who has now changed his ways, apparently. Too little too late, as Sun-hwa is in love with Tae-suk and is completely devastated being separated from him.

I would prefer not to go any further into the plot, as I have left it very open and the third act of 3-Iron is best left to be discovered by the viewer's eyes, not this reviewer's words. I'll say that the movie goes into some almost fairytale like territory, but not in a cheesy way, in fact, it is quite brilliant and poignant. Love story or not, 3-Iron is not a romance film, as it doesn't need to stoop to the level of cheap romantic tricks. You aren't hit over the head with their love, it evolves naturally, like the characters do themselves.

3-Iron is a nicely paced and shot film that carries you through the journey and evolution of both Sun-hwa and Tae-suk, and the silent performances from the two leads are amazing and at times magical. The significance of the littlest things in this film is remarkable, whether it be a wall picture, a touch of the foot, or even a scale for weighing yourself. The underlying message that I took from 3-Iron is, to be alone is to be nonexistent, but to be alone with someone you love, is true existence. Word.

WHAT!?!?!?! Still, Nothing for That Purdy Smile of Mine?

Well, it would appear that love certainly is in the air and the awards and memes are going around faster than H1N1 at an airport. Now, just one post ago – you know, the one right below this one, I was given and gave out so many awards that my ass started to swell from shaking it so much in celebration.

A lot of people that I have awarded this time and in times past have awarded me once again and I thank them for that so dearly, but I don’t think I could do a follow up post for each one because that would take FOREVER! Or at least a few hours, either way, long enough and I already did my post for those awards, so I’m covered.

I did get a new one, however and it’s a pretty dope one to be exact and one I do not already have and the requirements are much easier this time around. The award – the Zombie Chicken Award and it is described as it says in the following…

The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words.

Cah-razy! This award of excellence was given to me by a man often known as the sexiest man in all of blogging – outside of me, of course and that man is B-Sol, or Brian (if we’re not going by our Hip-Hop names!) of The Vault of Horror. Brain has been a great friend of CNAMB and his support is appreciated more than he will ever know…so thank you Brain.

Now, on to five blogs that are great! As I said in the last post, I do not want to list any blogs that I have given awards to in the past. Since I read so many deserving blogs, I would rather spread the love to all of them – the only tough part is picking which ones and making sure I haven't mentioned them in the past. So my five picks for the Zombie Chicken Award goes to…(Zombie Chicken Drumstick role?)

In Nervous Convulsion Great newer blog by my good friend, Heaven’s Trash.

Movie Feast Which has a few authors, but Doug Tilley is the main beast of this great blog.

Fascination With Fear I am fascinated by Chris Hadden’s fascinatingly awesome blog!

The Gore Gore Girl XXX through a feminist lens Sleazy! And I love it, Gore-Gore Girl brings the nekkid movies to dizzying heights in this super fun blog.

Zombots! The Dive Mistress breaks it down with an awry of horror subject matter in this final and amazing blog pick!

There you go…awards for even more award worthy blogs. Thanks to all that have been supporting CNAMB and thanks to B-Sol for doing his thing and for loving me in a way that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable.

What? No Award for Prettiest Smile?!

The ugly brown looking blog you are reading right now has been given an award from our very good friend Geof of Enter the Man Cave. It is the Kreativ Blogger award for Kreativity (so hip-hop sounding!) and CNAMB is proud to have been loved by the one that wants us all to Enter his Man Cave! As you may know, there are a few rules that apply whenever an award like this goes around…

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog (it’s already on the left side!).
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

So first I would like to thank Geof for this honor and for being a supporter and friend of CNAMB since nearly the beginning. I also would like to thank him for putting together such a fine blog himself and Enter the Man Cave is a Man Cave more than worth Entering. Thanks Geof!

And here is my seven interesting things about me:

1. I was once on the cover of an Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine for a story that was up for a couple of awards.

2. I don’t watch a lot of network TV, but when I do get into a show, it’s usually on DVD or On-Demand. I have gone through seasons in one sitting and I most recently stayed up till 7am watching the last 6 episodes of Lost. Dork? Yup.

3. While I thought it was the stupidest show when it was originally airing on TV, I succumbed to Dawson’s Creek and would watch numerous episodes in the early mornings and late nights when back-to-back-to-back episodes would air.

4. I love string cheese and eat at least two a day…usually after I eat a meal.

5. I met Dave Chappelle and hung out with him for more than five minutes.

6. I was playing with fire when I was younger and set the trash in the basement on fire, almost burning down the entire house.

7. I made out with your mom at a disco party once…she kisses really well.

Now for my seven Kreativ blogs…I did this a couple times last year and named quite a few blogs back then(which you can see here, here, and here), so I am not going to repeat any of those blogs here. I read A LOT of blogs – so many that I cannot even comment on half of them, so this is going to be a tough choice and know that if your blog is not mentioned, it is not because I do not love you. It’s because you wont sleep with me.

1. Planet of Terror Complaint Dept and my boy, Cortez the Killer rock the dope reviews and even make it a point to spotlight and support great Independent horror cinema – even doing interviews with the filmmakers behind them. Also, Cortez’s taste in trashy horror is to die for!

2. The Horror Digest Andre (short for Andrea) is witty, consistent, and always brings a fresh take on the movies she covers. Her humor is some of the best in the blogging business, she is incredibly snarky (maybe even more so than me), she pulls no punches and that is what I love about her!

3. Midnight Confessions Movie Reviews What can I say about the Reverend Phantom? Man, does this guy do an amazing job with what may be the most difficult of review techniques…the video review. He’s very funny, covers a ton of great trash and has a style all his own. His video reviews are superbly put together and must take so much time to produce, but I’m happy he does, ‘cause I love them.

4. Italian Film Review Nigel posts numerous reviews about the wonderful world of Italian cinema…covering all the Exploitation, Spaghetti Westerns and Euro Crime goodness (and everything in-between) that can be found in the land of mozzarella! Best part about his reviews, besides his knowledge of the movies themselves, is they are very short and you can blast through them quick and get exactly what he thinks about the film.

5. The Jaded Viewer Jeff, better known for being Jaded, is another hard worker always putting out interesting and great reviews with a nice set up with how he structures them. I love that he rates all of his films in Van Damme Kumite spin kicks and he is just a great guy to interact with and brings a lot of fun to his posts every time.

6. All Things Horror Mike Snoonian and Chris Hallock will Double Impact your brain like Jean Claude with their amazing blog. They cover all things horror as the title would suggest and that includes book and movie reviews, blog spotlights, and even special effects tips! The mostest awesome thing about them, they do special horror events at the Somerville Theater in Massachusetts, where they show horror films from independent filmmakers. That’s what it’s all about!

7. Musings Across A Continuum Ms Harker does it all, from news, books and movie reviews, to just plain old banter. She has a fun – quirky and very insightful way about every subject she tackles and it is always a great joy to stop by this blog, which might be the best looking one around, just for the record!

Enjoy your much deserved award guys!

And Moving on…

Now, not only did I get Kreativ recently, but I also got tagged by Carl of I Like Horror Movies fame with a Meme. The rules of this one are similar, but a little less than that of the award for best tush. I mean for Kreativ blogging. First, I must share the three best things that happened to me this past decade and then name five blogs (but I’m doing six) to keep the Meme going if they so choose to participate.

First, I’ll thank Carl for showing me some love, as he too has been a great friend of CNAMB since almost the beginning and he also puts out one of the best blogs around! Thank you so much, sweet checks!

Here are the three best things that happened to me this past decade in as few words as possible (‘cause I’m getting tired):

1. Number one is meeting my girlfriend, or fiancé if you don’t believe in freedom. This is as easy as it gets for a decade highlight…together for nearly a decade ourselves, she is da bomb and I love her. And if I didn’t pick her, she would get mad. Wokka-wooka!

2. Netflix instant watch. Need I say more?

3. And one that I should mention as best thing of the decade for me, I won’t, because it will come up soon enough in something else I wrote. Instead, I will say that when my lady and I were in a wedding contest a few years back is a great moment for me in the last ten.

We had something like 2,200 votes and lost to some ugly, loser couple that had 2,500 votes and then broke up after they won ‘cause the girl was apparently a slut! Sounds kinda shitty, I know and why would this be a great moment in the last ten years? Because we had TWOTHOUSANDTWOHUNDRED (something) VOTES! Friends and family and friends of friends and family of friends and friends of family came together and gave us so much support, that it was just fantastic.

You know way too much about me…

Okay, now on to six MORE blogs that give me a stiff one, because I love them so…

1. Heart in a Jar Senski puts out a wonderful and intelligent blog with a very wide variety of horror related subject matter with each and every post. This is a must read and his Siskel & Ebert & Slashers post is one hell of a great read!

2. Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire Is as the title would suggest, a dark and delightful blog brought to us by the wonderful Tenebrous Kate. She covers all sorts of great foreign horror films and in the same humorous breath, she will review the sleaziest of the sleazy, and I love me some sleaze!

3. GoreGoreDancer’s Movie Reviews Aleata covers horror a plenty, but she is also into doing her own horror movies and even better, she posts some of the short films she made on her blog. She puts herself out there and isn’t afraid to do her own thing and it shows in her topics and writing.

4. Cavalcade of Perversions The title says it all and Jenn has a sassy style all her own when it comes to covering sleaze and cheese – or talking about her cats even! She dives head first into the dumpster and finds some great films that might be just plain awful, but there is a diamond in the rough from time-to-time and that is something I appreciate greatly.

5. The WGON Helicopter This is a newer blog I discovered and as with every blog mentioned here, Dod puts out a quality blog that covers many things that horror has to offer shuffled into the great reviews he does. He even did a great post on the music of Nick Cave and spotlighted a few of his favorite songs from the artist. Great stuff!

6. Zombies Don’t Run Chuck don’t fuck around and has been smashing out numerous posts covering all different topics in the world of a horror fan. Great reviews and a lot of fun nostalgic posts keep me coming back every day to see what’s new!

In all seriousness, go to my blog roll for honorable mentions – all blogs on there are nothing short of great.

Thanks for reading all this crap about me and thanks to Geof and Carl for being so purdy. I hope everyone checks out their blogs and the other blogs I listed – I wouldn’t list them if they weren’t great, or if their authors didn’t earn it in other ways, if ya know what I mean!

Who? Little ol' Me? An Award?!

I was beside myself with glee and truly ecstatic to have recently received not one, not two, not three, not even four (!), but FIVE awards for my blogging efforts at Paracinema…The Blog, and now here, at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby!

The first award is one of the greatest of honors, the “Good Read” award…

The “Good Read” award is followed by these four honorary achievements that all blogger's would aspire to receive…








These awards were kindly given to me by one of the most knowledgeable film fans that I know, Hans, from Quiet Cool. In a return favor for a blog well done, I too would like to pass these honorary awards to Hans for his phenomenal work over at his blog, Quiet Cool.

While I’m at it, I will pass on these honors and awards to a few other blogs of note, consistently great blogs that are constantly being checked on by myself for new content…

Bill over at Dear Bastards

Jeff and his blog Dinner With Max Jenke

Ashlee of Sassy Smurf - The Girl, Culture, & Aberrance fame

James from Behind the Couch

B-Sol from The Vault of Horror and sister blog Day of the Woman done by one miss BJ-C

Marty, the man behind the Screen Writing blog

Alex’s blog, Assorted Loaf

Even though Hans already gave props to Emily, I too will throw a shout out to her for her fine work at The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense

And last, but certainly not least, since I received these awards mostly based off my work at Paracinema…The Blog, I would love to honor my fellow posters, Dylan, Christine, and Joe for their fine work at a blog that I am very proud to be a part of.

Give these fantastic, award winning blogs a whirl…I myself am now going to get wasted in celebration of my Boombastic awards!