Paracinema ‘Kills’ it with Issue 19!

The latest issue of Paracinema Magazine is out and ready for you to jump head first into what promises to be the greatest issue of all time! And why, pray tell, might this issue be so off the chain?! Well, as the fantastic Garry Brown cover illustration shows, issue 19 features some serious love for one of my favorite film/films, Kill Bill. In fact, the issue features not one but TWO articles about Quentin Tarantino’s martial arts revenge epic, one of which comes from a very good friend of CNAMB, Zach from The Lightning Bug’s Lair, with the other Kill Bill piece coming from the one and only me.

Here’s a peekaboo of our epic Kill Bill coverage:

It’s Complicated: An In Depth Look at the Evolution of Bill and The Bride’s Turbulent Relationship in Kill Bill
by Matthew House

The Devil’s in The DeVAS: The Many Foes of Beatrix Kiddo
by Zachary Kelley

Soooooo what are you waiting for? Head over to Paracinema’s website and pick up a few copies for yourself… you deserve it!

Click Here!!

Of course, there are plenty of other goodies to be had, so if reading a couple of pieces about Kill Bill isn’t enough to sell you on picking up issue 19 (then how dare you), then check out all the other tasty little treats that are in store:

Phoebe Moves in Stereo: How Fast Times at Ridgemont High Gave Birth to a Classic Scene
by Mike McGranaghan

John Carpenter and the Apocalypse: A Study of Three Films
by Justin LaLiberty

Lost Video Archive: Skatetown USA
by Seth Goodkind

Aural Enigmas: Sound Design in Ti West’s The Innkeepers
by Todd Garbarini

Japan’s Direct to Video Explosion
by Josh Johnson

Firing Broadsides: Creating a Horror Canon
by C. Rachel Katz

Corpse Fucking Art: A Guide to Necrophilia in Horror Cinema
by Samm Deighan

“I’m sorry if the end of the world makes me a little nervous.” An Interview with Kelli Maroney
by Chris Hallock

What’s In A Name? The Rise and Decline of Hollywood Fall Guy Alan Smithee
by James Gracey

Last Words: Burn the Innocents with the Aggressors
by S. Patrick Gallagher

The Skill of Gymnastics. the Kill of Paracinema!

With October being just around the corner, I've been keeping myself quite busy gearing up for the Fourth Annual Chucktober Festival of Lights, but I've also been keeping my pretty little behind busy doing up a handful of guest posts for other blogs, one of which I'm going to talk about right now! As you can see from the banner above, Back Online. Back On Duty is celebrating one of my favorite genres of cinema with Yeah! Guns 'n Shit! 80s Action Week, and the always chiseled and flexing Eric was sweet enough to ask me to participate. Naturally, I was ecstatic, so I grabbed my button fly jeans, a handful of baby oil and a pair of black snake skin boots and got to writing up a Gymnasty review of the greatest Karate meets Gymnastics movie ever made, EVER!, 1985's Gymkata! So, now I ask you to please, after you're done with this post, head on over to Back Online. Back On Duty to read my review of Gymkata. And while you're there, check out all the other sweat drippin' action goodies that Eric has in store!

While I have your adorable yet slightly melon shaped eyes adorned with the beauty of my words, I'd like to take a moment and step away from the pummel horse to pimp out the latest issue of the greatest genre cinema magazine ever put to magazine, Paracinema! Issue 17 of Paracinema Magazine is STACKED with some seriously awesome articles from people who are equally as awesome as the articles they have written. And, like Gallery Furniture, that's no bull.   

Check out some of what's in store!

“Endemic Madness”: Subversive 1930s Horror Cinema
by Jon Towlson

Of Bonsai and Balance: The Hero’s Journey in The Karate Kid
by Patrick Cooper

You Can Clean Up the Mess, But Don’t Touch My Coffin: The Legacy of Sergio Corbucci’s Django
by Ed Kurtz

Be Kind, No Need to Rewind: The Preservation, Demand and Ubiquity of Shot on VHS Cinema in an Increasingly Digital Landscape
by Justin LaLiberty

I Don’t Want to See What I Hear: Paranoia and Personality Eradication in The Conversation
by Todd Garbarini

Black Cats and Black Gloves: The Influence of the Gothic on Sergio Martino’s Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key
by James Gracey

What did I tell you? STACKED! The Conversation? The Karate Kid? Django? 30's Horror? VHS? Your Vice is a Locked Room?!

If you haven't been reading Paracinema Magazine, then issue 17 is about as good any to start with, and it's only $7!! Head over to Paracinema and pre-order issue 17 right now, unless you want to know how it feels to be sad, because without Paracinema, you are indeed a sad, sad person.

PRE-ORDER HERE!

Paracinema's Sweet 16!

Issue 16 of Paracinema Magazine has been unleashed onto the world, and from the looks of it, it appears as if they are taking no prisoners with an issue chockfull of awesome cinematic goodies for you to feast on!

Check out some of what's in store! 

"Images of Horror and Lust" in Ken Russell’s The Devils
by Samm Deighan

Flinging Lingerie at Police Cars with Lulu, Peaches and Darlene: The Fashionably
True Story of How Female Rebellion Launched the Assault of the Killer Bimbos
by Jonathan Plombon

Recovered Realities: Found Footage and Mockumentary Horror
by C. Rachel Katz

Rehabilitating Daddy, or How Disaster Movies say it’s OK to Trust Authority.
by Jon Towlson

The Films of René Laloux: Notes on the Golden Age of French Science Fiction
by Derek Godin

This Ain’t Hollywood XXX: The Cultural Significance of the Porn Parody
by Justin LaLiberty

Issue 16 also features articles from a few very good friends of CNAMB, including everyone's favorite "Bug," Zach, from The Lightning Bug's Lair as well as the one they call "Magic Man" aka James from Behind the Couch. Also, I think there might be a little something in there about a film called Tourist Trap from yours truly, but don't hold that against Paracinema!    

Issue 16 is days from being released into action, so be sure to head over and order yourself a copy right now! Yes, now!! http://paracinema.net/issue-16-june-2012/

Sympathy for Paracinema!

Good lord it's been forever since I last posted anything up in this piece, and for that, I apologize. Though, I suppose you'll get over it over time, because as we all know, time heals all wounds as well as all gaps between blog posts, too.

Anyway, I don't want to get into too much detail for my lapse in posting at this exact moment in time, because I am only really dropping in to do a little plugging. And no, I don't mean that in a sexual way. Yet. Instead, I am here to share with you the gift that is the latest issue of Paracinema Magazine!

Paracinema issue #15 has been dubbed The Revenge Issue, with fantastic articles such as:  

When Life Gives You Razor Blades: Bloody Vengeance in Hobo with a Shotgun
by Christine Makepeace (I know her!) 

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Raw and Wriggling: Park Chan-Wook’s Vengeance Trilogy
by Samm Deighan

Going Back Home: Post-Vietnam Masculinity in Rolling Thunder
by Adam Blomquist

Point Blank: Nobody Knows
by Melvin Cartagena

You Want It, You Got It: The Grim and Gritty Extremes of Punisher: War Zone
by Patrick Smith

Chainsawing Well is the Best Revenge: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2‘s Texas Sized Vengeance
by Zachary Kelley (I know him, too!)

And there's plenty more where that came from, home boyeee!

And there you have it… it appears as if issue #15 of Paracinema promises to dish out the revenge as cold as can be, and with a line-up of articles covering the Vengeance Trilogy, Rolling Thunder and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, well, consider me sold, brah.

You can grab a copy of Paracinema #15 on the Paracinema.net website (click here!) for a measly $7! That's a crazy good price for a magazine that has, like, hardly any ads and is filled with great content! Alternatively, you can pick up Paracinema Magazine at many a fine retailer. Not sure if there's one near you, well, here's a retailer list (click here!)! I got you covered, homie!

A Baby Too Big to be Eaten?! Wah-wah-WHAT?!

Well, Chucktober is all over now, and as I whimper out of the month tired and underwhelmed due to an elongated state of blogging boredom, a less than exciting Halloween, and some personal bullshit, I have to reposition myself to shine that positive smile upon the world. Or something. Depending on my mental state, chances are things will be a little scarce around here, but hopefully that equates to some better quality post by yours truly. Only the finest in dick and fart jokes for my readers, I say!   

Anyway, I do have some classy content to share with you, but that content is at a place much classier than this, and that is Paracinema. If you feel the need to read about one of the most mind-bendingly strangest films I have ever seen, ever, then head on over to Paracinema to read my review of 1973's The Baby, a film about a baby who is literally too big for his britches.  

Speaking of Paracinema, in the next day or so I will be revealing the winner of the Chucktober DVD/Paracinema Magazine giveaway, so don't fret, freters! All of those who were awesome enough to share some great Halloween traditions with me deserve a big thanks, and I wish you all the best of luck in the upcoming drawing.

And once again, speaking of Paracinema, if you were not already aware, the independently produced cult/genre film magazine was recently picked up for distribution, meaning there's a real good chance you can grab yourself an issue at a store near you! For your convenience, I have provided a list of retailers across the United States and Canada carrying this fine ass bitch of a magazine.

 

Don't be a commie… support your independence by picking up an issue of Paracinema! 

Paracinema's Luckiest Number!

The September issue of Paracinema has just recently been made available for pre-order, and holy dope, the shit looks off the meat rack, shun! First of all, it's issue #13, so that's pretty awesome. Second of all, the cover is, once again, sick like the flu. However, what's most important is the goodies that are to be found within this latest magazinerpiece! Yeah, I just created that word. It's masterpiece and magazine, all wrapped up into one, easy to say word that will save you time as well as work as the perfect descriptive for an issue of this magnitude!   

Here's what's in store for you in issue #13, bitch!

Blood Is Thicker Than Fear: Maternal Madness in Horror Cinema
by Ashley Avard

Allan Carr and the Making of Where the Boys Are ‘84
by Paul Talbot

Dreams That You Could Never Guess: Bela Lugosi on Poverty Row, 1940-42
by Andreas Stoehr

Turkish Rip-Offs
by Ronnie Tucker

Censoring the Centipede: How the BBFC are Sewing Our Eyes Shut
by Liam Underwood

Teenage Riot: Coming of Age in Modern Cinema
by Christian Sellers

And if you think that's all, well, you might want to think again! Boom!

You can pre-order issue #13 now for the measly price of $7. Also, while you're there, be sure to take a look at the awesome Warriors shirts they have for sale. It's only $12 bills and worth at least five million!

DO IT NOW!

'Zero' People Came to My 'Bloody Birthday' Party

What's up, man. I see you decided to stop by this fine and often magical place known as Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. That's very nice of you, and I fully support your browsing of this here scene, in fact, I encourage the shit out of it. However, I have to ask you a real big favor. No! I don't want you to hide drugs in your girl's bra, again! Geez…that was one time two months ago, and she only had to spend one night in jail. Don't worry, this is way easier than shoving an eight ball down an A-cup.

Okay, first I'm gonna need you to give me a quick ride to Dalton McBeal's house so I can grab that cash he owes me. Then we'll head over to Wal-Mart so I can pick up a 'Bloody Birthday' cake for my little brother's birthday party that's being thrown over at someplace called PARACINEMA. I think it's near the Y. Gas money? Man, you know I got no cash to spare! This is a recession! I have just enough for a pack of smokes and a ten bag. How about I smoke you up instead?   

---

 

Thanks for the lift, bro. I appreciate it and all, but you think you could do me a solid and swing me by Darius' crib real quick so I can pick up that cash he owes me? Thanks, man. I always knew you were my boy. Hey, you think I can use your phone to give him a quick call first? I have 'ZERO' minutes left of my cell, and I gotta make sure he's home and not over at that STRANGE KIDS CLUB picking up STDs again. Thanks, man. Hey, you got an extra smoke by any chance?

Paracinema's Dream Home

What I have here is a double dose of Paracinema love to spread all over you funk soul brothers and sisters on this here sultry supersonic evening. First up is a review I wrote for Dream Home, a Hong Kong Slasher film about a woman who decides the best way to lower the market value of her dream home is to takeout a few of the surrounding residents. And when I say takeout I don't mean take them out for a nice surf 'n turf dinner followed by an ice-cream cone with rainbow sprinkles at the dairy queen, I mean takeout as in kill their asses.

Head over to Paracinema to scope out my review, and not to totally spoil my thoughts about the film or anything, but I totally fucking loved it, and if you wanna know why I loved it, you then will be forced to read my review. Capiche?     

CLICK DA LINK!

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Meanwhile…

In other Paracinema news, Paracinema Magazine Issue #12 has just recently been made available for pre-order, and as always, this newest issue of America's premiere genre magazine is ready to sock you in the cock (or vagina) with a slew of awesome articles covering all the genres that you, and I, care about most!

Take a look fer yerself…

The Man From Australia: Falling Without a Parachute Through the Films of Ozploitation Filmmaker, Brian Trenchard-Smith
by Justin Bozung

Howling All the Way Straight to Video
by Brett Taylor

The Good, The Bad and The Fulci:
Tales of Redemption and Revenge from Four of the Apocalypse
by Christian Sellers

No Future for You: Punk Aesthetics and British Identity in Derek Jarman’s Jubilee
by Andreas Stoehr

Explorers: Exploring Childhood Escapism
by Matthew House aka me

Kiyoshi Kurosawa: Reflections on Revenge
by Joshua Samford

Now, how's that for a line-up?! And don't get it twisted, there's so much more, including a free bowl of soup, a coupon for a FULL-body massage by team Paracinema (and boy do they have strong hands!) as well as a bunch of kickass articles written by peeps that kickass!

Click Here to Pre-order…it's only $7 for crying out loud!!

Pamela's Triple Doll Dare

Regardless of the fact that I'm still suffering greatly from the injury I received after stepping on a nail while in a wicked dance battle against Jeff Pickleberry in the Boys & Girls Club gymnasium this passed Thursday evening, I have been able to find the strength to crank out a few pieces of awesome for you all to check out. It's field trip time, folks, so grab yer bags and get on the bus…no, the shorter one…that's right, and we can go on our merry way!

First stop is the one place where you actually fit in: the Strange Kids Club, where I, as in me, as in myself, as in this fucking guy, has posted a little slice of magic for you all to enjoy. I dug up quite the interesting commercial for an '80s toy that went by the name, Pamela the Living Doll. Now, what's interesting about a TV ad for a children's doll, you ask? Well, you'll have to head over there to watch the clip and read my thoughts to find out, now won't you! Damn straight you will. 

Click-Clack

After our super adventure at Club Strange, we have a special reservation at Paracinema all lined up for you. On the menu this evening is a review for the 2010 Canadian teen girl drama, Triple Dog. Me, reviewing a teen girl drama where the dialogue is almost as memorable as the radical skateboarding scenes? What more could you ask for?! Well, ice cream and a wad of hundreds, I suppose, but that's not the point. Jump on your board, put foot to ground and head over to Paracinema to check out my review, and we'll be besties for life!YAY!    

Click-Clack

Whew! With Pamela the Living Doll and a review of Triple Dog, you have yourself a full day of fun! Well, more like 15-minutes of fun. Actually, it might not even be all that fun in the first place, so just look at it as 15-minutes wasted. Sorry.

P.S. Looking at the content for what I have posted at these other fine sites, I must ask: am I a girl?

Enter the Darkness of Two Crippled Heroes

A few months back, I wrote a review for Todd Miro's Enter the Dark (which you can read here!), a short horror film that I found to be quite enjoyable. Well, now you too have the opportunity to check out the 17-minute film for FREE as a part of the FirstGlance online film competition. The only catch is you have to create an account, but it's no more than an email, user name and password, so it's not all that tedious to do. While there, you also have the OPTION to vote for the film, which would give it a chance to be entered into the FirstGlance Film Fest in Philly. If you were kind enough to do so, you would have to watch, from start to finish, two (of the nine) other films for your vote to count. That may sound like a lot, but if you think about it, you're checking out a handful of short horror films for free, as well as showing support for independent horror. Plus, as I said, this is optional, and if you only want to check out Enter the Dark, you could totally still do so. 

Here is the link to the FirstGlance site where where you can watch Enter the Dark, and if you would like more details on the competition as well as the film itself, head over to the movie's official website by clicking here. I wouldn't pimp it if I didn't think it was worth your time, and if any of you do take the time to check out the short, please, feel free to share your thoughts about it right here!

Since I'm here doing a little pimping, might as well pimp myself out while I'm at it. Over at the wonderful website known to humans as Paracinema, I just posted a review for the DVD release of The Crippled Masters 2: Two Crippled Heroes. That's easy enough, right? While you're there, take a moment to check out the other goodies the site has in store. Just don't drink the water. It will totally give you the runs.

Something Smells (Cat)fishy Over At Paracinema…

Located somewhere over the rainbow is a magical land known simply as Paracinema, and within this village lies a small tavern owned and operated by yours truly. Every once in a while I like to have a nice little dinner - a feast in which everyone is invited to come over and take part in if they so choose. All that you need to bring is yourself and your appetite. This time around, I have prepared a special dish made up of 2010's questionable documentary, Catfish. This is a meal that I have truly enjoyed creating, nevertheless, if you have never enjoyed a dish such as Catfish, I suggest you take a taste before you head on over. If not, my meal may just 'spoil' your appetite altogether.

Click Da Link!   

Paracinema's One-Two Punch and the Urban Warriors Come Out to Play-ayyy!

Holy poop, it's already time for a new issue of Paracinema, and the great minds behind this AWARD NOMINATED magazine have pumped out what looks to be their best issue yet (starting with that dope cover!). Dubbed The Women's Issue, issue #11 has been dedicated to fairer sex by having the entire magazine written solely by women. While I am fearful that at least one of these fine ladies will bring up their period, I'm willing to take the chance as there are some fantastic writers (and good friends) involved with equally wonderful subjects that are to be covered. Take a look below for a sneak peek at what's in store…

Demystifying Superwoman: Shifty Gender Roles, Hysterical Moms, & Pissed Off Daughters in The Exorcist

by Ashlee Blackwell

Frankenhooker: Titular Commodification of Women

by Lisa Cunningham

Rape-Revenge Films: A Guide for the Faint-Hearted

by Chelsea Suarez

The Degrading Last Days of Laura Palmer: A Backwards Glance at Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

by Christine Hadden

Spiritual Viagra (How a Mummy in Cowboy Boots Gave Elvis a Hard-On)

by Molly Marie Griffin

Mental Illness in Horror Films: Lifting the Stigma with Let’s Scare Jessica to Death

by Andre Dumas

Yowza! And that's only the beginning! So head on over to Paracinema to preorder that shit asap, or I'll pee in your sink. Again.

While we're on the subject of Paracinema, the magazine has been nominated for an award, a Rondo award for best magazine, to be exact. This is great news, and I wanted take a moment to send a huge congrats to two of my favorite people, Dylan and Christine, for their nomination. It's good to see such hard working people with an intense passion and respect for cinema receive some recognition. Paracinema keeps it real, filtering out all the bullshit that's to be found in most other genre magazines, and for that I truly believe they deserve this. If you would like to vote in this year's Rondo awards, click away, and please, feel free to vote for Paracinema, because they believe in freedom!

CLICK DA LINK!

And finally, it's time to talk about me, which is nothing short of a pleasure as I do love me some me. Over at The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema, I just posted up a review for the Italian Post-Apocalyptic flick, Urban Warriors. So, if you don't mind, head on over to theGBTMC to give it a looksee. Do it for Dudikoff because he would expect nothing less, and he too believes in freedom!

CLICK DA LINK!

Paracinema Is So Slutty

If you're in the mood for a filthy good laugh (well, I hope you would laugh, or at least that's the goal), head on over to Paracinema and take a peak at my review for the Tinto Brass directed, Erotic masterpiece, Monamour! Seriously, reading my review will be like living and breathing the film, and you can do it in an 1/8 the time it would take you to actually watch it. Plus, the chances for STDs would go down by at least 73% by reading it. Plus, plus, there are pictures of almost naked people!! And we all know how much you perverts love a good naked person in your everyday lives, so go on, get your fine little ass over there, okay?

CLICK DA LINK!!

The Mystery Of Cropsey Solved At the All New Paracinema?!

Well, that may be a bit of a stretch but there is an all new Paracinema website that can be found, and I do  have a review of the true crime documentary, Cropsey, posted there, so that's close enough I suppose. Make sure to stop by and read my review, but also make sure to take in all the glory of this fine new site where you will be spending your nights and weekends taking in all the cinematic magic that will be showered upon you!

Check out the new Paracinema hotness here!

Check out the Cropsey review hotness here!