Monday, April 11, 2011

Back in Black, Bitch!

That post title is a tad deceiving because while I am indeed back, I am rarely one to wear black, and there is not one portion of my body at this very moment that's covered by an article of black clothing. It just sounds cool, and it makes you think of AC/DC, which makes you think of Green Goblin trucks and Emilio Estevez, two things that drip cool like it's no ones business. Anyway, after a short hiatus, Chuck Norris Ate My Baby is back in action (as opposed to black). A week away from it all was just what the gyno ordered, and now I feel rejuvenated.


Double bad-ass

As I mentioned in my previous post, I took a trip to the land of rape and honey, better known as Las Vegas. It was a grand trip that garnered many a great tale, some of which I shall share with you briefly here. Besides placing third (it's a long story) in the Ozawa Cup International Karate Tournament, presented by Las Vegas Shotokan Karate, I decided to go and make an honest woman out of my longtime girlfriend and scrapbooking partner, Liz. We didn't take many photos, but I thought I would share with you this gorgeous shot of Liz in her dress, which was stunning to say the least.  


For the record She's not preggers, she just stores water during the winter months

Beautiful, right?! The time was more memorable and wonderful than anything outside of my very own birth, which I really can't remember all too well, so the slight edge goes to the wedding.

This Vegas trip had many more stories to tell, one of which was seeing Penn and Teller perform live. I've been a huge fan of the duo as long as I can remember, so the opportunity to see them do their thing was quite rewarding, plus I got a quick chance to meet them both afterwards, which was certainly worthy of a smile or two. I'm sure they felt the same way.


I don't know who that girl was or why she was in my picture, but I bet she wanted me

As great as the Penn and Teller show was it was completely dwarfed by seeing the Cirque du Soleil show, KA (not short for KA KA, but I wish it were). Now, this was something that we were really hoping to see, but weren't sure if the price would break our budget, however, we ended up getting a great deal on the Penn and Teller tickets and due to the hotel we stayed at, we got a huge discount offered for the KA tickets, so it had to be done.

And boy was it worth every cent spent.

I'm not going to go into detail about the show, because I'm lazy, but lets just say that in my life I have seen quite a few plays, big shows and more movies than can be counted, but none of them have ever come close to what I witnessed on stage with KA. The word incredible is not nearly a strong enough descriptive, and I cannot recommend enough that everyone take the chance to check out KA if the opportunity ever arises. Quite simply, It was mind blowing.

One other highlight was a trip to Madame Tussauds wax that ass museum. While a few of the wax figures look either a little too fake or not enough like the celebrity, many of them are quite amazing, to the point of creepy, even. There were a few that I seriously thought were going to go all Tourist Trap on me, but thankfully Mr. Slausen was nowhere to be found. One of the cool things about the museum is being able to interact with the figures themselves, which I did, specifically with the female ones. Repeatedly. Here's a few photos from my adventures in Toyland.

me and benme and whoppie

Giving advice to Ben about how to nab chicks better looking than that guy he's married to, and me trying to make whoopie with Whoopi

me and jennalizanddepp

Me proving that there is indeed going to be some sort of sex in the champagne room, and that same chick from Penn and Teller showed up at the museum. What a creeper!

I was a little bummed that the focus is more (more meaning almost completely) on varying degrees of celebrity, but it was still pretty damned awesome, plus there was a brief but satisfying haunted attraction within the exhibit, so that helped feed my need for horror during the trip.

Those are just some of the best highlights of the week away from life, but I'm sure you guys have lost interest by now, unless you want to hear about how much I drank, that is. Otherwise, things should be getting back to normal here within the next few days, so thanks for your patience and for those times we spent together.


  1. I can't really tell you how enjoyable this post was. Please take more Americana vacations. Might I recommend Dollywood???

    Also, is that photo proof that Penn is actually 9' tall?

  2. Yay and congrats!

    The ladies love you enough to follow you around... you're a rock star.

  3. First off, come to Dollywood. The Lady Bugg and I will meet you there, and we'll have an Appalachian good time.... whatever that means. I think it means it will be tacky as shit. Anyhow, so many congratulations my friend. All the really tony people get hitched in April (T-Minus 10 days on 13 years for us), so I'm sure you will have many years of happiness. Also, wild monkey love.

    Now down to business, what man is Ben married to? Maybe you're confused. I know Jenny from the Block maybe should have been called Jenny with a... I've said too much. One other thing, Mr. Depp has the look on his face that babies get when they go boom so it's nice that random girl remained so cheery. Maybe he has air fresheners hidden away in his powder blue headband.

    Seriously, all the best to you both.

  4. Emily: Thanks, Emily! Dollywood would be a dream come true. In fact, maybe we skip HH Cincy and all meet up at Dollywood?!

    And seriously, I'm a pretty tall dude, but Penn is like the fucking Nome King from Return to Oz!

    Ashlee: Thanks, and you better make it to Dollywood, too!

    Bugg: Thanks my friend and congrats of 13 years! What better way to celebrate than by going to Dollywood?!

    As for Affleck, his male partner goes by the name Elektra, who may only slightly have a worse resume than Jenny with a... and Depp looks like he just got done watching the final cut of The Tourist, and I know how he must feel!

  5. I'm so ill-informed: What is Dollywood?!

  6. Quite possibly the funnest place on earth! So pack your bags 'cause you're going too!

  7. Did you go through the haunted maze in Madame Tussauds? It was like a mini Hollywood Horror Nights only not that cool.

  8. It wasn't called the haunted maze, but there was something like that there. I enjoyed it, but it was incredibly underwhelming from what I expected.

    I thought it would be some awesome wax figures from horror films or real life serial killers, but it was mostly just fog and set up like a cheap haunted house. Still, I liked it, but I am easy to please with shit like that!


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