It's Christmas Eve, and as Jason is being tucked into bed, his parents warn him that if he doesn't get to sleep soon, Santa will not be bringing him any gifts. It isn’t long before Jason does finally fall asleep, only to excitedly wake up in the middle of the night and rush downstairs to see if Santa has brought him all he wished for. Much to his surprise, Jason finds Santa himself, as he's leaving behind a plethora of joy just waiting to be celebrated by the young boy. Excited beyond belief, Jason takes this opportunity to try and meet Santa, but what Jason neglected to consider is there's a reason why good little boys and girls are encouraged to sleep through the night, and no matter what, should never try and see Santa for themselves.
Brimming with 80s Christmas decor and set to the comforting sounds of Nat King Cole’s The Christmas Song, A Christmas Treat is a holiday-themed horror short that perfectly hits the nostalgia mark by recreating the joy of Christmas from the perspective of a young child. Of course, the brilliance of the short is that it builds up all of these youthful memories and warm feelings, only to take it all and turn it into a complete nightmare. Albeit, a very fun and satisfying nightmare.
Written and directed by a 21-year-old Tim Sullivan when he was studying film at NYU, A Christmas Treat garnered Sullivan a Short Film Search Award from Fangoria Magazine, which is really impressive considering this was his first film. It’s not much a surprise that it received such positive attention, honestly, as A Christmas Treat is indeed a treat, and certainly one that is well worth 4 minutes of your time this holiday season and during holiday seasons to come.
Inside opens with the aftermath of a violent car crash involving a man and his pregnant wife, Sarah (Alysson Paradis). It is quite clear that Sarah’s husband did not survive the accident, leaving Sarah alone, distraught and carrying a child. Flash forward to four months later, it’s Christmas Eve and Sarah is due to be induced the next morning. Until that time, however, Sarah will wait out the final night of her pregnancy in her home, with no one other than her cat to keep her company. While this would likely be a night where anticipation and sadness clouds Sarah’s thoughts, things take an unexpected turn when a psychotic woman (Béatrice Dalle) starts harassing her. Eventually, the woman’s harassment turns into an all out attempt to murder Sarah, and what ensues is a visceral bloodbath of violence and destruction as Sarah must fight to protect not only herself, but her unborn child, too.
Directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, Inside (À l'intérieur) is a 2007 French horror film that starts off in a fashion that is quite reminiscent of John Carpenter’s Slasher masterpiece, Halloween. The inspiration is clear in how some of the earlier moments are executed as well as the effect they have on the viewer, featuring a sort of background horror that, if you catch it, will give you a good reason to change your adult diaper. Inside plays the creepy vibe perfectly for the first act, then the film slowly unfolds into a full-on, no holds barred gorefest. Or, better yet, a gorefeast, because the bloody brutality of Inside has a satisfying taste reminiscent of the gruesome Slasher films of yesteryear.
Inside comes in under 90 min and pushes a relentless pace from start to finish. The film holds this pace with a simple narrative that only focuses on a few characters. The locations are also kept to a minimum, as - outside of the opening car accident - Inside is set almost entirely inside of Sarah’s home, with Sarah left to defend herself against the onslaught that is La Femme. There are a few sporadic characters that show up and give La Femme the opportunity to show off her ferocity, but the core of Inside is solely focused on the simplistic cat and mouse game between La Femme and Sarah.
*I’m about to get into some character motivations which might be too spoilery for anyone who hasn’t seen Inside, so please, tread lightly, if at all.*
La Femme is, without a doubt, one of the most frightening characters to ever grace the screen. The chaos caused by this woman is almost legendary. But the question remains: why would any woman, crazed or not, attempt to kill a woman carrying a child? Where is her compassion? Well, her compassion, her empathy and her sanity were all left behind in the very car accident that took Sarah’s husband from her, as it’s later revealed that La Femme was the other unseen motorist. Worse yet, La Femme was also pregnant and lost her child as a result of the car wreck, which has sent her down a path of vengeance where her goal is to take Sarah’s child and raise it as her own.
This is what makes La Femme such an interesting character. As much as she’s a monster, La Femme is laced with a strong trace of sympathy. This is a character who has lost something that meant more to her than most viewers can ever fully grasp: her child. As a result, she blames Sarah for this loss, and her drive is that of a person who wants back what was unfairly taken from them. Does it make her a good person? No, not at all, but it is hard not to feel a little sorry for her, especially when Sarah is presented as a woman who is conflicted about being a mother herself. Why should Sarah be allowed to have a child that she doesn’t seem to really want, while La Femme, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to be a mother?
Now, in defense of Sarah, she too has suffered an incredible loss; a loss that removed an important part of her foundation. It’s clear that the death of her husband has greatly affected Sarah, and having him taken away from her results in her feeling incomplete and fearful of motherhood. The father of her child is no longer there to be the emotional support system that she always thought would be in place. And in no way does this reflect poorly Sarah as a person or make her weak in any way. In fact, I can imagine losing such a huge part of one’s life would result in an incredible amount self doubt and weakness. Furthermore, this pregnancy has likely served as a reminder of her husband’s death, something that, understandably, would be quite difficult to deal with.
Inside revels in its simplicity as a straightforward, no bullshit horror flick, but the fact that it gives a nice undercurrent of thoughtful character development shows the filmmakers were focused on keeping the audience engaged beyond the cool gore gags and buckets of blood. As much as Inside is a wet dream for a splatter fan, and as much as it delivers some truly tense moments, the strength of the film is in the internal conflict between Sarah and La Femme, two characters looking into a mirror, only to see the other’s reflection.
It’s the thirteenth day of Christmas, and Gilbert (Patrick Allen) and his wife, Evie (Elizabeth Spriggs), are enjoying an evening drinking wine and playing cards with some old friends. The night is going well, that is until Gilbert and Evie’s mentally ill son, Richard (John Wheatley), shows up and puts an uncomfortable damper on the evening. The night grows increasingly intense, however, as Richard’s mental stability slowly crumbles to the point of complete madness.
Through conversation between Gilbert, Evie and their friends, it is learned that Richard has spent some time in a mental institution. It also becomes very clear that Gilbert has little-to-no patience for his son’s condition, and would rather see him sent back to a mental institution than creating chaos for the entire family. This sets up a good conflict for the story in that it’s easy to feel sympathetic for Richard, as his father is angered by his situation while his mother is somewhat fearful of it, therefore Richard likely isn’t getting the support he needs to stay mentality stable.
On the other hand, Richard is a Grade A nut job, so it’s difficult not for feel a shred of sympathy for Gilbert and Evie, who have to constantly deal with someone who is so often potentially hostile. Richard’s the kind of person who must always be handled with kid gloves, and any wrong move can cause a chain reaction that results in a psychotic explosion.
The strength of The Thirteenth Day of Christmas comes from the way it portrays the feeling that comes from being around someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. That whacked out person who just keeps talking nonsense to you and becomes increasingly agitated with each minute that progresses. Your response is driven by the fear of making this type of person even more upset, which could cause an eruption that ends in violence, so you simply force a smile and hope for it all to end as soon as possible.
Directed by Patrick Lau, The Thirteenth Day of Christmas is one of six entries of Time for Murder, a UK television series that focused on hour long stories of mystery and suspense. Seeing as The Thirteenth Day of Christmas was made for UK television, it features a visual aesthetic similar to that of old episodes of PBS’s Masterpiece Theater, which in and of itself gives the episode a natural atmosphere on a visual level. However, there are times where I felt as if there was something missing; something that hindered the atmosphere and tension. And this is especially true during the episode’s second half.
The one real flaw of The Thirteenth Day of Christmas is that it is missing a key component necessary to building tension, and that’s music; something of which is not at all prevalent until the closing credits. Strangely, I neglected to notice the lack of music until the closing credits rolled, but the second I heard it, I knew that a slow, somber, holiday inspired score could have gone a long way to add to the effect that this one has. It’s unfortunate that something so simple can take away from the great build up of Richard’s descent into madness, but I suppose that shows just how important music is when it comes to movies and television.
It’s Christmas Eve, and the Williamson family are gathered around the fire, enjoying each other's company, when one of the family members discovers an audio cassette from Christmas, 1991. The tape brings about some difficult memories for some of the family members; however, what they learn when they actually listen to the tape is far more horrific than any of them could have ever anticipated.
Made for the 48 hour Bloodshots Canada horror filmmaking contest, Father Christmas was created by the Vancouver based sketch comedy troupe MegaSteakMan. Regardless of being a comedy group, the team behind MegaSteakMan takes a serious approach to Father Christmas and are quite successful in doing so. In its brief running time, Father Christmas presents an effective tale of terror that makes for a nice treat for those of you looking for something a little darker this holiday season.
Give Father Christmas a watch below, and please share your thoughts afterwards!
While the holiday season began in September, you know, if you’ve stepped foot into any retail outlet in the last four months, nothing truly kicks the season of sadness off quite like the first day of DEATH-CEMBER! For those of you who aren’t hip to what Death-cember is selling, I shall give you the quick rundown: during the entire month of December, I place my focus on movies that are either holiday related or feature a wintry setting. Simple enough, right?
Anyway, over the past few years, Death-cember has, unfortunately, been a little neglected, which is mostly due to Chucktober fatigue. However, this season I plan to bring da pain and deliver a Death-cember worthy of at least 10 solid minutes of your time. But you don’t have to take my word for it, just take a look at what’s in store for you this holla-day season:
Now if that lineup that doesn’t unwrap your candy cane, then I don’t know what will! So without any further adoo-doo, let’s get this panty party started!
It's Christmas Eve in a small Midwestern town, but all is not calm nor is there anything bright about this long, wintry night, because there's a killer on the loose; a killer dressed up as Santa Claus. As this Santa Psycho goes about slaying all who dare to be naughty, it's up to the local police to try to stop the killer and put an end to a nightmare that has haunted the town for far longer than just this one night.
Directed by Steven C. Miller, Silent Night is, on paper, a remake of the 1984 Santa Slashterpiece, Silent Night, Deadly Night, though, outside of a few nods and the fact that it's a Christmas Slasher film featuring a killer dressed up as Santa, the film has almost nothing in common with its predecessor. Silent Night very well could have been titled Santa's Slaughter or Naughty, Not Nice, and no one would have batted a lash, let alone cried about there being "another remake?!"
As the tagline "He Knows Who's Been Naughty" suggests, Santa (Rick Skene) seemingly has the 411 on every scum bag this town has to offer, and he makes it a point to pay each and every one of them a personal visit. The film proudly presents a handful of less than respectable characters for the audience to root against almost to the point of folly. Some of these characters/victims include a couple participating in adultery, pornographers, a selfish little girl with the mouth of a sailor, a perverted priest who likes to dip into the collection jar, and, well, you probably get the picture. The fashion in which these characters are presented was concerning at first, as I don't need to be goaded into rooting for characters to die when, well, it's why I'm watching the film. Thankfully, however, the near irritation I felt with how these characters were handled subsided before it became a real problem, and soon enough I got on board with the over-the-top fashion in which they were presented.
The anchor of Silent Night is Aubrey (Jaime King), a police woman dealing with some issues from her past that are affecting her confidence as an officer of the law. King stands out with a good performance for a film that some might not believe calls for it. She has a way of emoting without feeling phony, and she's able to bring the character to life in a way that commands a dash of sympathy. Malcolm McDowell also appears in the film as Sheriff Cooper, a cocky know-it-all who somehow goes from being an asshole to being an asshole that you kind of love. McDowell gleefully chews up nearly every scene he's in a way that is difficult not to enjoy.
There is clearly a common theme in Silent Night, and that's how awful and cruel this world can be sometimes, something that, for certain people, is greatly enhanced during the holiday season. "Christmas can really mess people up" is a phrase uttered by more than one character, specifically characters who are trying to make a few bucks during the holidays by playing Santa. Dressed up as the physical incarnation of their own misery, or the physical incarnation of where their misery is being projected, which is almost poetic if not for the fact that the message is a tad heavy-handed. I appreciate the thought, though.
The film is nicely put together in a way that seems to be almost the standard for some of the better modern day horror films of similar notoriety. There are a few visual moments that stand out in an impressive way, and there was clearly a lot of thought and care put into certain details that slightly elevate the movie from being just a simple, modern-day Holiday themed Slasher flick. With that said, some of the most notable moments, thankfully, belonging to the kills, as Silent Night serves up some gruesomely fun and satisfying death scenes. From start to finish, the limbs are flying and the blood is spurting, but there is one specific scene involving a wood chipper that is not only THE highlight of Silent Night, it's certainly a candidate for best death scene of 2012.
Silent Night surprised me in two ways: One being that it is a very solid, well made and completely entertaining Slasher film. The other is the fact that the film is directed by Steven C. Miller, who is the director behind the low-budget zombie film, Automaton Transfusion, a movie I absolutely hated. And I mean HATED. Hated in a way where I would have never expected the director to do anything even remotely good, so I suppose I should tip my proverbial cap to Miller for stepping up his game and giving me a good reason to keep an eye on his future projects.
Silent Night succeeds as a remake by shedding the skin of the film that would influence its creation, while delivering the classic Slasher goods to near perfection. You aren't getting anything groundbreaking with this one, which should be apparent, one would assume, but that's not the goal when it comes to making a good, or at least moderately fun, Slasher film. Keep it simple, follow the basics and deliver the goods, and all will go to sleep with a smile on their face. Well, unless they've been naughty, that is. In which case, maybe their night might be a little more silent than expected…
The ten year old decorations are up, the house smells of cheap booze, depression and self-doubt, and the realization that the magic of the holidays is nothing more than a bowel movement becomes more and more evident with every trip to Wal-Mart. These things can mean one thing and one thing only: the time has come to once again celebrate the holidays in poor fashion, as today marks the first day of
DEATH-CEMBER!
God how I wish that was a sparkly graphic.
With this being the fourth annual Death-cember, all of this is sort of old hat for me, and possibly familiar territory for a few of you out there, too. However, for those of you who aren't longtime readers (lucky dog), I shall briefly explain what all this nonsense is about. Simply put, Death-cember is a month in which I dedicate all of my posts to things that are either holiday or winter related. So every movie I review will either be set on or around a holiday or during the wintertime. I'll also share some other random holiday stuff such as any cool movie related presents I receive as well as some more humor based posts. Pretty much the same shit I do every Death-cember.
Anywho, I needn't waste anymore of you time, so I won't; however, if you feel as if the holiday spirit is so deep inside of you that you simply cannot leave just yet, then I encourage you to take a few minutes to read some posts of Death-cember past. All you have to do is click on the creepy golden Santa below, and away you will go, you ho-ho-ho!
Written and directed with at least ten pounds of acid in his system, Jeffrey Mandel's Elves (1989) is a holiday horror film that goes well beyond your typical B-Movie and into a realm where nonsense makes perfect sense.
Elves is a Christmas set monster movie about an "elf" that is released from its three inch grave when a 28-year-old teenager named Kristen and her two friends (collectively dubbed the 'Sisters of Anti-Christmas'?!) partake in some cockamamie séance in the middle of the forbidden woods using her grandfather's forbidden book of magic. Or something along those longwinded lines. Anyway, releasing an elf that, in all likelihood, will go on a B.A. rampage of death and destruction is the least of Kristen's problems.
First of all, Kristen (Julie Austin) has this shitty waitressing job at the mall, where her boss is a complete dick and the mall Santa asks her for a bit of oral just before he's mysteriously murdered by the titular (and singular) creature. So, yeah, work sucks for Kristen. Things don't get much better when it comes to her home life, either. Kristen's little brother is a perv who likes to peep on his sister's "big fucking tits," as he so eloquently (and wonderfully) puts it. Her mom, well, her moms (played by Deanna Lund) is a total full-on bitch in a way that one can only find in a film from the '80s. However, very few bitch mothers were ever so asshole-ish enough to punish their daughters for going out into the woods by taking away all the money in their savings account.
Empty bank accounts and booby obsessed brothers be damned, for they are minute issues in the big scheme of things as Kristen's biggest problem is her very own grandpa. *Spoilers ahead!* A man who is planted firmly in a wheelchair and ever so profusely gargling out the worst and most inconsistent German accent I have ever heard, Kristen's grandfather (Borah Silver) is not only a bad grandfather, he is a bad father, too. That's right, Kristen's grandpa is also her father, but grandpa's moral compass isn't so much defined by his incestuous ways as he did have his reasons for banging his daughter, and that was so Kristen could be born. You see, grandpa is a Nazi who, with his bestest Nazi friends, were planning to use Kristen's womb as a grow room for the master race. To achieve these results, at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve, Kristen must be impregnated, through penetration, by the elf.
You still with me here?
Unlike its "inspiration," Gremlins, which totally delivered on its plural title and, unfortunately, had very little in terms of Nazi incest and monster boning, Elves is somewhat lackluster when it comes to monster-induced terror. The elf itself (isn't a rapper, like myself!) is a complete and total joke, which is fine, mind you, because jokes make me laugh, and I did a lot of that throughout my time spent with Elves.
The creature, in all its one facial expression, foam rubber glory, is super fun time awesome, but there are so many other things about Elves that really make it stand out as a true leader of the (shit) splat. One thing that immediately makes me smile in my mental Elves retrospect is the dialogue. With that said, I shall provide a few lines of said dialogue to entertain you with:
Kirsten's Mom: "You look terrible."
Kirsten: "Yeah, well, I had a rough day at work... Santa got murdered."
*
Some chick's off the cuff poem: "Life is long and life is hard, Kevin's is thick and Dave's is a yard!"
*
Kristen's pervert brother: "Is everything all right?"
Kirsten: "No, Willy. Gramps is a Nazi."
Now, while this magical dialogue is, well, quite magical, some of the best verbal wordplay belongs to the real star of Elves. A man who rains pure gold from his very being; a man who pours out of his celluloid confines and forces his way right into all of our hearts; a man known simply as Dan "The Dragon" Haggerty.
Instead of typing up Hag's brilliant dialogue, word-for-word, I nabbed this YouTube clip and set the code to start at the correct scene, just so you could hear it for yourself, right proper. Trust me when I say it's incredible.
Up until this point, there is no sort of reference to Hags ever being a detective, so this here is a straight up, talking to yourself while in a Santa suit, expositional scene.
Anyway, Haggerty owns the shit out of Elves; when he graces the screen, it is with the poise and the presence of a lion. It's as if the world simply stops to watch him run around, straight tearing shit up in his grey sweater, sleeves loosely rolled up with a continuous trail of Camel brand cigarette smoke following closely behind his flowing golden mane. And really, while talking about Haggerty in this movie (who's character's name is, 'Who Cares'), I have to go over his smoking for a second, because the amount of butts this cat puts down is the stuff cancerous legends are made of.
There is not a moment where Hags isn't seen with a fucking Camel tucked in-between his grotesquely yellowed fingers. Early on in the film, when Hags discovers a dead body and a shootout pops off at the mall, the dude is running around the place, all stealth like and raptorial, but the entire time he's smoking a butt! He even takes the time to finish off the last few drags before he leaps into action, and when I say finish off, I'm talking down to the filter. And if that's not enough, there is a car chase where the camera randomly cuts to the inside of his vehicle as he's driving, and there was a point where I swear he was pushing in the car cigarette lighter. Ten seconds later, while still in the midst of a serious car chase, the camera cuts back to a from behind shot of Haggerty and he is actually lighting up a smoke!
Unless you go the grey market or illegal download route, Elves isn't the easiest film to obtain, but it can be watched on You Tube in parts (which is where the above video is taken from). It's unfortunate that it's not available on Netflix instant (or how about DVD?!), as they often will put up a few rare and hard to find titles for streaming, but alas, no such luck as of yet. Regardless, if you find yourself entertained by the worst of the worst, then I cannot encourage you enough to seek out an evening spent with Elves. Because, quite honestly, nothing says Christmas like incest, Nazis and a heavy dose of the Turkish blend.
It's that time of year again, kiddies, the time of year where suddenly the mind is taken over, becoming solely focused on one thing and one thing only: Halloween! As the calendar would lead you to believe, it is indeed the 1st of August, and despite the fact that Halloween has already been on the mind the last few weeks, now is the time where everything officially begins to come together. Soon enough shopping centers and other such places of consumption (as well as CNAMB) will become adorned with spooky sounds, creepy crawlers and all sorts of maddening awesomeness, and I cannot wait to take it all in!
So far there have only been a few stray sightings of the good ol' black and orange, starting a few weeks back when I went into a Hobby Lobby to find that it already had a fully decked out Fall decoration section, which consisted of at least two stacked isles of what I referred to on Twitter as: "Halloween pre-cum." Unfortunately, I haven't had a sighting since, but that all changed yesterday when my martial arts instructor and I walked into a Kirkland's - which, for the record, always brings the Halloween pain every year – when I was confronted by this:
Full-frontal Halloween goodness all up in ma face! This was totally unexpected, but from the moment that it stopped me in my tracks, causing a smile to slowly creep up on my grill, I knew that it is indeed on like Donkey Kong.
So my anticipation is at an all time high, and of course, one of the most exciting things for me is the fact that August 1st means that start the third annual Halloween extravaganza known as CHUCKTOBER!!! is only TWO months away! I don't want to get into Chucktober too much just yet, but I certainly will be preparing for what promises to be the best Chucktober ever. Word is born.
And last but not least, I do have a very special Halloween related something or other that I've been working on for the past month and will be sharing with you in the next day or so. It's nothing too crazy, but it is very cool and too much to get into within this post, so wait it will have to. Until then, enjoy some Halloween Hip-Hop via my homeboys, NEtotal. If this doesn't get you pumped up for Halloween, then nothing will!
As I mentioned a handful of posts back, I will be posting reviews for all six of the films found in the 6 Films to Keep You Awake collection. Now, I wrote these reviews way back and, for whatever reason, just never got to posting them. Well, I decided I needed to put these sumbitches up, but I wanted to start with the one film in the set that I had previously reviewed, A Christmas Tale. I reviewed A Christmas Tale as part of the first ever celebration known as Death-cember and figured I could repost it (with a few grammatical edits, of course) since I am posting the other films. It make things a little more complete, plus it works as a good introduction to the series of films (and it means I don't have to explain the set all over again, too), so I hope you enjoy this and all of the other reviews to come!
In 2008, Lionsgate released 6 Films to Keep You Awake, a conglomeration of six (no shit, right?) somewhat short Spanish horror films from different directors, most of whom are of Spanish decent. The mastermind behind the this set is Narciso Ibáñez Serrador of Who Can Kill A Child fame and with us being knee deep in Death-cember, the no-brainer film to be discussed from this set is 2005's A Christmas Tale (Cuento de Navidad).
Written by Luis Berdejo and directed by Paco Plaza (both of whom also worked as writer and co-director of the fantastic Spanish zombie film, [REC]) A Christmas Tale is about five pre-teen kids that stumble upon a woman dressed in a Santa suit, trapped in a large deep hole in the woods. They decide to help her out, but when two of the boys go to the police, they discover that the woman is wanted for robbing a bank for two million pesetas. Not sure how much that is, but I bet it's enough to be in some big trouble.
With this information, the children decide not to help the woman out of her trappings, but instead of calling an adult or telling the police about the woman, these kids take a very different route. Even at such a young age greed rears its ugly head, and a few of the kids decide to try and get their hands on the stolen money from this unintentionally trapped thieving Santa using the leverage of her unfortunate situation. Cross dressing Santa's aren't down with extortion, but with a choice of losing all of her money or being trapped in a massive hole and left to die, well, there's no real wiggle room there.
At a scant 71 minutes, A Christmas Tale works like two very different films in terms of tone. The first half is almost like a kid's movie right out of the '80s and is very reminiscent of films like Stand By Me and the Brian Trenchard-Smith film, The Quest (man I loved that movie). It is set in 1985, and the film successfully conveys how life was for a lot of kids that age, at that time.
If you're in your mid-20s to mid-30s, you will love all of the bad-ass retro movies and TV shows that these children are in to. They use code names that are all character names from the A-Team; one kid is completely obsessed with the Karate Kid (I still am); there are glimpses of bedrooms filled with Star Wars toys (you know, before the prequels) and Ghostbusters stuff strewn about; and a few of the characters even watch what plays as a film within a film titled, Zombie Invasion, which is reminiscent of a cheap Italian Exploitation Zombie film. All of this really serves no other purpose than to show that these kids are into the same stuff many of us were when we were kids, and I am assuming the filmmakers were into themselves at that age.
All of the throw-back stuff is very well done and really brings a true sense of nostalgia in how it is all captured; more importantly, it brings about a sense of connection to the characters as you can see a bit of yourself in these kids in one way or another. However, just how far does that connection go? That is where the film takes a turn from fun '80s kids movie to a much darker place, when a few of the characters become quite manipulative, which shows how even youth can be driven by greed and power, just as adults can be.
We are all like the kids in many ways, but most of us would do differently in such a situation. Others...maybe not so much. The way a few of the characters treat their siblings and this woman, who is essentially bad but still a human, shows how evil some people can be when put into certain situations. There are certain consequences in making the decisions that they do make, and without getting into too much detail, when the woman escapes her unholy hole (that sounds so vaginal), she is not all too pleased about what the children did to her.
Outside of the trapped Santa, there are no adults to be "physically" seen in this film, which shows you that these kids are in their own little world, almost living by their own rules. All of the young actors in A Christmas Tale are very solid and believable in their roles, and all but one of the children are boys, with the lone girl being played by a pre-Pan's Labyrinth Ivana Baquero. Maru Valdivielso as the trapped thief in a Santa suit is fantastic, and when you get into the more horrific elements of this film, she is quite scary and effective, making for a great villain of sorts.
A Christmas Tale is an enjoyable, nostalgia filled romp that is well made and not commonly seen these days. The feeling of retro-kids films is spot on, and the horror elements are all in place for a fun holiday fueled ride that is well worth a watch during the Christmas anytime of the season.
Well, in case you haven't yet noticed, it's officially the first of December, but for us here at CNAMB, that can only mean one thing…it's officialy the first day of DEATH-CEMEBER!
You're in the spirit now, right?! Now, many of you have no clue what Death-cemeber is, well, it's simple. It's a month were all the films reviewed will be either holiday related or will take place in some sort of winter setting. I have many times before claimed my love for snow and winter conditions in the cinema I watch, and I am a sucker like no one else for Christmas, so for me, this month is the awesomest month of the year outside of October.
Last year brought forth a massive amount of reviews in Death-cemeber (click on the creepy golden Santa on your right to see them all), but I have unfortunately had a very busy last few weeks, so I will be sort of playing catch up to make this month as special as it deserves. I do have a good idea of what I will be reviewing, which will be films that cover a nice multitude of genres, whereas last year was almost all holiday horror films that were reviewed. Most every horror writer will be doing a similar holiday theme, so I will try as hard as possible to stay as far from the typical stuff as I can (still waiting for that Chanukah or Kwanza horror film to be made…). However, I'm sure at least one or two holiday horror films will make it in because frankly, they are so much fun to watch.
I've been pumped for this month since the minute Halloween ended, and now that it's finally here, I look forward to a month filled with blood covered snow, and I hope you do too.
The Death Rattle has dedicated the entire month of June to everyone's favorite genre, the Slasher film, but more specifically, the Slasher films of the 1980's! Throughout the month, Aaron put together the 80's Slasher Movie Championship Tournament - a massive Slasher showdown that pitted all the genre had to offer from the decade of decadence - to see who would come out on top as voted by his readers. The ultimate Slasher, if you will. Or even if you won't.
Anyways, Aaron decided to cap off this joyous month by having a bunch of horrors sexiest bloggers participate with their own list of essential subgenre specific Slasher films. For example, there is a list for 80's Slashers, 70's Slashers, Campus Slashers, Foreign Slashers and so on and so forth. There are a bunch of excellent writers that took part, then there is me, the one that swopped in and got my dirty little hands on Holiday/Special Occasion Slashers. So head over to The Death rattle for my list of essential Holiday/Special occasion Slasher films, and while you at it, check out the cornucopia of Slasher action!
Any film starting with a shake-tastic mid 80's disco dance party, complete with jerky, spastic dance moves straight out of crackville will usually capture my attention - and my heart. Toss in a harpooned through the face Santa and you're looking at straight love 4 life. 1984's Don't Open 'Till Christmas (Till, 'Til, or Til?) has both of these things within the first 5-10 minutes, but my heart I cannot completely give to this Holiday themed Slasher, still it's worth a yearly holiday booty call at least.
With an intricate and complicated plot, Don't Open 'Till Christmas is about a serial killer running amok in the streets of London. His target...Santa Claus! No, not the real Santa Claus, he lives in the North Pole not London, I'm talking about dudes rocking the red and white, complete with white beard and bottle of booze Santa. Scotland Yard is on the hunt to capture this Santa Slasher, but how many faux Santa's will be taken out before the authorities can figure out whom is behind these Claus killings?
With an insanely low IMDB score of 2.4, Don't Open 'Till Christmas is a second, maybe even third rate Slasher, but third rate is more than capable of delivering SOME goods. Some being the key word, thus the capitalization. This is one of those movies that is almost so bad that it's good, but it's not quite good enough to make it a must see, unless you are an avid Slasher fan or someone that enjoys B-Movies. I fall into both of those categories, so whatever that says...
Don't Open 'Till Christmas is technically inept at times with some terrible editing and complete lack of continuity between shots. There is no sense of direction in this film at all and often you have no idea where a scare might come from, because you have no clue where the characters are with the lack of flow from shot to shot. The lighting is weak too, but this is a low end 80's Holiday Slasher, so I won't harp on that too much - I will say that the music is so obtrusive at times, it could give Marlee Matlin a migraine.
The one thing about this film that hurts it the most is when it gets slow. That can hurt any film, but the slower parts of this movie are not just slow, they are completely boring...boring to the point that I ended up dusting my DVDs and some of my books during the downtime. Seriously. Anytime there wasn't the threat of a kill, or a naked lady, I was completely checked out. Then there's the killer, who is almost scary, wearing one of those clear masks without any expression on them. However, the way this Kringle killer "smiles with his eyes," just makes him look sort of like Jim J. Bullock in a see through mask.
Boring and clumsy or not, the film is not an entire loss. There are so many entertainingly bad things that happen in Don't Open 'Till Christmas, that I will have a soft spot for it no matter what. There is a street performed flute solo from one of the main characters. There is a chase scene between a couple of punks and a Santa on a bike, who cannot seem to generate enough peddle power to get away from the on-foot rebels. Then there is the best dialogue ever, when a chick dressed up in a Santa outfit tries to hook up with one of the main males characters, he yells "They'll think we're a couple of gays!" Is that like a couple of dollars, or a couple of cheeseburgers?
Oh, the fun doesn't end there...when trying to find the key to the door between you and freedom, the last person you should be asking is the murderer that captured you and is holding you captive. He probably isn't going to tell you...just a thought. And nothing says perfect Christmas present for a 12-year-old kid than a Swiss Army knife. You just never know when little Bobby might need a tiny pair of nose hair scissors or a wine opener. Unless he has aspiration to be a mall Santa that is, then the opener may be a great gift idea.
Now, the real good stuff comes in the form of the kills. I'm serious too. While there are a fair amount of straight stabs, there are also a ton of very satisfying Santa Slashings. The poor Santa's in this movie - they are just getting blasted, plastered, and splattered left and right with a variety of weapons. Axes to the face, knives in the gut, spiked glove to the dome piece, an eye gouging, the before mentioned harpoon through the grill, there's even a Claus cock cut. So at least there are a lot of fun kills to be had and that is a big saving grace for this movie.
You know what, besides being slayed, flayed, and uhh, made...to be dead, Santa is given one heck of a bad rap in this film. Each one of these dude could give Billy Bob a run for his money as they are portrayed as despicable, pathetic losers and all but one of them is bombed. The one that isn't wasted though, is the one that is looking to fulfill his fantasies and dreams, at a peepshow - cause he's a dirty-bird perv! Shit, there is even some child witnessed Santa sex as one of these poor excuses for magic is caught plowing more than his driveway.
So while it didn't completely steal my heart, Don't Open 'Till Christmas made it flutter a bit with its acceptable amount of nudity, entertaining death scenes, and all around awful badness. Still, there is a lot going against it with there being so many dragged out slow moments and lack of movie making skill. For a fan of the genre and anyone looking for a fun party movie, I can recommend this Santasploitation to keep you warm this season. There are worse, but there certainly are better too. Ya know, like Jack Frost, or any of the Silent Night films. Those are high-class art!
1974's Black Christmas, while being noted by many as the first true Slasher film, is a movie that is slightly under appreciated by some, well, I more mean under appreciated by myself I guess. I often get "wrapped up" in the "normal" classic holiday films like, It's A Wonderful Life and (another Bob Clark film) A Christmas Story, etc...almost completely ignoring the Christmas Horror that there is to be had. Being a horror fan, that is a bit of a shame I might add. So to sit back and watch Black Christmas after many years was a nice holiday treat and one that would be perfectly enjoyed on cable, meaning, cable stations should run this film once in a while during the holiday season instead of only playing the usual happy holiday fare.
It's just before Christmas break at a sorority house, when it is discovered that one of the sisters has gone missing when her father comes to pick her up and she never shows. This event results in a search party where there is the discovery of a dead girl's body, but not the body of the missing girl that was the originally being searched for. With a missing woman, a dead body, and a series of menacing phone calls to the sorority house, the police try and figure out what is happening, while the remaining sorority sister vie to stay alive. Kinda.
Back Christmas has a great cast and most of the performances are exceptional, especially Margot Kidder, who plays one of the sorority sisters. She is a very obnoxious, brash, and outspoken - mixed with a copious amount of alcohol, her character is a hot mess and a lot of fun to watch. Olivia Hussey is the films main protagonist and while I think "Hussey is hot," her performance is the weakest of the bunch. Not terrible and it gets better as the film moves along, but at first, she is a bit annoying. Two welcome actors were Andrea Martin, who (looks EXACTLY like Screech Powers in this film) I know from watching SCTV when I was a wee lad, so it was nice to see her. The other appearance is from the sexiest man ever, John Saxon. Complete with funny hat and all, Saxon plays the role of detective, which isn't a stretch for him and he's as fantastic and charismatic as ever.
Being that this is one of the first Slasher films made, director Bob Clark nicely executed some of the inspirational genre staples that are still prevalent even to this very day. Black Christmas is a sort of whodunit to a small degree, but this does give you a few red herrings, something found in Slasher films and even more so, Gialli, which are just Italian Slashers anyways. There is also a stalk and slash element to this film and the advent of the final girl is even prevalent in a way.
Another Slasher aspect that is one of the standouts in this holiday horror is the use of POV. While this is mostly used in the films opening scene (which is the high point of the movie), the POV used is one of the genres best, with a slight fish eyed lens used and a somewhat erratic style created by cinematographer Albert J. Dunk. Dunk devised this awesome effect by rigging up a camera harness that would mount the camera on his shoulder as he walked about the house, stalking the sorority sisters.
Now, Black Christmas starts off with a bang, but quickly hits the skids and gets pretty slow for a good half an hour or so. I think the film picks up the pace a little when Saxon shows up and the calls to the sorority house become more and more disturbing and mean spirited, but even then, there are moments of almost boredom. I can personally deal with the slower pace of the film because I enjoyed some of the performances and the story was still entertaining to a degree, but you're not getting some balls out, err, I should say, "tits out" Slasher film here. This is a classy Slasher (!) and one that burns slowly.
What really keeps me engulfed in this film and the reason I love it most is the unbelievable look of the movie's setting and design. The 70's and Christmas aesthetic are so pleasing to my holiday loving eyes, that it is impossible for me not to swoon for Black Christmas. It's all done in beautiful Technicolor, with the magic of brightly lit Christmas jumping right out at you from the base colors of this era - from orange, yellow, and deep wood/brown colors, I was in love.
Clark has a keen eye for grabbing the essence of Christmas, which he shows in A Christmas Story and clearly here, with Black Christmas. Both with completely different styles and set in different decades, they are able to speak and give off a traditional holiday mood representative of their respective time periods. I am glad I came back to this film as I really appreciated it more than ever and if you like a nice, almost traditional horror film, then grag yourslef a glass of eggnog and warm up next to Black Christmas this holiday season.
Clark has a keen eye for grabbing the essence of Christmas, which he shows in A Christmas Story and clearly here, with Black Christmas. Both with completely different styles and set in different decades, they are able to speak and give off a traditional holiday mood representative of their respective time periods. I am glad I came back to this film as I really appreciated it more than ever and if you like a nice, almost traditional horror film, then grag yourslef a glass of eggnog and warm up next to Black Christmas this holiday season.
