Halloween Happenings

While some elements of the Halloween season are and will continue to be hindered by the ongoing apocalypse we are currently going through, the great thing about the season of spook is just how many fun things there really are to do. And really, when it comes to Halloween, some of the most enjoyable elements are those little things, from lighting that dusty Pumpkin Fart Dollar General candle that’s been sitting on your bookcase since last October, to the dangerously dark shit you get from eating too many Halloween Oreos. 

As is the case every season, I’ve been witch’s tit deep into all things Halloween, and whether you like it or not, I’m going to share some of what I’ve been up to with you right this very second. 

HallowBaby Halloween training continues...

The decorating process is still, well, in the process, but this year I decided to start creating some fun decorations of my own, which is something we hadn’t done since 2013 when I posted these two videos (Indoor Halloween Decorations Outdoor Halloween Decorations). 

So far this year, with some inspiration from the Demon Queen of the Demented (better known ‘round these parts as my wife), I hand cut this Haunted village out of poster board, which as you can see will be backlit by some seriously spooky orange lights. We plan to do more with this, but this is the main theme for the mantle, and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. 

We also decided to do a witch theme this year, which will be highlighted by a not-quite-started and more complex cauldron for the front/outside of the house, and a more simple cauldron for the fireplace inside the house. The inside cauldron was done by encasing a set of orange LED lights in some expanding foam sealant to create the look of burning embers, and the cauldron is simply a $1 cauldron with some green LED lights inside and some spider webbing around the edge to make it look as if a bubbling brew is boiling over. Once everything is all said and done, I plan to post a video of how it all looks. 

I don’t think I need to go into detail about the state of the cinema in 2020, but while things have been pretty bleak on the multiplex front, the drive-in made a bit of a comeback this Summer, and I am lucky enough to have a couple drive-ins near me. As a result, I have been able to take in a ton of movies at the drive-in, which really kicked off at the beginning of the Summer with a viewing of Jaws. Following Jaws came some family friendly drive-in trips to see ET and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, both of which are big favorites in my household. 

As cool as all that was, things really kicked into gory gear over the last month, where I was able to catch a double feature of A Nightmare on Elm Street paired up with The Lost Boys and a double feature of The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2. It was all pretty awesome getting the opportunity to see movies that are so integral to my development as a horror fan on the big screen, and at the Drive-in no less. Hopefully they’ll keep the goodies coming throughout October. 

There’s plenty more I could go over, but at this point you’ve probably begun to decay due to boredom. So with that being said, I hope you have found some nice Halloween silver linings to keep your spirits up so far this season, and if so, I’d love to hear all about it!

Awful Staind Song Lyrics Blog Post Title

Why hello there, old friend, how’s it going? It’s been a minute. And by minute, I mean 1,533,186 minutes. Crazy, right? Having something that I did for so many years, and so passionately at that, completely slip away and get lost in the shuffle that is life. But that’s how life works, I suppose, but the cool thing about life is you have at least some control over what you do with it, and it was only a matter of time before I’d get the itch to pick up the proverbial pen and pad and get to doing… something… again, What that is, I only sort of know, but one thing I do know is that my typing has gone to shit, and I miss the hell out of writing nonsense for my millions of fans across the globe. 

*pause for standing o*

*pause for second standing o*

This whole idea of getting the blog going again is extremely fresh, but I would love to revisit some old segments, do the occasional review and talk about whatever happens to tickle my pickle at any given moment. I know for sure that I will be sharing some old content from other websites that have gone belly up over the years. I’m sentimental (vain) and would hate to see shit I’ve spent time writing completely disappear from the internet, and some of it is pretty good (vain), so I will be sharing it all here on CNAMB. 

Of course, one thing that always gives me nostalgia for this ol’ dump (and something that makes me feel extremely sad for being so neglective) is the Halloween season. 

For 9 years, NINE YEARS, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, and the one-time annual celebration known as Chucktober, was a huge part of my Halloween season, working as a sort of cathartic place to spew all my love for Halloween and everything it means to me. I miss it. And I regret the fact that, regardless of not being prolific like I once was, I let Chucktober slide for 2 years without posting a single thing I had shit to say; I had shit to share; but hell, as much as I could dwell on that fact, what matters most is I am here for you now, ready to provide to you... maybe a few posts. 

Hey, I don't want to get ahead of myself here. 

With all that bs aside, I look forward to getting back into the swing of things in any sort of capacity. With how absolutely insane and weird and depressing and annoying the world has become since I last posted here, the one thing that hasn’t changed for myself, and I assume many of you, is the importance of the things that we all love. Media in all forms is more important than ever, and sharing our love for what we love is as good a coping mechanism as one can get. It’s ours, and it always will be ours, no matter what insanity the world decides to toss at us at any given moment. 

Baby Babble: Heavy Liftin’ and High Kickin’

Hey guys. How’s it going? That’s cool. I’m doing well, thank you. I know I haven’t been around much, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you. Because I have. In fact, I think about you a lot. Like a lot lot.

Besides thinking about you, I’ve also been getting around a bit, and I don’t mean sexually (yes I do). To be more specific, I was asked to play guest host on an episode of the buffest podcast on the planet: CULT OF MUSCLE!  In this very special episode, I join Jake and CDR as they kick off Sleazy Summer, a month-long, multi-podcast sleaze-a-thon featuring podcast heavyweights such as Hammicus, The Feminine Critique, The Trashy Trio, Married With Clickers, Silva and Gold, and The Gentleman's Guide to Midnite Cinema. Seriously, shit is epic.

In any event, Jake, CDR and myself covered a pair of doozies: 1979’s BLOODRAGE and 1983’s CROSS COUNTRY! It was an absolute blast partaking in such an epic event, and if you aren’t already listening to Cult of Muscle on the regular, no time is better than now to start. Believe you me when I say that these two studs deliver on one of the most enjoyable film podcasts on the planet. Shit, in the universe, even!

If you’d like to check out the episode. and I know you do, you can hit the link below to listen. Alternatively, you can find Cult of Muscle on iTunes, where you should subscribe and listen to them every day until you die. Or until you run out of episodes to listen to. At that point, well, you can just listen weekly.

Cult of Muscle:  Episode 80 - Sleazy Summer Kick Off

Hey, that might seem like a whole lot to take in, but that’s not all I have for you! In fact, my good buddy Karl Bezdin is celebrating the five year anniversary of Fist of B-List, and to help him celebrate, he asked ME to provide a guest post!

Seeing as this is such a special occasion, being a five year anniversary and all, I had to bring the thunder, or at least try to, and I did so with a ridiculous post addressing the importance of being properly dressed to survive an American Martial Arts film. You really never know when you’ll find yourself fighting for your life in a ninja training camp that doubles as a major cocaine operation, so it’s best that you dress the part, and the best way to prepare yourself is by hitting the link below!

4 Items You Must Have In Your Wardrobe to Survive an American Martial Arts Movie

Okay, that about does it. Again, I apologize for not being around so much, but as you can see I’ve been fairly busy playing guest host as well as getting ready for

You can pick up your jaw now.

Halloween Happenings: Drunken Pig

As many of you are well aware, the Halloween season is well underway. In fact, it’s impossible not to notice if you’ve stepped foot into any type of store over the past month or so. As is the case with every Halloween season, I am gourds-deep in everything orange and black, and I thought it would be nice to share with all three of you just what I’ve been up to in the days leading to…

CHUCKTOBER!!!

If you’ve been a long-time reader of CNAMB, then you should be familiar with Bolo, the mighty gourd plant that I started growing some years back. This season Bolo came on STRONG and grew so large that things got a little scary for a minute.

Unfortunately, however, Bolo fell ill, and do to his size it was tough/expensive keeping him healthy. As a result, Bolo kicked the bucket pretty early this season, but not before giving us a handful of new gourds to decorate our crack house with.

What’s interesting is that each year Bolo gives us vastly different looking gourds, and this year was no different. This is specific to the five oddly shaped gourds that were best described by a friend as vaginal, something that might come in handy one of these lonely nights.

As is the case every year, I am spending my days of darkness enjoying as many seasonal beers as possible. After coming across this shrine erected by the mighty Kroger, I knew the season had officially begun!

Below are but a few of the many Fall/Pumpkin beers I’ve been enjoying…

And of course, no Halloween season would be complete without me ingesting a ton of Halloween influenced junk food. I am a complete sucker for Halloween packaging, something I am only slightly ashamed of, and I have been doing nothing more than adding to my potential for developing diabetes.

Here’s a sample of my inability to control myself…

Normally by this time of year, I would have most of my Halloween decorating done. However, the days leading up to the month of madness have been overtaken by something other than Halloween. Specifically the fact that my mail-order bride and I have a child on the way, which I think is an acceptable reason to not get a lot of Halloween decorating done. 

What’s sort of fitting about this whole baby thing is the fact that she (as in a girl!) is due on November 4th, which is obviously right around Halloween. What are the chances, right?! Anyway, I have my claws crossed that our daughter will be born on Halloween day, but outside of black magic, I have very little control over that whole thing.

In any event, my mail-order in-laws were awesome enough to throw my mail-order bride a baby shower, and seeing as she is due right around Halloween, Halloween was indeed the theme for the baby shower.

Below are a few photos of the decorating they did, which I think came out pretty darned fantastic!

That about does it for now, kiddies. Hope you enjoyed this in-depth look into all the Halloween Happenings I have been enjoying over the past month or so. Now I have to get my rock-hard ass in gear and start setting up for Chucktober, so soon thou shall see you!

Straight Pimpin': Paracinema's Top 10 Rites of Shirt

Now that Death-cember is over and done with and we are well into the new year, things will be slowing down here quite a bit because, quite frankly, I have a bunch of things going on that will keep me pretty occupied for the foreseeable future. I plan on doing some reviews and such for other sites as well as focusing on writing more articles for Paracinema Magazine, so as a result, CNAMB gets to feel the cold hand of neglect. I do have a few things on the horizon, though, namely a video where I'll being sharing all the awesome movie related Christmas gifts I received. And of course, with it being a new year, the time is winding down on doing my best of the year list. However, I still need some time to catch up on all the goodies I missed in 2012, so that likely won't be happening until sometime late in February.

Anyway, now that we're done catching up with one another, I have a bunch of fun stuff I want to share with yer purdy little face, so let's get right into it!

---

Over the holidays a few fine people sent me a few fine t-shirts. The first one I have to show you was made just for me by the good people over at T Shirt Printing.org. As you can see, it features my drunk Doc Loomis banner from this past Chucktober on a nice brown shirt, making it about as close to Caldor as it gets. And if you know me well enough, then you should know that Caldor is my favorite color (my blog template should be proof of that). 

The other shirt I found squatting in my mailbox is this rad Van Halen spoof tee 'Van Helsing', which was sent to me by the good peeps over at T Shirt Bordello. They've sent me a few cool shirts in the past and have a ton of radi-cool stuff for sale on their site, so head over there, check out what they've got and let them know that I sent you! Actually, come to think of it, I clogged their toilet last time I was over their house for dinner, so my name might be a bit of a sore subject. 

---

Over at Horror-Movies.ca, I wrote up a review for the indie horror flick, Rites of Spring. If you'd like to know if this one is worth your precious time away from making me cakes and knitting me Caldor color blankets, then head over and check out my review!

Rites of Spring Review

Also over at Horror-Movies.ca, I did up a list of my top 10 favorite horror movies of the year, so if you're curious as to what movies gave my willy goose bumps in 2012, head over there to see what made the cut!

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2012

---

And finally, the ever incredible, and totally delectable, Paracinema Magazine has gone live and direct with their newest issue, which you can pick up right now for a measly $7!! As always, this mofo is filled to the brim with articles written by people who love cinema for people who, well, love cinema. It's as simple as that!

What the 'ell is you waitin' fer?!

Paracinema Issue 18!

What, you want more?! Well, that's all I have, so, like, if you're bored, you can come over later on and we can braid each other's hair and paint our nails. Or do some coke. Whatever.

Halloween Happenings: A Picture's Worth a Thousand Screams!

I wanted to share some of the Halloween happenings that I've been getting into so far during this horrific holiday season, and I think this is where being addicted to Instagram is really going to pay off. For as long as I've had an account, I've been using Instagram to take pictures of clouds and flowers (you know, like every other asshole who uses Instagram and thinks they're taking amazing pictures), but it's also sort of an extension of my personality, my interests and my hobbies, all of which directly correlate with CNAMB. For example, like I do with Dumpster Diving for Gold, I share any VHS and DVD finds I make (which I need to do more of around here), and sometimes I'll share a photo from a film I'm watching at the time, things of that nature.

Something else I've been using it for is to take photos of all the Halloween shenanigans I've been getting into for the past month or so. This is where Instagram's tagging feature comes in handy, as it's actually a great way for me to keep track of all the Halloween awesomeness that has polluted my life since the season began. So anyway, I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the best stuff that Halloween has brought my way so far this season, and what better way to do it than with pictures?! Well, probably with a song and dance, but I'm in my underwear right now, and that would be pretty awkward, so I'll stick with pics for time being.

---

Here's some cheap Dollar Store crap and a jack-o'-lantern porch light cover from the "Big K."

I picked up this kewl little decoration for only $6 at Horrorhound Weekend in Indianapolis (which was the best time EVER).

As per usual, I've been enjoying my fair share of Sam Adams Octoberfest, but I've also completely fallen in love with Magic Hat's own brand of seasonal beverage, Hex (I might even be having one now…).

I love Cadbury Creme Eggs with a fiery passion, and the discovery that Cadbury now makes "Screme Eggs" basically means I can die now. Well, not before I eat 70 of these things. Tonight. 

It's a fact: I haven't been able to find Monster Cereals in local grocery stores for the past few years, which is enough to create a river of sadness. But this year, Wal-Mart has that shit in stock, and I literally found their Monster Cereal setup just as I was complaining about how no one sells them!

Also, I look like an idiot.

Remember Bolo?! Well, that mo fo is back and WAYYYY bigger than he ever was before. Bolo is jacked up, bro!

And here's just one of Bolo's babies, and one example of the three or four different varieties of gourd that bitch is producing. Sick! 

And now it's my favorite part… decorations! We haven't quite started doing the outside yet (mostly due to rain), but the interior of our home is all ready to 'shock' and roll!

Some of the stuff on this coffee table has changed around a bit, but I'm too lazy to take another picture!

This handy bastard seems to find a new home every year, and each new home is a cause for a good chuckle, me thinks!

And what it all comes down to is this: the cream of the crop, the pièce de résistance, the mother trucking highlight of this whole show! After my life partner came up with the idea of putting the rave to the gravestone on top of the fireplace, it set off a chain of events that led to what I think is without a doubt our coolest looking Halloween fireplace set-up yet! Looking at it really tickles my tender vittles, and I hope you dig it, too!

---

That's enough of this nonsense for this evening, but I do hope this was a somewhat enjoyable journey, and I'm sure I will do at least one more post like this as the season moves forward. There's still the outside of our house that we need to decorate (which we have epic plans for), and I'm sure there will be other cool shit that pops up that I will want to share with you! Kay, buh-bye!

Chucktober 4: The Return of Matt-suzaka!

In case you haven't been paying attention to the calendar, today is the 1st day of October, which means the time has come for the 4th annual celebration known as Chucktober to begin! With Halloween being so near and dear to my rotten heart, the month of October is without a doubt my favorite time of year, and over the years, Chucktober has become a surprisingly integral part of my Halloween and all the goodies the holiday brings. I truly look forward to this day all year long, so I think it's safe to say that I am beyond mega-super-crazy-excited for this year's month long Halloween celebration!

For those of you who aren't aware of what all this nonsense is about, Chucktober (named after my favorite political food rapper, Chuck Roast) is essentially a month long festival of fear solely dedicated to all things All Hallows' Eve. Throughout the month of Chucktober, I shall fully commit myself to bringing you all sorts of creepy content focusing on all the Halloween and horror related tricks and treats your blackened heart could ever desire.

I've already spent some time prepping for this horrific event, and I think it's time I gave you a glimpse into the future of:

Chucktober 4: The Return of Matt-suzaka!

And that's just the beginning, boils and ghouls, so light up them jack-o'-lanterns and pop open an Octoberfest, because Chucktober starts now!

The Skill of Gymnastics. the Kill of Paracinema!

With October being just around the corner, I've been keeping myself quite busy gearing up for the Fourth Annual Chucktober Festival of Lights, but I've also been keeping my pretty little behind busy doing up a handful of guest posts for other blogs, one of which I'm going to talk about right now! As you can see from the banner above, Back Online. Back On Duty is celebrating one of my favorite genres of cinema with Yeah! Guns 'n Shit! 80s Action Week, and the always chiseled and flexing Eric was sweet enough to ask me to participate. Naturally, I was ecstatic, so I grabbed my button fly jeans, a handful of baby oil and a pair of black snake skin boots and got to writing up a Gymnasty review of the greatest Karate meets Gymnastics movie ever made, EVER!, 1985's Gymkata! So, now I ask you to please, after you're done with this post, head on over to Back Online. Back On Duty to read my review of Gymkata. And while you're there, check out all the other sweat drippin' action goodies that Eric has in store!

While I have your adorable yet slightly melon shaped eyes adorned with the beauty of my words, I'd like to take a moment and step away from the pummel horse to pimp out the latest issue of the greatest genre cinema magazine ever put to magazine, Paracinema! Issue 17 of Paracinema Magazine is STACKED with some seriously awesome articles from people who are equally as awesome as the articles they have written. And, like Gallery Furniture, that's no bull.   

Check out some of what's in store!

“Endemic Madness”: Subversive 1930s Horror Cinema
by Jon Towlson

Of Bonsai and Balance: The Hero’s Journey in The Karate Kid
by Patrick Cooper

You Can Clean Up the Mess, But Don’t Touch My Coffin: The Legacy of Sergio Corbucci’s Django
by Ed Kurtz

Be Kind, No Need to Rewind: The Preservation, Demand and Ubiquity of Shot on VHS Cinema in an Increasingly Digital Landscape
by Justin LaLiberty

I Don’t Want to See What I Hear: Paranoia and Personality Eradication in The Conversation
by Todd Garbarini

Black Cats and Black Gloves: The Influence of the Gothic on Sergio Martino’s Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key
by James Gracey

What did I tell you? STACKED! The Conversation? The Karate Kid? Django? 30's Horror? VHS? Your Vice is a Locked Room?!

If you haven't been reading Paracinema Magazine, then issue 17 is about as good any to start with, and it's only $7!! Head over to Paracinema and pre-order issue 17 right now, unless you want to know how it feels to be sad, because without Paracinema, you are indeed a sad, sad person.

PRE-ORDER HERE!