Birthday Beard!

The one, the only, Chuck Norris, is celebrating his 71st birthday today. Seeing as he is the patriarch of this fine blog you are reading right this very moment, we here at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby (I don't know who I'm referring to when I say we, but it sounds better, right?) would like to wish Mr. Norris a happy 71st birthday, as well as thank him for a whopping 71 years of martial arts excellence.

Chuck Norris Gets All Up In Your Ears!

*For the record, that is the greatest image ever*

I was very recently asked to take part in an episode of The Lair of the Unwanted, a monthly podcast put on by Jason from Invasion of the B Movies and Nolahn of Bargain Bin Review. Now, why in the hell would anyone ever want to talk to me about anything? Well, they just so happened to be doing an episode dedicated to the one and only Chuck Norris, so by blog name default, I was asked to join in on the bearded convo. The films covered are Breaker! Breaker!, Slaughter in San Francisco (aka Karate Cop!) and, the cream of the Chuck Norris crop, Lone Wolf McQuade!

I had a heck of a time taking part in this special Norris themed episode, as the conversation was quite exhilarating as was the subject matter. It didn't hurt that both Nolahn and Jason are two cool cats that have a true appreciation for some of the finer things in bad cinema. So, if you'd like to hear a sometimes muffled me mumble too close to my mic, do an imitation of Carrie from Sex and the City, or hear a lame joke about how Chuck Norris inadvertently freed the slaves, then click that play button below for crying out loud!

You better watch out…

Because no one is safe when Santa Claus comes to town.



Wishing you all the happiest of holidays!

And the Winners Are…

After much deliberation and difficult whittling down of posts, in the end, it was a toss of the dart that made the final decisions for the winners of the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. It was just way too difficult to pick which post was better than the next, because each of the posts were simply great, and even more so, there was a lot of versatility in them as well as the writers that wrote them.

So without any further ado, I present the winners…

Second and third place prizes go to:

Emily C: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

&

T.L. Bugg: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Congrats to you both and you each shall receive a copy of the Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper game for XBOX 360 as well as a copy of the Gorehouse Greats Collection!

………………………………………………….

And the grand prize goes to:

Stacia: She Blogged By Night

A huge congratulations to Stacia, who has won herself all of these prizes!

There you have it, three very deserving blogs that put some quality Chuck in their posts. Each of the winners can email me their addresses so I can send out the prizes as soon as I feel like. Thanks again to everyone that took part in this historic event, it would have been nothing without your contributions. I really do wish you all could have won, but in a way you did, because I now love you and forever will you be safe in my home in case the apocalypse should begin. That's a promise.

Chuck Norris Ate These Blogs!

Here it is folks, every single one of the posts and entries into the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest Blogathon, all in one neat and tidy package for you to enjoy. There are quite a few links here, but it would be wicked rad if each of you try and check out as many of these as you can, if you already haven't read them of course.

There is nothing short of greatness from every one of these posts, and making the decisions on who is going to win will not be too easy for my impartial secret judge and especially myself. I have a feeling a hat may need to be involved at some point. Good luck to you all!

Blog: The Great White Dope

Post:

Invasion USA (1985)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: iZombie-Lover

Posts:

What Would Chuck [Norris] Do?

Chuck Norris is…20 Hard Reasons.

Day In The Life Of…CHUCK NORRIS

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Cinema Obsessed.com

Post:

Colorful Cameo: Chuck Norris in Dodgeball

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Four of Them

Posts:

Battle Royale: Katharine Hepburn vs. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris vs. Katherine Hepburn Battle Royale Round 2!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Porkhead's Horror Review Hole

Post:

Action Movie Monday Presents: Silent Rage

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Movie Feast

Doug Tilley's Post:

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

J.T.'s Post:

The Octagon (1980)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever

Posts:

Chuck Norris Vs. Eeeeevil

Chuck Norris Vs. Ghostface

Chuck Norris Vs. Freddy Krueger

Chuck Norris Vs. The Wet Bandits

A Force of One (1979)

Chuck Norris Vs. Biff Tannen

Silent Rage (1982)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Enter the Man-Cave

Post:

Chuck Norris Has Met His Toughest Enemy Yet!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: From Beyond Depraved

Post:

BAD ISSUE Presents: Hellbound (1994)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: I Like Horror Movies

Post:

Carl's Failed Script Ideas: Terror of Mecha-Chuck Norris

……………………………………………………….

Blog: The Lightning Bug's Lair

Post:

A Tale of Two Matt Hunters: Norris vs. Dudikoff

……………………………………………………….

Blog: From Midnight, With Love

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate Bruce Lee? Not Exactly, But He Could Have!

……………………………………………………….

Blog: She Blogged By Night

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog: "Silent Rage" (1982)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Thrilling Days of Yesteryear

Post:

Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Blogathon: Breaker! Breaker! (1977)

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Confessions of a Fake Inuit

Post:

Why Do They Always Pick On My Hat?

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Buried in a Book Crypt

Post:

Chuck Norris Eats This: Sidekicks

……………………………………………………….

Blog: Billy Loves Stu

Post:

The movie Chuck Norris hopes you never see: Dr. Leather's House of Torture on Haunted Hill

……………………………………………………….

If I missed anyone, or if any of the links do not work properly, please, feel free to punch my neck really hard, therefore I will fix it with the quickness.

FIN

That there is a fancy way of saying done, finished, it's all over. Of course, I would be referring to the wonderful Blogathon known as the Chuck Norris Ate My Blog Contest. I put my contribution up only ten minutes before the "deadline," even though I wrote it at the beginning of the week…I'm such a goof, aren't I? Luckily, mine doesn't count, or I would have won all three prize packs, but that might constitute as cheating? Anyways, I received a nice amount of submissions, which I will be sorting through and posting links to all of them here in a monster-mega-post very very soon. Shortly after that, my unbiased secret judge will be helping with picking the winners, which will be announced by the end of this week. Probably.

I have gotten more than enough submission to keep me from having even been able to read them all still, which is a great thing, so I will be playing a whole lot of catch up in the following days, while trying to keep up with my meditation and Kung-Fu exercises. I'm sure I will do this more than once, but I really want to thank everyone that took the time to write something for this bearded cause. Heck, some people even wrote multiple posts, which is nothing short of awesome if I do say so myself. So thanks again. You all are true baby eaters. Now, watch this clip until you get tired of it. Oh wait, you never will.

Special thanks to Paracinema, The Adventure Company and Wild Eye Releasing for providing some of the dope prizes for this massive contest.

Denim Demigod

Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.

Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.     

  

This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.