I recently stumbled on this video for the Australian VHS board game, Nightmare, which came on the scene in 1991 and apparently took Australia by storm. The result of Nightmare's popularity can be seen in the video below, which includes a promotional video, a few commercials and a handful of other promotional material, all of which is nothing short of completely magnificent.
And when I say magnificent, I mean, there are some serious dance parties involved here, and all I can wonder after watching this video is where the hell was I when this was all going on? Like, I would have totally killed that dance floor back in '91, straight moving my hips for the love of horror and VHS! But alas, my mad moves and infectious grooves were kept at bay here in the states, only to dream of that one day when they could be unleashed in front of The Gatekeeper!
You know, it sure is getting cold outside and all, but that don't stop me from wanting to show off my midriff to all the neighborhood boys. The only problem is, all of my dangling belly button rings are either dolphins, crescent moons or butterflies! lol! I have absolutely nothing seasonal to decorate my navel with, but thanks to the fine folks over at Body Candy Body Jewelry, I can properly decorate my front porch in the hopes that I can draw a few visitors to my backyard, if you know what I mean.
WOW! There is so much Halloween hotness to choose from, I don't even know where to begin!
One of my favorites is definitely the glow-in-the-dark Sexy Witch, witch, as Kelsey claims, "does glow so bright," something that works as a great distraction from the festering venereal disease that I caught when I let that meth dealer go down on me in Joanne's Chevy Beretta last August. lmfao! On the other hand, I doubt if someone like Billy Bob would really give a turd about a few scabs and warts.
Speaking of warts, I love those pumpkin earrings soooo much! However, nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to the super groovy glow in the dark spider dog tag! Ugh, I wish Cleophus "Rock Salt" Jeremiah was still around to pick me up in his Firebird. I miss those special nights where he'd come by my house at like 2:30 in the AM, and he would be sooo wasted! Boy, we would drive around and listen to Ugly Kid Joe for hours and hours. If he were here to pick me up right now, I would totally give him that dog tag at the end of the night. I bet he would have married me then, instead of getting with that fat cow Linda Mae Macintosh! You do know that's not his kid, right? That pig's been with every guy from here to Chewaback County. And I'M the slut? Whatever. lol!
Anyway, as much as I love all of these adorable naval pieces, Body Candy don't do COD (can you believe it?), so I guess I'll just have to go pick up an 8ball instead.
Worst part about this sobering advertisement is the fact that the driver of the vehicle, Michael Paul Castleberry, was on his way to the Sleep Center of the Southwest for his first session with John D. Bray, M.D.
Ever wonder how Chuck Norris is able to throw down dope kicks to foolish suckers while wearing jeans tighter than a Chinese foot binding? It wasn't always easy for the blonde black belt, and for many horrendous years, Chuck suffered from embarrassing crotch rips, shortened kicks and a lack of confidence. Not to be one to take that crap lying down, on a bed of nails, Norris took matters into his own beard and created Action Jeans.
Chuck Norris Action Jeans, made for a man, by a man, these multipurpose Karate-kick jeans are each individually handcrafted by forging steel, human dreams, and a chest hair from Chuck himself, in every pair. As you can see from these lovely adverts, Chuck got his swagger back, he became one with his jean and this gave him the opportunity to create the Norris look, which consisted of bad ass, a form of facial hair, cowboy boots (made of human skin, naturally) and of course, a size too small pair of Action Jeans.
This next one should just probably say: If you have a huge cock, like Chuck Norris, go with the Action Designer jeans! Look at his smile (and the close-up cock shot) and you know it's true.
