Showing posts with label Self Lubrication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Lubrication. Show all posts

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Chucktober 7: H2-Oh Snap!

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Welcome back, toys and squirrels, to the 7th annual celebration known as Chucktober! Seeing as this is the 7th year (which is only 3 years away from 10, so that makes it special), I’ve put all my effort into ensuring this is the best Chucktober yet! Or, at the very least, the seventh best.

In any event, the lineup for this Chucktober is packed, stacked and ready to attack, so take a moment to see what I have in store for you!

Goosebumps TV shows

Pumpkin Cinema the best movies for halloween book

The houses october built movie review

UFO abduction 1989 ..

Salute Your Shorts Banner

The halloween that almost wasn't review

bad trick or treat candy ideas

The basement 1989 review..

It’s okay if you cry… it’s a lot to take in. And really, you’re a little unstable, so I had a feeling that this would happen. Here, have some orange juice… you good? Okay, then…

LET’S GET THIS CHUCKTOBER STARTED RIGHT!

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Baby Babble: Heavy Liftin’ and High Kickin’

Hey guys. How’s it going? That’s cool. I’m doing well, thank you. I know I haven’t been around much, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you. Because I have. In fact, I think about you a lot. Like a lot lot.

Cult of Muscle

Besides thinking about you, I’ve also been getting around a bit, and I don’t mean sexually (yes I do). To be more specific, I was asked to play guest host on an episode of the buffest podcast on the planet: CULT OF MUSCLE!  In this very special episode, I join Jake and CDR as they kick off Sleazy Summer, a month-long, multi-podcast sleaze-a-thon featuring podcast heavyweights such as Hammicus, The Feminine Critique, The Trashy Trio, Married With Clickers, Silva and Gold, and The Gentleman's Guide to Midnite Cinema. Seriously, shit is epic.

In any event, Jake, CDR and myself covered a pair of doozies: 1979’s BLOODRAGE and 1983’s CROSS COUNTRY! It was an absolute blast partaking in such an epic event, and if you aren’t already listening to Cult of Muscle on the regular, no time is better than now to start. Believe you me when I say that these two studs deliver on one of the most enjoyable film podcasts on the planet. Shit, in the universe, even!

Cross-Country-1983bloodrage 1979

If you’d like to check out the episode. and I know you do, you can hit the link below to listen. Alternatively, you can find Cult of Muscle on iTunes, where you should subscribe and listen to them every day until you die. Or until you run out of episodes to listen to. At that point, well, you can just listen weekly.

Cult of Muscle:  Episode 80 - Sleazy Summer Kick Off

Hey, that might seem like a whole lot to take in, but that’s not all I have for you! In fact, my good buddy Karl Bezdin is celebrating the five year anniversary of Fist of B-List, and to help him celebrate, he asked ME to provide a guest post!

Fist of B List 1

Seeing as this is such a special occasion, being a five year anniversary and all, I had to bring the thunder, or at least try to, and I did so with a ridiculous post addressing the importance of being properly dressed to survive an American Martial Arts film. You really never know when you’ll find yourself fighting for your life in a ninja training camp that doubles as a major cocaine operation, so it’s best that you dress the part, and the best way to prepare yourself is by hitting the link below!

4 Items You Must Have In Your Wardrobe to Survive an American Martial Arts Movie

Okay, that about does it. Again, I apologize for not being around so much, but as you can see I’ve been fairly busy playing guest host as well as getting ready for

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You can pick up your jaw now.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Chucktober 6: The Curse of Matt-suzaka!

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Good gravy, just what on earth could that smell be?! Rotten milk? A dead animal? The sticky side of Nelly’s band aid? Oh, wait, I know what that smell is! It’s…

CHUCKTOBER!!!

Okay, now that you've had a moment to get used to the stench, I should quickly explain what Chucktober is. You know, in case you weren’t here last five years. Simply put, Chucktober is a month-long celebration in which all posts are dedicated to the work of actor, singer-songwriter and mime Nuno Roque!

Oh, wait, that’s in January. Or should I say, Nunoary?

Anyway, Chucktober is, in fact, an entire month exclusively dedicated to all things horror and, of course, Halloween. What does such an event include, you might be asking?! Well, pull up your pants (seriously) and take a look for yourself!

Goosebumps TV shows

The Worst Witch 1986

Fun Size 2012

bad trick or treat candy ideas

Rocktober Blood

Salute Your Shorts Banner

ghoul school 1990

Seriously, if your pants aren’t full, then you must lack the ability to poop, because this line-up is set to rock your bowels with the force of 10,000 Arby’s Jr. Bacon Cheddar Melts.

Regardless of your bowel movements, or lack thereof, I for one am Xtremely excited for this Chucktober, so without any further ado…

LET’S GET THIS CHUCKTOBER STARTED RIGHT!!!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Halloween Happenings: Drunken Pig

As many of you are well aware, the Halloween season is well underway. In fact, it’s impossible not to notice if you’ve stepped foot into any type of store over the past month or so. As is the case with every Halloween season, I am gourds-deep in everything orange and black, and I thought it would be nice to share with all three of you just what I’ve been up to in the days leading to…

CHUCKTOBER!!!

Halloween 2014 3

If you’ve been a long-time reader of CNAMB, then you should be familiar with Bolo, the mighty gourd plant that I started growing some years back. This season Bolo came on STRONG and grew so large that things got a little scary for a minute.

Unfortunately, however, Bolo fell ill, and do to his size it was tough/expensive keeping him healthy. As a result, Bolo kicked the bucket pretty early this season, but not before giving us a handful of new gourds to decorate our crack house with.

What’s interesting is that each year Bolo gives us vastly different looking gourds, and this year was no different. This is specific to the five oddly shaped gourds that were best described by a friend as vaginal, something that might come in handy one of these lonely nights.

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As is the case every year, I am spending my days of darkness enjoying as many seasonal beers as possible. After coming across this shrine erected by the mighty Kroger, I knew the season had officially begun!

Below are but a few of the many Fall/Pumpkin beers I’ve been enjoying…

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And of course, no Halloween season would be complete without me ingesting a ton of Halloween influenced junk food. I am a complete sucker for Halloween packaging, something I am only slightly ashamed of, and I have been doing nothing more than adding to my potential for developing diabetes.

Here’s a sample of my inability to control myself…

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Normally by this time of year, I would have most of my Halloween decorating done. However, the days leading up to the month of madness have been overtaken by something other than Halloween. Specifically the fact that my mail-order bride and I have a child on the way, which I think is an acceptable reason to not get a lot of Halloween decorating done. 

FIRST BORN RED

What’s sort of fitting about this whole baby thing is the fact that she (as in a girl!) is due on November 4th, which is obviously right around Halloween. What are the chances, right?! Anyway, I have my claws crossed that our daughter will be born on Halloween day, but outside of black magic, I have very little control over that whole thing.

In any event, my mail-order in-laws were awesome enough to throw my mail-order bride a baby shower, and seeing as she is due right around Halloween, Halloween was indeed the theme for the baby shower.

Below are a few photos of the decorating they did, which I think came out pretty darned fantastic!

Halloween 2014

Halloween 2014 7

That about does it for now, kiddies. Hope you enjoyed this in-depth look into all the Halloween Happenings I have been enjoying over the past month or so. Now I have to get my rock-hard ass in gear and start setting up for Chucktober, so soon thou shall see you!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Ninjas, Wrestling and Jean-Claude, OH MY!

Hey kid! Yeah, you… you into podcasts? How about cult movies? Well, then I think I have something you might be interested in.

See this stuff? That’s right, it’s The Lair of the Unwanted. Good stuff. Gets you real high, if you know what I mean. Take a few of these and enjoy as Jason, Nolahn and myself yap on lovingly about the 1989 wrestling masterpiece, No Holds Barred

You can listen to our review of No Holds Barred by subscribing to The Lair of the Unwanted on iTunes OR you could get it over with and listen to the episode by clicking the link below.

no holds barred 1989

The Lair of the Unwanted Episode 76: No Holds Barred


Now, you can’t just take a dose of The Lair of the Unwanted without balancing it out with a few uppers. But don’t worry, I got you covered, kid. Why don’t you try out a few episodes of the Midnite Ride, in which Karl Brezdin from Fist of B-List and I cover 1987’s Sakura Killers and 1991’s Double Impact

You can check out each of these episodes by hitting the links below. Just make sure you don’t take them both at the same time.

double impact

Midnite Ride Episode 24: Double Impact

SakuraKillers

Midnite Ride Episode 25: Sakura Killers

Okay kid, these first few podcasts are on me. If you or any of your little friends need any more, you come see me, and I’ll hook you up with a good deal. Also, if anyone asks where you got these podcasts, it wasn’t me, okay kid? Now get outta here, why don’t ya!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Finally Made the B-List!

Fist of B List

Because you can never get enough me, the great Karl Brezdin of the exceptional B-martial arts film blog Fist of B-List was kind enough to feature Chuck Norris Ate My Baby (aka the blog you are reading right now!) in his latest segment of Fist of Further Reading!

In this earth altering segment, I was challenged to answer five questions that shed some light on my blog as well as my love for B-level martial arts movies. Many of these questions were quite difficult to answer at first, therefore I had to spend a few weeks training among the stone warriors at the Terra-Cotta ruins with my pet hawk to enlighten myself before answering them.

As a result of my intense training, I was able to answer Karl’s questions with the ferocity of a diamond encrusted tiger, so please take a moment to head over to Fist of B-List to read about ME! Furthermore, if you aren’t already reading Fist of B-List, then you’re missing out on one hell of an awesome blog that is solely focused on B-grade martial arts movies. And even if you aren’t a fan of B-grade martial arts cinema, I still think you’ll find some serious enjoyment out of what Karl does, so get to it, brah!

CLICK DA LINK!!

P.S. for Karl: My answer to the mystery box would have been a motorcycle ala Peter O’Brian in The Stabilizer!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Straight Pimpin': Paracinema's Top 10 Rites of Shirt

Now that Death-cember is over and done with and we are well into the new year, things will be slowing down here quite a bit because, quite frankly, I have a bunch of things going on that will keep me pretty occupied for the foreseeable future. I plan on doing some reviews and such for other sites as well as focusing on writing more articles for Paracinema Magazine, so as a result, CNAMB gets to feel the cold hand of neglect. I do have a few things on the horizon, though, namely a video where I'll being sharing all the awesome movie related Christmas gifts I received. And of course, with it being a new year, the time is winding down on doing my best of the year list. However, I still need some time to catch up on all the goodies I missed in 2012, so that likely won't be happening until sometime late in February.

Anyway, now that we're done catching up with one another, I have a bunch of fun stuff I want to share with yer purdy little face, so let's get right into it!


Over the holidays a few fine people sent me a few fine t-shirts. The first one I have to show you was made just for me by the good people over at T Shirt Printing.org. As you can see, it features my drunk Doc Loomis banner from this past Chucktober on a nice brown shirt, making it about as close to Caldor as it gets. And if you know me well enough, then you should know that Caldor is my favorite color (my blog template should be proof of that). 

CNAMB Tee

The other shirt I found squatting in my mailbox is this rad Van Halen spoof tee 'Van Helsing', which was sent to me by the good peeps over at T Shirt Bordello. They've sent me a few cool shirts in the past and have a ton of radi-cool stuff for sale on their site, so head over there, check out what they've got and let them know that I sent you! Actually, come to think of it, I clogged their toilet last time I was over their house for dinner, so my name might be a bit of a sore subject. 

Van Helsing


Over at Horror-Movies.ca, I wrote up a review for the indie horror flick, Rites of Spring. If you'd like to know if this one is worth your precious time away from making me cakes and knitting me Caldor color blankets, then head over and check out my review!

Rites of Spring Review

Rites of Spring 2011 Horror Movie Review

Also over at Horror-Movies.ca, I did up a list of my top 10 favorite horror movies of the year, so if you're curious as to what movies gave my willy goose bumps in 2012, head over there to see what made the cut!

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2012


And finally, the ever incredible, and totally delectable, Paracinema Magazine has gone live and direct with their newest issue, which you can pick up right now for a measly $7!! As always, this mofo is filled to the brim with articles written by people who love cinema for people who, well, love cinema. It's as simple as that!

What the 'ell is you waitin' fer?!

Paracinema Issue 18!

paracinema 18

What, you want more?! Well, that's all I have, so, like, if you're bored, you can come over later on and we can braid each other's hair and paint our nails. Or do some coke. Whatever.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween Happenings: Why Not Take All of Me?

Whew… Halloween sure is an extremely busy time of year around these parts. Outside of all the epic awesomeness that I have brought to you throughout Chucktober here on CNAMB, I have also had my devilish little hands dipped in all sorts of other wicked things that you should certainly enjoy on this All Hollow's Eve!!

First up, the master blaster of disaster, Aaron of The Death Rattle, was kind enough to ask me to partake in a special Halloween edition of 13 Questions. Aaron put together some fantastic questions that I truly enjoyed answering, so if you love you some me and would love to learn a whole lot more about what makes my blackened Halloween loving heart tick, then please take a moment to stop by The Death Rattle. And while you're there, check out all the other maniacal little goodies that Aaron always has up his sleeve (and sometimes in his pants)!

13 Questions (Halloween Edition): Matt House


 

halloween fifteen

Next up, Ryne of the always fantastic The Moon is a Dead World was gracious enough to ask me to partake in his super celebration of all things All Hollow's Eve with the Halloween 15, which features a slew of wonderful guest bloggers sharing their thoughts on 15 different films hand selected by Ryne himself. When Ryne sent me the list of films to choose from, one movie immediately jumped off the email: director Aldo Lado's Who Saw Her Die?, a Giallo that I have been itching to review for quite some time for reasons you will have to read about for yourself. 

WhoSawHerDieOriginalPoster

 

Please take a moment to check out my thoughtful take on the near fantastic Who Saw Her Die? over at The Moon is a Dead World, and since your heading over there, you might as well take a stroll around and check out all the other Halloween horrors that Ryne has up his sleeve!

Halloween Fifteen #12: Who Saw Her Die? (Featuring Matt House)


That does it for the time being. Thanks for dropping by, and I hope you enjoy these egotistical Halloween treats I have brought you, but more importantly, I hope you are having a frightfully fulfilling Halloween!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Halloween Happenings: A Picture's Worth a Thousand Screams!

I wanted to share some of the Halloween happenings that I've been getting into so far during this horrific holiday season, and I think this is where being addicted to Instagram is really going to pay off. For as long as I've had an account, I've been using Instagram to take pictures of clouds and flowers (you know, like every other asshole who uses Instagram and thinks they're taking amazing pictures), but it's also sort of an extension of my personality, my interests and my hobbies, all of which directly correlate with CNAMB. For example, like I do with Dumpster Diving for Gold, I share any VHS and DVD finds I make (which I need to do more of around here), and sometimes I'll share a photo from a film I'm watching at the time, things of that nature.

Something else I've been using it for is to take photos of all the Halloween shenanigans I've been getting into for the past month or so. This is where Instagram's tagging feature comes in handy, as it's actually a great way for me to keep track of all the Halloween awesomeness that has polluted my life since the season began. So anyway, I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the best stuff that Halloween has brought my way so far this season, and what better way to do it than with pictures?! Well, probably with a song and dance, but I'm in my underwear right now, and that would be pretty awkward, so I'll stick with pics for time being.


Here's some cheap Dollar Store crap and a jack-o'-lantern porch light cover from the "Big K."

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I picked up this kewl little decoration for only $6 at Horrorhound Weekend in Indianapolis (which was the best time EVER).

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As per usual, I've been enjoying my fair share of Sam Adams Octoberfest, but I've also completely fallen in love with Magic Hat's own brand of seasonal beverage, Hex (I might even be having one now…).

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I love Cadbury Creme Eggs with a fiery passion, and the discovery that Cadbury now makes "Screme Eggs" basically means I can die now. Well, not before I eat 70 of these things. Tonight. 

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It's a fact: I haven't been able to find Monster Cereals in local grocery stores for the past few years, which is enough to create a river of sadness. But this year, Wal-Mart has that shit in stock, and I literally found their Monster Cereal setup just as I was complaining about how no one sells them!

Also, I look like an idiot.

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Remember Bolo?! Well, that mo fo is back and WAYYYY bigger than he ever was before. Bolo is jacked up, bro!

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And here's just one of Bolo's babies, and one example of the three or four different varieties of gourd that bitch is producing. Sick! 

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And now it's my favorite part… decorations! We haven't quite started doing the outside yet (mostly due to rain), but the interior of our home is all ready to 'shock' and roll!

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Some of the stuff on this coffee table has changed around a bit, but I'm too lazy to take another picture!

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This handy bastard seems to find a new home every year, and each new home is a cause for a good chuckle, me thinks!

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And what it all comes down to is this: the cream of the crop, the pièce de résistance, the mother trucking highlight of this whole show! After my life partner came up with the idea of putting the rave to the gravestone on top of the fireplace, it set off a chain of events that led to what I think is without a doubt our coolest looking Halloween fireplace set-up yet! Looking at it really tickles my tender vittles, and I hope you dig it, too!

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That's enough of this nonsense for this evening, but I do hope this was a somewhat enjoyable journey, and I'm sure I will do at least one more post like this as the season moves forward. There's still the outside of our house that we need to decorate (which we have epic plans for), and I'm sure there will be other cool shit that pops up that I will want to share with you! Kay, buh-bye!

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