Well, Chucktober is all over now, and as I whimper out of the month tired and underwhelmed due to an elongated state of blogging boredom, a less than exciting Halloween, and some personal bullshit, I have to reposition myself to shine that positive smile upon the world. Or something. Depending on my mental state, chances are things will be a little scarce around here, but hopefully that equates to some better quality post by yours truly. Only the finest in dick and fart jokes for my readers, I say!
Anyway, I do have some classy content to share with you, but that content is at a place much classier than this, and that is Paracinema. If you feel the need to read about one of the most mind-bendingly strangest films I have ever seen, ever, then head on over to Paracinema to read my review of 1973's The Baby, a film about a baby who is literally too big for his britches.
Speaking of Paracinema, in the next day or so I will be revealing the winner of the Chucktober DVD/Paracinema Magazine giveaway, so don't fret, freters! All of those who were awesome enough to share some great Halloween traditions with me deserve a big thanks, and I wish you all the best of luck in the upcoming drawing.
And once again, speaking of Paracinema, if you were not already aware, the independently produced cult/genre film magazine was recently picked up for distribution, meaning there's a real good chance you can grab yourself an issue at a store near you! For your convenience, I have provided a list of retailers across the United States and Canada carrying this fine ass bitch of a magazine.
Don't be a commie… support your independence by picking up an issue of Paracinema!
It seems as if I just did one of these thingamajigs a post or two back, and, well, that's because I did. The more often there's a fresh new edition of Totally Tubular Trailers only means that there are more and more sick looking movies are on their way. And when I say sick, I mean sic. Like, the way my friend spells it on facebook when describing something awesome. It's pretty funny, especially when he writes "fucking sic, bro!"
What I'm getting at here is, it certainly seems as if the glut that was the first quarter of 2011 is nearing an end, and now all sorts of great looking movies are making their way into our lives, our hearts and hopefully our beds. Well, just so long as they don't have gonorrhea. That shit is fucking sic, bro.
The Prodigies is a superhero/apocalypse film that focuses on five "special" teens that come together to lash out against the world after they are violently attacked in Central Park. Humanities only hope against the five prodigies is a sixth prodigy named Jimbo (Jimbo?!) Farrar, who must use all of his might top keep the five prodigies from exacting their vengeance-fueled apocalypse.
The Prodigies is a French language animated film directed by Antoine Charreyron, whose previous works consist of directing a number of video games. Unfortunately, this trailer is not available in English as of yet, but this film looks absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. The animation style is simple and slightly underwhelming at first, but as the preview moves forward, your jaw will be sure to drop more than once. Also, including a MUSE song in a trailer, specifically the track chosen, is always a great way to grab my pickle for a tickle.
WATCH THIS TRAILER!!
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Jointly written and directed by Julien Lacombe and Pascal Sid, Behind the Walls (Derriere Les Murs) follows a young novelist who moves to a peaceful countryside so she can concentrate on writing her latest book. It isn't long before the novelist succumbs to terrifying hallucinations and nightmares, all the while, numerous young girls are disappearing from the area, which sends the locals into quite the tizzy.
Like The Prodigies, Behind the Walls is also a French made film and, despite their lack of freedom and women's deodorant, the genre cinema that they have been producing has been some of the best outside of South Korea, and it doesn't seem like things will be slowing down anytime soon, especially after seeing this teaser.
It's a quick clip, but in less than a minute, you can see that Behind the Walls looks to be gorgeous, tense and chances are if the film is anything like this teaser, spines will be sent right into tingle mode. However, that could also be do to poor posture.
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Next up is Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen. The story is what you would come to expect from an action film where a guy wears a mask and fights crime. There's some form of corruption that needs to be dealt with, the titular character will be pressured by the double life that he lives and, most importantly, there will be some sic fucking action.
Legend of the Fist stars Donnie Yen, who is reprising his role of Chen Zhen from the 1995 TV series, Fist of Fury, which was actually influenced by the character Bruce Lee played in Fists of Fury. Sweet, right? Helmed by Lau Wai-keung, Legend also stars Anthony Wong and the always beautiful, but oddly fish like, Shu Qi, and is expected to see a US DVD release on June 16th.
The 20-second mark begins what should put a few skid marks right in yer undies.
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Directed by non-porn star, Dick Maas, our last trailer for the day comes to us in the form of the Dutch horror flick, Saint (Sint). The movie exposes the beloved Saint Nicholas for what he really is: a bloodthirsty bishop who, whenever there's a full moon on the 5th December, murders as many children as he possibly can.
Saint basically looks like your standard Slasher film, but instead of a Santa killer, which has been seen more than once before, you have jolly ol' Saint Nick doing all of the hacking and slashing. It's an extremely fun premise, and I love every little thing about the look of Saint based off this excitingly awesome trailer. Luckily, IFC has recently picked up the rights to the film, so hopefully it will make its way to our shores by the holidays, which clearly would be the perfect time to watch such a movie.
That's it for now, boils and ghouls. Hopefully you all have enjoyed what you've seen here, and please, be sure to share your thoughts on any one of these trailers.
A few months back, I wrote a review for Todd Miro's Enter the Dark (which you can read here!), a short horror film that I found to be quite enjoyable. Well, now you too have the opportunity to check out the 17-minute film for FREE as a part of the FirstGlance online film competition. The only catch is you have to create an account, but it's no more than an email, user name and password, so it's not all that tedious to do. While there, you also have the OPTION to vote for the film, which would give it a chance to be entered into the FirstGlance Film Fest in Philly. If you were kind enough to do so, you would have to watch, from start to finish, two (of the nine) other films for your vote to count. That may sound like a lot, but if you think about it, you're checking out a handful of short horror films for free, as well as showing support for independent horror. Plus, as I said, this is optional, and if you only want to check out Enter the Dark, you could totally still do so.
Here is the link to the FirstGlance site where where you can watch Enter the Dark, and if you would like more details on the competition as well as the film itself, head over to the movie's official website by clicking here. I wouldn't pimp it if I didn't think it was worth your time, and if any of you do take the time to check out the short, please, feel free to share your thoughts about it right here!
Since I'm here doing a little pimping, might as well pimp myself out while I'm at it. Over at the wonderful website known to humans as Paracinema, I just posted a review for the DVD release of The Crippled Masters 2: Two Crippled Heroes. That's easy enough, right? While you're there, take a moment to check out the other goodies the site has in store. Just don't drink the water. It will totally give you the runs.
It's been like FOREVER since I last did a Totally Tubular Trailers, or, as the kids call it, TTT, which is not to be confused with KFC, Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD: the East Coast family. You know, just to be clear. Anyway, I have here some wonderful trailers to share with you all, some of which I've had sitting in this saved draft for far too long and a few more that have come out recently and are what I would like to call, dope.
Starting things off on an apocalyptic note is the trailer for Battle: Los Angeles. Set in the present day, the film focuses on an alien invasion/battle through the eyes of a group of military personnel. Now, there have been so many shitty alien invasion films (I'm looking at you, ID4) that I am very skeptical about most films of the genre. And with Jonathan Liebesman at the helm, the director behind such dreck as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning and Darkness Falls, things aren't any more promising. Nevertheless, this is an awesome trailer, and as well worn and often disappointing as this genre type is, Battle looks like it might actually deliver the goods. Plus, that title is bad-ass, and I fully expect some Frank Black to be fit in somewhere in the film.
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While we're on the subject of the apocalypse, might as well go post with the trailer for Davi de Oliveira Pinheiro's (yep, that's a mouthful), Beyond the Grave. Made in Brazil, Beyond the Grave is a good verses evil tale focusing on a police officer who is on the hunt for a possessed serial killer. The trailer is very interesting and appears to be a western influenced road film with a mixture of fantasy, revenge, horror, and of course, there are zombies. Cool trailer, and I specifically dig the music quite a bit.
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Speaking of great music, our last trailer for the evening, Tetsuya Nakashima's Confessions, looks like a film that will deliver all those things we love about dark and twisted Japanese cinema with a touch of quirkiness. Confessions is a revenge film about a teacher that has lost her daughter due to the actions of her classmates. Being a teacher, the grieving mother concocts a plan to take revenge on those students that were responsible for her daughter's death. And I would gander that insanity ensues. Confessions looks darkly humorous, and there's sure to be some mean-spirited and taboo situations with the whole teacher seeking revenge on school children thing. And that, dear reader, is a recipe for success.
That does it for now, but I do hope to do these a little more than I have been, if not for the pure fact that trailers are always fun to discover and watch. Hope you found something interesting you haven't seen before! Until next time…
I've had a really tough time figuring out what to dress up as for Halloween, so I took to the internet as my guide and found this news report focusing on the hottest costumes for 2010!! Boy, I sure hope it helps with some creative and original ideas that'll stand out amongst the masses!
First off, while I do dig the clown outfit, Emily Deem should really try and go as a mute. Not for Halloween so much as she should just be a mute, period.
So the first costume is brought out, and it's the Mad Hatter from that Tim Burton movie that came out. I just love how Foot Locker describes the costume as being comfortable because Jesus can wear his own pants with it. I was more or less thinking the costume sucked, because Jesus had to wear his own pants because the costume didn't come with them. While we're on it, is the hair awesome, Emily? Is it really? I'll pass on this one.
Finally, when the one costume I was waiting for the entire time makes an appearance (the Alice costume, naturally), I learn that the shoes are extra?! I totally can't afford all of that, and all the other girls at school are definitely going to laugh at me if I don't wear the right shoes. They really do make the ensemble pop.
The last costume is barely even worth mentioning as we have already seen the idiot store owner wearing it for the last two minutes. Oh, but now it's on a little girl, so it must be cute, right? Wrong. If they wanted to do a family theme, they should go as father and disappointed in her father daughter. That would be more fitting.
You know what, forget it, this stupid news report didn't help me find shit. And seriously, Emily, do you think getting a news camera wet is a good idea? Love how her lame flower joke fails when she misses the camera the first time, and she then has to reign it back in with her wit and charm. But the best part of this whole thing is the condescending female studio anchor saying "That was fun" with the excitement of someone that just found out they will be raped by an alligator everyday for the rest of their life starting in one hour.
Unless my luck should change, it looks like I might be wearing my go to costume for the 27th year in a row…
There's a new kid on the blogosphere block and while there are already way too many to follow as it is, this times things are a little different. The blog in question is titled The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema, and is in conjunction with one of the planet's finest genre podcasts, The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema. If you aren't already aware of this podcast, then you are missing out on what is one of the finest and most versatile film podcasts out there, covering a vast array of the cinema that we all love dearly. The two main hosts, Willy and Samurai, are deeply knowledgeable film fans, and their sense of humor has a way of causing infectious giggle fits at any given moment.
So this new site will be, in essence, an extension of the show itself. It has been spearheaded by the hardest working man in genre blogging, Aaron of The Death Rattle, and there are a slew of other wonderful contributors that are sure to tickle your pickle with interest. T.L. Bugg of The Lightning Bug's Lair, Emily from The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense, as well as part time GGtMC guest hosts, Rupert Pupkin of Rupert Pupkin Speaks and Pickleloaf fromAssorted Loaf, just to name a few. Also, I would be remised if I did not mention that the amazing and adorable Matt-suzaka of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby will also be contributing from time to time. Oh, wait, that's me!
So I urge you all to stop by The Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema, become a follower and just watch as all your dreams slowly begin to come true. Do it for America!
For the most part, I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to hearing about upcoming remakes. I'm not all for them, and unless they are announced to be in 3D (ugh), I am not really against them either. To state the obvious, I know for a fact that they will either be: A) Good B) Bad or C) Mediocre. No matter which one of those categories the remake might fall in, the original will stay in whatever category you and I have it in to begin with. A shitty remake cannot take that away from either of us. The reason I bring this up is due to the recent casting news for the upcoming remake of Fright Night. Now, Fright Night is one of my favorite horror films – it is a childhood favorite – as well as my favorite vampire film from a time when I absolutely loved the genre and vampires period. I even read and still own the comic book series that came out around the time, and I even once went as a post turned "Evil" Ed for Halloween as a kid.
So even with news of one of my favorite childhood films being remade, I am still indifferent about it all. I always have the hopes that it will be good, of course, because then I would have yet another take on a film and story that I love. However, with the casting news for this soon to be remade vampire film, I find myself very excited for a few reasons. Toni Collette is a great actress and to know that she is going to play a small but still important role as Judy Brewster is very promising. She isn't a major character, so to have a solid actress fill that role is a surprise and a welcome one at that. Of course, the bigger news is the announcement that the part of Jerry Dandridge has been cast with another big star, Colin Farrell.
Many will slag on Farrell for his acting and he has done plenty of shit, I know, but he is a great actor when he so chooses. See the fantastic In Bruges if you need proof of that fact. What's even better about his casting, outside of him being a high profile actor and a decent one, is the fact that they cast someone who, age wise, fits the role. In this post-Twilight era, it's nice to see that there aren't any changes to the main antagonist of the film, as in, there is no attempt to make him a much younger, brooding man. It would be very easy to switch around the story a bit to make Charley's neighbor a young and attractive to the Twilight crowd man, and the fact that is not happening is a positive one.
I'm not trying to take the piss out of Twilight as it isn't made for my pleasure (but it's next up in my Netflix queue…lord have mercy), but I would hate to see the vampire genre go a certain way because of it's influence. I don't mind sex appeal, but I do not need my vampire stories to be driven by mindless romance. Fright Night is a prime candidate for a Twilight influenced makeover, so the strong casting choices as well as a director that has something under his belt, are all very good signs. Now, we'll just have to wait to see who gets the roles of Peter Vincent, Evil and Marcy…
I’ve been battling sickness all week and just when I think I’m all better, I wake up feeling crummy again. It sucks and it’s wicked difficult to focus on writing shit when I feel like butt, but feeling crappy and writing a little less gives me the chance to just sit at the computer and search the internets for interesting trailers. So here are a few that caught my attention that I wanted to share with all you lovely ladies and germs.
First up is the trailer for Lost for Words. Written and directed by Sean Wainsteim, Lost for Words is a fairytale of sorts, but no real plot details are available at this time. It is described by Wainsteim as: a love letter to the time I spent in the library as a child, immersing myself in books, illustrations, music, performance and puppetry that led to a lifelong fascination with storytelling. How endearing. The trailer is quite fascinating and the visual style, as well as the production values are very eye catching. Definitely something to look forward to.
Next up is a trailer for the Malaysian horror film, Killer Clown. Now this promises to be completely awful, but more than likely, utterly entertaining. As seen with movies like Student Confidential and The Room, you know you’re getting into something special when a film is written, produced, directed, and staring the same guy, and that guy is Julian Cheah. Bathe in the badness!
Next is the trailer for Centurion, an epic sword and sandal film from genre favorite, Neil Marshall. The movie takes place during the war between Roman soldiers and Pict tribesmen during the 2nd century Roman conquest of Britain, and is promised by Marshall, to be very bloody and brutal! Magnolia/Magnet Releasing announced just today that they have acquired the U.S. rights to Centurion and will release it as part of their Six Shooter Film Series, which includes the sadly truncated U.S. release of Red Cliff and one of my top films of last year, Bronson. Marshall has proven to be one of the best horror/cult directors working today, so this is a film that I am definitely excited for and with it being picked up by Magnet, it should be seeing a VOD as well as a limited theatrical release very soon.
In tiny trailer news, here is the super quick teaser for Jorge Jaramillo and Luis Fernando Mora’s, Play with Me (Juego Conmigo). The film is described as a psychological horror film that concerns “a number of individuals drawn into a world of living childlike nightmares.” Intriguing and even though the teaser is only 20 seconds, it is certainly worth noting.
Last trailer for the day comes from Someone's Knocking At the Door, which is set for a DVD release on May 25th. Written and directed by Chad Ferrin and staring Noah Segan, Someone's Knocking at the Door is a throwback to over the top Grind house cinema and blends a slew of off kilter genres. I really like this trailer a lot – the film looks incredibly strange and I enjoy how the music is used in it too.
That does it for this go around kiddies, hope you saw something new, something cool, and something that interests you, in this batch of Totally Tubular stew!
Another shitty weekend for movies on TV, so I am forced to skip yet another Horror Hangover...I really hope this doesn't have to happen again for a while. However, now would be a great time to share with you some updates and if you don't wanna hear about them, I will have to force them upon you and in that case, would it be considered update rape?
Our good friend James Gracey's book, Dario Argento has been given what would seem to be a definitive release date of March 25th 2010. James is a great friend of CNAMB and an even greater writer who's knowledge of the Italian maestro's work is more than vast. Here is a link to the previous post I did that will give you links to all the places you can pre-order the book. Also, there is now a facebook fan page for Dario Argento that you can become a fan of, so head over there and show some love and support for one of our own!
In related reading news, the December issue of Paracinema Magazine is available for magical Internet order and purchase at select retailers. Issue 8 has some great articles as always, with a few done by some familiar friends of CNAMB! Here is a list of some of the features to be found in the newest issue:
* War May Be Hell, But a Sequel Is Purgatory: Thematic Combat With Battle Royale II: Requiem by one of my favorite people, Emily Intravia!
* Love, Loss, and Astounding Growth in The Incredible Shrinking Man and Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman by Jessie Robie
* "Oh Hi, Movie!" The Unironic Aesthetics of "So Bad It’s Good" In Tommy Wiseau's The Room by John Semley
* The Story Behind Jim Wynorski's Munchie Strikes Back OR Paracinema's Parents' Manual for Little Billy's Question: "Why is the TV puppet telling me to vote Democrat?" by Jonathan Plombon
* The Serial Killer's Mind: Comparing and Contrasting the Male Psyches in Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer by Brantley Palmer
* Loss and Hope – The Past and the Future in The Road Warrior by Todd Garbarini
* A Room of One's Own: An Account of A Failed Interview (With Tommy Wiseau) by Miles Lemaire
And there's plenty more great movie analysis waiting for you in this amazing new issue!
So there you go, some great shit for your cinema loving mind to ingest and I hope as many of you as possible can show some support for these great projects and companies. In the end, you are showing support for people like you and I, passionate fans of Cult and Horror cinema that have something to say about it. Support them as you would support any independent film project that is driven by love and passion for the things we all have shown passion and love for...movies and two ply toilet paper of course.
Big news in the comic world - Nickelodeon just recently bought the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Global property from The Mirage Group and 4Kids Entertainment, Inc. for a whopping $60 million dollars! While it may be good news in a way, it is kind of a bummer to me. What many people probably do not know is that the Turtles were not originally set in NY; they were actually based and created in North Hampton Massachusetts, which is only about 30 minutes from where I grew up. I have all of my Mirage Studios TMNT comics to this very day (actually, I have all of my comics still), most of them signed by many of the artist and writers involved with the original series, including Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, the creators of the Turtles and founders of Mirage Studios.
I used to go to a comic store called Altered Earth Arts everyday when I was a kid, and that comic store was owned by Craig "A.C." Farley, someone who at the time had been doing covers for the compilation issues that came out every so often - a best of TMNT if you will. So anyway, he went on to do a few of his own issues (writing and drawing) for the series, and the very first one he did was clearly set in Chicopee center (where I'm from), and one of the main young characters had a striking resemblance to yours truly (right down to the lines shaved on the side of my head)! There was even a moment where a bully beat up "my" character and that bully happened to look exactly like a guy that used to work at that same comic store. He was a big dude that would rough house my friends and I when we came in to buy comics, in playful (and non-sexual way...I think!) way, so it was fitting that he be the bully to punch "my" characters lights out.
So as you can see, I have a soft spot for the Turtles property (Totally Tubular Trailers?), and even if the movies and TV series were never nearly as cool or dark as the original Eastman and Laird creation, they were still a ton of fun. Knowing that such a majorly successful franchise/property was thunk up and created near where I grew up, and is now all but completely sold off is a little sad to me. Especially when I had some personal connections to that franchise/property in a lot of ways, so I feel like it's kind of mine. I am pretty selfish, however.
I also wanna mention - the Dario Argento book by Mr. James Gracey that I just recently posted about has unfortunately been pushed back to an unknown date. Seems to happen with all the good shit, doesn't it? Anyway, hopefully it will be out sooner rather than later, and I will update you skanks if I hear anything else about a release date - as will James on his blog. If you are a fan of dope, or if you like bad-ass, and you are a fan of Argento, then head over to Amazon and give this little bitch a pre-order in support of dope, bad-ass, Argento-ness!
minutes from where I grew up. I have all of my Mirage Studios TMNT comics to this very day (actually, I have all of my comics still), most of them signed by many of the artist and writers involved with the original series, including Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, the creators of the Turtles and founders of Mirage Studios.
So as you can see, I have a soft spot for the Turtles property (Totally Tubular Trailers?), and even if the movies and TV series were never nearly as cool or dark as the original Eastman and Laird creation, they were still a ton of fun. Knowing that such a majorly successful franchise/property was thunk up and created near where I grew up, and is now all but completely sold off is a little sad to me. Especially when I had some personal connections to that franchise/property in a lot of ways, so I feel like it's kind of mine. I am pretty selfish, however.
